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SweetLittleErin -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 10:16:30 AM)

Ugh...I am so tired of feeling judged because my husband is unsaved, I really am. As if its not hard enough I feel like many Christians look down on me because of it. I have so much to say, but yet today I feel like an emotional wreck and probably shouldnt even go there.[:(]

Maybe people dont mean it the way I take it sometimes, but...I'll just blame it on the pregnancy hormones. But sometimes I feel guilty for loving my husband and enjoying being with him. LIke I am a bad person because of it.



KatMack -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 10:49:11 AM)

(((((Erin))))) I know the feeling. You keep loving him and being happy. That is what the Lord has called us to. Remember you can come here and vent to us anytime you need to. Even though our husbands may not be believers, they are the men that our good Lord chose for us. We are blessed to have them!

--Kat



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 10:52:39 AM)

I think sometimes I get it bad because I was saved and knew hubby was unsaved when we got married but I felt and still do feel (and I know most people disagree with me) that God wanted me to marry him. Its very complicated with my hubby, he believes Christian principals, and morals, and believes in God but is still unsaved. Its hard to explain.



MamaMilty -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 11:24:35 AM)

((((Erin)))))I wise Godly woman once told me, "Only you can read the mail God puts in your mailbox." If you feel God told you to marry, He did. It's a tricky thing, this Christian life. So very often, well meaning folks are running ahead of the Spirit in thought, word & deed. Loving each other perfectly can only be accomplished by Jesus. Can you imagine what a different place this world would be if we Christians only spoke what the Spirit truly told us to speak?! I wish I could do it!



Mrs.X -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 11:44:00 AM)

(((((Erin)))))) I kinda know how you feel. I get that from people at my church when I tell them my story. I was a very new Christian when I got married, and I didn't find out it says in the Bible that we aren't supposed to marry unbelievers until a few DAYS before our wedding, and I did it anyway.

I listened to the Thriving in a Spiritually Divided Home on the Focus on the Family. I really liked the woman's story. She wrote a book called "The Spiritually Single Mom", and I'm thinking of looking for it at the library.



MamaMilty -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 11:53:32 AM)

I titled this thread from SURVIVING A SPIRITUAL MISMATCH IN MARRIAGE byLee & Leslie Strobel. My pastor and his wife recommended it to me, said they had lived it as well. Have any of your read it?



KatMack -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 12:42:59 PM)

I LOVE that book! The Stroeble's story has blessed me and helped me many times. I'm going to have to hunt down the Spritually Single Mom one now.

--Kat



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 12:45:10 PM)

Erin....in my experience (and you know I have been there) I had to examine some things. I had to first of all find out exactly what God told me to do. In my case, God told me that i WOULD marry the man He had put me with, however, He never said I would marry him with him being unsaved. God knew that when we were engaged Paul would get saved....and He also knew that it was something I would NOT compromise on. I know that I know that I know that God told me to get engaged to him though. God never told me to walk the isle with someone who was unsaved though. I think that's where the biggest thing is. What exactly did God tell you to do? Do you KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW that God told you to walk that isle? If so, then forget about what others say. God's ways are above our ways...and we can not fully appreciate or understand the things God has us do. I mean...think about it....God stretches 90% of our money further then 100% will go....how odd is that. If He can do that with money, how much more can He do with people!!!! I will say however, that it really doesn't matter what you have chosen to do in the past...cause it's the past. You can't go back to not being married, even if it was a mistake. You have to live with the here and now and what you have made decisions about already. You ARE married...doesn't matter how it ended up coming about, you ARE now, and you are committed to that marriage covenant no matter what. So don't let what someone says be a downer on your moods. Could they be right? possibly....but they aren't God. No one can cause condemnation on you....however you can allow that on yourself. Not saying that this is the case with you, but I have found that when I feel the way you do about something it's because I didn't know that I know that I know that God was telling me to do something...I did it on my own...so later on I didn't have that knowledge that it was God leading. It could have been God leading, but it wasn't a deep down feeling of my KNOWING that He was leading it. KWIM? Are you struggling with that? After talking with you about this for years now, I have a feeling that's where you lie in all of this. You can't keep looking at the past though. It really doesn't matter how you came about walking down that isle...the point now is that you have. So if it was a sin for you to do so, then ask forgiveness of God and go on with things NOW. It seems like a lot of what you are feeling (and not just what you have posted here today, but also what you have told me in the past) is yourself being hard on YOU for things that you weren't 100% sure on, so now you are questioning. It isn't your place or others places to question your past.....live in the here and now. NOW your whole purpose is in praying for your husband to get saved. He is a good man, yes...but unfortunately good men go to hell too...and the difference is a personal one on one relationship with Christ. I pray that for Klay nearly every day...and I know you do too. Luckily for him though, he has you to see the witness in every day...he does cross the doors into church...and he does hear the things he needs to hear (and see) that are drawing him to Christ. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit draws men to God...and that's what God is using right now in his life....he is drawing Klay in...slowly but surely. Just like an expert fisherman. Have you ever watched that sport on tv? It amazes me sometimes how patient they are to get that big catch. I wouldn't be as patient (and it seems like you are antsy sometimes too)...but it isn't our jobs to draw him in, it's God's job...and He is. Klay may not have swallowed everything hook and line yet...but God is patient enough to wait...and keep watching for the right signs that he is ready. When that time comes, watch out...be prayed up...cause the man you know now is going to be a totally different person!!! You think he is a good man now...just wait!!!! Morals are good, but if there is nothing to base morality on then it can be corrupted pretty easily (not that it HAS to be, but it CAN be). Once he has the basis for morality that you now have, things will continue to get better...and better...and better. I have seen my husband grow in that over the last ten years. Ten years ago Easter sunday Paul got saved...and even though he was a good man before that, he had to find that basis for his own morality in Christ. It took a few years also for him to come to that point...it isn't instantaneous. It's a growing process...just like a baby has to grow, so does a spiritual baby. God can work miracles where we allow Him to though...and I have a feeling He is just waiting there like that patient fisherman waiting on the right line for Klay to grab onto with such force that he can't get away from it. The fisherman doesn't wait just for a nibble...he waits til the fish is REALLY latched on. Right now Klay is nibbling...but one day, he will grab on...and when he does, God will reel him in.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 12:53:43 PM)

Thanks Sarah. You are right. I have GOT to learn to let go of the past, in lots of areas. I dwell on that way too much. I DO have to live what I can in the right now and look to the future. I cant do anything about the past, that was three years ago. I AM married to Klay now. I DONT regret that but I cant keep looking to the past, and I shouldn't let what other people say ruin my mood so easily. Thats also something I have struggled with for years...I do think I have done some better with that (though I still have my moments) I think those of ya'll who have posted online with me for years can vouch for that...maybe just a little better....

Thanks Sarah. You always have wise words.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 1:18:19 PM)

Erin.....think of it like this.....do you think someone who has gone out and gotten pregnant when not married, and who has a baby...then the baby gets to two years old and acts up (like all two year olds do) needs to be told that the reason for the problem is that they got pregnant out of wedlock? That to me is stupid to say something like that. Same thing here. Don't let people keep you there in the past...you are here...now, so deal with what you are given (or have dealt out). Like I said, only God can convict of sin...and that might be where your hang up is...you have to examine that in yourself and see if God is drawing you to repent of even some small thing with your marriage and how it started. It could be something so very minute....but ask God. Even the small things can sometimes hang us up for years. Just ask forgiveness though and move one....don't read what someone says as it being condemning you to your past. I read all of the comments in the other thread, and honestly, I think you were taking some of it a little too personally. No one was saying you need to be condemned...and in reality, if you can't deal with someone saying "you could have been wrong here" then you are sure going to get a wake up call when you have your baby!!! Parents are always having to find in themselves what is and is not right for THEM...for their child...for their situation. Just take the good of what someone says, put it up against what God says to you, and let the rest go.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 1:27:35 PM)

Oh, I really wasnt feeling condemned, not recently anyway, I think I was just dwelling in the past. But like I said earlier, I am/was feeling overly vulnerable and moody today and yesterday, and I KNEW I was taking things wrong. KWIM? When you KNOW you are overreacting but you want to pout anyway (I'm sure thats a Satan thing).



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 1:39:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetLittleErin

Oh, I really wasnt feeling condemned, not recently anyway, I think I was just dwelling in the past. But like I said earlier, I am/was feeling overly vulnerable and moody today and yesterday, and I KNEW I was taking things wrong. KWIM? When you KNOW you are overreacting but you want to pout anyway (I'm sure thats a Satan thing).

lol....yeah...I have days like that too. Luckily we can still choose to pull ourselves out of most moods...unfortunately pregnancy or hormones brings about some mood things. LOL



lilyofthefield -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 6:52:49 PM)

Erin, I totally get it! [;)]

In my case, I had been back-slidden for a few years and in a really unhealthy relationship. God was bringing me back to Him and helped to let go of the relationship I was in. That's when hubby stepped in and seemed like a knight in shining armour (I guess that's why they call it the "rebound" LOL). Anyway, I was only just getting back into my relationship with God at the time and felt it was good enough that DH said he was a Christian, went to church with me at the time, and even to Christian pre-marital counseling. Unfortunately, that all went away as soon as we said, "I do." He even told me he only did those things because he knew I probably wouldn't have married him otherwise. [&o]

Anyway, as you and Sarah have so wisely pointed out - it doesn't really matter how or why. What's important now is loving my husband, and I do struggle with that sometimes. I think it is wonderful that you love your husband so much and enjoy being with him. That is a wonderful gift in the midst of your "mismatch". [:)] I am trying to learn to do the same thing.



nicole6598 -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 7:37:26 PM)

I will second what Sarah said Erin, it is noone else's business but yours and God about you and Klay. Don't let people's judgement get to you, none of us should be judging one another on our choices, at the end of the day its only you and God, these other people won't be there. So take it to God and if there was something you didn't do right He will reveal it to you, but make God your judge, not other people.



BrowneyedAL -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 8:38:18 PM)

Sarah ~ to the first of your 3 above posts...all I can say is WOW...Thank You...you may have thought you were just talking to Erin...but she wasn't the only one listening...thanks.



crm4souls -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/2/2008 9:54:17 PM)

Some powerful stories....God is good!



lilyofthefield -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/3/2008 11:51:24 AM)

I agree. I am so grateful for the encouragement here in this thread too.

Sarah, I love the advice about taking the good and lining it up with God's word - just throw out the rest. AMEN to that!

While dh and I still have a long way to go (him in his relationship with God, me in my patience and humility)... I do have to say that I have grown more in my relationship with God because of the trials in my marriage than I ever could have had life just been easy! I wouldn't trade that for the world.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/3/2008 11:54:09 AM)

quote:

I do have to say that I have grown more in my relationship with God because of the trials in my marriage than I ever could have had life just been easy!


That is very true. Being with my hubby has made me figure out WHAT and WHY I believed what I did. It really built my relationship with God.



Hap2bHis -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/4/2008 2:02:40 PM)

Hi Girls,

I was so glad to find this thread.
I have been married for 25 years and am still praying that God gives my husband a desire to truly know Him.

When we got married we weren't believers but after our marriage deteriorated and I had an affair, we realized we needed God in our lives if we were ever going to put the marriage back together. We committed our lives to Jesus and starting attending a really good church. God helped us so much through a very rough time. My husband seemed be growing into the spiritual leader I always wanted.

But after a cross country move to a new job, he got discouraged when we couldn't find a suitable church home and then started to drift back to the old lifestyle ( drinking, pornography). Because it was so hard going it alone ( my excuse) I stopped going and slipped back into party mode.
But I never was happy there for long and would drag my prodigal body back to the Father again and again.

I am happy to say, that now,I know without a doubt that I am only truly happy when at home with God. He has been faithful to me and is my first priority. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I have noticed the closer I draw to God the more aware I am of sin in my life and others. This makes it hard for me in the marriage because anytime he says a foul word or makes a crude sexual remark it really gets under my skin. It is hard for me to treat him with respect and love because of his choices.
But I know that I have to keep focused on my relationship with God and He will give me the strength I need.

It sure is nice to have this forum and y'all to talk with too. PTL

Darlene



MamaMilty -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/7/2008 4:26:08 PM)

Hey Darlene! I'm go glad you found us, too! I usually don't take so long respond, I had family visiting for a long weekend and was offline since the 4th. I've added you to my prayer journal, and I'm sure the other girls will too. If you want to give us your hubby's name, we can add him by name, too.

Thank-you for sharing your story, I know all of our experiences will serve as encouragement and instruction to others. It is so comforting to serve a faithful God! Everyday is a new day! Glory to God!

Do you have children? I was amazed at the witness my 5 year old was to my husband's family this weekend...



BrowneyedAL -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/7/2008 8:52:46 PM)

Welcome Darlene...I'll add you to my prayer list of the couples represented in this thread. Ask God for help with your expectations...remember that one of the best witnesses that you can have is your own behavior. God loves us unconditionally despite our faults and sinful behaviors...and he calls us to love others. So the next time he does something that 'gets under your skin' stop and pray for him and you...and remind yourself to hate the sin but love the sinner.



BrowneyedAL -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/16/2008 3:57:09 PM)

Not to share too much about information that isn't really intended to be public, today in relation to a totally seperate discussion, I had to say a lot about trusting God/prayer/finding peace and fulfillment in Him...simply because I couldn't discuss the other issues without it because they are very linked for me. I'm praying that it was taken in a positive way and has a positive rather than a negative impact. I'd appreciate a prayer or two for both that and the original topic (Even though I didn't tell you what it was...God knows...and He knows that all that is needed is for His will to be done in this and all situations!) Thanks Ladies [sm=heart.gif]



lilyofthefield -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/16/2008 4:28:05 PM)

Lisa, praying that God works in whatever your situation is.



BrowneyedAL -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/17/2008 3:12:16 PM)

thanks Lily...I KNOW that He's working in the situation...because He always is...and I appreciate your prayers!



frazzledmom -> RE: Surviving our Spiritual Mismatch Encouragement Thread (4/18/2008 7:17:41 PM)

Hey Ladies,

My husband is a believer, but pretty much a Sunday-morning only type. He rarely reads his Bible during the week and we rarely pray together. God is taking me deeper and drawing me in so much closer than I've ever been. Sometimes it feels like there is a chasm between my husband and I-he's content with where he's at. I want more, I want to go deep. Part of the issue is his struggle with ADD-habit forming, like Bible reading-is a constant uphill battle and rarely stays in place.

I'm glad this thread is here.

Love to all

Frazzledmom



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