RE: No homeschoolers at church (Full Version)

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cynthia -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (3/24/2008 1:26:18 AM)

That is how kids act.... when nothing better is expected of them. The parents should be ashamed of themselves. There is only reason my children have ever been encouraged to "snub" and that was for unrepentant bad behavior. My kids, and the neighbor kids too, have tried and tried with on of our neighbor girls for over two years now. She has gotten progressively worse to the point that I had to speak to her mother about inappropriate sexual behavior. The girl is eight years old. The mother has no idea where her daughter could have gotten these ideas from, but I told her it was likely from school. It isn't from any of the neighbors, which appear to be the only friends she has. I feel sorry for the girl. Actually this is how my daughter and her friends dealt with snobbishness in Girl Scouts. They ignored the other girls unless they were behaving appropriately. They formed their own little clique and only let someone in if they behaved politely and kindly. Funny how being snubbed usually makes people want to joint the group. My daughter and the other snubbed girls decided that they could play the same game, only they changed the rules to be fair. It worked. Rather than trying to fit in with the rudeness of the other girls, the rude girls changed their behavior to fit in with my daughter and her two friends.



child4ever -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (3/24/2008 2:23:24 PM)

We go to a church that had no homeschooled families for a long time and I kind of liked that. I wanted my kids to get a real life experience of socialization and see how they would do, just in case, we ever decided to put them in school. They did fine. Yes, they noticed a difference in the way kids acted. At first, they called it the "naughty church" and didn't want to continue to go. My husband and I encouraged them to use it as an opportunity to show kindness & friendship and make a difference in the other kids lives. Then my husband and I were sensing a call on our life to actually oversee the kids ministries at our church. By that time our kids had already made such an impact on the other kids, that the other kids welcomed us with open arms as children's ministry leaders. We now incorporate the things we encourage in our homeschool in the children's programs at church and it has been such a positive thing. Now the kids at church all want to homeschool, but their parents aren't real open to that idea. [:)] We have had many homeschoolers come and visit, because we homeschool, but we have made no special exceptions for anyone. Everyone get treated equally. Some have stayed and some have left, because they expected their kids to get special treatment. If you want to socialize your kid, than put them in a situation that has positive boundaries and let them go through some of the difficulties of real life socialization. They will grow in areas that they need growth in. It could be a very positive thing for them.



lifeisgoodwgod -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (3/24/2008 9:04:13 PM)

I considered helping with the youth and did teach sunday school last year, but we agreed that my dd needed to have other teachers in her life. She is now in a confirmation class with our pastor and an elder in the church. She fits in better this year because this is the only hour she spends with the other kids and the pastor will not tolerate much misbehavior. The only thing is the other kids(all public school) do not like to answer the questions or they don't know the answers and she is called a goodie goodie. She says she tries not to raise her hand too often, isn't this a shame. She learned so much in early Sunday school, our history lessons, devotions and AWANA that this class is too easy. But it is something our church does and she wants to be "confirmed". I know it hurts when she gets snubbed but she is getting so strong and realizes this will pass. She knows she can talk to me about anything.
My husband and I agree that this rudeness and snobbery comes from the parents who are so blind to what their children are doing.



Calea37 -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (3/25/2008 9:17:28 AM)

I've been thinking about it and I think of how these kids who spend the majority of their time in public school have such pressure to fit in; it is bound to carry over into the church. It truly shapes their personalities.

Regardless of what a parent teaches at home, once they get to school there is great pressure to fit in. Who wants to stand out and risk being ridiculed? I almost don't even think it is so much of a snob thing, but just an intense fear of what others will think... Is this kid "cool" enough for me to associate with him? If he isn't I want to make sure I don't. Sad but true.



Nashga5 -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (3/30/2008 11:11:46 PM)

We have homeschooled, we have had our kids in public school and now we are virtual schooling. We are having simiular issues as we did when we homeschooled. Nobody understands WHY we are doing this. My kids are now teenagers and I am one of the youth workers at our church. My ds has had no problems with the social acceptence from the peers in the youth group. (Until now, his best buddy has a girl friend and has ditched my ds... this will be solved when they break up which my dh and I have already predicted... teenagers. Gotta love 'em) My dd on the other had can not seem to connect with the other young ladies in the church. The are all so busy and they tell her they want to be friend and hang out, but she does not seem to be getting the socail time she so deeply needs. I am at a loss of how to help her. I have cried for her and with her. I know this is a hard time for her, but aside from being her loving mother and caring youth worker... how do you help a social butterfly????



bzirk -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (3/31/2008 12:43:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calea37

How many of you who homeschool go to a church where there are NO OTHER homeschoolers? Is it an issue for your son or daughter? My son has said on more than one occasion that the kids start talking about their school, teacher, etc., and he feels pretty much left out of the conversation; so much so that I am considering looking for a church with some homeschool families. He is finding it difficult to converse with the kids and has actually been snubbed on more than one occasion.

Is this an issue for anyone else, and what do you do about it?


Yes, my kids have been in that situation, and how it played out for them may not be what the Lord has planned for everyone else. The Lord made it clear to me that I was to dwell on them becoming strong enough to deal with the stiuation and not in any way encourage them characterizing themselves in their minds as being an outcast or being misunderstood. On the contrary, I was to encourage them to overcome that mentality, and I'm happy to say that they really made an effort at it. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This was rough for them and me, but the Lord made it clear when I cried out to him about them experiencing this kind of alienation that He was allowing this to happen to teach them something valuable about staying on a course even if no one else is on it.



child4ever -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/1/2008 2:44:29 PM)

I have a daughter who had issues of not being able to connect with any girls her age and we talked alot about it and I asked her if she would pray with me for awhile and see what God would do in it. So we started praying for a "Sister Friend". She would be a wonderful friend who would also be like a sister.
We prayed literally for a whole year. What we didn't know was there was a young lady about my daughter's age way across the country praying for the same thing for about as long. Their family ended up moving to our area and started coming to our church, just long enough for the two girls to meet and develop the kind of friendship they had been praying for. They now go to a different church, but their friendship remains very close and they are like sisters that a great friends. In fact, they are looking to buy a home and are hoping they can find something close to our home so the girls can get together more often.
[:)]Something we need to remember is that God cares about what we care about and He answers prayers. We need to take things to him and patiently wait for his answers. And while we wait, lets begin to prepare ourselves for His answers.[:)]



roligirl -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/1/2008 2:54:24 PM)

Thanks child, that is such an encouragement. My daughter is praying for a special sister friend as well. She is blessed with two sweet sisters, but asking the Lord for a friend at church. She is friendly, kind, and outgoing, we just don't have the same schedule as the other kids at church. We have encouraged her that it is not about lots of friends but about dear friends. She has kids she plays with in the neighborhood, but she is looking for a Godly friend to heart connect. So thanks for the encouragement to keep praying and trusting the Lord for those connections.



DenimDiva -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/3/2008 2:33:48 AM)

When we were in Indiana there were no other homeschooled kids in our church, but a few families joined who did homeschool after we put dd in ps.

There was only one family in the neighborhood who homeschooled. They had a homeschool support group. They were very much into head covering, women in dresses only, no birth control, etc. All of that is fine, except it wasn't our family. If we didn't agree to follow their ways (and go to their church) then we weren't allowed to join their support group.

The church I'm in now is very small and has no homeschoolers. I am planning on homeschooling again next year.



mschickie -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/22/2008 8:21:14 AM)

Our Church does not have any homeschoolers either. My neighborhood has at least two familes that homeschool one who lives right downt he block from us. It is great because we both have girls about the same age (well my youngest dd that is). We did not know them until we joined our homeschool support group and they are members too. We are not homeschooling dd yet but it is nice for her to have a friend who is homeschooled so she will not feel alone when we start (plus she is used to her sister being homeschooled).

The other thing with my Church is that I am the only stay at home Mom there. I love the people and the Pastor so I do not want to change Churches but my family is really a minority.



LMKH -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/27/2008 11:36:30 AM)

There are no home schoolers at our church and it is a huge issue for us. I am switching churches over it. Basically, our local public schoolers act like they are in a cult or something, refusing to interact much with anyone who is not in their schools. Even when we have done sports, they have refused to even try to interact. My lsister is a public school teacher here and she activiely avoids activities that she knows has a lot of homeschoolers in it. My children may be welcome and treated ok when they are actually there, but they are clearly on the outside socially because these public schoolers clearly have not been taught "socializing" like they supposedly are (the biggest argument against homeschooling..socialization, big joke). I often see the parents carpooling to events at church and such, and never ever inclue my children, even though they humor us by smiling and being nice while we are there. But it is clearly superficial even there. We are leaving the church. We basically are finishing up what we are already committed to this year and won't be back next year.



bzirk -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/27/2008 1:37:12 PM)

I'm sorry that's happened to you.



Calea37 -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (4/27/2008 9:16:34 PM)

We quit going to the church where our kids were treated that way too...it just isn't worth it. I want my kids to enjoy going to church. I hope you find a good church that is a good fit for you and your family. When we told the kids we were leaving they were THRILLED! And yes, the whole "socialization" argument is a JOKE.



Christian30 -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/2/2008 9:43:03 AM)

I hope you find a church where you feel comfortable and can worship God effectively. Look closely before joining. We have been in multiple education lifestyles (hs, ps, Cs), and I would be cautious about choosing a church based too much on educational lifestyle. Big picture (as many posters have said), all of these kids are sinful. The behavior issues are also not always as they seem.

Once you join a church, I'd try to keep a "big picture" of the church before leaving. You don't want to put an example of church hopping before your children. Church membership is serious thing, and vows accompany it in most churches.



latinaflutechick -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 8:16:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God


However, at our old church, there were a lot of homeschoolers, and some of the public school kids did still manage to make the homeschoolers left out. Some of them do it on purpose.

As for what to do about it, do you have a support group you are a part of? This has always helped my kids to not feel left out when they see a lot of homeschool kids together and know they are not alone.

boy have i been there!
i was homeschooled since the eigth grade,until now,im finishing my 12th year...
at my old church my family was the only homeschooling one.and the other kids at youth group would make nasty and ignorant comments everytime the school year started and ended. example, if they were talking about prom,it would be"oh but you dont go to school u cant go to prom" or 'theres a homeschool prom? yeah right"
or another"i couldnt homeschool, i wouldnt be able to miss out on what youre missing out on"

but every church has their issues,and my family was called to serve there for a time and season.looking back,im grateful to God that i was there for that time...it really helped me mature and grow!



Consecrated2God -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 8:51:25 AM)

I remember getting comments like that, too. I think it's helpful for my kids that I've been there, too. I can empathize with them when they are left out or when other kids make ignorant comments. Sometimes we talk about how the public schooled kids don't know what they are talking about. For example, the prom comment--our homeschool group is having a prom next weekend. So if my kids heard a comment like that, they'd just know they had no idea what homeschooling is really like.



latinaflutechick -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 9:03:58 AM)

haha yeah my parents helped me out too...
i ventually realized what they were trying to tell me all along.
"they dont really know what homeschooling is like.pray for them"
i have awesome parents!
and i realized this year the homeschool proms are always more fun.
much more 'clean' i guess? i dont know how to put it....its just good clean fun.
my boyfriend happens to attend a public high school nearby,and i was invited to his prom...they never have a fun theme...but on the other hand,the homeschool prom theme this year is " old fashioned maquerade ball"
(you know,with the little masks attached to sticks you have to hold up all night?)
i think its pretty cool.dont know if im wearing a mask though:p



Consecrated2God -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 9:08:18 AM)

That sounds really neat! I've always loved the creativity of homeschool events. [:)] I'm sure you'll have lots of fun. I wish I could go. [8D] I didn't go to the homeschool prom, because my fiance (at the time--now he's my husband) didn't dance. He probably would take me now, but we're a bit old for proms now. [;)]



latinaflutechick -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 9:16:55 AM)

haha thats exactly what my mom would say.she says she doesnt go dancing with my dad 'cause he cant dance.lol and hes completely fine with it! lol(poor dad hehe)
only thing is though,she says she'll never get too old to be young.lol[sm=dance.gif]
shes always the favorite chaperone on trips and at random events.lol



Consecrated2God -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 9:22:00 AM)

I love dancing. Chaperones--now there's an idea! [:D]



latinaflutechick -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 9:26:39 AM)

haha go for it![sm=thumbsup.gif]



SamPaasch -> RE: No homeschoolers at church (5/9/2008 5:24:45 PM)

My church is like a melting pot of several local schools. Because of that there are only a few (1-8) who go to the same school. So school groups are not really an issue, rather than bus kid group. In fact being one of the oldest, I've watched and found that there are only a few who actually get into a group.

Also I will take into account that I also go to a home school co-op. That is, 150 home school families get together once a week and have 4 "classes". It's a great way to socialize. I keep up with friends, make new friends all the time, and have learned how to be more friendly in the co-op. Because of this co-op I can relate to other kid my age a lot better. I can go up to anyone and start the conversation without feeling "left out".

Note: I would suggest that every home school family join a co-op. Mine is Lighthouse Gang in Springfield Missouri. Go ahead and look it up. It helps the whole family!!!



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