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RE: What Do You Look For In A Date Online? - 3/24/2008 10:19:04 PM
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rgod
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Gayle - congrats on your question making the "front page" -- sounds like you asked a question that was of interest (certainly to me!!).
Well, with all of this talk about safety and about discerning who is christian, who is not etc. I thought I'd post some "safety" tips that I found on the e-harmony site. These are excerpts from Dr. Warren's message that is displayed before the people who are matched start "open communication." (Before that, people ask and respond to their choice of pre-scripted questions or can ask their own. It sounds kind of stilted, but it provides a good way for you to determine if there are deal breakers - and also provides background information so that when you start talking you actually have material from which to draw.)
The entire message is here (http://www.pinoy.ca/eharmony/187). The TOS says that we can't reprint entire articles, but I think excerpts are along with a link. I hope this helps someone!
rgod
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1. Always Use Your Best Judgment
"Don't ignore your instincts and please don't depend totally on [your dating service] for evaluating a person you've been matched with. As with people you may meet under any circumstances, your judgment and instincts are necessary to protect yourself from deceitful individuals. "
"Here are some signs to consider: Watch out for someone who asks for money, uses vulgar language, asks inappropriate questions, or suggests sexual fantasies. Be careful of those who want to speed up the pace, tell you how to run your life, tell stories with inconsistencies, give vague answers to specific questions, urge you to compromise your principles, blame others for their troubles or are always speaking romantically. These are just a few of the signs you may want to think twice about before continuing."
2. Be Cautious Sharing Personal Information
"We strongly encourage you to be cautious when sharing personal information that could reveal your identity. Don't give out your name, e-mail or phone number until you feel you have truly gotten to know someone. Once you've given out personal information, you cannot take it back!"
"Speaking by phone to the other person is also a critical requirement in getting to know each other better. Before you share phone numbers make sure you have discussed the need to respect each other's privacy, and if either of you decide to end communication in the future, you will not use the phone number as a means to pursue an unwanted relationship. Most people prefer the man to offer his phone number to the woman and that she initiate any future phone calls, but you decide. Keep the first call to a short duration of 15 minutes or less."
3. Do Your Own Research
"Regardless of the connection you feel, we encourage you to do your own research before meeting in person. This can be anything from typing your match's name into a search engine, contacting your state or local municipalities to obtain public information, or using a paid service to obtain a full background report. Above all else, use common sense. Pay attention to the details someone shares and if you find anything that doesn't add up, follow your intuition and close the communication."
4. Make Your First Date Safe and Successful
"Meeting in person is a very exciting time. Approach your first meeting with reasonable high hopes, but try to limit your expectations.
Make sure you meet in a public place, preferably during the day.
Before meeting in person, make certain to obtain your match's first and last name and as much information about them as possible.
Tell at least one friend or family member about your plans, and arrange to "check-in" with them after each of the first few dates.
Try and keep the first date to about an hour. Lunch dates generally work well.
If one or both of you are traveling a long distance, then arrange for a short first meeting and plan on getting back together, if you both agree, a few hours later or the next day. This takes some of the pressure off the first encounter.
Do not meet at your house or place of work, or give that information out until you have had a good opportunity to better know the person. Use your own transportation. Driving yourself will allow you to leave easily if things aren't going well. "
5. Take Your Time
"We can't stress enough how important it is for you to take your time getting to know your match. Be aware that on-line communication tends to accelerate one's sense of comfort and intimacy. [Online matching and dating does] not eliminate the need for real life experience. Before you create a permanent relationship together we believe it is vital that both people date and get to know each other in a deep and revealing way. If possible you should consider living in the same area for a significant time. Realize that you will need to have a broad base of experiences together. The more experiences you have together, the better your chances of avoiding hidden surprises. Allow time for a variety of experiences together, particularly the simple everyday routine. "
"We believe that, regardless of your high level of compatibility, rushing into a serious or marital relationship is unwise. Always move slowly, learn about and pay attention to the reality of your new relationship, as well as your relationship goals. "
6. Always be Respectful and Kind
"Always be respectful and treat the other person as you would want them to treat you. Not every match is going to be right. You need to carefully consider whether this particular person is one with whom you would like to further a relationship. If you feel the need to end communication, then be honest, direct and polite. The sooner you address this determination the better for both of you. "
(Source: E-Harmony)
< Message edited by rgod -- 3/25/2008 6:39:18 AM >
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RE: What Do You Look For In A Date Online? - 3/26/2008 2:47:38 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6949
Joined: 9/5/2006
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good info rgod. Thanks.
Gaylel, congrats on the thread being chosen
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: What Do You Look For In A Date Online? - 4/24/2008 5:30:16 AM
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sandra08
Posts: 1
Joined: 4/24/2008
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Internet dating is a world of amazing singles so it may take time to find out your match but there are more options on internet dating sites.
Well, I would try to find out what are the similarities between us, her hobbies, what kind of qualities she is looking for in a partner. Most important thing is that what she thinks is the most valuable thing in a good relationship.
Link removed TOS 13
< Message edited by Kath -- 4/24/2008 10:41:06 AM >
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RE: What Do You Look For In A Date Online? - 4/24/2008 7:16:45 AM
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rgod
Posts: 357
Joined: 4/25/2005
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Hi sandra08,
This is the second time I've seen you post something about okcupid (if you hover over "single" in your post it is a link to okcupid) and you've also just joined this site. I have a question for you - do you work with okcupid marketing or something? The reason I ask is as far as I know, okcupid is not a Christian site. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just curious about this.
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 4/24/2008 7:28:48 AM >
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RE: What Do You Look For In A Date Online? - 4/24/2008 9:13:47 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2356
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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lol, good call rgod, yeah this is the 3rd spam post for okc and it's not Christian at all like you said, but obviously could be used by one
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RE: What Do You Look For In A Date Online? - 4/24/2008 10:01:24 AM
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rgod
Posts: 357
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
lol, good call rgod, yeah this is the 3rd spam post for okc and it's not Christian at all like you said, but obviously could be used by one
iwillfearnoevil - just thought I'd ask the question - because the posts seemed a bit fishy - but it is possible that they the person might be legit. We'll see. :) I do agree - if a Christian wants to use non-Christian sites, no problem. But, no matter what, we've got to use discernment online - in the short time of using online dating sites, I've seen a number of ahem - interesting characters - there are a lot of very questionable folks out there. We've got to listen to the Lord, use wisdom, and it helps to have good internet research skills.
< Message edited by rgod -- 4/24/2008 10:09:01 AM >
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i've only searched profiles (don't have one of my own) but yeah it must get a lot trickier once contact begins and one starts talking to other people and then agreeing to meet, etc ...
