|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
|
[Poll]
|
To list or not to list.... ?
|
| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate IS very important. |
|
| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is important. |
|
| My 'list of qualities' for my future mate is NOT important. |
|
| I am willing to change my 'list'. |
|
| I trust God to provide my mate and don't rely on a 'list'. |
|
| I don't have a 'list'. |
|
Total Votes : 65
|
(last vote on : 10/3/2008 1:16:53 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 9:51:18 AM
|
|
|
AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4386
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
.
.
.
.
.
......... nope.
Hosea 1:2 NASB
[2] When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, "Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD."
But this has really nothing to do with this thread... because Hosea was commanded....
.... and in this thread... we are talking about CHOICES. 
I gotta go run some errands.....
Some people have to WORK around here!!!! :D
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 10:19:34 AM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 2200
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
.
.
.
Nah.... You're just wrong on this one
.
.
.
.
.............. 
Okay. I'll suck it up.... I was just stirring the waters.
... I think the 'Christian' stuff is a given.... the moral stuff is also a given.... those 'lists' are important.....
or are they?
Didn't God command Hosea to marry a prostitute?
Sometimes I think we cheat ourselves out of wonderful blessings..... because we, as humans, tend to follow our flesh......
Yes, God did command Hosea to marry a prostitute.
It's important to note that God directly commanded him to do so.
But you'll notice that his marriage was troubled by infidelity because of the choice of wife. This had a place in Hosea's life and in the nation of Israel, but I hardly think it's a model for singles to emulate. God had a purpose for that specific relationship, and praise God for the love he showed in commanding Hosea to do that so the nation of Israel could have that picture of their sin and God's love, and that we also might have that message, but it's not an indication that morals are not important.
This is a time when the Church needs its marriages to be strong, and that means avoiding huge red flags that a relationship might not work out from the very start. There is forgiveness for the past, but not without repentance, so yes, I think the moral qualities in some of these lists is important.
However, if God commands you to marry a prostitute, you'd be wise to follow God's command, but be absolutely sure it's God's command before you do, and have your eyes wide open about why God gave you that command and what it will mean for your relationship.
If marrying into a bad relationship is God's plan to bring glory to himself, well and good, but if not, why would you want to make a choice for such a painful and destructive relationship? Only for God is that worth doing.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 10:35:26 AM
|
|
|
benelchi
Posts: 3609
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
.
.
.
.
.
......... nope.
Hosea 1:2 NASB
[2] When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, "Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD."
But this has really nothing to do with this thread... because Hosea was commanded....
.... and in this thread... we are talking about CHOICES.
I gotta go run some errands.....
Some people have to WORK around here!!!! :D
I really do know that verse well, Hosea is one of my favorite books in the bible; my screen name actually comes from Chapter 1 of Hosea. Hosea was one of the longest living prophets in the entire OT, and the book of Hosea was written at nearly the end of his ministry, decades after the events described in the book transpired. I personally think that what you see there is reflection of Hosea's understanding about what God was doing in his life as he looked back i.e. in retrospect he saw far more clearly the plan God had for his life, just as we all seem to recognize God's hand in our lives much better when we look back and see what he has done.
So, Nah your still wrong! 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I couldn't resist the opportunity you left to take jab , but I want you to know that I really appriciate your post of this verse and I really do understand their are differing opinions on this, but I couldn't admit that in the context of this thread, could I?
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 12:43:43 PM
|
|
|
AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4386
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
.
.
.
.
.
.......
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 1:29:08 PM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 2200
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
.
.
.
.
.
......... nope.
Hosea 1:2 NASB
[2] When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, "Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD."
But this has really nothing to do with this thread... because Hosea was commanded....
.... and in this thread... we are talking about CHOICES.
I gotta go run some errands.....
Some people have to WORK around here!!!! :D
I really do know that verse well, Hosea is one of my favorite books in the bible; my screen name actually comes from Chapter 1 of Hosea. Hosea was one of the longest living prophets in the entire OT, and the book of Hosea was written at nearly the end of his ministry, decades after the events described in the book transpired. I personally think that what you see there is reflection of Hosea's understanding about what God was doing in his life as he looked back i.e. in retrospect he saw far more clearly the plan God had for his life, just as we all seem to recognize God's hand in our lives much better when we look back and see what he has done.
So, Nah your still wrong!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I couldn't resist the opportunity you left to take jab , but I want you to know that I really appriciate your post of this verse and I really do understand their are differing opinions on this, but I couldn't admit that in the context of this thread, could I?
Are you saying Hosea didn't know beforehand that his wife would be unfaithful? 
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 1:36:42 PM
|
|
|
benelchi
Posts: 3609
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
|
quote:
Are you saying Hosea didn't know beforehand that his wife would be unfaithful?
Most likely yes, but that is really a little far from the topic of this thread. We should really start a new thread if you would like to discuss it rather than side tracking this one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 1:58:51 PM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 2200
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
Are you saying Hosea didn't know beforehand that his wife would be unfaithful?
Most likely yes, but that is really a little far from the topic of this thread. We should really start a new thread if you would like to discuss it rather than side tracking this one.
I don't think what's recorded in Scripture admits that possibility. But if it's off-topic here, I'm fine with not discussing it.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 2:17:42 PM
|
|
|
tinydancer2
Posts: 1181
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
.
.
.
.
.
........ I think it's interesting to see that the 'stronger' personalities here have more defined 'lists'....
Dont know about the others Rachel..but I for sure am a strong mind woman and just discovered Iam a choleric and sanguine...I do have strong dominat tendencies it seems but mixed down with playfulness. Petite sweet woman outside but passionate fighter about things. I do know what I want as God do knows fully what I need. And that is just awesome! I trust Him in the deliver ..and deliverance, to reform me or just trash out in what is not good and etc.
Oh I do have my list and my desires as sure the Lord knows myself very much and the type of males fit me great inside and out and are strong potentials- if I enter life partenership covenant with him before Him. Hmmm I do think many are very much careful with business, profession and stuff aquirement and may come up with detailed contracts an etc in big and small prints and when come to choose a life partener can be casual and etc.
The thing for me although Iam free spirit and can be wild little thing, as "let me be free", goes the "problem" I see is that I must respect and admire a man equally, not just respect, and its a non negotiable, I dont play with that, as to me it must be honest duo and comming from my heart's soul. Not a wish wash man still in first steps of leadership but an already man CEO in his life and I do know that a confident male feels like, I do know where he stands and where he is going, he is a mover and a shaker personality. I know as I just cannot stand mangeres ways, but natural leaders.
And I still prepering my list... 
That is trully exciting!!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 5:25:29 PM
|
|
|
Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 914
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
|
Thanks, cherishhim!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 5:38:13 PM
|
|
|
Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 914
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
|
Skreyola,
I do see from what frame of reference you are drawing your conclusions, and I can understand how you think this will help you. But I think the list is very impractical . . . and even this:
quote:
The list is like so many things in life: computers, ovens, cars, relationships.
What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Life isn't like that . . . What you get out of it doesn't always depend on what you put into it. In some cases, but not always. What if you married your exact list description female and suddenly after about 5 years of marriage she suddenly changed all of those characteristics, what then? I mean, life is not a computer. Computers usually do what we want them to do, because WE programmed them, WE made them. And We only ask them for what we've already put in. People are not like that. Life is not like that. God is not like that.
But I certainly do not want you to divorce your list. If you believe in it and you figure its gonna work for you, good on ya! Hope it works!
After reading this thread, though, and giving it piece of thought in my responses, I am convinced now more than ever not to have a list. In fact, if I find that list, I'm tossing it in the rubbish heap.
Seriously, though, Skreyola, I hope that works for you!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 7:03:01 PM
|
|
|
skreyola
Posts: 2200
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
Skreyola,
I do see from what frame of reference you are drawing your conclusions, and I can understand how you think this will help you. But I think the list is very impractical . . . and even this:
quote:
The list is like so many things in life: computers, ovens, cars, relationships.
What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Life isn't like that . . . What you get out of it doesn't always depend on what you put into it. In some cases, but not always. What if you married your exact list description female and suddenly after about 5 years of marriage she suddenly changed all of those characteristics, what then? I mean, life is not a computer. Computers usually do what we want them to do, because WE programmed them, WE made them. And We only ask them for what we've already put in. People are not like that. Life is not like that. God is not like that.
But I certainly do not want you to divorce your list. If you believe in it and you figure its gonna work for you, good on ya! Hope it works!
After reading this thread, though, and giving it piece of thought in my responses, I am convinced now more than ever not to have a list. In fact, if I find that list, I'm tossing it in the rubbish heap.
Seriously, though, Skreyola, I hope that works for you!
You take my analogies too far. And you have an exceptional computer if things never happen with it that you didn't expect. But nearly everything in life has outcomes that depend largely on your investment, i.e., what you get out depends on what you put in.
And since you pushed the computer anology so far, let me say that if you only ask of your computer the return of what you put in, you're using it as a storage medium, not as a computational machine. You should be getting back more than what you stored in it.
I agree that people are not like computers, and I wasn't comparing them like that. But to say that people might change, so you shouldn't have any criteria going in is like saying that there might be a detour, so you shouldn't look at a map.
To me, that just doesn't make sense. Now, I have no problem with people choosing to be spontaneous, but to say that there's no point in making plans bothers me as a logical fallacy. It doesn't have to be either-or. You can make plans and still be spontaneous. You can have a shopping list and still buy something better if you see it. You can have a list and still trust God to guide you, even so far as whether to use a particular item on the list. So I don't understand your vehemence against lists. As I said before, what you get from the list depends on what you put into it, not just in terms of the particular criteria but in terms of how much weight you put on any or all of the items on it.
And like someone (I think it was trainfan) said before: You have a list, whether you admit it or not, because if you have no list, you have no standards; you'd marry anyone, and the Bible says we should be equally yoked. I think a list is helpful in achieving that equality. If you disagree, I respect that.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 7:11:58 PM
|
|
|
FunBetty
Posts: 7518
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: offline
|
My list? Is quite simple...
I want a man who is complete in Christ. His walk with God would be that- a daily walk where he strives to live a life that is Holy and pleasing to Him. That includes integrity, morals, and a compassion for the lost.
He should value a family and have a desire to raise Godly children.
He should have respect, love, spiritual leadership, and a willingness to work as a "team".
While it is not important that he be a comedian (I've got enough of that in me to go around), he should take joy in laughter and live life to the fullest.
I have other negotiables, but the above is a concise list.
_____________________________
Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 8:07:18 PM
|
|
|
Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6044
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
|
THIS is an interesting relationship article from CrossWalk - the topic is, you guessed it, making lists. Here's an excerpt:
quote:
All of this is why I stress to singles the vital importance of compiling lists of the top ten positive qualities and the top ten negative qualities in a partner—what I call "must-have" and "can't-stand" lists. Becoming crystal clear about these characteristics will prepare you to be a person who will know with confidence and clarity whether a potential partner is worth pursuing. If you think it's important to have a shopping list when you go to the grocery store, it's a thousand times more important to have a shopping list when you're looking for a partner.
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 8:56:33 PM
|
|
|
Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 914
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
|
Skreyola,
quote:
And since you pushed the computer anology so far, let me say that if you only ask of your computer the return of what you put in, you're using it as a storage medium, not as a computational machine. You should be getting back more than what you stored in it.
. . . just using the computer as an analogy. Btw, computers are programmed and built. Everything the programmer puts in he gets. (I know a few computer programmers and engineers) That's what I mean, not how you and I the user interface. And even with that we get malfunctions and crashes. Unfortunately with marriage we can't just take it back to the Manufactuerer, we work through issues. I'm not saying to not keep a list bcs your future spouse may change--all that I am putting forth is the fact that characteritics should not weigh out over the individual--At least in my mind.
No, I don't plan to keep a list. Only godly characteristics as I stated in my previous posts. All others stuff is moot. I've had God change my thinking too many times, re-arrange my pre-conceptions, and turn my "ideals" on their head. And each time, I was better for the experience with a huge outlook on life--I was so glad for it. I'm not looking for physical characteristics, but spiritual ones. I've realized what really matters to me.
Also, reading that article that GNM posted . . .
It was Interesting. However, I don't agree with the author. When the teacher described the woman of valor in proverbs 31, the only thing He mentioned were godly characteristics. I want to marry the corresponding man of valor. The bible says beauty is vain and charm (personality) is decietful, but a woman who fears the Lord is the best choice (paraphrasing). I could say the same for a guy. The author's argument that marriages would last longer if people had a list seems moot--it is selfish-people who disregard their vows, abandone spouses, commit adultry, etc. etc. If you go into a marriage thinking that there are no alternatives--you're going to work at it--there is no other option. And the argument that the person is settling is just wrong too. You mean, if I find a guy that has a heart for God, loves me but is only 5'5, below my personal preference of 6"3 then I've settled? Or if I marry a guy that is of average to thin build, but not my ideal man of 1% body fat, and lean muscles then I've settled? Quite frankly, I'd think I've grown in Christ! I was able to get beyond my superficial ideals to love someone who had a heart for God and was a true man of valor per the Bible.
As I said, if lists work for you, Skreyola, stay with it! I don't want to discourage you. If lists keep someone from "settling" then they should stick with it. I just see it differently. I can honestly say, I'm looking for the Spirit of God, the godly character, the love and peace of our Lord in the guy I marry. And if we are both in agreement, we'll get married and work at our marriage until death or until Jesus Christ comes back.
You see I'm not checking for height, eyes, mannerisms, I'm looking for that REAL love for Christ. I'm using God's wisdom and discernment to evaluate people. Not a list of superficial stuff, that, perhaps once I am married will probably fly out of the window anyway. I'll probably still be asking DH to put the toilet down, stop tracking mud into the house, and having the usual married disagreements.
We're marrying real people who are like us--in all of their grit and glory. Not descriptions in a romance novel or period literature. It's going to take a committment to that person and God before whom you take those vows to keep that marriage going. And even then, the unexpected happens. I think sometimes we've watched too much t.v., read too many novels, watched too many movies, to realize marriage isn't ideal. It's two fallen people trying to live together in a sinful world. It's gonna take resolve, not merely compatiblity for it to work.
Sorry if it seems I'm on my soapbox.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/24/2008 11:11:21 PM
|
|
|
utilityfielder
Posts: 11545
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
.
.
.
.
.
........ I think it's interesting to see that the 'stronger' personalities here have more defined 'lists'....
I think a persons list gets shorter as they get older.
_____________________________
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/24/2008 11:39:27 PM
|
|
|
utilityfielder
Posts: 11545
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
Status: offline
|
quote:
Didn't God command Hosea to marry a prostitute?
Sometimes I think we cheat ourselves out of wonderful blessings..... because we, as humans, tend to follow our flesh......
Interesting point, Rach.
But I think that if Hosea had a list, a prostitute would not be on it.
_____________________________
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list.... - Actual list - 3/25/2008 12:03:50 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
What if you married your exact list description female and suddenly after about 5 years of marriage she suddenly changed all of those characteristics, what then?
Then she would have to be mentally ill ( due to drugs or trauma) and we'd deal with it. People do not change suddenly outside of external influence.
Most people never change at all.
If she was struggling spiritually that would show up long before those characteristics changed and then the situation could be dealt with.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/25/2008 9:02:47 AM
|
|
|
AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4386
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
I think a persons list gets shorter as they get older.
.
.
.
.
............ I think this happens near the 50ish milestone.
I know some 45 year olds who are HORRIBLY picky!!!
.... and your right. I'm sure Hosea's list didn't include prostitute material! 
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Then she would have to be mentally ill ( due to drugs or trauma) and we'd deal with it. People do not change suddenly outside of external influence.
Most people never change at all.
If she was struggling spiritually that would show up long before those characteristics changed and then the situation could be dealt with.
.
.
.
.
......... good points, John_O.
The word 'Suddenly' would indicate something more....
If people change... it's a gradual thing.... not a sudden thing. (Unless it's a HUGE God thing... which then would be for the better!)
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
RE: To list or not to list....? - 3/25/2008 9:34:09 AM
|
|
|
AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4386
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
If God told one of us to marry a prostitute, then we would too. Regardless of our list.
.
.
.
........... Benelchi had more to say on the prostitute topic.... but here, I agree.
It's so easy for us to forget that our lives are not purposed for this earth.... but for more than we can comprehend in heaven.
The bottom line for me is totally: my life for His glory - and this includes marriage.
........ and sometimes- it means that I must travel through terrible valleys, or go through circumstances which I don't understand and feel painful. In all things, I know I can trust Him....
_____________________________
|
|
| | |
Forum Tools
Printable Version
