RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand
View related threads:
(in this forum
| in all forums)
|
Logged in as: Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/18/2008 6:08:08 PM
|
|
|
lpt
Posts: 159
Joined: 6/8/2006
From: Colorado Springs
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
this is what happens when i only get 15 hours of sleep over 3 nights. i really don't know why i said free. i am not opposed to wealthy Christians and i believe in capitalism! i have seen first hand how God blesses people financially in so many different ways. i think in my head when typing i was associating transparent with free. transparency is what i'd like to see. my problem is i'd like to see a review of various "Christian" sites somehow. i thank you for the recommendation. i just checked them without signing up and there are 92 women in their entire database? that's like 2 people per state and probably includes stale accounts?
here is an article i just found that lists stuff i like to see. i've been asking about the reviews here for a couple weeks thinking it would be cool. unfortunately the article is pretty scathing, still reading it now.
http://sounddoctorin.com/christsingles/christsingle.htm
I appreciate the clarification. I understand sleep deprivation. :-)
Please note that the page you saw with 92 women was merely a sample of a search. As that page says at the top, "This page is a sample of the abbreviated profile view that appears when you search for Christian single women in our dating community." There are thousands of single men and women in their database, with hundreds more joining each day.
I'm not sure how much the service costs, to be honest. On one page it says that a trial membership is free. Elsewhere I think I saw that it's $9 per month for a full membership, or something like that.
I heard about this site from friends here at Focus on the Family. The founder of the site, Dr. Kevin Lehman, is a frequent guest on Dr. Dobson's radio program. Beyond that, I really don't know much about this site....
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/18/2008 6:20:27 PM
|
|
|
Above_All
Posts: 12346
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: man's rib
Status: offline
|
My only explanation for the article is the same one made about giving out condoms in high school. Perhaps their mentality is, "People are going to have sex and one night stands no matter what so they may as well know how to approach it in the safest way possible."
Responsible one night stands. Foolish but I really am not surprised that they would promote that.
_____________________________
Table for Two...The Ends of the Earth
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/18/2008 6:48:39 PM
|
|
|
Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6067
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
|
Well, I glanced at a few other articles and they're no different than any other matching site out there. And that's disappointing.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/18/2008 7:16:03 PM
|
|
|
sharonjef2007
Posts: 1282
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline
|
Wow...that's a bummer about e-harmony. Especially considering you can't go 20 minutes watching tv without seeing a commercial about them which always made me mad since I was one of those 1 million people who were rejected.
And, even though I'm not a huge Dobson or Focus on the Family or especially Boundless fan....I'm glad to hear they don't get funding from e-harmony.
_____________________________
my blog......I guess it is time for an update.......
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/18/2008 11:06:51 PM
|
|
|
trinigirl722
Posts: 342
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: lpt
The advice column has been removed by eHarmony, likely because we at Focus on the Family have drawn attention to it here, on our blog and on the Family News in Focus radio program.
I am SO glad to hear that!!!! I joined eHarmony late 2006 and was an active member until the end of 2007. For a long time, I really enjoyed reading the articles on the site, many of them by Dr. Warren. They gave such solid, healthy (and clean) advice. But then they started the advice column, and at first one or two questionable articles appeared, then they slowly started becoming more frequent until a couple of issues ago I asked to be removed from their list because the articles were so shallow and sickening.
I do wonder, though, if Dr. Warren is still very involved in the site? I don't know his age, but I haven't seen an article by him in a long time, and he looks about retirement age. (I wrote the EH staff, and they said he didn't write any of the articles anymore.) Could it be that he's not that involved in the leadership of the site anymore?
I read one of his books, and he really does seem to feel a calling to help people have successful marriages. I confess I really don't see anything wrong with this. I believe God's given many Christians dreams to minister to others in ways that meet needs, even though they are not necessarily ministering only to Christians. The goal of having fewer divorces in our nation and world is a good one.
But I definitely agree, on the other hand, that to concede Christian principles and publish the recent advice column articles is wrong.
I guess what I'm saying is not to throw out the baby with the bath water. The eHarmony system is a good one; I personally know three couples who met and married through the site. I'm glad they've removed the advice column, but I'm also glad Dr. Warren's system is still available for people who want to get married, because it may help them find someone really well-suited for them. God can use this site too.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 3:19:42 AM
|
|
|
gaylel1
Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
|
Neil Clark Warren is another example of a Christian who is influenced by the world. It does not surprize me as a single person when someone who is a proffessing believer give this sort of advice.
I mean, this man advertise in both Christian and secular circles and he has been a "sell out", because he is marketing this service to "non believers", which includes Mormons, and other faiths who do not share "bibical christianity.
While I understand this is a business, he is indeed tarnishing his Christian witness and these sites are drawing inmature christians who do not know any better and are not using their holy spirit deception ears and eyes, but they are falling for anything.
No wonder FOTF (Focus on The Family) dropped their advertising with them because you cannot keep company with those who are continually compormising their beliefs, and this is what Warren is doing, because he wants to be in the world.
He is just another Christian psycholgist who is leading those astray--and don't get me started on Christian psychology--another subject for another time.
What's next? encouraging Christians to engage in pornagraphy, because the way Warren is going, he might as well just do that.
Any bible believing Christian should "Sound the Alarm"/b] on this issue and let people know that this or any so-called Christian matchmaking service is not for believers at all.
I'm not trying to make some of the e-harmony defenders angry here, but what LPT is posting make good sense and something which single bible believing christians should think about.
_____________________________
Come visit me at http://www.myspace.com/Gaylel121
or http://www.gayleplace.blogspot.com....
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 9:34:15 AM
|
|
|
dinomax55
Posts: 249
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: O-H-I-O
Status: offline
|
 I've used e-harmony, and have met some good, Bible-believing young women through it. I am aware of at 3 marriages from it, and that's only within my own circle of Christian acquaintances. Does the fact that it has non-believers on the service 'taint' the service, or its effectiveness? No! Does the fact that there are articles about one-night stands limit the service's effectiveness for Christians? No! What has any of that got to do with you? Is any of that stuff really influencing you? At all? Why is this so shocking? If you don't want to deal with people who have a lack of morals, simply put that in your profile.. Some of you come off as really judgmental, like by merely joining a dating site you are being force to commit fornication or something. C'mon! We're all adults here (I hope) and we should be able to make sound choices regarding the way we seek out companionship. "If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives freely..".. There is going to be work involved, and yes, you will have to separate the wheat from the chaff.
When you find the dating website for the 'super-saved' and 'super-pious', let me know. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but I don't think there is a 100000% pure dating website out there.
_____________________________
We can never achieve perfection.. but if we chase perfection we will catch excellence.
-Vince Lombardi
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 10:39:09 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 676
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: dinomax55
I've used e-harmony, and have met some good, Bible-believing young women through it. I am aware of at 3 marriages from it, and that's only within my own circle of Christian acquaintances. Does the fact that it has non-believers on the service 'taint' the service, or its effectiveness? No! Does the fact that there are articles about one-night stands limit the service's effectiveness for Christians? No! What has any of that got to do with you? Is any of that stuff really influencing you? At all? Why is this so shocking? If you don't want to deal with people who have a lack of morals, simply put that in your profile.. Some of you come off as really judgmental, like by merely joining a dating site you are being force to commit fornication or something. C'mon! We're all adults here (I hope) and we should be able to make sound choices regarding the way we seek out companionship. "If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives freely..".. There is going to be work involved, and yes, you will have to separate the wheat from the chaff.
When you find the dating website for the 'super-saved' and 'super-pious', let me know. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but I don't think there is a 100000% pure dating website out there.
I feel the same way as you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 11:26:36 AM
|
|
|
trainfan
Posts: 2545
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
|
quote:
When you find the dating website for the 'super-saved' and 'super-pious', let me know. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but I don't think there is a 100000% pure dating website out there.
I agree I don't think there is a 100000% pure dating website either b/c the owners of the website have no control over who posts a profile anymore than CW can control what sort of people post on the forums here. But they can control things like the topics of advice articles and things like that. Should I jump back into the on-line dating scene I would look for a website that if they claim to be a Christian site (as eharmony has) at least shows it by the site content they can control.
_____________________________
<---- The dog smiling.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 12:25:48 PM
|
|
|
gaylel1
Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
|
quote:
I've used e-harmony, and have met some good, Bible-believing young women through it. I am aware of at 3 marriages from it, and that's only within my own circle of Christian acquaintances. Does the fact that it has non-believers on the service 'taint' the service, or its effectiveness? No! Does the fact that there are articles about one-night stands limit the service's effectiveness for Christians? No! What has any of that got to do with you? Is any of that stuff really influencing you? At all? Why is this so shocking? If you don't want to deal with people who have a lack of morals, simply put that in your profile.. Some of you come off as really judgmental, like by merely joining a dating site you are being force to commit fornication or something. C'mon! We're all adults here (I hope) and we should be able to make sound choices regarding the way we seek out companionship. "If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives freely..".. There is going to be work involved, and yes, you will have to separate the wheat from the chaff.
I'ts not about being "judgemental" as you accuse some to be, but when people place articles about "one night stands" and encouraging fornication it sends the wrong message to single christians everywhere. This is another example of the world getting to the church, even with single christians these days because they are vunable of every opinion instead of what God says about it.
No, I don't think it is so shocking because nothing is shocking these days because we live in a world which is broken, yet ungodly these days because we let those who influence our thinking and the thinking is unwise because of the "world." And this includes someone like Warren.
When Warren opened up the floodgates for those who are not in the faith, something might has been up. And when e-harmony advertised in secular media, it was no longer a dating service for Christians, but he let the world and world influences get on board, and yes, I'm concerned about it.
Unfortnaly there are people outhere who don't know how to make sound choices (and I'm not talking about those on here, hopefully you will make a sound choice and not because he or she is a "Christian in name only) and end up with someone who compomise their beliefs. There are people who are on these Christian and non-christian dating services who come out as "Christians," but they do have entirely different belief system and unfortunatly especially our Christian sisters do get ripped off because they have been lied to, even decived. I was one of those people who thought everyone is a Christian, but you see, people like people in drug treatment centers, people who are practicing homosexuality and in other religious sects do frequent these sites, even e-harmony and you don't know if these people are following the lord, or are dishonest.
And I don't date these type of people because to me as a Christian woman, I want someone who can be a leader in the home, and not compomising what the world has to say. You don't know if these people who are a member of a fellowship and under a spiritual covering just because they are a Christian. That is very, very important, in my opinion.
Now people will tell you that there are people who are IRL will do the same thing, but on the net, people can play a game, thinking you are interested and yet that person is not the person who is on that profile.
_____________________________
Come visit me at http://www.myspace.com/Gaylel121
or http://www.gayleplace.blogspot.com....
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 1:32:20 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 676
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: dinomax55
When you find the dating website for the 'super-saved' and 'super-pious', let me know.
The main point here is that E-Harmony is encouraging sin. Do you want to be associated (financially supporting) with an organization that is encouraging people to go to hell?
Warren sold out.
quote:
Maybe I'm just skeptical, but I don't think there is a 100000% pure dating website out there.
There's not one. Nothing can be more than 100% pure.  (I'm an engineer, I couldn't help myself )
If you look at the E Harmony website, there is no claim that it is a Christian dating service, or solely a Christian dating service. It's not even a faith base dating service. Their claim is that they are a dating service that promotes compatibility as an effective tool in finding a life partner. They give advice to Christians and non Christians alike. If you're not one, then don't take the advice.
Perhaps Warren compromised his beliefs. THat's his personal failure before God. We can lose our respect for him and decide not to support him his business. THat's all fine and good. We all want to support someone with integrity. But you can't say that because of his personal failure, that E Harmony is not one of the more decent online dating site out there.
I've had a profile on E for months now but have never paid since none of the matches I received shows any credible sign that they are authentic Christ followers. Sure, they claim that they are Christians and probably matches my personality and temperament, but you have to understand that for a large majority of people who claim to be a Christian, they are referring to a "religion" that they were born and raised in, not a world view or a genuine faith that they follow. So, wisdom should always be practiced. Same goes for meeting "christian" people in church.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 1:53:15 PM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26333
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
I don't think the answer is quite that easy, as an owner of a Christian based business that caters to other business that are not necessarily Christian owned I have also been faced with questions about what are the ethical boundaries we will not cross. My company designs and maintains computer servers and networks for other companies. All of the founders of my company are Christians, but not all of our employees are Christians. Some of the ethical issues we have been challenged with at our company are things like, do we allow a non-Christian sales person to sell to a Internet PORN company or an abortion clinic, etc...? Do we allow our non-Christian sales people to "entertain" our non-Christian customers at a "strip club" or similarly ethically questionable establishments when our competitors are doing so? For us, the answer has been NO because we believe doing so would seriously affect our Christian witness even though we personally did not engage in these activities. People really do understand that at some level the owners of the company really do have control of what happens in their business. In the case of E-Harmony, I think the big question is does Neil Warren simply allow his site to be used by non-Christians while upholding Christian values or does he cater to those who are non-Christian by compromising Christian values. In this case, I believe he has clearly chosen the latter, and as such he has clearly tarnished his own Christian witness before a world that desperately needs to see Christ in him.
THAT was a most excellent post, Benelchi!!! 
_____________________________
Cleaning Toy Figurines
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 4:56:11 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 6863
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
If you look at the E Harmony website, there is no claim that it is a Christian dating service, or solely a Christian dating service. It's not even a faith base dating service. Their claim is that they are a dating service that promotes compatibility as an effective tool in finding a life partner. They give advice to Christians and non Christians alike. If you're not one, then don't take the advice.
Perhaps Warren compromised his beliefs. THat's his personal failure before God. We can lose our respect for him and decide not to support him his business. THat's all fine and good. We all want to support someone with integrity. But you can't say that because of his personal failure, that E Harmony is not one of the more decent online dating site out there.
If they are promoting one night stands then I'd hesitate to call them decent. If Dr Warren's failure was between him and God then he wouldn't be trumpeting his "Lets all get together and have a one night stand" website all over the airwaves. His actions make a mockery of his faith, and that reflects badly on the church. Paul gives direction on how to handle such an instance (1 Cor 5:1-6 continued with 1 Cor 9-11.) We are not to associate with a brother that is immoral.
quote:
but you have to understand that for a large majority of people who claim to be a Christian, they are referring to a "religion" that they were born and raised in, not a world view or a genuine faith that they follow. So, wisdom should always be practiced. Same goes for meeting "christian" people in church.
This is true of any such site.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/19/2008 11:36:28 PM
|
|
|
Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1154
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
|
You know, I'd just like to say . . .
I do think married people can give singles advice? God's wisdom and Spirit indwells all believers. I truly believe I could get good biblical advice from a married person as well as a single. While its true that some married "discriminate" against singles (this sounds so funny), there is no reason why we singles should discriminate against married.
lpt, although I do not use eharmony, I thank you for posting this warning. I will alert any other Christians I learn of that are using the site of its change.
Thank you!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/20/2008 11:07:07 PM
|
|
|
dsfuva
Posts: 2367
Joined: 8/25/2005
From: Virginia
Status: offline
|
A number of posters are grateful that lpt posted the information about eHarmony’s departure from biblical values and standards. And I join those who are deeply disturbed by the referenced article.
However, lpt is, by his own admission, associated with Focus on the Family through FOTF’s Boundless website. While eHarmony and FOTF parted ways a few years back, eHarmony would have never gotten off the ground in the first place without FOTF’s support. Is there anyone else besides me who sees something wrong with this picture?
Let’s also not forget that the Boundless website and blog have dealt with some controversy of their own. But I don't want to take this thread off-topic by going into too much detail beyond that.
The bottom line: while eHarmony has some disturbing material on its website, Boundless and Focus on the Family should first make sure their own houses are in order.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/21/2008 1:11:58 PM
|
|
|
lpt
Posts: 159
Joined: 6/8/2006
From: Colorado Springs
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: dsfuva
A number of posters are grateful that lpt posted the information about eHarmony’s departure from biblical values and standards. And I join those who are deeply disturbed by the referenced article.
However, lpt is, by his own admission, associated with Focus on the Family through FOTF’s Boundless website. While eHarmony and FOTF parted ways a few years back, eHarmony would have never gotten off the ground in the first place without FOTF’s support. Is there anyone else besides me who sees something wrong with this picture?
Let’s also not forget that the Boundless website and blog have dealt with some controversy of their own. But I don't want to take this thread off-topic by going into too much detail beyond that.
The bottom line: while eHarmony has some disturbing material on its website, Boundless and Focus on the Family should first make sure their own houses are in order.
dsfuva -- you are right in implying that the editor of Boundless is sinful, and (surprise!) has made mistakes. Likewise, Focus on the Family has made some mistakes. It is my prayerful desire to see the Boundless house "in order"; If you see some ways to help us with this, please feel free to e-mail me personally at editor@boundless.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: eHarmony advice: How to navigate the one night stand - 4/21/2008 4:49:34 PM
|
|
|
Above_All
Posts: 12346
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: man's rib
Status: offline
|
I don't expect any organization to be perfect in any way, whether business or church. What's more important than the mistakes made are the efforts for correction. It calls for our prayers. We serve them as much as they serve us.
_____________________________
Table for Two...The Ends of the Earth
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
