RE: Believing Him! (Full Version)

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PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (12/20/2005 4:51:25 PM)

Two kinds of cookies down. I've added two more to my list though, Chocolate Oatmeal cookies and a really easy fudge recipe my mom gave me. I hope to finish the cookies tomorrow, since I don't have the little guy I watch.

Brian finally got the linoleum down last night. Now all our bathroom needs is paint and it will be all new! He's such a hard-working man!

Five more day till Christmas!!!!!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (12/20/2005 5:01:48 PM)

I have a neighbor. She used to be my SILs problem, but they moved. We have inherited her and her problems. [:o] Her husband is in jail (and rightly so!). I'm not sure how much longer he will be there. She has two girls and two boys. The girls don't live there anymore, but the boys are both there. The boys are both special needs, one extremely so.

This woman is very "needy". Meaning that she always needs something and almost expects you to do it for her, regardless of your limitations. Her water is broken. It's been broken since Friday. I know she has tried to fix it herself already because she first called asking to borrow some tools. Now, it is still not working and she called here wanting to borrow my husband. [8|]

I don't want to send him. I want to spend time with him when he gets home. He isn't going to want to go. He's worked all day. He'll be tired when he gets home. If it was something not essential to living, we'd both say no to this particular person. But since it's her water, I think he will be headed over to help after dinner. With Noah, of course, as I don't trust this lady as far as I can throw her. It certainly isn't ideal, but what else can we do? Leave someone in obvious need just because we aren't especially fond of her? What would Jesus do?

People's lives are messy. I know our life is messy. I appreciate the people who have waded through our mess to help us in whatever way they could. How can we do any less for someone in need?



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (12/28/2005 8:37:12 AM)

We had a wonderful Christmas! I think it was the nicest one since I've been married. So many really great things happened and I look forward with eager anticipation to the new year!

Here are some highlights of our Christmas:

  • Hannah opening her dolly and screaming, "Do-EEEEEEE!"

  • My husband taking the kids shopping for me and picking out really thoughtful gifts. (He's never done this before!)

  • My "twin" cousin staying here the past two days. She lives in New Jersey and I don't see her nearly often enough.

  • My husband behaving while my twin cousin was here. (He's never done this before either!)

  • My brother likes me again, after a couple rough years of not being able to be in the same room. He even farted on my head. Aaaaah...family. [:D]

  • Four days of Christmas (my family, just us, Brian's family, big family reunion) over and we all survived! LOL



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (12/31/2005 12:26:53 PM)

We are getting ready for tonight, when we're having some people from church over to bring in the New Year with us. It should be a great time of fun, food, and fellowship! I can't wait!

We used to have a hard time inviting people over. Then we were asked to host a home group for The Purpose Driven Life. That experience stretched us, and showed us how nice it is to have our church family around more often. We have decided we will try to have someone from church over at least once a month, particularly people we don't know well yet.

God is growing us in ways I never imagined possible. I cannot wait to see what he has for us in 2006!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (1/1/2006 12:41:34 PM)

Last night didn't quite go as planned. No one ended up coming over because the roads were very slippery. But the kids did get to sleep by 10 pm, even the baby! Brian and I spent over an hour throwing more wood into the basement so it can dry before we need it. Then we came in and played cards until midnight.

I woke up with pink eye in both eyes and a massive sinus headache. So we didn't go to church. I really don't like to miss church.

All in all, a disappointing weekend. I think we will take Ellie Mae's suggestion to restart the year when we are feeling better. I refuse to believe that all of 2006 will be this disappointing and miserable.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (1/1/2006 12:44:10 PM)

Brian and I have been married 7 years today. We've come a long way in those 7 years. [:D] I can't even begin to imagine what God will have for us in the next 7 years.

Believing Him for good things, in 2006 and beyond!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (1/1/2006 3:29:04 PM)

Every year, I think this would be wonderful to do. And every year, I fail. [:(] The longest I have gone was through August a few years ago.

I know I need to be in God's Word on a daily basis, but it is so easy to set it aside for another day. Sometimes, I set it aside for so many "other days" that it doesn't get opened again until the next Sunday. [:o]

If only I had the same hunger for the Word as I do for posting here...

I am starting today on a three year reading plan in the back of my Bible, hoping that the extended time will be more doable for me. I will do my reading before I log onto the computer. You all have my permission to ask me if I've done my reading yet when you see me online.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (1/3/2006 12:06:00 PM)

I am an emotional wreck the last couple days. There is a variety of reasons and I really wish I could just crawl in a hole and hibernate for a few months. Wake me up when it's spring, okay?



PrincessDonna -> RE: Believing Him! (1/12/2006 7:51:56 AM)

I had a dream the other night. This dream made me lay in my bed awake for several hours, contemplating how it would all work, if it really happened. I've never had a dream quite like this one, and wonder if it was God's way of opening our hearts to the possibilities He has for us.

The dream was about three kids I know. They are 8,6, and 3. They are my BIL's sister's kids, so not really related to us, even though we do a lot together and consider them cousins to my kids. The kids have basically been abandoned by both their parents. Oh, they see them when it's convenient, but neither parent wants to take responsiblity and BE a parent. That whole thing blows my mind, because I know that whatever happened between Brian and I, I would never, ever, ever leave my kids.

The older two kids have some emotional issues from the mess their parents have made of their lives. Even their problems don't take away from the fact that they are awesome kids though. They just need to be accepted and loved. They live with their grandparents right now. Grammy and Pop are glad to have them, but they are older and not very healthy. Grammy fell the other day, when just the little one was there, and couldn't get up for an hour and a half.

I have to wonder how long it will be safe for these kids to stay there, and what will happen to them when it becomes unsafe. I love these kids like my own family, and Brian and I would gladly take them in. In fact, because we already know them so well, we know they would fit right in to our family.

After laying awake for a while, I finally fell back asleep, but these kids have not left my heart. I am so burdened for them, and truly think God has given me this burden for them. Brian agrees wholeheartedly that we will help them and even take them in, if that time comes. I will be looking for the right time to talk with Grammy about it, and I expect she will be glad to not have to worry about what will happen with the kids when they aren't able to care for them.

God is awesome, and I don't know His plans regarding this. But I do know He has given us these three kids, in some form already, to love, to make feel special, and to show Jesus to them. He loves these kids more than I do, and I pray that He will work His plan for them, according to His will.



PrincessDonna -> Reader appreciation (1/13/2006 9:23:07 PM)

I am glad to be a part of this community. There are many times I think it's easier to share personal things here than IRL. We all have struggles, trials and temptations, but IRL most of us are experts at looking like we're doing great.

I feel very connected to many of you here, even though I probably won't ever meet most of you on this earth. I know I can always come here and find someone to commiserate with me, pray for me, joke with me, and analyze this experience we call life. This place and you all have been a God-send to me, and I cannot thank you enough.

Thank you all who pray for me, I really appreciate it and know that God hears your prayers even though you don't *know* me. And Ellie? Thanks for bringing me here. [:D]



PrincessDonna -> The evils of a cell phone (1/17/2006 10:21:44 AM)

We've had a Tracfone for 3 years now. The same phone the whole time, so it's old. It's missing a button, and the battery no longer stays charged for any amount of time. Time for another phone.

So I went to Walmart and bought a much nicer Tracfone. A flip phone this time, as Brian requested, so he can put it in his pocket when he's driving his truck at work. Got it home and tried to set it up. We needed to switch the minutes and phone number from the other phone over, so I had to talk to an actual person to do it.

They tell me that this phone that I just paid $50+ for, purchased at a store in this area, does not actually work in this area. Something about the technology of the phone being greater than the technology of the cell towers? [sm=sadquestion.gif] I won't even pretend to understand that, but I did question why the local Walmart would sell a phone that didn't work locally. I never really got an answer. [&:]

They said they would send us another phone and we would mail this one (postage prepaid) back to them. My husband was less than pleased that he would have to wait a week for his phone. I asked several times if the phone would be of the same value as the one we had purchased and was assured it would be a flip phone that worked in this area.

The package was delivered today. I haven't opened the phone yet. It is not a flip phone, and looks to be about the same as the $20 or $30 phone at Walmart. Um...NO!!!! [sm=angertalk.gif]

So, I've got to call them again. Hopefully get someone that speaks English this time, and try and straighten this out. I don't have anything against this phone, as long as we get some of our money back. I don't think it's fair to pay $50 for a $20 phone, do you? BUT, I know Brian is not going to be happy unless it's a flip phone.

I really hate dealing with stuff like this. Grrrrrrr.

Cell phone saga...to be continued...



PrincessDonna -> RE: The evils of a cell phone (1/18/2006 7:01:02 PM)

The phone situation still is not settled, so we'll just leave that alone for now. I think it aggravates me more to type what happens at this point. [:@] So...we'll just wait until it's all done, and then I'll update. LOL

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've realized something about myself today. I have this tendency to label myself. Things like: the girl that was molested, the girl that was dumb enough to put herself in situations to be raped twice--by the same guy!, the girl that had an abortion and killed her own flesh and blood, the girl that wouldn't listen and married someone who went on to hurt her badly, just like "they" said he would. All this bad stuff. This is how I think of myself.

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is NOT how God sees me.
It's not even how other people see me!


A few days ago, someone posted something in reference to one of my posts, saying that I was a good person to listen to regarding something, that I knew what I was talking about. The person that posted that was someone here that I respect a great deal, and it blew me away.

Then today, I got a phone call from one of our pastors. He wants me to be involved with something that I never in a jillion years would have thought I'd be asked to do. I haven't decided if I'm going to do it or not, but just being asked blows my mind away. More than one person recommended me -- ME! -- for this specific job. That amazes me. I am certainly not worthy, or at least I don't think I am.

God, I want to see myself the way You see me. I want to know how treasured, loved and adored I am, and even how spotless I appear to You, through the blood of Jesus. I am certainly not worthy of anything You have given me, but I am grateful. I am grateful for Your redeeming love, that is so powerful, it can redeem us from every bad thing we have ever done. I may never understand why You have chosen me, but I am so very thankful, Daddy.



PrincessDonna -> RE: The evils of a cell phone (1/18/2006 9:44:37 PM)

The cell phone is fixed. I had to argue to get my 35 minutes back, and they finally gave us 40. Personally, I think we should have gotten more for the hassle we went through, but I was just glad to be DONE with them.

My husband has been threatened with his life if he should lose or break this phone. Or maybe I'll just let him deal with them next time. [sm=crazy.gif][sm=purplelaugh.gif]



PrincessDonna -> RE: The evils of a cell phone (1/19/2006 10:13:01 PM)

Hannah has a new silly thing she does. It started when she wanted to nurse and I couldn't nurse her right that minute. I told her a few times to wait one minute and Mommy would give her milky. She finally clung to my leg and cried, "Mama baaaaabeeeeeeee." [:(] It was very cute and sweet, like she was saying, "Whatever you're doing can't be that important! I'm Momma's Baby!"

I say it *was* cute. That's because it is no longer cute or sweet. She screamed "Mama baaaaaaaabeeeeeeee!" for over 15 minutes in the car today. I couldn't stop where I was and we were on a time schedule (had to transfer plates at DMV before Daddy got out of work). She wasn't hungry, or poopy, she just has decided she doesn't like her car seat all of a sudden. [8|] I think it's too confining for the little monkey.

Of course, she finally fell asleep. Five minutes before we got home. [>:]

Sidenote: Nick's Head start teacher claims that 4 year olds are not capable of manipulating adults. Ha! My almost 11 month old is purty darn good at it already. Not that she gets away with it, of course. [;)]



PrincessDonna -> Sanctity of Life Sunday (1/22/2006 1:43:11 PM)

Today was sanctity of life Sunday. The last few years have been difficult for me, and at least two of those years, I've ended up leaving church early. I've never known ahead of time what Sunday it was, so had no time to mentally or emotionally prepare.

This year, Lisa called me to ask me something about it, so I was aware ahead of time. I was also signed up for baby nursery so I knew I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I was a little worried about that.[&:]

In the past, when the topic had come up in church, I felt like all fingers were pointed at me. I was sure everyone knew that I had murdered my baby. While there are plenty of people who do know, it certainly isn't everyone, and no one has stood in condemnation of me, as far as I know.

Today, I didn't feel that at all. Today, it was almost like I saw the saints interceding on my behalf when we prayed for healing of our land. The difference was amazing! I'm not sure if it was because I knew ahead of time, or because God has healed deeper than I had thought. Probably a combination of the two.

I am thankful. Thankful for good friends that are so sensitive to other's hurts. Thankful for a church body that seeks healing and restoration, not condemnation. Thankful that I am so loved, by God and by my brothers and sisters in Christ.



PrincessDonna -> Trading my sorrows (1/22/2006 10:10:31 PM)


I am pressed but not crushed,
persecuted but not abandoned,
struck down but not destroyed.
I am blessed beyond the curse
for His promise will endure,
and His joy will be my strength.
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning.

~from Trading My Sorrows



God,
I have no idea what the future holds for me. All I know is I need You. If I didn't have You, life wouldn't be worth living. This world has so many ways to hurt us. I don't understand why I need to go through pain over and over, but I chose to trust You. I trust You with my life, Daddy. Please guide me through the darkness into Your light, Your truth. I want to know You so well that the trials of life never leave me wavering. I long to be rooted so strongly that even the strongest wind cannot harm me.
Even so, come Lord Jesus, come.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (1/24/2006 7:01:37 AM)

It's time for an attitude change.

Someone (you know who you are[;)]) told me I have a self esteem issue that is at the root of a problem I was sure had nothing to do with me. After a bit of contemplation, I realized she was right! I rarely ever think good things about myself. This affects my relationships with everyone around me, but mostly my husband and my kids.

I can never understand why people want to be around me, when I don't even want to be around me. Could it be they actually see something I can't right now?

Now, it's tempting to chalk this up as another failure. The "I never do anything right" syndrome. But I don't think that was the purpose of the conviction/revelation.

Instead, I choose today to give myself a break, the way I give other people a break. I will not think, type, or speak anything about myself that I wouldn't about someone else.

And I've changed my name to PrincessDonna, to remind myself with every single post where my identity truly lies.

Thanks, Cynthia![:D]



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (1/30/2006 8:40:10 AM)

God is good!

We needed more firewood yesterday even though Brian had been cutting wood Saturday. He didn't have it split yet and we needed it ASAP. We were going to call the firewood guy when we got home from church.

When we pulled in the driveway, he was just pulling in with a load of wood. We never called him. Then he says he'll give it to us for a discount so he doesn't have to handle it again. Apparently, someone had ordered it and then didn't have $ when he got there. So...he sold it to us instead.

I just thought it was so funny that we didn't even call him, yet God sent him. And with a discount to boot!

God is good. He knows our needs. Like a loving Father, He loves to surprise us with even little gifts. Thanks, Daddy!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (2/3/2006 1:14:26 PM)

You know those moments that your hearts just swell with love for your kids?

Noah and Hannah are so darn cute! They are sitting in the chair, with Hannah's Build-A-Bear between them. Noah is reading to Hannah. REALLY reading. It's a Curious George board book. He's got her pointing and saying, "Wa da?" (What that? for those who don't speak baby.) She also cracks up laughing when he makes the animal sounds.

One of those moments I wish I could freeze forever.[:D]



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (2/7/2006 9:36:46 AM)

Today is Nicolas' 5th birthday. Five years ago today, his mother was being prepped for her fourth C-section and delivering her fourth baby boy. We were living nearby still, and had no idea of what was taking place in the small hospital the next town over. In past years, I've had a hard time being happy about Nick's birthday. I am determined to celebrate this year. Nick is with his mom during the week, so we won't see him today, but we will call him when Brian gets home from work and wish him happy birthday. Then, we'll go to Chuck E Cheese Saturday for his birthday and Noah's (the 16th).

I don't know why God chose to send Nicolas to our family the way He did, but I've got to trust that He has a plan. For our family. For Nick. For my marriage. And for me.

I have a dream that seems impossible. I dream of Nick's mom and stepdad accepting Christ. I dream of the four of us raising him peacefully, in unity under the blood of Jesus. I dream of our families sitting together in church, worshipping an all-powerful God together.

I've had this dream for a while, but I often try not to think about it, because it is so opposite of how things are now and seems utterly impossible. I need to remember that with God, NOTHING is impossible. I commit to praying for their salvation every day this year. May God show us all great and marvelous things that we do not yet know.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (2/14/2006 4:10:50 PM)

I went to bed last night dreading today. Valentine's Day has in the past been a day that I hope my husband will bring home flowers, or chocolate, or plan some romantic outing all by himself. Well, it so happens that I married a man who thinks cut flowers are a waste of money, I can buy my own chocolate if I want it, and would rather I plan all our outings.

On top of that, God is working on my heart on several different big things. Marriage is really hard work and can be exhausting at times, but a very wise woman once told me that nothing worth having is easy. I do believe she is right. I also believe God has good things in the future for Brian and I, that the more we yield things to Him, the more He is free to bless us. I want every good thing my Daddy has to give, so I have to be willing to go through the hard times, to do the work necessary.

I also don't have to walk through any of this on my own. God is ever faithful. He has given me a wonderful church family, with several close friends, this wonderful forum, with a few people I can turn to for prayer and support. He never intended us to get through life on our own. PRAISE GOD!!!!!

I have purposed in my heart that it doesn't matter what Brian does for me tonight. I got him a nice card that doesn't say even close to what I wish I could verbalize to him. I got him his favorite candy. I know he will be surprised, and feel loved, and that makes me happy. That is all I need today. Anything else is icing on the cake.

I went from having a not so great night last night, to feeling overwhelming love for my husband today. I wonder why that is? No. I don't really. It shouldn't surprise me that when I give things up to God, He replaces it with something else. Something wonderful. And it shouldn't surprise you either, when you pray and God answers.[:D]



[sm=heart.gif][sm=heart.gif]Happy Valentine's Day!!!!! [sm=heart.gif][sm=heart.gif]



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (2/15/2006 12:59:01 PM)

My Valentine's Day went much better than I had expected! Maybe because I didn't expect anything?

My sweetie did bring me flowers, and even apologized because they were out of roses. Silly man! I don't care what kind of flowers. Actually, I prefer being different than everyone else. Everybody loves roses.[;)]

Then he said we were bringing Noah to my SIL's house, since her husband had to work anyway. Brian and his girls (me and Baby girl) took his truck and went to "the city". We didn't do any big romantic thing there. Actually, we ate at Wendy's, where Hannah had her first chicken nuggets. We went to the discount hardware store and bought a new toilet because ours keeps plugging. Then we went to Home Depot to spend a gift card from Christmas and some tax money on materiels for a chain link fence. We're fencing off a play area right next to the garden, so that the kids can play while we work.

It all was icing on the cake, because of what I had decided beforehand, but the nicest thing he did all day was that he changed Hannah's poopy diaper. This from a man that doesn't DO diapers, and gags if he has to smell them usually. I didn't even ask him to do it. He smelled her and he did it! [sm=heart.gif]I'm in love.[sm=heart.gif] The other big highlight was that I got to sit in the middle in the truck, all nice and snuggly with my sweetie.[:D]

How many women get excited over buying a toilet on Valentine's Day? LOL Not many, apparently, as both those stores were deserted!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Trading my sorrows (2/23/2006 1:59:36 PM)

Since my last post, Noah is a year older (6), I am a year older (26), and Hannah is a whole year old.

I had a whole post running through my very busy jumbled up brain. And I lost it.[:@]

This won't be as interesting, but here is a run-down of my usual day. It starts at 6 am, when baby Punkinhead is dropped off by his mom. This morning, he had a bottle and did an especially nasty poop in the first 10 minutes he was here. I ended up sticking my hand in the poop and then gagging the whole while I changed him.[:'(]

6:30 Punkinhead back to bed. Donna back to bed.
7:00 Hannah up to nurse. I brought her to bed with me and we both went back to sleep.
8:30 Punkinhead up. Hannah up. Fix Punkinhead's cereal and feed him.
9:00 Let the dog outside. Put wood in the furnace.
9:20 Second and third poopy diapers of the day. [8|] Dress two little ones, fix my girl's hair.
9:45 Force Noah to get dressed, against his will.[>:]
10:00 Punkinhead a bottle and then down for a nap.
10:20 Hannah in pack and play. Donna in shower (finally!!!).
11:00 Friend stops by (thank God I got that shower in! LOL). Babies play on floor.
12:20 Punkinhead another diaper. Feed him apples and blueberries baby food.
12:45 Punkinhead bottle and bed.
1:00 Lunch for Noah and I.
1:30 Two pages of phonics and two pages of math for Noah.

I anticipate:
2:00 Hannah diaper, nurse, and nap.
2:20 Thirty minutes of peace and quiet for me.
2:50 Read some more of Charlotte's Web with Noah.
3:15 Punkinhead up, another diaper.
3:30 Punkinhead leaves, we walk to the post office.
4:15 Brian home.
4:30 Warm up dinner. Leftovers tonight, I've got it easy.
5:00 Dinner.
5:30 Brian to fix someone's car. Hopefully, Noah goes with him.
6:00 Clean this house. If Hannah cooperates.[&:] Sweep and mop. Dishes. Pick up livingroom.
7:30 Hannah bath and jammies.
8:00 Nurse Hannah to sleep, while watching Survivor in my bed.
9:00 CSI
10:00 Call Brian and see if he's about done with the brake job yet. Find out he is chit-chatting and beg him to please come home so I can go to sleep.[8|]
11:00 Brian home. Snuggle to sleep and start all over again tomorrow.

There. Now you know what goes on in my very exciting life. LOL I'm tired just reading all that. Of course, mixed in there are multiple times of checking Crosswalk and posting.[:D]

Maybe I'll remember what I meant to post later.[8D]



PrincessDonna -> Balance? (2/24/2006 11:31:13 PM)

I have a hard time finding a balance in our family. I have just recently come to the conclusion that it's okay to have fun and do special things when Nick is at his mom's. We used to save all fun things (trip to the zoo, going to a playground, even a special meal) for when he was with us. But I began to feel resentful about that, like "our" kids didn't matter as much as Nick, and we could never be a family without him. Especially since when he is here, he is rather difficult and has a habit of then ruining anything that we try to do that is fun.

Even the other night, we had a nice dinner that Nick would have actually eaten [8|], and Brian made a comment about it not being a family dinner because Nick wasn't there. Man, that hurt me! And I did let him know, as calmly and rationally as I was able. Yes, it's okay to miss Nick when he's not here. It's even okay to verbalize it, in a way that doesn't devalue the "rest" of our family.

Well, you know what, we are still a family, even when he's not here. We can still do fun things. We can have fun without feeling guilty that we are doing something without him. We can even eat a meal he likes.

Now, don't get me wrong. It is not my desire to make him feel any more different than he already is. I know he struggles with not belonging anywhere. This isn't something that we need to talk about with any of the kids. He does belong in our family and he is always a part of family, even when he's not physically with us. But I refuse to look at the rest of our family and think it's not complete, it's somehow not good enough. I won't do it anymore.

What I will do is keep praying. Keep praying that God will give me a new dream, a new hope, for my life and my family. Praying that He will keep working in me and that He will completely take out any root of rejection, bitterness, and all that other nasty stuff.

On a somewhat unrelated, but similar topic, I ordered a book today. The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity By: Abel Ortega & Melodie Fleming. I'm not sure why I ordered it now, when it has been over 4 years since Brian was unfaithful. Maybe God is just peeling off some new layers. I definitely feel "raw" at the moment in a lot of ways. I wonder if the first few years I was just able to keep going on my own strength and I just can't do it anymore. I'm not as strong as people think I am. Inside, is a heart that is so broken and hurting, even though it has been years. Sometimes I feel guilty that I am not "over it" by now, but maybe this is all just a natural part of the healing process? I hope this time is a time of healing and not a time of more hurt. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle any more hurt.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Balance? (2/27/2006 12:36:53 PM)

I didn't used to be one of those people that would say 'God spoke to me'. In fact, I thought people were slightly loony when they said that. Well, apparently, I have become one of the loons because I most definitely 'hear' God speaking. No, not an audible voice, just a voice that speaks in my heart and mind, that is not my own, and certainly not Satan.

While Brian was at the men's retreat this weekend, it seemed like a lot of my own emotions came up, even though I didn't really want them to. I felt like God is saying that the last few years have been a time of survival, of just making it day by day. Now, I am entering a new season. A season of healing and overcoming.

God has also been working in Brian, which is becoming more and more evident to me. For so long, I have felt in a desert place, that I couldn't hear God and nothing was really changing in my life. Now I wonder if I was kind of in a holding pattern, waiting for Brian to catch up. Maybe God was waiting for just this time, when we would both be ready to heal and grow.

I want to heal. I want to grow. I want to overcome. I want to do those things with my husband. I am so thankful to God for what He is doing in our individual lives and in our marriage!



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