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mbgb -> RE: i don't love my husband (4/27/2008 7:24:42 PM)
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Carriebear,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I will be praying for you. You are not alone. I am in an unequally yoked marriage nad have had MANY problems and we've not been married 2 years yet. I was separted from him for almost 5 months, we just moved back in together. I was no fool, but being separated was a big slap in my face that I needed from God so I would focus on Him again. So I did, for 5 months. I didn't have a timeline on our marriage and had every intention of heading for divorce because my husband verbally abused me too. He didn't listen, and fought against every single thing I said. He was emotionally unavailable. I tried everything and we went to counseling, and I read every book I could get suggested to me about the subject. Nothing works like a relationship with our Father in Heaven. Period. I finally came to realize it was just going to take that to make my marriage work, and on that note, anything in my life to feel the way I wanted it to. I strayed for several years from God, that's how I ended up unequally yoked. I'ts no excuse and I still struggle with my sins.
Deermousie was right, you have got to absorb youself in God's word, and only focus on that relationship. I know it will be hard, but once you begin doing it, you will remember why our God is the only one we really need. He fulfills our deepest desires far more than any man could. That's what I did for those 5 months of our separation. My husband would call me, and at first we just got into our same arguments. As I began my walk with the Lord again, I was able to not respond to his harsh words, I would keep quiet and realized it wasn't really me he was yelling at but he was just yelling, and me keeping quiet actually let him slowly shut his trap on his own. I discovered that I think he does have serious issues communicating, and his weakness in that area sent me on a tizzy because he would speak loudly and non sympathetically to me, he would get mad at me for the tiniest things. Turns out he wasn't really mad and he didn't realize he was even affecting me the way he was. We would get in fights and he would call me names, that hurt so bad. But without God in his heart, he doesn't realize how bad it hurts. I have now given all of that to God. I realized I also needed to try very hard to become the wife God wanted me to be. I am doing that now, and Rob is super-sweet to me lately. It does take a lot of sucking in of your pride, because it's hard to just "submit" when someone is berating you, but once I began doing that, I found after he was finised, I could more easily express my displeasure with how he just treated me. I realize he feels really bad when he does it. So now because I don't do anything bad when he yells at me, the guilt sets in, I believe. And I can come to him when everything's calmed down and discuss why he really said those things. It can be very hurtful unless you have God right there with you. That's the only way I could do it. I just asked God to be right beside me and carry me through our discussion and I focus on Him all day everyday if I can. I cling to His face when I am in our house, and it brings me joy, and my husband sees that. He's not upset because I'm in a good mood. I used to just get mad at him all the time, and tell him all the things he doesn't do for me. He has no right to call me names or abuse me in any way, but I guess I am just focusin on God right now and trying to do His will. If my husband ever hits me though, I am definitely out. He did hit me once, and that's when we separated. But I also had hit him several times before. I just think we were so mixed up with no communication and things got so bad, that there was no help for us previously.
This new life of ours has all been made possible by onlyl God himself, not me, so I just want to make that very clear. Anyway, also a great website has been my lifesaver. I suggest you get their daily emails. it's called www.rejoiceministries.org The testimony from the people who are in charge of this site is amazing, and they send out amazing uplifting emails everyday with devotionals and testimonies from their time in the desert as a couple. God used all of our times in the desert if we come to him. The devil tempted me over and over to just give up and leave and convinced me my time in the desert was wasted, but God used it. Moses was in the desert for 40 years and God used that time to prepare him for the greater good. Your only hope is to turn to God, but you will not regret this choice.
God bless you, I'll be praying!!!
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