RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?

RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?

Yes.

56% (45)

No.

41% (33)

I don't know.

1% (1)

Total Votes : 79

(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

stampinlady -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 9:21:28 AM)
I'd move elsewhere.

Qtman -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 9:45:51 AM)
We have all been quick to offer this young man opinions and advice. However, I have never seen a disagreement that did not have two sides. And as far as I can tell only one person has pointed out we have only heard one side. I'm sorry folks but laws and rules change. If someone can't handle this they have a lot to learn about life. Look at just about any credit card or contest agreement you have. Somewhere in the fine print it will probably say something to the effect "rules and conditions are subject to change without prior notice." So far the only thing I am sure of about this guy's beliefs is that he believes he will not go to church. There is no biblical basis that covers this situation at all that I am aware of. The owner of a house, in this case the mom and Step-dad can make, establish or change rules as they see fit. This a young man has a choice. Go along with the rules or leave.

stampinlady -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 9:58:07 AM)
quote: establish or change rules as they see fit But why pick the "church" battle? We can't force our adult children to receive Christ, that's God's job. We can teach and set a good example, but once they hit a certain age they are accountable to God for their actions and choices. As long as they are repecting and behaving properly why reject them for not believeing the same as we do?

Ps103 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:04:20 AM)
Go, Sam![sm=thumbsup.gif] Zedd, is there some reason you cannot move out on your own?

Qtman -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:11:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stampinlady quote: establish or change rules as they see fit But why pick the "church" battle? We can't force our adult children to receive Christ, that's God's job. We can teach and set a good example, but once they hit a certain age they are accountable to God for their actions and choices. As long as they are repecting and behaving properly why reject them for not believeing the same as we do? I don't think a battle was what they had in mind. I think Zedd has turned it into a battle. As far as him being accountable to God for his actions you are correct. But we as parents do not necessarily shed that responsibility just because our children are grown. We are still to teach and put forth the effort to get our children to do what God wants them to do. If they do not then yes that is on their shoulders. But, our lack of trying still rest squarely on our shoulders. All that aside, what Zedd needs to think about is there is coming a time when going to Church with his Mom will not be an option. She will be gone. And I venture to guess he will regret not having gone with her if for no other reason but to make her happy. Both of my parents have been gone for almost 34 years now. There is not a day goes by even now that I don't miss them and wish I could go to church or somewhere with them. The day is coming when Zedd will feel the same way. The time to do something about it is now before it is to late. JMHO

HisLamb26 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:23:10 AM)
quote: I don't think this is so much about going to church or not, I think this is about changing ones mind and word. The Mom agreed she would not make him go to church before he moved in, yet now she is putting the ultimatum to him. How can one be convinced Christianity is the right way to go when they are seeing that a "Christians'" word can not be trusted? MEMAW wins the Cupie Doll! What kind of example is his mom setting by going back on her word AFTER he moved in? Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Bad witness IMO.

Ellie-Mae -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:29:40 AM)
Do your parents expect you to move out right now or at the end of the semester?

cow451 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:33:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva I thought I read that the mom had talked to the (step?) father and then told Zedd that he'd have to go to church. .... maybe I'm confusing threads. If that's the case, she may be following her husband's authority. Incorrect. In fact it's the opposite. My step-father wants me to goto church only because my mother wants me to goto church. quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva Zedd- I really don't think church will hurt you all that much. You seem to have an outright hatred towards the church but you haven't said why. Why not go to church so that you can know for a fact why you hate it so ...... you know ...... "know thy enemy." Physically? No. Hurt? Maybe not. Conflicting? Yes. I've already made up my mind spiritually and mentally. Evangelical Christianity/going to church is not included in my beliefs, what they preach contradicts what I hold to be true. And for the record I don't hate anything. And if you are interested enough to talk about my beliefs, PM me. Zedd, my man, in the adult world when an agreement is broken, you can choose to take your business elsewhere or get a lawyer. The notion that everyone is supposed to be fair and honest is a remnant of childhood. In the army they give three options for addressing a problem: Fix it, Get rid of it, or Deal with it. Everyone is telling you that YOU have choices and YOU aren't getting it.

rnershigh -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:47:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ps103 Go, Sam![sm=thumbsup.gif] Zedd, is there some reason you cannot move out on your own? I think he mentioned elsewhere he was with his father, but his father rented out his room to a college student. So he may have been living with his father prior to moving in with his mother. I think that it may best for you to move out because it seems both of you have the lines firmly established and aren't going to budge. Is it worth having to be pressured into going to church by your mother constantly? The constant worry that you may be kicked out any moment? I also agree with others that have stated that I find it very wrong your mother broke her word to you, but it is her house and she can do what she wants (as unfair as that may seem to you). It is their home and although I think it's wrong that she lied like that, she can change the rules because it's her house. It's unfair, but instead of arguing with her about it, I think you should just leave and find another place before things get more conflicted.

zoebob -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:55:50 AM)
I don't think I would say she lied unless as soon as she moved in she said "oh, now I expect you to go to church" Maybe in the last several months she has been convicted that those in her household should go to church. Unless there was something in writing that she would never require him to go to church she has the right to change the rules in her household.

Ps103 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:56:09 AM)
quote: I think he mentioned elsewhere he was with his father, but his father rented out his room to a college student. So he may have been living with his father prior to moving in with his mother. I didn't mean moving in with another parent[;)] I meant getting an apartment.

Memaw. -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:08:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisLamb26 quote: I don't think this is so much about going to church or not, I think this is about changing ones mind and word. The Mom agreed she would not make him go to church before he moved in, yet now she is putting the ultimatum to him. How can one be convinced Christianity is the right way to go when they are seeing that a "Christians'" word can not be trusted? MEMAW wins the Cupie Doll! What kind of example is his mom setting by going back on her word AFTER he moved in? Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Bad witness IMO. Yay! I won the Kewpie doll. Can I trade for the stuffed tiger on the top shelf?[:D] Just trying to bring a little comic relief into the conversation.[8\|]

sjd2008 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:16:33 AM)
I still feel that what his mother is doing is coercive and not right. For all of you who feel that it's a parent's right. Would your view change if Zedd was a Christian and his mother was a Jehovah's Witness? Would your advice change? If so, How?

Ellie-Mae -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:22:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sjd2008 I still feel that what his mother is doing is coercive and not right. For all of you who feel that it's a parent's right. Would your view change if Zedd was a Christian and his mother was a Jehovah's Witness? Would your advice change? If so, How? No it wouldn't, but I would urge him more strongly to get his own place.

Memaw. -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:25:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sjd2008 I still feel that what his mother is doing is coercive and not right. For all of you who feel that it's a parent's right. Would your view change if Zedd was a Christian and his mother was a Jehovah's Witness? Would your advice change? If so, How? I wondered the same thing.

Qtman -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:31:16 AM)
What Ellie-Mae said. I don't care if the parents are non-christians and made a rule he could not attend church. It is their house and they are entitled to do that. I would however, not be encouraging him to stay there and follow that rule. I would be telling him to move out and live on his own. Which is probably what he should do anyway.

zoebob -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:32:19 AM)
What Ellie and qtman said. ETA: We are called to obey God rather than man so if a Christian young adult in their parents' home was told they couldn't go to church then they would need to find a new place to live.

cow451 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 12:28:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sjd2008 I still feel that what his mother is doing is coercive and not right. For all of you who feel that it's a parent's right. Would your view change if Zedd was a Christian and his mother was a Jehovah's Witness? Would your advice change? If so, How? I'd still give the same advice, but I'd understand his objections better. Devout JW's are way past strict as parents.

Roberta_ -> Is it acceptable for Christian family to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 1:15:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zoebob I don't think I would say she lied unless as soon as she moved in she said "oh, now I expect you to go to church" Maybe in the last several months she has been convicted that those in her household should go to church. Unless there was something in writing that she would never require him to go to church she has the right to change the rules in her household. I agree! quote: sjd2008: For all of you who feel that it's a parent's right. Would your view change if Zedd was a Christian and his mother was a Jehovah's Witness? Would your advice change? If so, How? Regardless of the denomination, I would feel the same. Zedd, if you really can not bring yourself to darken the doorways of a church, then you need to move out so that you don't cause stress for yourself and your family.

Kerrlaw -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 5:27:59 PM)
The original question: [sm=s231.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity or goto church? Thank you for your time! It appears that the vast majority of posters (including me) say: Yes. In general terms. However I am still troubled by the mother promising to not make the young man go to church (possibly to lure him from the home of the ex-husband), and then breaking her word. I can't imagine my parents breaking their word to me (especially in a case like this, where it appears so easy so keep the agreement). It is also troubling to me that I get the sense of: It's OK for a Christian to break his word if he decides it's time to change the rules, especially if it's for a good reason like making someone go to church. Can anyone point to scripture that justifies such action?

car2ner -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 6:12:47 PM)
This is why we would like to hear from the mom and dad. What has changed their minds? On the surface I would agree that they should stick by their original agreement BUT Zedd is not letting us know the whole story. I see the same stubborness of "MY beliefs are set in stone....." attitude in my young men. They don't see down the road. They don't realize how life changes and with it our beliefs. So I don't push but welcome their comments because their dad and I know a little more about life than they do. So the unanswered question is, why, if it is wrong to change the agreement then why did they change the agreement? The other question already brought up, is this really a hill you want to die on? Is this really such a huge battle? I suppose a wiccan wouldn't want to got to a christian church. (BTW, I love doodling in church)

SovereignIsHe -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 6:47:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rcjames Seems like your only option is to move out on your own, to stay and fight about is just shows more disrespect for your parents. I still do not see the absolute line in the sand you draw about going to Church. When I stay with folks who are Catholic (a lot of my in-laws) I attend Mass with them on Sunday and then go to a Protestant Chruch in the area. I certainly do not agree with the ideology of the Catholics, but out of respect I accompany them. I really think you should reconsider your set in stone postion. Of course if you are just being rebellious, then you are just going to be rebellious. Thsnks RC Maybe he is simply following the lead of his parents... John

Zedd -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 7:05:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: car2ner The other question already brought up, is this really a hill you want to die on? Is this really such a huge battle? I suppose a wiccan wouldn't want to got to a christian church. I'm not a wiccan. MY MOTHER'S SIDE (as unbiased as I can be) is such that she feels she is not doing her job as a mother by not giving me every bit of good that she knows & lives ergo going to church and listening to what she bases her life on. She has also "had it" with my "disrespect" to her aka my tendency to rebuke her statements and criticisms made toward me in all matters of religion. eg. [M] "Isn't it amazing, Zedd, how kidney beans are in the shape of a kidney and they also are good for your kidneys? God is an amazing creator!" [Z] "No. I don't think it is.

sjd2008 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 7:09:35 PM)
quote: This is why we would like to hear from the mom and dad. What has changed their minds? On the surface I would agree that they should stick by their original agreement BUT Zedd is not letting us know the whole story. I think that most times when people present problems for our comment we get only one side of the story. quote: I see the same stubborness of "MY beliefs are set in stone....." attitude in my young men. They don't see down the road. They don't realize how life changes and with it our beliefs. So I don't push but welcome their comments because their dad and I know a little more about life than they do. It's called maturity. I know I was like that when I was Zedd's age. Then I ran into life. Zedd seems to be an articulate,stubborn 19 year old. quote: The other question already brought up, is this really a hill you want to die on? Is this really such a huge battle? I suppose a wiccan wouldn't want to got to a christian church. Exactly! I question whether this is the best way to exercise a parental peragative. I sincerely question whether cajoling someone into church attendance is even the best way to present the Gospel. Exercising your right as a parent is part of your witness to your children. Therefore, it must be used carefully. I know someone is going to take a shot at me for this, but going to church isn't going to do anything to save a person. Maybe a better way is to quietly witness and let God work.

sjd2008 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 7:18:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd [M] "Isn't it amazing, Zedd, how kidney beans are in the shape of a kidney and they also are good for your kidneys? God is an amazing creator!" [Z] "No. I don't think it is. Zedd, This may not a comfort to you. My mother says some of the exact same types of things to me with somewhat cheesy emails. I am a Christian and I'm a good deal older than you. Yes, it drives me crazy at times. No, I don't make a big deal because she's the only mother that I have. BTW, God is an amazing creator. Not because He makes kidney beans that are good for the kidney (?) but because He cares about us.

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