RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (Full Version)

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Mrs.Dawgfan -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 3:05:36 PM)

I have to honestly say that I post less in singles lately because I don't get responses to my posts like I used to...even if it has nothing to do with the subject of being single. I've speculated but not too much on why.

But I do know it has resulted in a loss of 3,000 posts. Ha



stellaluna -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 3:21:47 PM)

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 3:39:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.

It's a comfort thing. People flock to where they're most comfortable. I am not a typical, quiver full, stay at home all natural mom so I don't venture too far into the parenting or women's threads. *shrug* It's just how it is.



stellaluna -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 3:51:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.

It's a comfort thing. People flock to where they're most comfortable. I am not a typical, quiver full, stay at home all natural mom so I don't venture too far into the parenting or women's threads. *shrug* It's just how it is.

I'm not either. But there are 30+ other folders. [;)]

I think singles would be edified by posting elsewhere. I think others on the board would be edified by singles posting elsewhere.



John_O -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 4:54:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.


Congratulations Stella!! (I hadn't heard before)



John_O -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 4:55:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.

It's a comfort thing. People flock to where they're most comfortable. I am not a typical, quiver full, stay at home all natural mom so I don't venture too far into the parenting or women's threads. *shrug* It's just how it is.

I'm not either. But there are 30+ other folders. [;)]

I think singles would be edified by posting elsewhere. I think others on the board would be edified by singles posting elsewhere.


But my friends are here, why should I go elsewhere?



Mrs.Dawgfan -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 4:59:55 PM)

To talk about topics?

But if your intention is purely to make friends and hang out then I suppose topical threads wouldn't matter much.



stellaluna -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 5:15:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna
Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.

Congratulations Stella!! (I hadn't heard before)

Thanks! One year on May 19. [:D]

(Edited to add that we met the old-fashioned way...in real life. [8D])



.Pammy -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 5:25:01 PM)

I don't mind marrieds in the singles folder, but I don't feel they should dominate, as others have said. They could have valuable insight, etc. (others have said all this better than I could).

Personally, I'm all over the board besides Singles. PFY, Women, Blog Towne, Community Lounge a bit, TV, even M&E (they've begun a few light-hearted threads). If I'm bored and nothing interests me in Singles (I'm not looking for a mate, remember, so I avoid those types of threads), I look at the "posts since last visit".

Edited: changed "recent posts" to "posts since last visit".

I just realized I posted this in the wrong thread, so I'm copying it and putting it in the right thread. I hope that's okay.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 6:18:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.

It's a comfort thing. People flock to where they're most comfortable. I am not a typical, quiver full, stay at home all natural mom so I don't venture too far into the parenting or women's threads. *shrug* It's just how it is.

I'm not either. But there are 30+ other folders. [;)]

I think singles would be edified by posting elsewhere. I think others on the board would be edified by singles posting elsewhere.


But my friends are here, why should I go elsewhere?

[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]



lpt -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 6:59:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TomTurn

Who is married yet hangs out a good deal in the singles forum. And if here do you hang out with singles in your Church or day to day life?

And why if yes to one or all?


I'm married (though I was single for 36 years), and lurk here (and occasionally post comments) fairly regularly. I'm in singles ministry, and I find the conversations help me stay a bit more relevant to those I serve.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 7:05:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

But my friends are here, why should I go elsewhere?
To make more friends.


If I had never ventured out of Community Lounge (actually, it was General Topics when I started posting there), I never would have made half the very real and dear friends I have today. I love my friends in Community Lounge and I have a very special place in my heart for them, but my heart is also big enough and has room enough for other friends who I also hold very dear to my heart.

Interestingly enough, I'm sure many of my friends in Community Lounge feel the same way because they also have those same kind of relationships with people in other folders.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 7:11:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

One reason to check if someone is married, is so you know how to respond to them appropriately. We should and do speak to marrieds differently. I would never want something I said misconstrued. I would not flirt online anyway, but I would not have light hearted banter with a married man; this would be inappropriate.
I'm not convinced it's a matter of "should" in regards to speaking to people differently based on whether they're married or single.. I've been sitting here trying to think of anyone (regardless of their marital status) that I intentionally speak differently to. The only instances I can think of is when I was married to CS or in some type of an exclusive relationship. But other than that, I speak to married people the same way I speak to single people.



BTW, Nadine - hey! [:)] I've enjoyed reading your posts since my recent return to the Singles folder. I can see you put a lot of thought into them.

Blessings,
Sharon-Marie



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 7:32:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

One reason to check if someone is married, is so you know how to respond to them appropriately. We should and do speak to marrieds differently. I would never want something I said misconstrued. I would not flirt online anyway, but I would not have light hearted banter with a married man; this would be inappropriate.
I'm not convinced it's a matter of "should" in regards to speaking to people differently based on whether they're married or single.. I've been sitting here trying to think of anyone (regardless of their marital status) that I intentionally speak differently to. The only instances I can think of is when I was married to CS or in some type of an exclusive relationship. But other than that, I speak to married people the same way I speak to single people.



BTW, Nadine - hey! [:)] I've enjoyed reading your posts since my recent return to the Singles folder. I can see you put a lot of thought into them.

Blessings,
Sharon-Marie

I don't speak to married women differently(since I am a woman), but I do speak to married men differently to avoid the appearance of evil. I do this in real life and online. I did not realize I was doing it until recently when I was speaking to a man and the conversation took on an easy banter. I immediately looked at his ring finger.
Online example- a man PMed me about something I mentioned in another thread. I looked at his profile in order to find out his marital status, in order to rightly word my PM I sent back.

Thank you for the kind words Shar Mar![:)]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 8:24:07 PM)

You're very welcomed, Nadine.


As to how I speak to men, I intentionally don't speak to men differently based on their marital status for the very reason that you do.

I do joke around with married men and I do it in the same manner as I do with unmarried men. I also do such joking with married men in front of their wives or not; but it's never on an inappropriate level and people (both men and women) know that about me . . . and if they don't, they learn very quickly. I guage my level of conversation based on the person's personal comfort level: some are fine with light hearted joking, some are not and I respect that.

I also have a line that I will not cross - with single nor married men.

I was being silly with my pastor from Jackson this morning. His wife was on one extension and he was on the other. She had to leave for an appointment, but he and I kept talking for a few minutes afterwards. Nothing untoward was said from either one of us; everything I said to him as a married man, I would have said to him in front of his wife, and I would have said to him if he were single.

If he were single, I wouldn't have added anything to the conversation that what was already said.



chemdude77 -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 9:13:24 PM)

I spend more time in Sports and Hobbies, Community Lounge, and Music. And I am single.

Face it, Singles forum is much more fun than the Conspiracy thread! [sm=moocow.gif]

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Now that I'm married, I don't hang out in singles at all. However, sometimes I see an interesting thread name in the last post column and I click on it to see what that's all about. I might post, but mostly I don't.

I would like to see more people in the singles folder posting in other areas of the board, though.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 9:17:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

You're very welcomed, Nadine.


As to how I speak to men, I intentionally don't speak to men differently based on their marital status for the very reason that you do.

I do joke around with married men and I do it in the same manner as I do with unmarried men. I also do such joking with married men in front of their wives or not; but it's never on an inappropriate level and people (both men and women) know that about me . . . and if they don't, they learn very quickly. I guage my level of conversation based on the person's personal comfort level: some are fine with light hearted joking, some are not and I respect that.

I also have a line that I will not cross - with single nor married men.

I was being silly with my pastor from Jackson this morning. His wife was on one extension and he was on the other. She had to leave for an appointment, but he and I kept talking for a few minutes afterwards. Nothing untoward was said from either one of us; everything I said to him as a married man, I would have said to him in front of his wife, and I would have said to him if he were single.

If he were single, I wouldn't have added anything to the conversation that what was already said.


Two things may account for our differences in this area(of
course it could be neither.[8D])

1.) You plan on staying single and many people around you probably know this, therefore you feel comfortable being open with married men because of this fact. also the people around you including your pastor and his wife, do not perceive you as a threat because of this fact. (Your being married twice probably plays into this as well.)

I on the other hand do not desire to stay single. I am in no way, shape or form persuing a relationship here, however the behavior carries over from real life.

2.) I was in full time ministry and I have had my life picked apart and looked at under a microscope. After awhile you become ultra careful of how your are percieved. They are looking.[8|] believe me.

3.) None of the above.[:D]



John_O -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 9:33:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

But my friends are here, why should I go elsewhere?
To make more friends.


Are they single? If not, why would I be spending time talking to a married woman? (That's almost adulterous in my eyes. She should be talking to her husband, not to some other guy online). Or would you want me to snub all the women just to avoid striking up a friendship with a married woman?

If I want an argument I'll roam out to CE or M&E. But the rest of the areas hold no interest for me. I've got all I can do to read everything here.

I barely have time to check my PFY thread



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 9:34:11 PM)

ROFLOL!

Actually, none of the above . . . kinda.


(1) I don't know if I will stay single the rest of my life; I don't consider it one way or another. What I am at this moment (and what I've pretty much been for almost 20 years) is "not looking / not waiting". And actually, some people who know me do know this fact, but also some people don't. Some other people hope it's not true and some even other people just flat out don't believe me. [:D] (My pastor by the way will periodically ask me if I've met anybody yet; I just laugh at them; he especially WANTS me to be married).

(2) While I've never been in full-time ministry, I have definitely had my life picked apart, analyzed and gnat-strained; both by Believers and not-yet believers alike. I live my life according to how Our Lord's Holy Spirit directs me. My Christian friends know where I stand in my faith and with my relationship with Our Lord, and so do my not-yet Christian friends.

Gossips are going to gossip; regardless of whether they are in the faith or not. They're going to nit-pick and gnat-strain until something's particle dust. If someone wants to spend time contemplating the right or wrong of my life, that's really their business and not mine.

(I could elaborate on the appearances of evil, but that would take the thread very off-topic).

3) [sm=purplelaugh.gif]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 9:54:31 PM)

quote:

Gossips are going to gossip; regardless of whether they are in the faith or not. They're going to nit-pick and gnat-strain until something's particle dust.


No doubt.[sm=pirate.gif]

quote:

If someone wants to spend time contemplating the right or wrong of my life, that's really their business and not mine.


I have not reached the place where I can say this yet. I hope to get there at some point. I am still trying to be that impossibly perfect person, that no one can be, to avoid all accusations.[sm=halo.gif][sm=popsigh.gif][&:]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 9:57:08 PM)

The only thing that I'm perfect at is being completely imperfect. [sm=icon_smile_tongue.gif]



John_O -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/28/2008 10:54:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

The only thing that I'm perfect at is being completely imperfect. [sm=icon_smile_tongue.gif]


And you do such a good job at it too![:D]



Mrs.Dawgfan -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/29/2008 2:54:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

But my friends are here, why should I go elsewhere?
To make more friends.


Are they single? If not, why would I be spending time talking to a married woman? (That's almost adulterous in my eyes. She should be talking to her husband, not to some other guy online). Or would you want me to snub all the women just to avoid striking up a friendship with a married woman?

If I want an argument I'll roam out to CE or M&E. But the rest of the areas hold no interest for me. I've got all I can do to read everything here.

I barely have time to check my PFY thread



John, I am sure that your friendships here in singles all have some sort of boundary. You have made it very clear that if you are not interested in a woman then your friendship with her would be very limited. And you do have male friends in singles as well. And we are talking about simple discussions about topical things on line, not serious friendships. Married people don't come to CW in general to have serious friendships with the opposite sex. You wouldn't do that so you can feel pretty confident that others wouldn't either.

There are good and valid reasons to venture out of singles. Not having enough time is a suitable reason. No problem with that one.



stellaluna -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/29/2008 10:33:45 AM)

I agree with Trish. In fact, the only folder in which I see any kind of flirting or crossing any lines that I'm not comfortable with is Singles. Yep.

99.9% of the conversations in the other folders are simply that--conversations among a group of people, not cozying up to someone of the opposite sex. I think holing oneself away in one folder gives one a warped perception of the rest of the board. And in the rest of the board, new ideas and perceptions are always welcome. (Indeed, they are often needed. [8|])

I think single people shouldn't be sequestered in the "whoa is me, no one understands what it's like to be a single Christian" camp. You guys should be all over the board! Running willy nilly through the threads! Making yourselves heard to the masses! There are many people you don't know here who could benefit from your insight or expertise. Come out, come out, wherever you are!

John_O, you're raising a daughter alone--you don't have an opinion on Miley Cyrus? Or when co-sleeping should stop? You took care of your wife as she died and you have no words of wisdom to impart on the hurting people in the marriage folder? Please.

Many of you sell yourselves short. [sm=aside.gif]



stellaluna -> RE: Married but hanging out in singles forum (4/29/2008 10:36:16 AM)

Let me encourage everyone to use "willy nilly" in a post today.
[8D]



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