Music Jokes

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uniteforlife -> Music Jokes (4/20/2008 10:00:16 AM)
Some musician jokes. Anyone have some more? What did Kenny G. say when he got off the elevator?..... "Man, this place rocks!" What do you call someone who's always hanging out with musicians?....... A drummer. What is the difference between a dead possum on the side of the road and a dead bassoon player on the side of the road?.... The possum was on the way to a paying gig. What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass players arm?..... A tattoo How do you know theres a singer at your door?..... They can never find the key and don't know when to come in. What is the least heard phrase in the english language?..... That's the banjo players Porsche

benelchi -> RE: Music Jokes (4/20/2008 10:06:52 AM)
Explanation for those who are not Horn players: The Harmonics on a French Horn are so close together that you can play entire scales without ever using the valves; this makes hitting the right note quite challenging sometimes. The Joke: Do you know why the French Horn is a Divine Instrument? Because a man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out!

iluvatar -> RE: Music Jokes (4/20/2008 2:53:58 PM)
What's the difference between a pop musician and a jazz musician? A pop musician plays three chords to a thousand people. -Dan.

wbporter -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 8:06:43 AM)
That reminds me of a Christmas story about a cymbal . My school was right next door to Norwich Cathedral, and so our Christmas carol service was always held there. The school, despite supplying boys for the cathedral choir, had just about no other music at all. For the carol service one year, the head of music decided to have a brass group up in the organ loft to accompany some of the carols, in addition to the organ. This used up just about all the instrumentalists in the school. A day or two before the service, he decided also that it would be really nice to have a big clash of cymbals at an appropriate point in one of the carols. We didn't have any percussion players at all, so the best remaining musician, a cellist, was pressed into service. All went well in rehearsals. However, on the night, he saw & heard a thousand people singing in the nave, and decided that an extra loud cymbal clash would be needed if anyone was going to hear him. He didn't know that cymbals have to be brought together obliquely, and so did a huge clash by ramming them directly towards each other. Inevitably, he turned one of the cymbals inside out! He was then faced with having to do another clash in the second verse, with an inside-out cymbal. Quickly he put the good one down, put the bad one between his knees and pushed on it for all he was worth. The cymbal snapped back into shape with a tremendous sound BOINK! which could be heard from the back of the cathedral. The brass players all collapsed with laughter, and it was just as well the organist couldn't see us, so he carried on playing. The cymbal clash for the second verse was quieter! That one was from here.

tafkam -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 9:45:59 AM)
Q: What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund? A: The mutual fund matures and makes money. Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and a tenor. Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

freakofnature -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 9:57:00 AM)
What do you call the guy with the truck that carries all...ALL... of the equipment to the shows? -The bass player... Not much of a joke I know: I am just still really tired of the guitar players and singers showing up 20 minutes before a gig and I get to do all of the work.

MusicianDad -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 10:28:25 AM)
Q. What do drummers get on their SAT's? A. Drool Q. You see a raod kill in the middle of the road. How do you tell if it's a keytar player or a dead skunk? A. Skid marks in front of the skunk.

DaveW -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 12:27:20 PM)
What is a minor second? 2 violists playing in unison. Why are musicians always the first in line at a buffet? They don't want to miss the down bite. When on gamba you're learning to fiddle, At first there's this terrible riddle. It isn't the fourths That throw you off course; It's the dadburn third in the middle. They told my I could not play 32nd notes. I just fooled them all and played one....[:)]

uniteforlife -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 5:56:27 PM)
Good stuff! How do you get a guitar player to play softer?... Give him some sheet music What's an accordion good for?... Learning to fold a map How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?... Start with 2 million How do you tell if a musician is successful?... His wife has 2 jobs. A bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the annual performance of Handel's Messiah. He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?" The bass player replied, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?"

uniteforlife -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 6:15:56 PM)
A guy was visiting Beethoven's grave. As he's standing there, he hears the 9th symphony playing backwards. Shocked, he finds the grave keeper and tells him of the strange occurrence. The grave keeper replies: "Oh, don't be concerned, he's just decomposing." Mozart at a bar: "One vodka martini, please. Agitato, not appassionato." "I'm told that Wagner's music is not as bad as it sounds." -- Mark Twain

Terath -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 9:05:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: uniteforlife What do you call someone who's always hanging out with musicians?....... A drummer. They will never find your body.....j/k[:D]

uniteforlife -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 9:08:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Terath quote: ORIGINAL: uniteforlife What do you call someone who's always hanging out with musicians?....... A drummer. They will never find your body.....j/k[:D] Ha ha, I know... I told that to my friends wife who is a drummer... She was not too amused... [:D]

1mlasp -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 9:27:54 PM)
How do you get a drummer to stop playing? Put sheet music in front of him. How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? 10....one to change it and nine to say how much better they could have done it. How can you tell if a stage is level? There is drool coming out of both sides of the violist's mouth. How do you get a trombone to sound like a french horn? Stick your hand in the bell and play a bunch of wrong notes.

nealmorsefan -> RE: Music Jokes (4/21/2008 10:55:32 PM)
Wow.....all I can say is: ROFL. Thank you all for the humor! Except the last post by 1mlasp...dude, I can recommend a good therapist to ya. Just PM me. [;)]

1mlasp -> RE: Music Jokes (4/22/2008 2:57:05 PM)
okay okay okay.....I thought if I sandwiched the more offensive joke between the milder ones, no one would notice. It's gone now! [:D]

KatMack -> RE: Music Jokes (4/22/2008 3:20:36 PM)
I must preface this with the fact that my former boss was a drummer and I loved to pick on him... What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?.... homeless. --Kat

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