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RE: Believing Him! - 9/20/2005 2:03:51 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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My house is a mess. It was clean not so long ago. He was welcome then in any room. No doors were shut. No secrets to hide from him, my welcomed guest.
Little by little, things started to get cluttered. As one room became unpresentable, I shut the door. I told myself I'd clean it up later. Then another room got dusty. Another disheveled. Another looked like a tornado hit. Soon, most of the doors were shut. I didn't want my guest to see the messes I had made all over my house, or even the ones other people had made as they passed through. My guest was not even allowed in the door. I would talk to him through it. I was able to keep the outside looking presentable at least.
I tried to tell him that I was doing well. He said he could smell the odor of death. Death? That's a bit extreme, don't you think? Nothing dead or dying here...nope, we're doing well. Glad you stopped by for a chat. See you in church. I'll come to your house, but please don't visit mine.
I could see the disappointment on my guest's face. He wanted to come in and stay longer. He wanted to hear about the mess I had made and others had made. He wanted to help me clean it up. He wanted to bring life where there has been death. Instead I sent him away. Day after day, he kept knocking, wanting more of me than I wanted to give. He has a key, but he would never force his way in. He waited for me. He never left. He never gave up on me.
I opened the front door today. I don't want him to see the disaster I've made of my house. But I am not able to clean it myself. I need his help. So I let him in. I'm sure it will be painful for me as we open the door to each room and a new mess is exposed. I will try to focus on what my house will look like after we have gone through the mess together. I know I won't be ashamed for anyone to see it then. He's a good houseguest. 
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 9/21/2005 4:32:27 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Check out this picture of Nicolas. It was taken at his mother's house the day she got married. I'm sooo glad he did it there and not here!
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 9/25/2005 7:00:07 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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We've had an eventful weekend. Nicolas got here Friday night. When he was getting in his jammies, we found some suspicious bruises on him. Bruises on both biceps that looked just like thumbs. After a few minutes of praying and debating what to do, we called the state police.
The officer that came out happened to be one we met when Noah had his run in with one of my brother's friends (anyone remember that?). He agreed with us that it looked like someone had grabbed him and maybe shook him. Nick said his "other daddy" did it. We related the history of violence in the house and his mother's history of having her kids removed from her. The officer decided it warranted a call to Child Protective Services (CPS).
Saturday morning, two female case workers and a male investigator showed up here. They talked to Nick for about an hour, and then talked to us. They walked through our whole house, saying that if they decided Nick needed to stay here past Monday night, they would be able to tell a judge they had already seen our house and determined it safe. No problem there. After they left here, they were going directly to his mother's house.
We haven't heard back from them. We are majorly second guessing ourselves. We've known it's not a stable environment, but haven't had any physical proof of anything until now. If CPS and the police do nothing, Nick goes right back into it tomorrow night and will probably be in trouble for telling. Plus, we've not been back to court in over a year now, and we've been able to be relatively civil with each other. If CPS doesn't do anything, you can bet your behind she will be filing in court for less time with us and more child support.  The court system is just screwed up enough to let this happen. 
Then there is the question of can I handle it if we DO get custody? I have had major problems with him for a while now. Brian said if we do get him, we will immediately try and get him into preK in our school district, or at least transfer to the Head Start here. Ok, so I'd put him on the bus first thing in the morning, get him off, feed him lunch, put him down for a nap, and then shortly after, Brian would be home. Maybe we could do this...maybe. Breathe in, breathe out.
God, if this is Your plan, I'm going to need some major grace. Please, please guide us. We are lost without You.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 9/27/2005 9:57:09 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I feel knee-high to a grasshopper right now. 
When the investigator, two case workers, AND a state police officer went to Nick's mom's house Saturday, they found out that his Head Start teacher had already seen the marks and questioned them.
You are not even going to believe how they got there. He figured out how to make his blood come out of his arm. That's right, he gave himself hickeys.  That explains why they were in the exact same place on each arm. He had done it a few days before he came here and when he did it, you could see teeth marks. By the time he was here, all that was left were two adult thumb-shaped bruises.
Joell was so upset that we didn't call her. We have called her other times when he had a story and no marks, or marks and no story. This time he had marks and a story to match. We THOUGHT we were doing the right thing. We THOUGHT we were protecting him.
Instead, we actually have strained things between us and her when they were getting better than they had been. We have terrified her and her older kids, who remember being in foster care. She thought for sure they were going to take the kids Saturday. Nick's stepdad was so upset he wouldn't even come out and talk to us last night. He can't believe we would think he could hurt Nick. He's told us before that he can't bring himself to even spank the kids. Brian told Joell that he didn't think he would do that, but with bruises and a story to match, what were we to do?
Anyway, there's more to the events of the day, but that about sums it up and that's all I have the energy to type right now. I want to crawl back in bed and cry. 
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 9/29/2005 2:43:19 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I'm feeling a bit better about things. We did the best we knew to do with the information we had at the time. What would I do differently if there is ever a similar occurence? I'm not sure. When you really think a child has been abused, is it the wisest move to ask the possible abuser for his version of events? At this point, I'm just really not sure what we could/should have done differently. What's done is done and now we need to move on. I hope Nick's mom is having the same thoughts.
Tried to have a conversation with a friend yesterday. Probably the timing was not great for her, but I really felt burdened to share the things I did. But I don't feel like she could hear through her pain. I am praying healing for her, as I don't think she is quite as healed from the past as she thought she was.
This baby I'm babysitting is very cranky. Everything must be just so in order for him to not scream at the top of his lungs. He is screaming as I type actually. His belly is full, diaper is dry, he's had a nap, he's been rocked forever. Yet he screams. If Noah had been this way, he'd of been an only child.
Sorry for the random thoughts in this post. It's hard to think with a baby crying. Sigh. Time to try something else, I suppose.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 10/5/2005 12:17:20 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I am on my fourth week of watching a baby boy. He is two months old. I think he is finally settling in. He's still a tempermental little guy, but at least he has stopped screaming the entire time he is here (9+ hours a day, 3-4 days a week). I am so thankful for some semblance of peace. Right now, he is in the swing and Hannah is in her Hop n pop (like a Johnny jump up, but it doesn't need a doorway). They are looking at each other and are just so cute.
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A friend of mine announced today that she is pregnant with #4. Her oldest is Nick's age (4.5). She is a very brave woman, IMO! I'm kind of hoping that we will get pregnant pretty soon too. Hannah is getting bigger every day and if we got pregnant this month, she'd be 17 months old when the baby was born. Yeah, I know I have my hands full, but I'd really like her to have a close in age sibling. Plus, I've always wanted to be pregnant at the same time as my sister (not happening any time soon) or a good friend.
So...we're not trying and not NOT trying. God knows best. I'm just a little antsy. Maybe because I think we are pretty settled that #4 will be our last biological child? After that we'd like to foster and maybe adopt. But who knows what God has for us...I sure am excited to find out!
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We have a meeting this afternoon with Nick's Head Start teacher. It took a lot of tooth-pulling to get this meeting. I really hope we are able to accomplish something, though I'm not sure what. We really are at a loss for what to do with him. He spent most of last weekend being in trouble for lying and swearing. NOTHING gets through to that child. Grrrr.
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I tried to separate my random thoughts this time. Hope it helped. My brain seems unable to focus lately.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 10/9/2005 8:08:39 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Warning!!! More random thoughts from my very scattered brain.
The meeting with Nick's teacher was good, but still frustrating. We were able to connect with his teacher well and I think she will keep us in the loop. The bad thing is we don't agree with much of what they are trying to do with him. They have him labeled as special ed. He is allowed a "fiddle toy" to help him sit when it's time to sit. He works with an occupational therapist and a special ed teacher. I'm telling you, it's a bunch of hogwash! This kid has so many people fooled. They think he has all kinds of issues and is not capable of following simple directions. I dared to say the word "manipulation" at the meeting and was pretty quickly shut down with "children this age are not capable of manipulating" and a pat on the head.  At this point, there is nothing we can do, since his mother agrees with their assessment and treatment. Phooey. I will not allow a perfectly intelligent child to act stupidly in my home, regardless of what anyone says.
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Our home group starts this Tuesday. We have 12 people signed up, counting us! We aren't actually leading it, just having it here. I'm a little nervous though. Our head pastor and his wife signed up for our group. Don't know why that scares me, but it does.  They've never been to our house before.
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Tomorrow I have Noah, Hannah, Baby J (the little guy I watch) and Nick. Nick and Noah have had some naughty bug most of the weekend. Please pray for my sanity. I mean that in all seriousness.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 10/12/2005 4:05:50 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Home group was wonderful! We had a good group and some good discussion.
Baby J is miserable. I don't know what the trouble is, but yesterday and today he screamed a good portion of the day. If I was his momma, I'd be changing his formula to see if that helps. I did suggest it, but his momma I ain't. So...it's up to her and I am just trying to deal. I won't have him tomorrow and I plan on doing something nice for myself. I may even get my hair cut, which I haven't done since March 2004. Shhh...don't tell Brian. I want to surprise him.  I did ask him what he thought a few weeks ago and got his standard answer for anything requiring an actual opinion..sure, honey, whatever you want. Oh well, at least he loves me no matter what.
No Nick this weekend. His mom has him one weekend a month and this is it. I have an all day women's retreat Saturday. Hannah gets to come cause she's a sweetie.  Brian and Noah will be making several trips to pick up some free firewood. Sunday, Brian and I have a date planned. We do have to bring Hannah of course, since I'm still nursing. My parents are keeping Noah so that we can do some Christmas shopping and go out to dinner. It's nice to have something to look forward to. It's been a rough few weeks...er...months?
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 10/12/2005 4:30:35 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Second post for today...
I've got some thoughts rolling around in my mostly empty head. Thought I'd bounce some of them off this here blog, just to clarify things for myself. Hey, it looks more sane this way than talking to myself! 
Brian left us when Noah was 15 months old. My world fell apart. I desparately wanted my husband back, regardless of what he had done. I wanted a father for Noah. I wanted a husband for myself. I was terrified to be alone. I begged God to bring him back to me. I spent hours and hours pleading with God. It took just over 2 months, but he did come home. There were a few things we agreed on for him to come back: he would find a job in another state and we would move there (AWAY from meddling family members and exes), we would find a church and attend as a family, Brian would not "go out" without me (that's when he did his cheating). Brian wasn't saved at that point, but for some reason, he agreed to all those things and came home. I felt like my world would be okay after all. Shortly after we moved to PA, Brian was saved. Then I knew for sure my world would be just fine.
Not two weeks after Brian got saved, we got the paternity papers for Nick in the mail. Brian was an over the road truck driver. I opened that letter all alone. The time period this child would have been conceived matched the period I had already known he had cheated on me. I was not happy (to say the least), but I had already forgiven Brian for everything that happened during that time. I felt like I had no choice but to work through this with him. Before I picked him up from the truck terminal, I had already purposed in my heart that I would make this work. I thought I was doing the right thing, though I had a feeling my world would never be the same.
I was right. My world has not ever been the same since February 21, 2002. I'm sure Brian doesn't even remember the date we got the papers, but I certainly do. It is the day I felt most betrayed by God. Sure I had married hastily and some of the garbage I experienced was the result of that. But I HAD done the right thing. I had stood by my vows. I had fought for my marriage. I had done everything I could to make sure things would be okay. I felt like God hadn't held up his end of the bargain. I wanted to leave Brian's infidelity in the past. When I forgave him, I didn't know I would have a living breathing reminder of the pain for the rest of my life. I don't know that I would have chosen the way I did if I had known about Nick. God, why should I (and we!) have to suffer forever for the past? Isn't that why Jesus died for us? To take the punishment for our sin so we wouldn't have to?
Honest thoughts...some that hurt to even type. The pain is deeper than any I have ever known in life, and I have known many.
Those are my honest thoughts. They are not truth. I know that. Now, I want to make some sense out of this mess by listing some truths that relate. Bear with me, if you're still reading.
--God has a plan for me. His plan is not to hurt me, but to give me a hope and a future.
--God has a purpose for Nicolas. He is not an accident. God knit him in his mother's womb.
--Jesus died to save us from the eternal consequence for our sin. Physical consequences may still apply.
--God says Brian and I are one. As such, it makes sense that I do have to suffer the consequences along with him.
--Nicolas is NOT a consequence. He is a blessing, sent to us by God, no matter how he got here or how I feel about him.
THOSE things are truth. Not my pain. Not my anger.
Lord, help me focus on your truth. For your glory alone, guide us through the mess we have made of our lives.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 10/21/2005 5:59:07 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Hannah Faith is 8 months old today. She is getting so big, so fast! It makes me a little sad , but also enormously proud of her.
I've discovered motherhood is about pain. It begins with much pain, as you bring them into this world. Then there's the first time you leave them with someone else, even for a minute. The first bashed noggin. First bloody lip. The first time they deliberately disobey you. Watching their disappointment when life doesn't cooperate with them. The first time they say they hate you. That's as far as I've personally gotten with my kids, but I am quite sure the pain will go on long after they are grown. It's a mother's heart to feel her child's pain as if it were her own.
We also have the privilege of rejoicing in their accomplishments with them, big or small. The first smile. The first time they roll over. First word (even if it is da-da!). First time they stand up. First time they take a step. First time they catch a ball. The day they ask Jesus to be their Savior. The first time they willingly sacrifice something of their own to help someone else. There we are, sometimes in the background, being their number one cheerleader. You go! You can do it! I have faith in you! Smiling, giving them a great big hug, encouraging them onward toward the next goal. Yes, it is a mother's heart to see her child succeed and to do everything she can to help them.
It really is a mixture of joy and pain. Sometimes I wonder if God gives us children so we are able to see how He feels about us. I am blessed beyond words with my kids. Thank you, Abba Daddy, for these most precious gifts!
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 10/24/2005 11:07:36 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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"God, whether I get anything else done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people--because that's what life is all about. I don't want to waste this day."
It's from The Purpose Driven Life. It's also my new signature.
Way too often, I am focused on what I need to get done for the day. I mean, yes, the dishes have to be done, dinner has to be cooked, diapers have to be changed, babies need to be fed, clothes have to be washed and folded. But there are ways to do all those things with a loving attitude.
If it isn't done in love, it has NO purpose.
If it has no purpose, it bears no fruit. If it bears no fruit, it is worthless in light of eternity. How much time, energy and resources do I waste doing fruitless things? How much do you waste?
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 11/2/2005 7:32:05 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I am discouraged today. Last night at home group, I was harrassed by everything I am doing wrong as far as Nicolas. It just seems nothing we are doing is what he really needs. It should be as simple as changing what we are doing, but it isn't. I don't KNOW what he needs. I don't KNOW what we are supposed to do. All I know is that the way things are now, nothing is changing, so it is not working.
I did manage the courage to ask for prayer for us, to deal with him how God would have us. Brian and I later talked about me really needing to not be here with him alone. We have discussed this before. Not five minutes later, he is talking about needing to go get more firewood this weekend, and leaving the kids with me. I feel so unheard. No wonder the boys don't listen...
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 11/4/2005 6:25:40 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I've been procrastinating. Today, I could put them off no longer. I needed to call the cable company. The phone company. And the newspaper. I know, they don't sound like awful things. Trust me, they really are.
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo chose the cable company to be the first. I was calling them to downgrade my cable to the $10 basic only package. I was harrassed with all the latest packages, none of which was a very good deal for us. Finally, I told them I am a stay at home mom and we just needed to cut back a bit. The lady asked, "Won't anyone in your family miss all those channels?" I told her probably, but they will get over it.
Next...the phone company. I was calling them to get a better plan. Our phone bill seems to be going up, up, up lately. I researched the plans available on their website before I called. Even got out the calculator and figured out the per minute cost for each of them. Also thoroughly investigated our last two phone bills to see what plan would be most cost effective for us. I felt super confident in making this call. Done my research, now I'll just tell them what I want them to do for me. Yeah, right. After waiting on hold more than fifteen minutes, I finally got a person! I told her, "I've already figured out which plan will work best for us and I'd like to switch to **** plan." She then proceeds to tell me all their packages and how much they will save me. Pray tell, how will it save me money to pay $120 for phone, cable, and internet, when I am paying $70 now? I finally convinced her that I really didn't need what she was trying to sell me and got her to do what I wanted to my account.
Phew. By now, I was mentally exhausted by the acrobatics it took to accomplish two simple phone calls. I was going to save the paper for a later date, then thought better of it since I had a bill and they are forgetting my paper all the time. Looked on the bill for the phone number, and found, miracle of miracles, an email address. Calmly and happily, I typed away my discontent with their company and requested them to cancel my paper and adjust my bill according to the 3 papers I got in the first 21 days of my account. Half an hour later, I had an email back from them. They apologized, but did what I asked of them. Hallelujah!
Do you see why I didn't want to make those calls? None of those people actually listen to what you are telling them. Both phone calls, I knew exactly what I wanted before I even called, yet it took them forever to just shut up and do it! I kind of wanted to say, "Don't you know I'm a mom?! I don't care what arguments you have, just DO IT!" LOL I'm sure the only reason the paper fiasco went smoothly is because I was able to do it through email. And by that time, my email was polite, but probably somewhat terse.
My next phone call was much more pleasant. I made an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. I haven't cut it since March 2004. I should have enough to donate to Locks of Love again. Why do I wait so long to get my hair cut? Because I'm cheap. I figure since I saved us money with those three annoying phone calls/emails, I've earned it.
< Message edited by blvnghm -- 11/4/2005 7:00:03 PM >
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 11/11/2005 2:40:33 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Her daddy calls her "baby girl". When he first steps in the door after a long day at work, I get a peck on the lips. Baby girl gets scooped up and snuggled and smooched all over until she is squealing with delight. I don't mind. I'm delighted to see my husband connecting so much with his baby girl! I hope and pray that they will always be close. I don't want my daughter to ever doubt her Daddy's love and adoration for her.
I see so much of my own troubles in life as a result of not really knowing if my Daddy loved me. He wasn't a bad Daddy, though he was no where near perfect either. He liked to yell and he definitely had (has!) a temper. He also loved to buy us things to show us he loved us. He had nothing as a kid, and he made sure we got what we really wanted. Well, within his means, anyway. I don't remember my dad hugging me much. There are pictures of us snuggling until I was 5 or 6, but none later. He also rarely took the initiative to spend time with me and make me feel special. He was usually working two jobs to support us. That was how he showed his love, but as a child, I didn't understand that.
I don't want to talk badly about my Dad. I love him dearly, warts and all. I know now, as an adult, that he really did love me. I just hope for so much more for my daughter. I pray that she will never ever ever feel unloved or unwanted by the most important man in her life. I pray that her Daddy's love will keep from the pain of unwise decisions. I hope that she will be able to visualize her heavenly Father in the person of her Dad.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 11/14/2005 9:58:00 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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My biggest fear...
I've always had thoughts of death. My senior year in high school, one of my good friend commited suicide and a girl I worked with died in a car accident. I had dreams before both events happened that pretty accurately depicted these events. Creepy.
Fast forward to my "now" life. I have this nagging thought that something is going to happen to my husband or I, or both. I have no doubt where these thoughts are from. God is not the author of fear. I continually have to release Brian and myself into my loving Daddy's hands. I know He has our days numbered and I need not worry or fret about when He has chosen to take either of us home. His grace will be sufficient for that day. Still, I do struggle regularly with these kinds of thoughts.
My absolute biggest fear is that something will happen to one of my kids. Hannah has a swollen lymph node right now that the doctor said needs to be watched. If it isn't significantly smaller in a month, we will be referred to a pediatric surgeon for possible biopsy or removal. I foolishly did an internet search on "swollen lymph nodes in children". The "c" word came up way too much for my comfort. I don't know that I will wait another month to have them check it again.
One of our pastors lost their 16 year old in a tractor accident over a year ago. It has been amazing to me to see their healing and growth during this time. I look at them and think I could never deal with that kind of tragedy the way they have. They must be made of stronger stuff than I am. In reality, they probably would have said the same thing about other people enduring the loss of a child before they lost one of their own. They are as human as the rest of us.
Just like God has my days on this earth numbered, he has those of my children numbered. That is a great comfort. Nothing can ever happen to my husband, my kids or me that God didn't know about and plan as part of His greater purpose. I need to stop fearing these things and just live every moment I do have to the fullest. At the end of the day, it is all we can do to make sure we have no regrets should this be the day God has chosen for us or someone we love.
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<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 11/22/2005 7:11:48 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I had such a peaceful day yesterday. So unlike the Mondays I've had the last few months. Why? We are taking a break from Mondays with Nicolas. He's been doing this thing where he can be decent most of the weekend, and then give me you know what when Brian is at work on Monday. It wasn't really serving any puprpose to have him here the extra day, unless you count aggravating me beyond belief a purpose. Brian finally agreed that since his mom and sister will not follow through and take him on Mondays, we could just bring him back to his mom's a day early. I talked to Nick's mother and she agreed. So, at least until after Christmas, I'm off the hook.
You'd think I'd be happy. Oh, I am happy that change finally happened. But I'm sad too. I feel like we've failed Nick. His mom and her new husband are not Christians and they do not have a good lifestyle. So instead of dealing with his problems ourselves, we let him spend more time with her? I don't think we had another good choice at this moment in time, but it was very hard to admit that I can't handle him. Especially to the "other woman".
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<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: Believing Him! - 11/25/2005 8:40:58 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9326
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Then Noah came out with the "Are we getting paid for this?" comment. I could only laugh.