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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/17/2008 5:18:40 PM
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kmangel
Posts: 557
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: one_guy
Before anyone slams me for not thinking 'studying the Bible' is important then let me say that I didn't say that. I'm just saying that part of the purpose of a small group (I believe) is to grow closer to each other. Doesn't the pastor 'study the Bible' with everyone corporately on Sunday morning? For accountability, friendship and supportive reasons and bible study small groups exist. How can you know if your fellow small grouper beside you is going through a rough time in his life if you only see him once a week to study the book of Matthew for 2 hours? The pastor isn't going to notice either because he's got 2000 other people in his church. The only way that many people aren't going to fall through the cracks in the church is if they get involved in a small group and open up to some people.
Folks... I believe that small group members have a responsibility to each other. Maybe I'm wrong about that and if I am then that's fine. I guess I just don't have to be a part of a small group if I'm asking for so much.
You would fit right in with our church! Your description of a small group is what our small group ministry is trying to build in our church. It does come down to leadership and vision within the individual group. There are people with the same goals that you have--you just haven't met up with them yet.
Here's an idea--get involved in your church's small group ministry. Maybe your church needs a new vision and you have one to share. Have you considered that? To share your vision? It sounds like a passion for you and it may be the reason you are not finding a group to meet your needs is to motivate you to get involved in some way for change. Change has to start somewhere. It might as well be with you!
_____________________________
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
--Mark Twain
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/17/2008 5:26:35 PM
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OLEEguacamole
Posts: 1108
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i consider deep connected friendship to be rare and special. sometimes the connection is rather instant but often it grows over time.
deep connecting friendship is not the only wortthwhile relationship though. we can work together, worship together, influence each other, be challenged by each other in not very deep at all relationships.
perhaps if you accept the not so deep relationships as valid, and keep your eyes open for the potential deeper rare connections, you might feel less dissatisfied while waitingand looking.
_____________________________
there's life in a pit.
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/18/2008 6:06:10 PM
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tiffywal
Posts: 51
Joined: 4/14/2008
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Well here is my 2 cents:
Pray. pray and ask God where your set place is. Ask God where does he want you. My DH is military so we move around alot. I had a church that I loved in our hometown. After leaving there I couldn't find a church that felt like home or that was welcoming. When I moved to S.C. I knew I need a good church home. I let go of my idea of what a good church was and let God guide me. I found a church that was very welcoming and felt like home. God has a set place for you, you just has to pray and seek his guidance.
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/18/2008 7:33:50 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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Maybe its because church does not act like a family anymore as was directed in the Bible, but functions like a social organization. My question to you:
When you go to a football game, do you expect to be welcomed?
When you go to the theatre, a play, or a concert, do you expect others to rush to form deep connections with you?
If your answer was "no" to the above questions, we are getting somewhere. If your answer is Yes, I think your expectations are a little too high. When I go to the spectator sport which has come to be known as "Sunday Service." I do not EXPECT to form deep connections. Why? because it's an event. An entertainment venue no less. People are expecting to see excellent polished musicians playing top of the line contemporary Christian/gospel music! Attendees are paritioners and function as such. Not as brothers and sisters as we were commanded in Acts. Read Acts 2--read the whole book of Acts and look at the way the church functioned. We've strayed so far from that, now nobody knows what a church should look like these days. We call our "pastors" CEOs now.
You are part of what is a religious 501(3)c Organization! You are a volunteer there, or an attendee. You are not directly addressed in messages, and everyone is anxious to get out of service so they can go to brunch, beat traffic and "get on with real life."
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. But I assure you, there are people and plans in the works to get back to the Acts 2 family church that God intended.
My advice is to try to form bonds with people by extending yourself a little more. And search for a body of beievers (not necessarily a formal church) that can provide the intimacy, sharing, fellowship, and growth you desire.
Bless you!
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[Deleted] - 4/19/2008 9:53:37 PM
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/20/2008 8:35:09 AM
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themaestro
Posts: 35
Joined: 4/19/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tapestry
quote:
ORIGINAL: one_guy
I've struggled with this since I was a child. I've never felt welcome in a church. I mean I should feel welcome. I'm a nice guy to be around and I'm sincere and genuine. My co-workers love me. My neighbors love me. My wife and dog love me. Why doesn't the church?
I am the same. Over my lifetime I have only had 2 people I could refer to as close, soulmate type friends. There have been other close friends, not many, but some. None of them have been from the church I attended. The church I attend right now, there is not anyone I even hang out with or meet occasionally for tea. I have had people over to my house, but it never went past that.
I am involved at church, drive the Sunday school bus, attend meetings, tithe, etc. I talk to lots of folks on Sunday mornings and even occasionally during the week.
Why then do I not have any close friends at church? I really cannot answer that one, I do not know why.
I have done this too it works. Also to Old Methuselah your assessment was spot on.
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/20/2008 7:08:43 PM
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AnnieO
Posts: 21
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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Hi oneguy, I think dakotasunbeam really nailed it and gave you some excellent advice.
My own experience is that one of the best ways to find that body of believers is to find a Christian group that is reaching out to the community and join them.
Having a common purpose and goal where the group is looking outward and focused on how to be Jesus to their community has a tendency to remove the need for masks and cliques. Followers of Jesus who are out there on the front lines tend to be some of the realest people that you will meet. 
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/20/2008 8:19:46 PM
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MusicianDad
Posts: 125
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline
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My wife and I have both felt the same way in the past. We finally figured out that instead of trying to get involved with people who are involved, we look for those who are obviously left out. Is there someone who's down and out, maybe homeless? Single people often get pushed aside in a couples or family oriented church. Is there someone there who is just off putting in some way? All these types seem to be easyer to make friends with than the rich and beautiful movers and shakers, at least in my experience.
_____________________________
Heartland Rocks!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EK9opsMo0jg
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[Deleted] - 4/21/2008 12:47:04 AM
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RE: Why Don't I Feel Welcome When I Walk Into A Church? - 4/21/2008 1:00:11 AM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3685
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
Status: offline
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My church has a traditional service early Sunday morning where most dress up for church. Even the pastor wears a suit and tie. The other services are more contemporary and people pretty much come as they are. { Its amazing how even wearing jeans to church can be a "competitive" situation. }
So Easter comes around. Well I go to the contemporary service, usually wearing a golf shirt and jeans but on Easter, I kinda figure people would dres up a little and so I wore a tie. I think I was the only person to do so... LOL.
I am afriad you would get attention of you came to our church dressed in rags....probably more people would want to help you and talk to you and befriend you than you could take.
People are people too. Like I said, there is compitition even to dress down the best. I go to a very affluent church and you would be surprised how much people spend to look good in jeans. There is still the jewelry and Gouchi and Rolex. The BMW, Prowler, and 80,000 dollar suv's.
No one ever said to me my car was dirty or that it is 8 years old.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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[Deleted] - 4/21/2008 1:12:04 AM
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The Bible says that you will know my disciples by their LOVE for one another. You need to find a loving church!
