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[Poll]
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To list or not to list.... ?
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate IS very important. |
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is important. |
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| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is NOT important. |
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| I am willing to change my 'list'. |
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| I trust God to provide my mate and don't rely on a 'list'. |
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| I don't have a 'list'. |
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Total Votes : 65
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(last vote on : 10/3/2008 1:16:53 AM)
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To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 10:32:59 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
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......... Multiple selections allowed.
I have been thinking about 'lists'.
I can remember a time when I had a list of qualities I wanted in a mate. I dated men who didn't match up to my list. Once I was even engaged to someone who met everything on my list and was much more.
... and the relationship still didn't work out.
(his choice)
Do we all have a 'list'?
How important is that 'list' to us?
Most importantly:
Do you think that 'list' keeps us from taking time to get to know someone who may be a wonderful mate but who does not measure up to our 'list'?
I am really interested in your thoughts....
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 10:49:20 AM
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utilityfielder
Posts: 12205
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
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I voted for the trusting God option.
I don't think it is important to have a list. If a person has a list of 10 requirements and the potential spouse meets 9 of the 10, would you turn them down because they don't meet all 10?
A spouse will never be totally compatable in absolutely every area. It is a matter of two people with a love of God and agreement on a lot of areas making the decision to work things out.
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Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:21:07 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7696
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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I don't know...I do have very strict requirements...however they are not so unmeetable. They are what any Christian man should be. My boys even have a few requirements they want in someone for me to marry. What THEY want in a stepfather and I find that VERY important because God sees their desires, and they know that.
Now I don't have things such as, "Likes action movies" or "Doesn't snore" on my list either. *grin* But things that would make or break a relationship.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:24:54 AM
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broyce1981
Posts: 1881
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: online
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I've got a list and I love my list! It's really not that long and I think they are reasonable things to put on a list. The only physical attribute I would put is I want someone who is shorter than me!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:35:38 AM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Since whenever I make a list I usually can't find it when needed anyway, what's the point in a list? Funny thing about "wants or requirements" in my life- I have always been attracted to men with dark hair and brown eyes, both men that I have had a in depth relationship with were blond; one with green eyes and one with blue eyes. The "requirements" I thought I needed after my marriage broke up didn't "protect" me or the second relationship anyway. There are things I can not live with, drinking/drug addictions, a non-believer, things like that, other than that I guess I'll just see what the Lord has planned.
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:39:02 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
The only physical attribute I would put is I want someone who is shorter than me!
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............ just a question...
What if you meet a truly wonderfully Godly person.... who is taller?
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:51:58 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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John_O. List. Nuff said
OK maybe not enough. Most of the list is somewhat negotiable but you don't really know which parts are negotiable until you meet the one God brings that meets most of the list.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:56:50 AM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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I have a list and it is important to me but not so important that I am unwilling to change it, or disregard it altogether, if I meet someone special. But at the same time, I am trusting God to provide me with the perfect mate in His timing and with His wisdom. I just hope I'm observant enough to recognize her when the Lord sends her and am willing to adjust my list accordingly.
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There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 11:59:56 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7696
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I have a list and it is important to me but not so important that I am unwilling to change it, or disregard it altogether, if I meet someone special. But at the same time, I am trusting God to provide me with the perfect mate in His timing and with His wisdom. I just hope I'm observant enough to recognize her when the Lord sends her and am willing to adjust my list accordingly.
Why have a list if you're only going to adjust it? There is NOTHING on my list I would change. Everything on there is what I want in a man and if my list is not complete, then...sorry...
Knowing this, I don't think God would bring someone to me that doesn't meet the criteria of my heart, or the boys hearts so it's not like I'm being unreasonable. I just know what I want.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:17:10 PM
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broyce1981
Posts: 1881
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
The only physical attribute I would put is I want someone who is shorter than me!
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............ just a question...
What if you meet a truly wonderfully Godly person.... who is taller?
I'll deal with that situation when it arrives. As it is, I haven't seen any woman taller than me since 1995 so it hasn't really come up!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:23:24 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessGiselle
Knowing this, I don't think God would bring someone to me that doesn't meet the criteria of my heart, or the boys hearts so it's not like I'm being unreasonable. I just know what I want.
Agree entirely. It's important to know what you want.
Let me add an example of an item that is negotiable. Hair color. I really prefer that she has a hair color other than black. However, I've seen some awesome looking women with black hair. So if the rest of her whelms the blackness of her hair then I can deal with that.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:24:14 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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The items on my list are not absolute requirements, with one exception. That one exception being, she must be a christian.
My list is made up of the things I would desire. I also know what I want, but I also feel that if I make my list a series of absolutes I am restricting God to my standards, in essense, telling Him that I know better than He does what is best for me.
I do think it is unreasonable to expect God to do what I want Him to and to do it my way. I have met many people, men and women, who knew what they wanted and got it. Marriages to abusive uncaring spouses or bad relationships with non-christians and all because that person met their list of requirements. That man who is so good to you and your kids may have a history as an adulterer. That man who meets your list of requirements may look good when you walk into church together on sunday morning, but does he genuinely care for you and your boys at home away from public eyes. Is he going to be the spiritual leader the Bible says he must be.
I had, at one time, a list that I steadfastly refused to change until I met a woman who competely shattered that list. She matched only one item on my list--she was a christian--but I'd've married her anyway.
God will give me the desires of my heart, I simply believe that He knows better than I do what those desires are.
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There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:27:05 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7696
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessGiselle
Knowing this, I don't think God would bring someone to me that doesn't meet the criteria of my heart, or the boys hearts so it's not like I'm being unreasonable. I just know what I want.
Agree entirely. It's important to know what you want.
Let me add an example of an item that is negotiable. Hair color. I really prefer that she has a hair color other than black. However, I've seen some awesome looking women with black hair. So if the rest of her whelms the blackness of her hair then I can deal with that.
Physical appearance is generally negotiable. I prefer men with dark, thick, hair but lately I've had my head turned by blondes or even bald ones. *grin*
I'm talking about the BIG STUFF...the stuff that will matter 20, 30 years down the road.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:29:35 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3830
Joined: 3/30/2007
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It's good and important to have a list because it provides a set of standards. If we approach dating willy nilly without a compass (i.e. a list), we might as well put on a blindfold and try to pin the tail on the dating donkey.
It's also important for us, though, to be open to God's leading. He definitely knows better than us and often places us in situations with other people through whom he molds and grows us into becoming more of what he wants us to be.
Make a list, check it twice, but be open for God to surprise us with revisions intended for our good.
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"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:31:11 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Now Pauley, that is a good post! And PrincessGiselle, a list with only BIG STUFF makes sense to me too, the "inside" stuff is what would count to me.
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:33:33 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7696
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
The items on my list are not absolute requirements, with one exception. That one exception being, she must be a christian.
My list is made up of the things I would desire. I also know what I want, but I also feel that if I make my list a series of absolutes I am restricting God to my standards, in essense, telling Him that I know better than He does what is best for me.
I do think it is unreasonable to expect God to do what I want Him to and to do it my way. I have met many people, men and women, who knew what they wanted and got it. Marriages to abusive uncaring spouses or bad relationships with non-christians and all because that person met their list of requirements. That man who is so good to you and your kids may have a history as an adulterer. That man who meets your list of requirements may look good when you walk into church together on sunday morning, but does he genuinely care for you and your boys at home away from public eyes. Is he going to be the spiritual leader the Bible says he must be.
I had, at one time, a list that I steadfastly refused to change until I met a woman who competely shattered that list. She matched only one item on my list--she was a christian--but I'd've married her anyway.
God will give me the desires of my heart, I simply believe that He knows better than I do what those desires are.
That is where our lists differ. It's not a matter of what I WANT. If God so chooses for me to be in a relationship with a man who has dealt with adultery in the past, then I trust that He has helped that man get passed it and is able to succeed without it being an issue. HOWEVER, I don't think God would do that knowing my marriage and how and why it ended. Does that make sense?
He is also aware of my children's relationship with my ex husband and again, I'm assuming, but I don't think he would put someone in our lives who will treat them just as disrepectfully.
I think perhaps you, and please correct me if I'm wrong, are assuming my list is fairly frivolous. Please don't think for one moment that because my list is non negotiable doesn't mean that I'm overly picky. Far from it.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:36:27 PM
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WalkingwithHim2
Posts: 2790
Joined: 12/13/2007
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I think it depends on what is on your list. As a single mom (or for y'all single dads) certain things on my list are SOOOOO not negotiable.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:39:19 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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So getting to one of Rachel's questions- do any of you feel your "list" keeps you from getting to know people that don't appear to meet your list?
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:42:12 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7696
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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Not at all. My list is very short and very exclusive. There are plenty of men in my life that meet that criteria. There are just other things that keep me from having a relationship with them.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:47:13 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessGiselle
quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
The items on my list are not absolute requirements, with one exception. That one exception being, she must be a christian.
My list is made up of the things I would desire. I also know what I want, but I also feel that if I make my list a series of absolutes I am restricting God to my standards, in essense, telling Him that I know better than He does what is best for me.
I do think it is unreasonable to expect God to do what I want Him to and to do it my way. I have met many people, men and women, who knew what they wanted and got it. Marriages to abusive uncaring spouses or bad relationships with non-christians and all because that person met their list of requirements. That man who is so good to you and your kids may have a history as an adulterer. That man who meets your list of requirements may look good when you walk into church together on sunday morning, but does he genuinely care for you and your boys at home away from public eyes. Is he going to be the spiritual leader the Bible says he must be.
I had, at one time, a list that I steadfastly refused to change until I met a woman who competely shattered that list. She matched only one item on my list--she was a christian--but I'd've married her anyway.
God will give me the desires of my heart, I simply believe that He knows better than I do what those desires are.
That is where our lists differ. It's not a matter of what I WANT. If God so chooses for me to be in a relationship with a man who has dealt with adultery in the past, then I trust that He has helped that man get passed it and is able to succeed without it being an issue. HOWEVER, I don't think God would do that knowing my marriage and how and why it ended. Does that make sense?
He is also aware of my children's relationship with my ex husband and again, I'm assuming, but I don't think he would put someone in our lives who will treat them just as disrepectfully.
I think perhaps you, and please correct me if I'm wrong, are assuming my list is fairly frivolous. Please don't think for one moment that because my list is non negotiable doesn't mean that I'm overly picky. Far from it.
I was assuming nothing about your list and I apologize if I gave that impression. But I simply cannot think of anything, other than a potential spouse be a christian, that could be non-negotiable.
I will apologize for this in advance in case it offends, but I believe having a list that is non-negotiable makes one "picky" by definition.
< Message edited by Pauley464 -- 3/20/2008 12:55:19 PM >
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:50:36 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7696
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I was assuming nothing about your list and I apologize if I gave that impression. But I simply cannot think of anything, other than a potential spouse be a christian, that could be non-negotiable.
As a mother who's children already had to deal with a horrid stepfather I would have to say there are a few things that are quite non-negotiable. Even the boys say so. God knows our hearts and desires...He'll provide what we need.
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:52:53 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3976
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline
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I have no criteria other than the "no brainers" for christians. To me this means, serious relationship with the Lord. I have to see this in his actions.
That said, I trust God completly with this...to me it is exciting. Like anticipating a great gift and only the giver knows what it is. God has surprised me and blessed me in so many ways. I'm glad it's in his hands. I could never choose as well as He will.
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"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:54:32 PM
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broyce1981
Posts: 1881
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: online
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Well, an example of something besides being a Christian that is non-negotiable would be I want a wife who is not contentious. While the Bible doesn't say we can't marry such a woman it also says it would be better for the man to live on the corner of his roof. For me, that's enough to put on my list! Another example might be related to God's callin on one's life. Say, if a man feels called to serve as a missionary in Uzbekistan, he should be looking for a wife who will not object to going to Central Asia, right?
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RE: To list or not to list.... ? - 3/20/2008 12:58:23 PM
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AdrianaS
Posts: 1224
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline
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I sure have a list of my own based on my past experiences as we must learn with mistakes and not wise keep repeating those and etc, plain commomsense and of course christian fruits that to me translates maturity, and not just do the talk but walk the talk ( is this the right expresion?) 
As I for sure do trust in the Lord as trust and faith stick together very much.
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