Tough stuff.... (Full Version)

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MsSara -> Tough stuff.... (4/25/2008 4:56:47 PM)

Let me start out by saying that I've been cheated on before so I know how it feels, which prompts me to ask this question. Have any of you ever found yourself in a situation with a man/woman who was involved with someone else? I'm not talking about a married man/woman, but someone who has a girlfriend/boyfriend of sorts. I would never have pictured myself in a this predicament, but here I am, with feelings for someone who has a girlfriend. Let me also say, my feelings for him are mostly because of the feelings he shows he has for me. This is not one sided at all. Please no judgement here, I'm just asking advice from someone who may have found themselves in this same situation. We are both Christians and we both know our weaknesses, but there is just something there.



MrsOliver -> RE: Tough stuff.... (4/25/2008 5:08:26 PM)

In my experience:
I prayed and prayed and prayed about it. And for God to either open the door completely or close it completely.
You don't want to start anything when he is already in a relationship. IN my experience, 10 months later God opened the door! We are now married and serving the Lord together. Just trust God, to walk you through it.

You can openly and honestly talk to him about how serious he is about his girlfriend and if his feelings, that you see, towards you, are for real or not. If you both have your feelings on the table, you can make a better decision on how to move forward, or not.
I would strongly suggest that you continue to respect him enough to end that relationship before beginning one with you. Besides if he isn't ready to end it, you wouldn't be getting a "whole" person because part of him will still be committed to her.


Mrs. Oliver



ChoirDJ -> RE: Tough stuff.... (4/25/2008 5:40:30 PM)

Let me take your question and hypothetically phrase it another way - a way that should clarify any confusion over how you should proceed.

How would you want to be treated if the situation were reversed and you happened to be the girlfriend? How would you feel if you "happened" to (hypothetically)overhear a conversation between this other woman and him expressing their mutual interest in each other? How would you want (and expect) the other woman to respond if she were a Christian?

I would encourage you to "do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

Does this help at all?

BTW, it's a violation of the TOS Policy to start multiple threads on the same issue as you've done in this thread: http://forums.crosswalk.com/Hey_guys%25%25%25%25_Bad_day%25/m_3357159/mpage_1/tm.htm#1



SD456 -> RE: Tough stuff.... (4/25/2008 9:56:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ

Let me take your question and hypothetically phrase it another way - a way that should clarify any confusion over how you should proceed.

How would you want to be treated if the situation were reversed and you happened to be the girlfriend? How would you feel if you "happened" to (hypothetically)overhear a conversation between this other woman and him expressing their mutual interest in each other? How would you want (and expect) the other woman to respond if she were a Christian?

I would encourage you to "do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

Does this help at all?

BTW, it's a violation of the TOS Policy to start multiple threads on the same issue as you've done in this thread: http://forums.crosswalk.com/Hey_guys%25%25%25%25_Bad_day%25/m_3357159/mpage_1/tm.htm#1


Great advice, choir. I know how I'd feel if I was the other woman and overheard that kind of conversation. I'd be heartbroken.



MsSara -> RE: Tough stuff.... (4/28/2008 2:24:04 PM)

Thanks for all the advice. You are all right and I know what is right and what isn't right, but things are never that cut and dry when there are feelings involved. Like I said, I've been in those other shoes before and I know how it feels, which makes it so hard for me to accept that I'm now in the "other Girls" shoes. I am trying hard just to run from this temptation and give my relationship with this man to God. Thanks again for your advice.
I wasn't aware of the rule about that. Appreciate you letting me know.



mostofall -> RE: Tough stuff.... (5/2/2008 3:45:58 PM)

I read this thread of conversation, thought I really didn't have anything to add, and then upon reflection realized that I do. I can see that you already know the things that have been said to you in this thread. You know it can cause pain to his girlfriend, you know it's wrong, etc. But, you still have feelings for him, and that's what you have to deal with.

What I don't see discussed here is how this will affect you. This is clearly making you feel bad about yourself, even as you still desire to be with him - confusing feelings. I would say, keep this in mind: You are a child of God, and as such deserve to be loved wholly and completely by a man who loves and desires only you. You are not intended to be leftovers, second place, or "plan B" if "plan A" doesn't work out.

His intentions have been made clear in that he is still in a relationship with this other woman while making his feelings about you clear: He wants both of you. You don't deserve that. Men have a way of making us feel special even as they treat us badly. Don't fall for that, and move away from him so that the man who God truly intends to be in your life has room to enter.

The red flag that you are seeing is your sign to run - quickly - in the other direction. The situation can only lead to one thing - the breaking of two hearts - neither of which are his.



ChoirDJ -> RE: Tough stuff.... (5/2/2008 4:46:39 PM)

Very well-stated mostofall...sounds like she may still be on the fence and in need of some additional appealing to her better sense of judgement.

MsSara don't be so foolish as to jump on a train that is certainly bond to wreck and sooner or later you will be emotionally devastating at the end of it all. You have feelings for someone that isn't available. Don't "try" to run...Run!



DustyLady -> RE: Tough stuff.... (5/4/2008 4:27:51 PM)

Some good advice has been offered here, and I can't add a lot more to it. I have, in the past, found myself attracted to men who were either married or in a romantic relationship with someone else, and I know it hurts. Give yourself some time to get past this, perhaps by keeping busy with other interests or with other friends until the pain eases. And, most of all, keep away from this man if at all possible. Don't put yourself in the way of temptation.

There is a man out there for you somewhere; trust in God to help you find him.

Dusty



jlp1 -> RE: Tough stuff.... (5/5/2008 4:43:09 PM)

Let him finish the relationship he is in, if that's what he plan to do and don't get involved. And if it ends then maybe you guys can start a relationship right. How you start a relationship is how it will end. You and him just might have somthing special but you can't get inolved in their relationship.



MsSara -> RE: Tough stuff.... (5/7/2008 2:12:34 PM)

Thanks MostofAll, and everyone else who has posted. Most people don't really see these situations as being hard for the "other person" too, and just think of them as deceitful and sneaky. I thought this way also until I found myself in the situation and it opens my eyes to how much we are ruled by emotions and how hard it is to turn from them when we know it isn't right. Your words of encouragment and lack of judgement is so appreciated! God Bless you all.



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