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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 12:01:45 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5088
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
yeah we have tried everything too...just about every trick ever written down about how to get a kid/baby to go to sleep earlier...nothing ever worked, which is why we gave up and just leave it alone.
I didn't see this yesterday... I was just reading a study on the use of Melatonin is kids with nuerological disorders including Autism, they had GREAT success with it... I don't know if you ever tried that but it is something that might be worth looking into.
Christina, We are sort of going through the same thing although it won't happen for another 2 years. We had always said I would stay home until our kids are in school but now Micah is thinking it might be better for me to work for the 2 years it would take him to finish his degree once I get my RN. I don't mind doing that, although it wouldn't be my first choice provided we move back to Maryland where my mom and "other mothers" can care for our kids. Gabby will be about old enough to learn to read and I *know* that my mom would give her the nurturing that I would. She would also be willing to homeschool...
It's really changed our "5 year plan" but we are still praying about everything.
Have you checked to see if there is a SAHM in your church who would be willing to watch the boys while you worked? Then you could work during the day and be available at night.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 2:19:19 PM
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lexie
Posts: 3067
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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We went to the park today and Akeelah was playing with a little boy around her age. It was cute watching them go down the slide, and watching him chase her around the playground (uh oh...is this a sign of things to come?) Then another mom showed up and asked if I was the babysitter. I said no, I was with my daughter. She then pointed to the little boy (who had long hair) and said "oh her?" I said no, and pointed to Akeelah. She went red and left. I feel bad. I wasn't offended and I didn't think she should leave. And it was an awkward leaving too, you could tell she wasn't planning on leaving.
It's so rare that I find mothers here who speak enough English to have a conversation with, and I chased one away!!!
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 2:34:43 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Awww, Lexie, that stinks. You didn't chase her away though. She could have just said, "Oh! I'm sorry...and she's adorable!" She could have chosen to recover from foot in mouth syndrome. 
Do most moms there speak French or something else?
So we've had a rotten day here so far. For those who don't read in the homeschool chat thread, CPS showed up at my door about 9:45 this morning. Nick's mom reported us for something stupid, but in order to do their investigation, they need to see your whole house and usually see and talk to the kids. We've been reported before and it's always been unfounded, so I'm hoping they close the case quickly. But it is so stressful to have your home examined and children questioned (not alone...and no direct questions this time, but I could tell she was fishing) by someone who knows not one iota of your life. I know it's her job and the worker was very kind to my face, but you always wonder what they are thinking and if some random comment made will bring more workers or police to your door. And of course, the house was in less than its best shape...not filthy, but definitely more "lived in" than it has been for a few weeks now. We spent so much time outside yesterday and kind of slacked on chores. With so many people in the house, it can get messed up fast. 
The other times, the worker has left saying that it would definitely be unfounded and we would get that paperwork in the mail shortly. This time, it seems the investigation is ongoing. Ugh. I appreciate prayers, and lots of them. I spent most of the morning crying and then stupidly called my husband and upset him at work.  I just didn't want him to be caught unaware if she stopped by his work, because she has to talk to him too. I also go from wanting to puke to wanting to comfort eat. My tummy is always the first thing upset by stress. 
BTW, yes, we know we don't legally have to let CPS in our home without a warrant. However, in our situation with Nick, we have always deemed it best to cooperate rather than appear we have something to hide.
< Message edited by PrincessDonna -- 4/18/2008 2:40:44 PM >
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 5:08:26 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4284
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I've missed you all!! I've been out of pocket for a few days. I'm sorry to hear some of you having a tough time and am praying for you.
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My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 7:03:56 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Thanks, Rachel and Zipporah (can I still be your friend if I call you by your more "formal" name?  ).
I can't help but worry that some of you and some of the people we know IRL will think perhaps all these reports to CPS are warranted in some way. Yes, I worry too much about what other people think. I'm turning down a babysitting job because of this instance...it was for a foster child of someone in our church and means the county would be paying for care. I'm not guilty of anything (nor am I perfect...but I hope you all know what I mean), but I don't want the county having an excuse to breathe down my neck.  But then, I fear by telling these people I cannot watch this foster child, some will think we are guilty. It's kind of a lose-lose, but I know without even asking Brian that he will not want me to take a county paying job right now because I am too stressed about this now. I have already been super-stressed about our situation with Nick for the last couple months, since we called the police when the house reeked of pot.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Sorry.
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 9:15:12 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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Maggie, maybe you could work out a compromise with the daycare? Like, not be a full time cook, but contract to bake non perishable baked goods at home.
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Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 10:32:28 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 9507
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
yeah we have tried everything too...just about every trick ever written down about how to get a kid/baby to go to sleep earlier...nothing ever worked, which is why we gave up and just leave it alone.
I didn't see this yesterday... I was just reading a study on the use of Melatonin is kids with nuerological disorders including Autism, they had GREAT success with it... I don't know if you ever tried that but it is something that might be worth looking into.
no I have not tried that...not sure I would at this point....we just let it go and don't make it an area we will fight about with him anymore, and he goes to sleep in his own time.
Donna....still praying....I know that God can work this out to be for your good...even if she meant harm by it. (btw...I am cleaning off my table tonight....just noticed Jake didn't do it again....lol...of course, there is also the mountain of buckets in the house that you would have to wade through just to get in the door.....but still....lol)
so on another note....I hate talking to my mom about certain things....now she is on this kick about babysitters for when the baby is born. The hospital policy does not allow for them to be there past visiting hours, and we have no one to watch them except me or Paul...and with two of our kids personalities, and the age of one of them, we can't just have them there in the room with us even if it is before visiting hours are up. We don't have anyone here....no one from our church has really been "connectible" (if that makes sense) since we started going there, and they only have the one service a week (because it's in a rented building) so it's not like there are that many opportunities for us to join in. We were meeting some people in the Bible study, but for the past two months they seem to cancel it every single week for one stupid reason or another. Anyway, they also don't have a place for the kids, and I can't stand while holding Jack or Emma now...and with Paul's knees and surgeries he can't either...so we have missed a lot of the services because of that. We haven't gone in the past three weeks because it's just not feasible. Anyway, my mom keeps harping on that if I truly wanted a friend then I would find someone to be friends with...but that's just not how it is. You can't just pick some random face out of a crowd and say they are going to be your friend, and that's that. People that have never lived the military life don't really care to reach out to others cause they have never had to find a new friend every year or so...they have their own life and family around and their own friends and just don't care to add to that any more. There aren't any (that I know of) SAHM's there (I have asked and no one seems to know any either)...over half the church are all teachers (including the pastor) so they connect with each other on the job front...which I think is why they haven't felt too pushed to resume the Bible study again. I am willing to do a lot, but I know my kids...and I know they can't handle being around people that don't know their own schedules or personalities or how we deal with things...esp with Jake and Emma. With their personalities and Jake's autism neither of them can handle things like new people very well...esp since Paul or I wouldn't be anywhere around. We don't have anyone though, and I don't know what to do about that...I can't do anything about that. I also can't just find a random babysitter to watch the kids. Anyway it's just really getting to me today...esp since my mom isn't helping in what she said (which is all stupid comments and cliches, and you are KNOW how much I HATE cliches).
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 10:55:10 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1997
Joined: 12/2/2005
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(((((Sarah)))))). That is frustrating. I'm wondering -- you mentioned a few days back that you might have some good neighbors around you. Have you had a chance to get to know any of them a little more? It's so hard not having a church family. We've been there.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/18/2008 11:12:55 PM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1873
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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(((Donna))) - All I can say is I am praying for you!!!
(((Sarah)))
Speaking of babysitters what do you pay babysitters? Tonight was the first night we had someone baby sit Hunter whom we had to pay. Usually my friend babysits, but we pay each other by returning the favor and I watch her kids. Well, we had one of the girls from the youth group come over and she was her for 3 hours. We paid her $25 though we were going to pay her $30, but we went a little over at the concessions at the theater. Though she is 16 she isn't driving yet or I would have taken into consideration gas money for her.
Well we went to our local dollar theater for date night and it was so nice. We saw National Treasure 2 and it was really good. So nice to sit through a movie that doesn't have sex, a ton of skin, or cussing in it. We really enjoyed it and had such a nice evening on our date night. I can't wait to do it again, we need to make these a more regular occurrence.
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Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:02:50 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Thanks, guys. I was feeling very insecure yesterday. Didn't sleep well last night, but I have no reason to believe this investigation won't be also unfounded, so I'm going to try to put it out of my mind for now, since there is nothing I can do, KWIM? You can bet I'll be making sure this place is company clean every night though for a while, just in case that worker comes back. 
Sarah, I will pray that God sends you just the right person to stay with the kids while the baby is born. I'm picky about who I leave my kids with too, so I understand. I don't think I would have left my kids (well...only Noah then) with anyone we knew in PA if I had needed to, and we lived there 8 months and were in a church immediately. It just wasn't enough time to get to know someone well enough to trust alone with my kid!
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:03:40 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1873
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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quote:
I wish we had a teen we could trust
Yes, it is nice having some responsible, trust worthy teenagers to have babysit though this is the first time we have used one of them. She is such a sweet girl and we will definitely be using her again for date night.
Donna - You are a great mom! I admire how much love you have in your heart for your step son. It amazes me how you have opened your heart up to him. He is a lucky little boy as are all your children!!!
Well right now hubby and Hunter are out doing guy stuff like going to Home Depot and stuff. We are trying to finish up a household project before our youth groups Yak n Snak tomorrow night at our house. I am busy cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning so the house is spotless. Right now I am taking a break because I have carpet freshener down and I am waiting to vacuum. I am excited though because we haven't opened our house up for one in almost two years because its been so hectic since having Hunter. So we will be busy bees today getting everything done though.
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Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:20:41 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Thanks, Chelle. I kind of hate when people say I amaze them, because I know I don't have it in my own strength to love a child whose life has caused me such pain. It's not me, and there are times when I feel like I just have no more to give to him and I think I could walk away if I just made that choice and did it. It's my love for my husband, my other children, and my God that keep me here even when it hurts so badly. I just pray that all this pain is not for nothing, though it seems like it is right now.
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:31:45 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1873
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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Please forgive me if my post was insensitive. I guess I did not look at it like that, I understand why you would hate it. Forgive me.
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Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:33:12 AM
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lexie
Posts: 3067
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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(((Donna))) I'm sorry for what is happening. I don't know you well enough (other than what you post, and sometimes it's still hard to get to know someone really through posts) and I don't think any less of you for what is happening. I wouldn't question your parenting skills, especially considering you have shown so much concern (and what many would consider above and beyond) for Nick. You are an excellent model of a caring woman.
quote:
Do most moms there speak French or something else?
Most moms speak Arabic or Urdu or other Middle Eastern/South Asian languages. If it were French, I could hold a conversation with them!
Sarah - I understand your situation. As I mentioned above, there are huge language and cultural barriers to meeting new people in my neighbourhood. After living here for almost a year and half, I just started getting together with two other moms. But I wouldn't leave Akeelah with either of them. I just don't know them well enough to do so. My neighbour is always offering to babysit, but I don't know her well enough either and I don't trust her children around Akeelah. I don't have anyone that I could just leave Akeelah with for a short while.
We still only use family members to babysit Akeelah. I don't know when that will ever change. I'm not comfortable with leaving her with anyone else yet.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:35:00 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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No, it wasn't insensitive, because I know what you meant. I think it's similar to the military wives here...they DO amaze me, but I know some/most of them hate when people say that because they know their strength does not come from within. Same kind of thing, KWIM?
But definitely no offense taken. I just don't want anyone to have a false image of me being this angel, loving this innocent child who can do no wrong. It's something I really struggle with and have for years, and I'm just getting to the point where it's okay for people to know that. Sometimes I think God gave me Nick to keep me humble.
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 4/19/2008 10:39:50 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
Most moms speak Arabic or Urdu or other Middle Eastern/South Asian languages. If it were French, I could hold a conversation with them!
That's what I thought. I've never even heard of Urdu.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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