I'm not sure I belong in this folder (Full Version)

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OneOfHisJewels -> I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 2:55:05 AM)

Being single, this folder should be my home base as it is for some of you, but honestly, I often feel more at home in Women only, homeschool support, public and private school support, Morality and Ethics, home and garden, television and radio, and parenting than in here.

It seems like a lot of times (well 2 anyway) my post and my thread got totally jumped on, almost like I was being attacked. And both times, I was trying to be positive.

Plus some threads have so many pages, I feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start. This is probably a lot in my own silly imagination, but I'm not just saying this to complain, it's more like I really want to belong here, but I am not sure how, and I guess I just want some help figuring this out.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 5:55:22 AM)

Rebekah, you belong here. All Singles belong here. I can't say what happened with your posts - please remember that not everyone is going to have your same opinion - and keep an open mind in that respect.

Regarding the threads - just come on in and try to join in - I think one problem is that you're not around all that often, so coming in DOES feel overwhelming. I wasn't on much during my time away for Brain Bowl last week, and *I* was overwhelmed coming back to see all the posts. Just find those threads that are of interest to you and read them. Don't try to read everything. That's too daunting of a task.

The only way we get to know you is for you to post - and not just "drive-by" posts. Stay around for a while and interact after making your posts. That's how we get to know you and for you to get to know us. It's interactive. It's also like going to the gym - going once a week for a few minutes isn't going to do anything.

The Chat thread is just that - for chatting.....obviously last month was insanely "chatty", but that's not common.

I hope that helps - a bit. If you haven't already introduced yourself in that thread, please do so!

I guess I say all this to tell you that you ARE welcomed here and we do want you to stay around for a while.....okay?



CoeurdeLeon -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 7:25:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

Being single, this folder should be my home base as it is for some of you, but honestly, I often feel more at home in Women only, homeschool support, public and private school support, Morality and Ethics, home and garden, television and radio, and parenting than in here.

It seems like a lot of times (well 2 anyway) my post and my thread got totally jumped on, almost like I was being attacked. And both times, I was trying to be positive.

Plus some threads have so many pages, I feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start. This is probably a lot in my own silly imagination, but I'm not just saying this to complain, it's more like I really want to belong here, but I am not sure how, and I guess I just want some help figuring this out.

Very few people who post like anything I ever have to say. But there are many lurkers and I get a lot of PMs thanking me for posting what I do. I think it's important for all of us to bring our different perspectives to the table. Otherwise, those who think like us but are only lurking feel that they are the only ones who think/feel the way they do.

I don't keep up with a lot of the threads. Many of them don't interest me, move too fast for me to keep up with or I have nothing worthwhile to contribute but I stick around for those times when I do feel compelled to reply.

Hang in there![:)]

edited to add ~ there are some folks all over the forums who just like to nit-pick and find fault with anything anyone posts. Just ignore them.[;)]



LabGuy -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 10:45:22 AM)

Let me add another welcoming voice to the choir! [sm=icon_smile_sing.gif] We'd definitely like you to stick around.

I've found this to be an extremely welcoming and supportive forum. I actually lurked for at least two months before joining up, and I was a little intimidated at first. I've heard the same from others too. I even waited for the start of a new month before wading into the chat thread, but you don't have to. It's free flowing so you can jump in anytime!

As with anywhere, there will be some people you connect with more than others. That's natural. And people will disagree at times, though in general I've found the people here are generally more good-natured about it than in some of the other forums I've wandered into on Crosswalk. I sincerely hope nobody really meant to attack you. (Sometimes it's easy for people to misinterpret a post and respond according to their misinterpretation. Words on a screen are a somewhat limited form of communication!)

Generally I look for threads that sound interesting and post if I have something to add to the conversation. I hang out in the chat thread a lot to socialize. It's been tremendously helpful to me because my church doesn't have a singles group of any kind so I don't have anyone to relate to there. (And also I tend to be a shy person, so it's been really helpful in dealing with that, too.)

Other than that, I'll second what Lisa said and just say welcome aboard!

-Robb



John_O -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 11:17:03 AM)

Welcome (again) OOHJ!

If you feel welcome in Morality and ethics then you should be more than able to handle any grief anyone here could give you.[:D] (If someone says something that really sticks in your craw call them on it. Ususally it's just a misunderstanding and easily fixed)

We are like a family here, a large family that picks on each other endlessly. Dive right on in.

There is always someone to lean on when you need to, and if you really feel like a good in depth discussion or argument I'm normally here daily.

Like any family it takes a new member a little time to settle in. Read the threads, post a lot and we'll all get to know each other.



trainfan -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 11:21:53 AM)

Welcome yet again OOHJ.

I have to say at first this folder overwhelmed me also. I eventually started posting in the chat thread that is when I felt like I fit in the most. The other folks all had good replys too BTW. It is like a big family on here and it does take a bit to find how you fit in but there is always room for more people on here. [:D]



ladioffaith -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 11:49:16 AM)

Rebecca, you are welcome here!

There are many kinds of singles, and this forum is for all of them.

Also, here we have MANY folders, as you have seen. If you feel comfortable in them, please jump in ... they are wonderful places!

Not every folder is for everybody. I do not belong in home schooling or parenting because I have no kids, I generally feel like women's is for women with kids and husbands (it isn't but let's face it ... that's who most of the people there are) and I won't touch News and Paranoia (Ooops ... current events) with a 100 foot pole!

If you feel personally attacked, PM me with details.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 11:56:35 AM)

sorry you've been attacked in the past but welcome again ... i too get turned off by the big threads that have already started or the chat threads as there's so much to keep up on. i generally look for new threads or ones with only a page or two and if interesting subscribe to them so i can follow them and see if ppl replied to me or see what is going on.



John_O -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 12:11:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladioffaith
I won't touch News and Paranoia (Ooops ... current events) with a 100 foot pole!


I touch current events and I'm only a six foot Pole!



trainfan -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/3/2008 12:12:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladioffaith
I won't touch News and Paranoia (Ooops ... current events) with a 100 foot pole!


I touch current events and I'm only a six foot Pole!


But you have a fireproof suit.[8D]



Prairiehiker -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/5/2008 10:10:04 PM)

I, too, feel like that at times, but it may have something to do with my personality. I don't know how to socialize online and I'm lost when it comes to online lingo. I also don't know how to do those little smiley thingies so I appear so serious all the time which I'm not in person. But I frequent various areas, like the faith forums, or the science and religion, God, doctrine, morality and ethics, and relationship forums as well. All in all, it's all good.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/5/2008 10:23:31 PM)

quote:

I also don't know how to do those little smiley thingies



Just click on the spot on the reply box and then click one of the smilies to the left. I you want more options, just click where it says more smileys, and click on a smiley there.


I used to be lost to online lingo to, but I started just deducting a lot of it due to context. Here are some common lingos and their meanings.

dh-dear husband, dw-dear wife dd-dear daughter, ds-dear son, LOL-laughing out loud, ROFLOL-Rolling on the floor laughing out loud, I THINK kwim, means Catch what I mean?, but I'm not sure, that's how I use it anyway. You'd think it would be a c, not a k, though. FWIW-for what it's worth. I hope that helps.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/5/2008 11:29:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

quote:

I also don't know how to do those little smiley thingies



Just click on the spot on the reply box and then click one of the smilies to the left. I you want more options, just click where it says more smileys, and click on a smiley there.


I used to be lost to online lingo to, but I started just deducting a lot of it due to context. Here are some common lingos and their meanings.

dh-dear husband, dw-dear wife dd-dear daughter, ds-dear son, LOL-laughing out loud, ROFLOL-Rolling on the floor laughing out loud, I THINK kwim, means Catch what I mean?, but I'm not sure, that's how I use it anyway. You'd think it would be a c, not a k, though. FWIW-for what it's worth. I hope that helps.

kwim=Know what I mean.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/5/2008 11:32:04 PM)

quote:


kwim=Know what I mean.


OK, now it makes sense.



sunluvingirl -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/6/2008 4:23:53 PM)

Welcome OOHJ!!! Its great to have you here! I certainly don't have any big advice for you but to say simply be yourself, you don't need to 'fit in'. I am sure you have your own flavor you can contribute! I have found these forums to be a lot of fun, sure, half the time there are discussions going on about things I know nothing about or maybe even don't care too but often the opposite is just as true. I do not read everything but just what gets my interest. Most times I just lurk till I see something I can post about. Usually the first thing I do is go to my forums page. It helps alot if you subscribe to the threads that interest you so you can keep up with the discussion or whatever it may be. As for starting threads, I've never done much of that, I certainly never managed to start one that went on for pages & pages!!



betterisoneday -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/6/2008 8:16:14 PM)

I do the same as you OOHJ, post a lot more in HS, paretning, WO. And this folder just seems scary but it's getting a bit easier just being extremely careful about which threads you go into (and keeping a list of who to not read (or block) when you see the handle).

....so that was no help at all... [X(] If you need to vent about something said in here you can PM me though. I'm good for listening (or reading in this case).



John_O -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/6/2008 9:27:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: betterisoneday

I do the same as you OOHJ, post a lot more in HS, paretning, WO. And this folder just seems scary but it's getting a bit easier just being extremely careful about which threads you go into (and keeping a list of who to not read (or block) when you see the handle).

....so that was no help at all... [X(] If you need to vent about something said in here you can PM me though. I'm good for listening (or reading in this case).



Singles is scary? (try current events, morality and ethics, or theology!!!) Sure hope I'm not on that block list. I try so hard to be entertaining too.[:D]



betterisoneday -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/6/2008 9:50:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: betterisoneday

I do the same as you OOHJ, post a lot more in HS, paretning, WO. And this folder just seems scary but it's getting a bit easier just being extremely careful about which threads you go into (and keeping a list of who to not read (or block) when you see the handle).

....so that was no help at all... [X(] If you need to vent about something said in here you can PM me though. I'm good for listening (or reading in this case).



Singles is scary? (try current events, morality and ethics, or theology!!!) Sure hope I'm not on that block list. I try so hard to be entertaining too.[:D]

I like the theology folder! current events is fun to read, M&E is "mostly" ummm.... well, stupid, at least at the moment. The only place scarier than singles is the KJVonly and marriage/divorce threads.

edited for spelling....



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/7/2008 12:58:26 PM)

Welcome to the singles forum! *huggles* I know this is probably a little late but I have a GREAT excuse seeing as how I was on vacation for a week. *grin*

The threads can be very daunting if you plan on reading every single post, but generally you can skim the last few pages and see what's going on. Or you can just jump right in (like I have a tendency to do) and just start where you want. Either is fine.

There are people you will connect with immediately and people you just wish you could choke. Both reactions are quite normal. Just go in with an open mind, willing attitude and see where the winds take you.

I can't wait to get to know you better! *beams*



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/23/2008 12:41:46 AM)

Rebekah (and/or anyone who cares) [:D] . . .


Quite often I'm not quite sure I belong in this folder, neither.

For me, one of the reasons is that it seems that the vast majority of threads here either start off being about dating, flirting, finding a spouse - or they eventually find their way to those topics.

Before people decide to take offense at that, please don't; it's not meant to be derogatory; I'm simply sharing a bit about me (in a roundabout way by sharing who I am not).




Every so often, over the past several months, a few people have asked me why I didn't post in Singles anymore. To nutshell it, my identity is not wrapped up in being single. Being single is an aspect of who I am; nothing more. I could say the same thing for being over 40, white and female. I am a single white female from the end of the baby boomer generation; but that doesn't mean that I necessarily want to isolate and focus on any of those aspects (that same logic can be applied as to why I don't do a lot of posting over in Women's . . . I'm not a wife, I'm not a parent, I'm not pregnant, I'm not into shopping, etc. etc.)


I like people. Men, women, young, old, married, single, black, white, red, yellow, purple. That's my focus; people in general. [sm=smile.gif]
(It's also one of the reasons why I'm drawn to chat threads that draw a mixed group of people.)





Having said that, I do realize that the Singles folder is going to attract many single people who are interesting in dating, flirting, finding a spouse, etc. That's certainly all fine and good. But, for me,, sometimes it just gets a bit weary for all (or most) threads to eventurally merge into one or more of those aspects. For what it's worth, it's not specifically these threads; I would feel the same way if I was getting together with offline friends and the topic always found its way to singleness.

However, there are also people here who I consider my friends who I don't see anywhere else on the forums.

I'm really loving the Cooking for One thread! People. Food. Great combination! [sm=dance.gif]




It's 12:45am and I've been cruising the threads for a few hours.

Truly, this post is not meant to be inflammatory at all. I'm just simply thinking out loud about a few things in a thread whose OP somewhat matches my thoughts.



Many blessings, y'all!
[sm=redhairsmile.gif]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/23/2008 7:51:18 AM)

To be honest, Sharon Marie, I consider myself to be much more than single. I don't participate in the singles Bible Fellowship at my church, I don't do a lot of things that the 'singles' there do.

However, the main reason I stick around is because IMO this has been the most inviting place on the forum. I don't have a lot in common with the women's thread; I'm not a 'quiver full' type of mum, I'm fairly liberal, and I don't mind buying things that aren't 'natural'. No offense to them, but it's hard to connect with people who are so different than you.

I'm not a theologically sound woman, I don't feel I can debate with the rest of them, and while I like to have fun and get silly with the rest of them, this is the only place who has invited me to do so.

So it's not 'all about being single' for some of us.

And no offense was taken. That's what's awesome about this place. We can all have opinions and not worry about trying to convince others that our opinion is the only one to have. *huggles*



CoeurdeLeon -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/23/2008 8:11:33 AM)

In fairness, it's a requirement that ALL threads here be about being single. It's VERY limiting and there was quite a bit more variety before, inviting a lot of fun interaction that wasn't solely about dating, etc. but, hey, them's the rules and we gotta play by 'em.



landabee -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/23/2008 8:53:57 AM)

Great post, Sharon Marie!

I could have posted it myself....... well except the parts about being white and at the end of the boomer generation. LOL [8D][8D]

Although I try mightily to be tactful...... Sharon Marie said it better than I would have.

Singleness is only ONE facet of me. And not a huge one at that. [:)]

BTW the cooking for one thread is awesome. Since I cook by portion, I can meaningfully contribute too! [:D]

quote:

Very few people who post like anything I ever have to say. But there are many lurkers and I get a lot of PMs thanking me for posting what I do. I think it's important for all of us to bring our different perspectives to the table. Otherwise, those who think like us but are only lurking feel that they are the only ones who think/feel the way they do.


This has been my experience, too. People pm me here and comment on my blogs on other sites thanking me and encouraging me to keep talking.
Just because there is a popular "tidal movement or attitude" in a thread or folder, it doesn't negate the validity of your perspective for YOU. And it doesn't make the popular opinion necessarily correct.

Hang in there.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/23/2008 9:05:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
In fairness, it's a requirement that ALL threads here be about being single. It's VERY limiting and there was quite a bit more variety before, inviting a lot of fun interaction that wasn't solely about dating, etc. but, hey, them's the rules and we gotta play by 'em.


yeah it's this rule that everyone talks about but i don't see posted anywhere. go into other folders in this People subforum like teens and Young Adult and they are filled with threads not having anything to do with teen or Young Adult specific posts. it's just a place for that type of people to hang out. not sure why CW is discriminating against singles.



John_O -> RE: I'm not sure I belong in this folder (4/23/2008 9:27:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
not sure why CW is discriminating against singles.


And that, my friend, is the $64,000 question. But since we are guests in this place and the administrators are our hosts we must abide by their rules (and hope that they'll let it return to what it once was)

BTW, I also hang out here because it's more like home to me. While I don't identify as "single" I will admit that I am looking to meet people. The other forums I've been in here don't have nearly the sense of community that this one does. Of course I've not explored too much as this one suited my needs when I found it. Why go elsewhere when you have what you want at home.



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