RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone?
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RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who co... - 4/23/2008 10:26:01 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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rgod,
quote:
But just know that there are down sides to this gift too. It can be very draining - often people don't care about you but might just want you to listen to their problems. People often think that they know you better than they actually do. Sometimes you learn things about people that really, you'd rather not know. Sometimes there is a lot of pain associated with it as well. You worry about people. You find yourself praying for people and weeping along with them. There is a vulnerability there (at least in my experience) that you can't always just turn off.
That being said, I think that you should just focus on being yourself. I believe that God equips us with gifts so that we can do what he has called us to do. I think that I have this gift because I often find myself in situations where I must stand with people, encourage, pray, or in some other way help people with some emotional issue. There is value in both types of gifts - in connecting and also being able to love people but be a bit more distant. I know a man who is an administrator who is this way. He loves people and has a tender heart, but can be a bit distant. He has to make tough decisions and he is good at that while still maintaining godly sensitivity. There is tremendous value in that. I trust that God will equip you for the purpose to which you are called.
 You SO know what you are talking about. This sounds like a page from my life! Spot on!
Bless you!
< Message edited by Dakotasunbeam -- 4/23/2008 10:33:11 PM >
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RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who co... - 4/24/2008 7:14:47 AM
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rgod
Posts: 316
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
You SO know what you are talking about. This sounds like a page from my life! Spot on!
Dakota - glad to know that there are others that know what this feels like. It is a wonderful gift but there are other pieces of the puzzle too that can be difficult. I also enjoyed your previous post encouraging the OP to focus on being Christlike. That in itself attracts people, regardless of whether you are a connector or not. You've been a blessing to me today -- thank you!
rgod
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RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who co... - 4/24/2008 12:39:30 PM
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terrie
Posts: 25
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I've had to go to counseling because I'm too easy to talk to... 
Seriously, anywhere I've worked I've always felt like a counselor. Especially when I worked as a customer service rep at the bank. I was given so many little gifts and trinkets from the older ladies/men. They would call in/come in and ask for me. I can't even put a number on how many times strangers have stopped me in the grocery store and have wound up telling me their life story. It's wonderful, yet draining too. My problem is that I am very sensitive. I get wound up in people's lives too much. I literally ache and cry for them when they cry. I am happy when they are happy. If I see someone depressed or down I will try my hardest to make them feel better. Anytime I see a person who looks crabby I just love to see if I can make them smile. I love to listen and learn about others.
But many times I also end up feeling bad. I sometimes feel alone. I feel like altough I may listen to others, there's not many who listen to me. I end up being more closed off. I've been told many wonderful things - that people say they really can feel and see in my eyes that I am listening and that I care. They say that I have a gift of making them feel as though they are the only person in the room - that I make them feel important. They say my eyes are soft, loving and penetrating.
Again, this has caused problems. I can't tell you how many guys have come after me because they think I'm "into them." I'm not, I just really listen. It breaks my heart to know someone is lonely or needs a friend. When I hear someone has committed suicide it sends me into a depression sometimes. I feel so bad and wish that I would've known them. Like maybe I could've done something to help?
Hubby says I missed my calling and should've went into counseling. I'm not sure. I am so overly sensitive I might wind up crying a lot about the people's lives I would be helping.
So, I'm not sure that all people have this type of personality or can get it. I think we all have different personalities and that is how God intended it. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing! We all have a part to play in life and each of us makes a difference in the lives we come in contact with.
_____________________________
Contentment is destroyed by comparison...
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RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who co... - 4/24/2008 2:27:16 PM
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rgod
Posts: 316
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
do you feel that you analyze people sometimes too much? do you like to see what makes people tick?
do you have an interest in psychology? (mental/personality disorders, etc.)
do you watch movies/TV and wind up getting overly sensitive about them?
do you get easily hurt when someone is mean to you?
do you sometimes have huge dreams of helping all the sad/depressed souls you come in contact with?
have you been told way way too much personal information from others?
have you been stopped by a stranger and ended up hearing their life story for hours?
when someone is hurting emotionally do you connect so much that you swear you can feel their pain too?
if you pass a homeless person do you feel like you want to give them your house because you feel so bad?
if you hit and kill a dog/cat/whatever with your car does it ruin your day?
does it hurt you to see anyone or anything hurt?
did you watch Schindler's List and cry for days afterwards???
YESSS!!!!! But I've learned to temper it a bit over the years, to distance myself a bit so it isn't as bad as when I was younger. I can shield my heart in some ways that I couldn't before. I did not watch Schindler's list because I knew it would be heavy and that I would cry for a long time. I can't watch Roots or a number of other shows for that very reason. If I do decide to watch them, I have to make sure it is over a long weekend so that I can process the emotions adequately and have time to give the emotions to God. I went to the Holocaust Museum a number of years ago and it practically killed me emotionally - particularly the documentary near the end. I should have gone into counseling actually. But I knew that listening to people all day would drag me all the way down, so I didn't pursue it. But I feel like I'm a counselor sometimes anyway -- but not getting paid for it ...
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RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who co... - 4/26/2008 8:20:35 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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You are most welcomed! 
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
quote:
You SO know what you are talking about. This sounds like a page from my life! Spot on!
Dakota - glad to know that there are others that know what this feels like. It is a wonderful gift but there are other pieces of the puzzle too that can be difficult. I also enjoyed your previous post encouraging the OP to focus on being Christlike. That in itself attracts people, regardless of whether you are a connector or not. You've been a blessing to me today -- thank you!
rgod
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RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who co... - 4/26/2008 8:29:31 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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Terrie,
I cannot say I feel all of this. I was taught from a very small child to be a realist. And to control ones emotions so that one is not driven or led by them. Emotions are OK, but not to the point where they control you or your demeanor. I fully understand that I cannot solve everyone's problems, I simply try to offer a little help. I've come to know some people don't want to be helped out of their misery or immorality. So, I've taken quite a few lessons from the Bible to keep things in perspective. Both of my parents were terribly realistic people who did not sugar-coat life for me, and although I do have compassion for people, I am not without the understanding that some people don't want to be fixed, and it's not my job to fix them.
And generally, I figure people out very quickly. I once had a guy ask me if I was psychic because I'd described him so perfectly. All glory to God, I generally, "get" people and intrinsically know what makes people "tick." It is a gift from God. Sometimes, I don't see it right off, but God reveals it after awhile.
But some of what you say I do understand. I bolded the ones you nailed.
quote:
ORIGINAL: terrie
So those of you who have posted that you have this type of personality...
do you feel that you analyze people sometimes too much? do you like to see what makes people tick?do you have an interest in psychology? (mental/personality disorders, etc.)
do you watch movies/TV and wind up getting overly sensitive about them?
do you get easily hurt when someone is mean to you?
do you sometimes have huge dreams of helping all the sad/depressed souls you come in contact with?
have you been told way way too much personal information from others?
have you been stopped by a stranger and ended up hearing their life story for hours?
when someone is hurting emotionally do you connect so much that you swear you can feel their pain too?
if you pass a homeless person do you feel like you want to give them your house because you feel so bad?
if you hit and kill a dog/cat/whatever with your car does it ruin your day?
does it hurt you to see anyone or anything hurt?
did you watch Schindler's List and cry for days afterwards??? 
I'm just interested in knowing just how messed up I am...
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