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PrincessDonna -> God is faithful (6/3/2007 5:01:38 PM)

Where there is no vision, the people perish...Proverbs 29:18


We have needed vision. Vision for our marriage, for our kids, and for our family as a whole. Without vision, it is hard to make a plan to get where we want to be. I have struggled with this lately, but didn't know that Brian was also dealing with it until yesterday!

God is so good and so faithful. This weekend, we have both seen the same vision for our marriage and our family. Some of that is deeply personal and I won't share, but believe me when I say that it is so good to know that my husband and I are working together in unity to raise up these kids. God has not forgotten us, and no matter what He brings us through, He will stay with us. Simple concepts, but big, big blessings to a husband and wife, a dad and mom, who have really agonized over what God has for us.

God is faithful. I know I say it over and over and I don't know why I'm so surprised when He is. Someday when my life is over, I think I'd like that on my headstone...God is faithful. I haven't always known it, but I do now.



PrincessDonna -> The power of life or death (6/8/2007 9:15:52 PM)

Noah and I (and Levi) went out for ice cream tonight. We had a good talk and I think we have a workable "deal" now. I feel so absolutely lacking in wisdom in how to deal with him. Parenting is very humbling.[&o] I told him that when Mommy gets upset with him and responds by yelling, Mommy is sinning. He may be sinning by what he is doing that is making me upset, but that does not excuse my sin. I asked him to forgive me and gave him permission to to ask me, "Is that how Jesus wants you to act or speak?" and asked for his permission to say the same to him. He agreed.

This kid is so much like me that he can push all my buttons without even trying. I don't want him to be grown and have all bad memories of our time together. I need to change the way I am reacting to him and I need to do it now. I don't want to damage my kids.[:(] What power we have as parents! We can either speak words of life and blessings or death and curses over our kids, and we only get one time around. There are no do-overs.



PrincessDonna -> Got fruit? (6/18/2007 5:20:58 PM)

The fruit of the Spirit is
love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.

I don't know about you, but I used to look at that list and think...MAN! What a loser I am.[&o] I don't have any of those consistently. And...if I can't make fruit...am I really a Christian? Certainly not a good one. I'd proceed to berate and condemn myself and then continue trying and trying and trying to do better, meeting with failure time after time.

Until one recent day, when I realized...I can't do better! And furthermore, it isn't MY job to produce the fruit! It's the fruit of the Spirit, right? Not the fruit of Donna.[;)]

[sm=funny.gif]Yeehaw! I can't do it! And I don't have to![sm=funny.gif]


If you think I'm making this up, picture a tomato plant growing in your garden. Do you go out and yell at the thing because there is no fruit? Do you tell it it's no good, worthless? Do you tell it you are doubting it is a tomato plant because there are no tomatoes right now? Do you pull it up out of the ground and hope the next plant will be better?

No. You make sure it has the proper amount of water and drainage of water. You give it some food, or fertilizer. You pull out the weeds so the plant will get the nutrients it needs. You wait patiently, knowing that when that fruit comes, it will be goooooood! You don't look at that plant condemning it for not having fruit. You help create the conditions needed for tomatoes to grow and that's all you can really do.

It's the same for us. We do have responsibility. We need to be drinking of the Living Word regularly. We need to be eating good solid food, sometimes fed to us be others in our local church body. We need to allow God to pluck the weeds out of our lives (which He is more than willing to do if we only ask). And we need to wait. Patiently. Wait patiently on our God, and His Spirit will bring the fruit we so desire. He will! And it will be good, good fruit.[:D]

God, I want fruit. Would you make me fruity?[8D]



PrincessDonna -> Content (7/14/2007 10:46:42 PM)

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ~1 Timothy 6:6-8

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:11-13

Lately, I have noticed that I am always looking forward to the great things of the next stage in my life, and in doing so, I am missing some of the really great things of today. I don't want to miss those things.

"When my kids are older and can help more..." "When Brian and I can go out without worrying about a sitter..." When you're a mom of 4 kids 7 and under, it's easy to get stuck in that kind of thinking. My life at this point can be chaotic, crazy, and overwhelming some days. But...this is the season that the Lord has put me in at this moment, and I need to learn to enjoy the things in this season that are here for me to enjoy!

I've been thinking about this for a couple weeks, and I had a moment today where I knew I was content. My three big kids were playing in the new sandbox Daddy and Grandpa built for them (it's HUGE...8x8!). Brian was splitting firewood on the other side of the fence, all hot and sweaty.[8D] I was sitting in my chair by the sandbox, looking at my garden, my kids, my husband, and sniffing my sweet little boy's soft baby head. At that moment, tears came to my eyes because I knew that this...THIS is the life I love, despite the hard times.

Is life hunky-dory? Nope. Could we use more money to pay the bills and do the things we would like to do? Always. Could my husband listen more and my children obey more quickly? Sure. But...I am content. Or at least I was in that moment. It was a good feeling, one I'd like to get to more often.

Thank you, Daddy, for my life and for all the joys you've given me in it. Help me to be content in this season of my life. I don't want to miss anything that this day has to offer, and I don't want to look back in my old age wishing I had sat and sniffed my baby's head more often.



PrincessDonna -> The fingerprints of God (7/22/2007 6:43:28 PM)

Sometimes God leaves fingerprints on our lives. Places where we can see in hindsight where He was working. I saw one of those today, very clearly. I don't know if this will make any sense to anyone but me, but I wanted to share this testimony with those who read my blog. When you're done reading...think about things you've gone through or are still going through that display the fingerprints of God, and thank Him for them. He is so worthy of our praise!

A few weeks ago, I took Noah to the eye doctor. I hadn't noticed anything wrong, but he hadn't ever had his eyes checked and I thought it was time. I anticipated going home with nothing but an appointment in a year or two. I was wrong.

When we got in the exam room, I got nervous. It was almost like he was messing around and just saying random letters. I started to get angry with him, then looked at his face and realized that he was trying to see them and was not able to see them.[&:] The optometrist even whispered to me and asked if he knew his letters. He can read!

I can't remember the name of what eye condition Noah has (have to have the doctor write it down for me next time), but it is not a normal run-of-the-mill one. The doctor prescribed glasses to try and help correct this and Noah has to wear them all the time even though he cannot see clearly even with them on. His glasses are not to bring his vision to 20/20, as most people's are. His glasses are to try and correct his eyes by strengthening them in very particular ways. He can't see much at all far away, and his up close vision leaves much to be desired also. He could use bifocals for the problems he is having, but they don't like to prescribe those for kids because they result in falling type injuries.

I've been pretty upset about this, but haven't talked too much about it. I guess I feel like a horrible mother for not knowing my kid couldn't see. The eye doctor explained to me that he has probably always seen (or not seen) this way and so thinks everyone sees like he does, which is why he never complained. I know in my head that it was not my fault, but that mother's guilt can creep in quite easily.[>:]

So...we have the glasses and he wore them faithfully for two weeks and then had another appointment. No improvement at all, and the doctor expected at least a little. Actually, it was worse than when we went the first time, and it was all I could do to sit there and not cry in the exam room. The only way I was able to keep from crying is that I didn't want to make Noah think he is doing anything wrong. We go back in another month and if there is still no improvement, they will have to up his prescription and maybe resort to the bifocals.

Okay, so that was depressing...now to the God fingerprint...[;)]

I was standing in worship, not even thinking about Noah's eyes, when I suddenly had a thought...THIS is part of the reason God has us homeschooling him. I have come to believe some of the attitude and behavior issues we have been having with him have come from his frustration at not seeing clearly and not being able to tell us what was wrong. If he had been in school, I don't think it would have been pinpointed either, because he is a bright kid who can compensate in other ways. I doubt he would have been able to work to his potential without seeing a blackboard though. With us homeschooling, that has not been an issue. Well, at least not the blackboard. He has struggled with reading and now we know why...Duh...[&o], but because of the one-on-one teaching, he is not behind.

God cares so much about the details of our lives. My Daddy loves my Noah so much that He impressed on Brian and I that we needed to keep him at home, long before we even knew about this problem with his eyes. He protected Noah from being mocked by other kids, and I believe He nudged me to bring him to the eye doctor even though I believed everything was fine. He cares about my Noah, even more than I do, and only has the best for his future. I know He is going to see us through this...His fingerprints are all over it.[:)]



PrincessDonna -> Healing (8/3/2007 12:11:25 PM)

I believe God is still in the healing business. By that, I mean that I believe He is still healing people of physical diseases. I grew up in a church that did not believe that, but have come to believe it is true.

There are lots of verses, both Old and New Testament, that talk about God's healing power.

Healing was spoken over me by more than one person after we lost Nessa. I prayed and believed I was healed. Others believed I was healed. Why am I not healed then? Why must I struggle with this same disease (endometriosis and large ovarian cysts) over and over?

The only answer I keep coming back to is similar to 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, where Paul asked three times that the Lord would take away the "thorn in his flesh". God didn't do it, but instead said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Daddy God, I still believe for healing. I still hope and believe that will be the answer You have for me. I *want* healing. I don't want pain (who does?). I want my body to be healthy and able to carry more children. But I surrender. I surrender my dreams and plans for my life to Your perfect will. I trust that You are faithful and loving. I only ask that if Your answer is no that You supply me the grace and strength I am so in need of. If the answer is yes, I will praise You. If the answer is no, I will yet praise You. I love You, Daddy.



PrincessDonna -> Random (9/7/2007 4:42:10 PM)

I haven't posted here because I haven't had any big (or small) revelations. LOL So...random updates on my family instead...

Brian and I just finished a couple's home group. I'm not sure if it was good for us or not. We're very different from every single other couple that came, even though some of them are dear friends. Oh well...it was some time together, most of it with only the baby with us.

Noah is working on second grade. He's doing very well, except when he chooses to have attitude. He's wearing glasses to treat a weird eye condition and they seem to be helping some (along with prayer, of course!). He's also in the middle of having a bunch of dental work done. He seems to have Brian's teeth.[:@]

Nicolas just started first grade Wednesday. He's doing okay so far. Or at least we haven't heard from the school yet. We'll go to open house at his school Tuesday night and meet his teacher. We're also in constant limbo concerning custody. Still praying for God to move...

Hannah is 2.5 and growing every day. She is so smart, sometimes too smart for her own good. She's also into everything and a hard headed little critter. She keeps me on my toes, that's for sure.

Levi will be 7 months old Sunday. He is crawling and right after Hannah getting into things. Such a happy baby and a little piggy too. He says Hi and Dada, but cannot be convinced to say Mama. Soon...

I am blessed.[:D]



PrincessDonna -> Sweet baby boy (10/1/2007 9:45:05 PM)

Sweet Baby Boy

Snuggle you close as we rock
Rock, rock to sleep, little one
Sniff your soft, baby hair
Dream, dream, sweet baby boy

My favorite days are these
Crawling and climbing
Laughing and smiling
So fun and so snuggly

Big enough to explore
Small enough to need me still
Baby merging into big boy
You will never be this big again

Snuggle you and pray for your tomorrows
Rock, rock to sleep, little one
Kiss your tiny nose and lay you in bed
Dream, dream, sweet baby boy



PrincessDonna -> God's plans (11/3/2007 11:22:28 AM)

God knows the plans He has for me. They are good plans, plans to prosper me, and to give me hope and a future.

God's plans don't always feel good, but they always ARE good. Because God IS good, and God IS love.

When everything else around me is unsure, I can trust in my God and His goodness.



PrincessDonna -> RE: God's plans (11/17/2007 3:46:48 PM)

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out his love into our hearts
by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:2-5

Our women's Bible study group did the first half of Beth Moore's Daniel study and the concepts from lesson 3 have stuck in my mind and my heart.

The lesson is about Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednago and the fiery furnace. She made three paralells from the furnace to the trials in our lives. The three Israelite men knew there were three options for God's deliverance in the trial they were in.

Option 1: God would deliver them from the fire. They would not have to go through it at all. God would put the fire out, or maybe cause the earth to swallow Nebuchadnezzar and any other Babylonian that would harm them. Their faith and the faith of those around them would be built up by seeing the miraculous hand of God.

Option 2: God would deliver them through the fire. He would be with them, would protect them, and would give them strength of spirit, soul, and body to endure the flames. Their faith would be refined through the fire.

Option 3: God would deliver them by the fire. He would use the fire to bring His children home to Him. Their faith would be perfected.

When we go through the "fires" of life, we usually pray for option 1. Deliver us, God! We don't want to suffer. God is the God of the miraculous, and I believe there are many times we receive option 1 without even knowing we have! How many times has God delivered us from the fire before we were even close enough to feel the fire's heat?

Sometimes though...option 1 is not the option God chooses for us. He knows that suffering refines our faith and produces perseverance, character, and hope in us that we would not possess if we were always being delivered from all trials. Or it may be the time He has ordained for us to come home (option 3).

I pray every day for healing. I know he can do it and I will not give up hope. That is real faith and God is pleased with that.

But if God chooses not to heal me, then I will endure by the grace of God. He will give me the strength and the grace I need for each moment as I walk through this fire. He's a good and faithful God and He will not leave me alone in the fire, not even for a second.

By His grace and for His glory, I will come through this fire with a refined faith. Thank you, God!



PrincessDonna -> 2007 (12/30/2007 12:39:01 PM)

I don't write a letter to put in my Christmas cards, but as the year comes to an end, I thought I would do something similar here.

2007...Blessings abound

January...We started the year with Hannah in the hospital with viral pneumonia. I was hugely pregnant and could not climb up into the oxygen tent with her, so her very tall Daddy did. We spent our 8th anniversary there, caring for her together. We've come a long way.

I spent most of the month on bed rest with pregnancy-induced high blood pressure. My mom ended up unemployed for exactly the time I needed her help, and I am so thankful we were able to have those days together!

February...Levi Joseph was born on the 9th, adding yet another February birthday to our family (all 4 kids, myself, and my sister). He was quite the surprise, as ultrasound had us expecting a baby girl. What a wonderfully, fantastic, blessed surprise! He was the biggest baby I have delivered so far...10 lb 2.75 oz, but also the easiest delivery!

This month, Noah turned 7, Nick turned 6, Hannah turned 2, and I turned 27.

May...Noah had testing at the Christian school, to submit to the district superintendent. He tested well, despite my worries.

July...Family vacation. We went camping and to an amusement park we had a couple free tickets for. We decided to skip the amusement park next time, and just go camping. We all had a lot of fun!

August...a new year of homeschooling for Noah and I. He's in second grade. I have cherished this time at home with him, but also struggle in some ways with him.

September...New women's Bible study started. I switched to the evening group for this year, and got to know a different group of women. I also got to lead it one night, which I have never done before.

November...Endometriosis is back and causing me pain. Had to wait for insurance to switch over befor I could go to the doctor.

We decided Noah will be going to Christian school starting in January.

December...Went to the doctor, scheduled surgery for the beginning of January.

Brian had a fight with the Wii and a deer and ended up in the ER with a ripped off big toenail.[&:] Who knew you could miss three days of work for a nail??

Levi's first Christmas this year! He really wasn't interested in unwrapping anything, but loved all the fun things he received from us and our families.

A couple days after Christmas, we were gifted by some positive pregnancy tests. YAY! A baby instead of surgery! It's hard to believe Levi will not be the baby for too much longer. New baby is due the first week in September.

We look forward to all that 2008 holds for our growing family.[:D]



PrincessDonna -> Rest buttons (1/9/2008 3:50:03 PM)

Don't you wish humans came with reset buttons? My computer was sick and had to go for inpatient care. It came back like brand new. Literally. Wiped clean and once again ready for action. I was thinking about this (I know...there are probably more productive things for me to do with my time than ponder how this can relate spiritually[8D]) and thought it might be really neat if we came with reset buttons too.

I mean a baby is born, and he has some genetics at play, but a good deal of his growing will be affected by circumstances and surroundings. It can be hard for parents to figure out exactly the right circumstances and surroundings for this baby to mature into the adult they picture, and many times we as parents fall short. We mess up. We allow things we shouldn't allow. We don't allow things that would have taught a lesson or benefitted them in some way. We lose patience, and sometimes even display the kind of attitude we don't want our kids to have! We don't know everything and we aren't perfect ourselves, and it shows.

I used to be pretty irritated with some aspects of my own raising, but now that I am a parent of growing kids, I am learning that my parents just did the best they were able. Sometimes they messed up, but once they had, they couldn't push reset and do it over. There are no do overs. There are no resets, not even when the child gets so messed up that you don't know what to do next.

Thankfully, God knows what He's doing. We don't have resets, but we DO have the grace and mercy of God. His mercies are new every single morning! And even when our failures are huge, when we give them to Him, He is able to work them all for our good! How's that for blowing your mind?!



PrincessDonna -> Should I have eaten that? (1/22/2008 3:24:00 PM)

I always forget how gloriously awful morning sickness is. And how much the mere words "morning sickness" irritate me because all women know a man coined that phrase. A man who has never felt like puking all day long for days, sometimes weeks on end.

My dishes are piled to the ceiling. My floor hasn't been vacuumed in days. I will be folding laundry until Jesus comes again. The past few days, I do the bare minimum I can to get by. It shows. Oh well. Brian will actually be home tonight and I'm hoping I look pathetic enough that he will start doing the dishes for me. I'm sure by now I cannot bear the stench.[:'(]

And I am happy. Oh so happy! I get the urge to eat something and then I spend the next 3 hours wondering if I will keep it down. So far, I have kept it down. Barely. So why am I happy? Because with every unending wave of nausea, I am assured that this baby is doing just fine. Because I know this won't last forever, and about the time it lets up will be the time I can feel my little one in there doing somersaults.[:D]

BTW, my prediction is a girl. My early pregnancy with Hannah was just like this...never-ending ick, but no actual puking. We'll see in just 32 weeks (give or take a few days) whether my prediction is right. Especially because I believe this will be our last, I'll try to not rush this pregnancy, and to enjoy every minute. Yes, I said every minute. Even these next bunch where I wonder if I really should have eaten that pepper jack cheese. [;)]



PrincessDonna -> In the Wilderness (2/16/2008 7:04:47 PM)

Brian and I have had to learn a lot of things the hard way. There have been so many times we were told the way to go and we chose to do it our own way...both individually and as a couple. And we have paid dearly for some of those bad choices. What really gets to me is that our kids are also having to pay along with us. Our kids are having to walk through some of those consequences with us, and for me that is much harder than just Brian and I having to deal with these things. I have been thinking a lot about this the past couple weeks, since another incident with Nicolas' mother. This time the police were called and still nothing was done, which was one of our biggest fears.[&o]

The Israelites were God's chosen people, but they didn't always follow Him. They crossed the Red Sea on dry land and no sooner were they across than the complaining, whining, and disobedience started. What should have been a few days journey turned into 40 years wandering in the Wilderness. Forty years. FORTY YEARS. I wonder how many children were born during that time, who had to pay the price of their parents' disobedience. I wonder if they questioned why God would allow this for a people He called His own. I wonder if some of them turned their backs on God because they just could not understand.[:(] I wonder if they knew what they had missed out on, what would have been different if they had just heeded their loving Father's call on them.

I know God took care of His people in the Wilderness. Their clothes and shoes didn't wear out. Food rained from the sky on a daily basis (except on the Sabbath). Water came from rocks on more than one occasion. Still, I am sure that even with God's provision, life in the Wilderness could not have been easy. No doubt God's people had many lessons to learn before they could enter the Promised Land.

I just cry for them. I mourn for what they lost. I mourn for what WE have lost. I mourn for what my children have lost. I mourn for my child who I can't protect, whose future is so much out of my hands. I mourn for what sin does to us, even when we turn back to God. I mourn for what our sin does to our Father's heart.

And I know He'll provide for us. He'll take care of our every need, and His mercies will be new every morning. But still, life in the Wilderness is hard. It is exhausting. It is discouraging. We are so done with being in this place, but obviously it's not yet the time for us to enter the Promised Land (whatever that is for our family). We've still got things to learn on this journey. I just pray we all make it in one piece, by the grace of God.



PrincessDonna -> Forward or backward thinking? (3/21/2008 5:03:13 PM)

I struggle sometimes with the coulda-woulda-shouldas (hereafter known as c-w-s). If you don't know what I'm talking about...sometimes I look back at my life and think... "I coulda done xyz instead of abc... Boy, wouldn't life be pretty now if I woulda... Probably I shoulda... If I woulda listened to my parents/pastor... I shoulda known how that would turn out..."

You know what? We all have things we'd redo if we could. Every one of us! It's part of being human. We all fail. We all hurt others and we all are hurt by others, in one way or another. But since we can't erase the past and start over new, what do we do? What do we do when the darkness of the past threatens to take over the present and future?

We let Jesus take the past and give us a bright future. We let Jesus take the hurts...both the ones we've given and the ones we've received...and make them whole. We ask Him to use them for His glory...and He will! We learn something from our c-w-s and we reach out to those who just need a little compassion and mercy over their own c-w-s.

I heard something in a Beth Moore Bible study recently that has stuck with me. She talked about Satan bringing awful things into our lives without knowing how God can use some of those very same awful things to glorify Himself and build His kingdom. Instead of living in the past, weighted down by our failures and pain, let's ask God to use those things for eternal good! Let's leave Satan shaking his pitiful head, saying, "I never meant for it to get this far."[:@]



PrincessDonna -> Weary of the battle (4/18/2008 2:14:19 PM)

I am so weary of the battle over Nick. I know it is a spiritual battle, first and foremost, a battle for his very soul and possibly the souls of many others. God must have big plans for Nick for satan to fight so hard for him.

The confidence we have is that when we are weak, God is strong, for His strength is made perfect in weakness. Please pray God would show Himself strong in our situation. We can do nothing in our own power, and a child's life depends on it.



PrincessDonna -> Little blessings :) (5/4/2008 12:26:24 PM)

My little-big boy was on the worship team today for children's Sunday. He has asked to continue to be on the team, which surprised me a bit. I'm not sure if he'll be able to at his age, but I am overwhelmed with joy that he WANTS to! In my heart, I have seen/known him as a worshiper even as a toddler, and to see God growing that in him is AWESOME!!!

Friday was his elementary spring concert, which was a Veggie Tales theme. He surprised me with a solo I didn't know he had and he did great! Tomorrow is his AWANA closing, where he'll get his three book Sparky award. Lots of "yay, Noah...good job!" this weekend...I can almost visually see it all building him up into the young man God has for him to be.

It's very encouraging to me, especially after this rough year we've had with him, switching from homeschooling to the Christian school. I have felt like such a failure with him because there were issues I could not help with at home. He's still not perfect, but then again, neither are we.[;)] But God is faithful and the investments we and other people have put into Noah will not return void. Thank you, God!!!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Little blessings :) (5/9/2008 8:00:57 PM)

I've never tried to put pictures up here, so bear with me...

Mother's Day is Sunday. For years, I've all but hated the day because Brian doesn't usually help the kids do anything, and the kids have been too little to think of it on their own. To add to my disappointment in the day, Nick is never with us on Mother's Day. While I know it is right for him to be with the mom who birthed him on that day, it always hurts my heart to not have all my babies with me on that day, and Nick is my baby just as much as the others are. (Shhh...don't tell him I called him a baby...he's 7 now and probably wouldn't like that much.[8D])

Nick is here tonight only and will go back to his mom before bed tomorrow night. Soon as he got here, he and Hannah went outside to play in the sandbox, or so I thought. A little bit ago, they came in, with big grins on their faces, hands full of flowers, and said "Happy Early Mother's Day!!!" They both had huge handfuls of the longest stemmed dandelions they could find. I've posted here before how much I love dandelions, even though many consider them weeds and a nuisance in their lawns.

It was seriously all I could do not to burst into tears while I thanked them, took pictures, and then put them in water. I didn't want to cry because I didn't want them to think I was sad. I did cry once they went back out to play though. There have been years and years of pouring into my Nicolas, with usually little to no return, at least that I can see. I've invested time, love, discipline, and most of all, my heart, into my little boy, and time after time, my heart has been stepped on, bruised, and beaten...not necessarily by him, but by the situation as a whole. There have been times I wanted to give up, and those times God has given me strength to go just one more weekend, one more day, one more hour of loving Nick. There are times when I wonder if it is worth it to risk my heart just one more time.

And then he comes up with the idea for a dandelion bouquet and surprising me all on his own (I'm sure Hannah didn't think of it)! I am so blessed. So, so, so blessed. Thank you, God! Who knew dandelions could be the best Mother's Day gift ever?

And now for the pictures...okay, I can't make them appear, so here are the links...

Surprise!

We love you!

Happy Mother's Day!!



PrincessDonna -> For my mom on Mother's Day (5/11/2008 1:24:44 PM)

Mom,

I don't tell you often enough how much I love you and how much I want to be like you when (if!) I grow up. As I look at my own kids and the things I am trying to teach them, I can look at your example to know if those are the things they need to learn. I can also know that even when it seems like they aren't paying attention, the important things are getting through!

In no particular order...some of the things you've taught me over the years, maybe things that you didn't even know I was learning...

  • seek God at the beginning of each day, no matter how early you have to get up to do it
  • never be afraid to admit when you are wrong, to say I'm sorry
  • faithful church attendance is absolutely necessary
  • kids are worth whatever sacrifices God asks of us, especially finances and time
  • God is a God of second chances, you can never go too far
  • how to live with, and love, a sometimes difficult man (aren't they all, in their own ways?[;)])
  • to celebrate each of life's special days...every holiday and every birthday was always special in our house growing up, and it still is today
  • to never, ever, ever stop praying because as long as there is LIFE there is HOPE
  • people are important to God...little people, old people, ALL people...and they should be important to me too
  • the importance of sisters, both blood-related and Spirit-related
  • a love of worshiping our Lord
  • that even when my kids are monsters, they are still lovable little monsters (they must be...Grandma says so, right?[:D])
  • there is always a nice way to say things, even hard things
  • this too shall pass (and I know you learned this from your Mommy!)
  • to make great cookies (okay, so I'm still learning this...but I know you taught it to me!)
  • to make the best of things...even really crummy things
  • that you're never too old to call and ask your Mommy a silly question
  • that yes, Mom's really do know most everything (well, I don't yet...but you seem to, so there is hope for me yet[8D])
  • that I am beautiful and I am loved just as I am


I'm sure there are more. But THIS Mommy's nap time is calling, so I'll leave you with this...

Thanks, Mom! I hope I am half the mom to my kids that you have been to me. Your labors of love for your family have never been in vain, and I have faith that mine won't be either.

I LOVE YOU!!!![:D]



PrincessDonna -> Broken (5/18/2008 1:12:37 PM)

I cried all through worship this morning. My heart was broken for Nick by some things I heard other kids say to him in Sunday School. He didn't even seem to notice, but the words hurt my heart for him, knowing that he'll never be the same as the majority of the other kids in our church. And someday, he'll be big enough to know that. I don't want to see him hurt.

Other kids in the class have constant training in a Godly lifestyle (yes, I know no parent is perfect, but the overall tone of the home is God-centered). I had to talk to my child this morning about why it is not okay to use God's name in vain, even if he hears it constantly 5 out of 7 days a week. I had to punish him for it because this is at least the 10,000th time we've had this conversation.

I hate that our family will always be broken, no matter how much healing goes on, no matter how much time has passed. We'll never just be that normal church family, and I hate that.[:(]

God, please use our brokenness to grow your kingdom. We need to see good come out of this horrible pain.



PrincessDonna -> My baby a big brother?? (6/20/2008 11:25:23 AM)

My little boy is napping on me. He crawled up in my lap (what's left of it anyway), put his head down, and went to sleep. He's so much a little baby still that it's hard for me to imagine he'll be a big brother in around 11 weeks. I wonder how the transition will go...if he'll instantly turn into big boy or if I'll just have two babies. I mean, he does lots of big boy things already, but times like this, when he's laying on me making those little sucky motions with his lips...he's still a baby! And I'm not sure I am ready to lose that with him just yet.

He'll always be my very special blessing baby...God giving us hope in the midst of despair. All of my kids are special in their own ways. It's just hard to see them grow up, even when you know it is right and good. I so cherish moments like this one. Thank you, God!



PrincessDonna -> What's in a name? (6/22/2008 5:13:23 PM)

Nicolas verbally rejected our last name yesterday. He told us that he didn't want our last name, that he wanted the same last name as his brothers at his mom's house, which is not even his mom's last name anymore. Brian and I were both very upset by this, though we couldn't quite express why at the time. It was devastating and crushing to our spirits to have him speak this way.

The background to this...Nick didn't always have our last name. He did at one time have the same last name as his mom and her other boys, but it wasn't even her maiden name...it was her ex-husband's name. When Nick was 2, a judge ordered J (Nick's mom) to sign the paper to legally give Nick Brian's last name. There was great rejoicing in our house the day that new birth certificate came in the mail.

WHY? What is so important about a name? Biblically, names had great significance. People didn't get a name just because their parents thought it sounded good (in fact...read through them sometime...some of them are kind of crazy sounding to us today!). They meant something. They identified you...with your tribe, with your family, with your destiny.

To us, Nick having Brian's last name was a huge thing. It symbolized the fact that Nick is an equal and important part of our family, just as all our other children are. It also symbolized his very being falling under our (Brian and I) marriage covenant...negating the status the world would give him as an illegitimate child. It was cause for great joy that though we didn't get to help pick his first two names, his last name would be that of his father.

With that background info, I'm sure you can see why we were devastated at Nick's comments about his name and our family. It was as if satan (I refuse to capitalize his name) was feeding him the very words that he knew would crush us the most. We went to bed crushed, broken, and discouraged beyond hope. That's where satan wanted us, I'm sure.

Then this morning in church, as I began to bring my broken heart to my Daddy God, He also broke me. But God's breaking is not like satan's breaking. Satan's breaking is to kill, rob, and destroy. God's is to bring us to the end of ourselves and to build us up in Him. God's breaking brings restoration and hope, even though it is painful.

God brought to my mind a very specific instance when I was 18 and stood in the church parking lot, telling my youth pastor's wife that I no longer believed in God and didn't consider myself a Christian. I had been saved at the age of 13, and I don't believe I lost my salvation that day or in the days before or after that, but I very clearly rejected God's name...God's name that He also gave me when I was adopted into His family.

Did God reject me when I rejected His name and His family? No. In fact, even God's family didn't reject me. There were people who I now know prayed faithfully for me during that time, and who continued to show me true Christian love even when I was so hateful to them. And God never let go of me. Ever.

Nick, maybe someday you'll read this. I hope you'll know that even in your confusion and your hurt, we love you. Even if you don't think you want to be a part of our family, we love you and will continue to love you. When I'm not strong enough to pour into you one more day, God will give me what I need to overflowing. You are our child, given to us by God, and nothing you say can ever change that. We will not let go. Oh how I pray you will embrace the Godly heritage God has given you in this family, but most importantly, that you will embrace God's family as your own one day. He's not going to let go of you either, buddy.



PrincessDonna -> Doubts and answers... (7/16/2008 11:05:48 PM)

At the gas pump ($4.30 for mid-grade, which hubby's car needs)...Lord, we can't do this much longer. Expenses are growing and income is not. Do you see?

I see. Who is your God?


In the grocery store, where a $6 large bag of shredded cheese last week was nearly $10 today...God, we can't do this. I try to be wise and save money. Brian works so hard. Do you see?

I see. How big is your God?


Contemplating the completely unexpected $370 car repair in a month where there already was no extra...God! We can't do this. We tithe! We have bills to pay. Do you see us? Do you hear us?

I see. Have I ever not taken care of you?


Heart-breaking over Nick. Head spinning over CPS not caring if he watches porn and tries to act it out. GOD! C'mon. Are you there? Do you see the injustice? Do you see the child in danger? Do you see the harlot trampling over the righteous? Why won't you move?

I see. And my heart breaks too.
But Nick is never out of my hand. Never.
And neither are you, My beloved child.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God to the Israelites captive in Egypt..."I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them..." (Exodus 3:7-8)

Jesus' words to His disciples..."In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

On trials...Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-3)

On troubles...For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

Even so, come, Lord Jesus...and help us all hold on until You return!



PrincessDonna -> RE: Doubts and answers... (7/28/2008 9:32:36 AM)

That last post is kind of ironic in light of the events of the past 8 days. For those who don't know, my Brian was in a serious car accident last Sunday. He's in a large hospital with several orthopedic injuries, but God's name be praised, nothing internal!

God sees. I don't understand WHAT He sees, but I know that He sees. In what should have been the most terrified and hysterical moments of my life, I could feel myself being carried by strength not my own. I can't even describe it, but if you've ever been there, you know what I mean.


But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Psalm 33:11

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

It could have been any number of people we know on that road at that particular time on that particular day. Probably half of our church travels that road to come to church. For some reason, it was my Brian. My Brian who had to hit that tractor. My Brian who now has months of pain and struggle ahead of him to get back to his strong, youthful self. My Brian who may not ever regain full function.

God sees and He knows. I know He will carry us through. May His name be praised and the harvest of souls be great through what He has asked us to walk through.



PrincessDonna -> We are carrying on a great work and cannot come down! (9/21/2008 8:00:12 PM)

We got two sets of court papers in the mail last week. One for visitation...Nick's mother is trying to make our 6 days a month only 4 because she doesn't see him enough.[>:][8|] One for child support...she wants more, more, more and has deluded herself into believing that she'll have a part in the settlement from the accident when we finally get one. In the support petition, she made some especially ridiculous claims...such as accusing Brian of having three more children after Nick (um...yeah...with his WIFE[:D]), and of overlooking Nick all these years in favor of the other kids. Anyone who knows us knows how ridiculous that is, and we have not ever been behind in child support except for right after Brian's accident and we are caught up now. These will be our first court dates with her since September 2004.

I've come to the conclusion that she just can't tolerate the fact that Brian and I are truly reconciled and our marriage was restored. She just can't stand the fact that I am loved by my husband and that I refuse to hold the past over Brian. She can't stand those things, I believe, because she has never known real love...not from her parents, not from a man, and certainly not from God. That makes me sad for her, but at the same time, very frustrated with the neverendingness of stupidity she brings into my life.

In thinking about the situation, I thought of Nehemiah. Nehemiah 6, to be exact. Nehemiah had returned to Jerusalem, the Holy City of God's chosen people, to rebuild the walls. He was grief-stricken to learn that Jerusalem's walls were broken down and the gates were burned. Nehemiah set about the task of rebuilding the walls, fixing the gates, and reestablishing the city. He did not do so without opposition.

quote:

But they [Sanballat, Tobiah, and Geshem] were scheming to harm me, so I sent messengers to them with this reply: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer. (vs 2-4)


We will not stoop to her level. We will speak truth. Calmly and when the time is right. We are doing a good work (building our family back up for the glory of God and for His Kingdom), and we will not stop the work to go down.

Then Sanballat, Tobiah, and Geshem try another strategy: spreading rumors that could get Nehemiah killed and could cause the rebuilding to be stopped by the king. What does Nehemiah do in the face of untruth?

quote:

I sent him this reply: "Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head." They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, "Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed." But I prayed, "Now strengthen my hands." (vs 8-9)


We will have our day in court, and I pray the truth will be revealed there and the judge will be given Godly discernment. Our hands will not get too weak for the work, and it will be completed. God is our strength.

Then they try to intimidate him, by hiring a prophet to prophecy against Nehemiah. But Nehemiah, in the wisdom God gave him, was onto their schemes.

quote:

So the wall was completed...When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized taht this work had been done with the help of our God. (vs 15-16)


Help us, Lord, to stick out the work you have given us, to finish this wall, that all might know it was only because of You. By your grace and for your glory.



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