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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 3:29:58 PM
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sunluvingirl
Posts: 1406
Joined: 6/11/2007
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I don't want to sound like every day will be miserable, thats not the case, I love them & we can have fun, its just the unspoken disapproval or maybe in some cases ,not unspoken, so I don't know which is worse!
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"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 4:14:14 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3136
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunluvingirl
I don't want to sound like every day will be miserable, thats not the case, I love them & we can have fun, its just the unspoken disapproval or maybe in some cases ,not unspoken, so I don't know which is worse!
I prefer the spoken, then I feel like can respond, otherwise, I keep my mouth shut.
See my whole family are leftist Liberals I am a Conservative Christan Republican. We are all vocal and opinionated but I refrain from talking about politics with my family. They however, take every opportunity to be vocal in my presence to the extent of being taunting or provoking. When my hubby was still here, we would laugh about it afterwards, now I have to deal with it alone and it is very uncomfortable. We love each other and have good times too. But when the topic turns to politics, I want to disappear.kwim
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Nadine
"It's like every thing good collided today" quote from my 8yr old daughter
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 7:10:01 PM
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hisprincess59
Posts: 267
Joined: 7/17/2007
From: Tulsa, OK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I am real with both believers and unbelievers. By "real", I mean that I am myself. I don't try to be someone I am not and I don't misrepresent myself. However, I am more open (both on-line and IRL) with unbelievers than I am with believers for the simple reason that, in my experience anyway, unbelievers are much less judgemental. This belief has been supported by the fact that when I did reveal, on this forum, the parts of my life I normally keep to myself, I was openly ridiculed on three different occasions.
Shemaromans:
Again, I fall back on the Bible. It's my road map. It tells us to hold each other accountable. If someone wants to be upset with me for pointing out a Biblical truth, then they can be upset with me. In truth, it's a good thing as God can work in those people's lives to grow them, if they'll be open to his nudgings. And vice versa. I want others to hold me accountable as well and for God to teach me through their reminders of the truth. In fact, I welcome it.
Well said, once again. We ARE told to hold one another accountable. It's just that we often fail to do so in a loving way. Yes, non-Christians are less judgmental. I would expect them to be, considering how many of them are living their lives. That being said, many "Christians" are not living their lives any different...and I don't know what Jesus they are a witness to, but it's certainly not the one written about in the scriptures.
I too like Harry Potter books and othe "un-acceptable" things. But I am old enough and wise enough (most days, anyway) to know the difference between right and wrong and good and evil, even real and fake Christianity. And even so...most days I fall short of what I know to be right. I'm still working on that.
"As He is, so are we, in this world." We are called to live life as Christ, not like Christ (there's a huge difference between these two words. If you don't believe me, look them both up). What we often fail to realize is, while He was here, he left Divinity up in heaven and operated with only the powers/faculties WE have been given to work with. Nothing more.
All that to say this...I will say anything here that I would say anywhere else, even more so...as I hope my fellow Christians would be more able to understand and relate.
There are sometimes things that maybe should not be said here...but often they had no place in the conversation anyway, except to be thrown in gratuitously or to elicit a response of some sort. The rest is just part of discussion, and I deal with the comments, challenge them, or ignore them.
< Message edited by hisprincess59 -- 4/28/2008 7:17:48 PM >
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 9:28:08 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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Thanks, John_O!
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
As a believer if someone points out something that I am doing wrong, one of two things will occur.
1. I will search scriptures and learn that what they say is right
2. I will search scriptures and learn that what they say is false.
There's no need to ever be in confusion about righteous living, when there's the Bible with all of the answers laid out. I don't feel condemnation unless deep down I know that what I'm doing is wrong, or flirting with wrong.
Great post DSB!!!
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 9:50:57 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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So if we are more comfortable being "real" with non-Christians does that point that we are out of line somehow?
Yep, this is always a red flag for me, particularly with myself. It is a way to help me gage my heart. It is a given that unbelievers are more "non-judgemental" than Christians in terms of morality. They have NONE, or they've created their own. If someone is truly a believer, even if we are not matched personality-wise, I'm as comfortable as pie. I see no reason to be in contention, strife, or antagonism with anyone--especially a Christian. And I'm assumming, if that person is a christian then they are thinking the same way. If I get a different response from someone who claims to be a christian, there are two possiblities: unbeliever claiming to be saved, worldly believer. The more one consecrates or separates themself unto God, the harder it becomes to just feel "all-cool" with the things that believers do. Sin makes my skin crawl, and every day, God teaches me more and more just how much it should make my skin crawl.
I like friends and people who hold me "accountable." It's iron sharpening iron. When I'm with an unbelieving friend, they are ready to compromise in a hot-second. When I'm with a believing friend, they consider God's take on the situation. If I'm living a fleshly life--or in some area of my life, and a believer says to me, "Are you going to do XYZ, I'm not sure if that's biblical." I may get offended, because I have not surrendered that area of my life yet. But usually, when that happens, it becomes a nigeling in the back of my head, that won't go away until I reconcile that with God and deal with it. I've found other true believer, make ME a better person. I like that. The Bible says, Precious are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are decietful." Friends, REAL FRIENDS, wound you. They point stuff out and say, "Hey, that wasn't right." It makes you feel real yucky and terrible for a while. It makes you have to get before God. You realize everything is not all hunky dory in your world as you would have liked to have believed. Fake friends, or friends who have no moral compass (no matter how sincere), have no way of pointing you down a righteous road, as they are lost themselves. You'll never be stopped by a blind man if you're driving down the wrong lane on the highway. He can't see you. He can't even see that mac truck that's heading for you at 70mphs, either. He might hear the great smack, and when he learns of your demise, he'll go, "dude, that must have hurt, I never saw it coming." Well, duh, he's blind. Same way with the world. They won't judge . . . at least not in that way. Although, they will judge if you do not follow after them in mischief. We seldom point that out. How they will judge and deride you for being a "holy roller" or a "Mr/Miss Goody Two-shoes" But somehow, that doesn't bother us . . . ri-ight. They will also persecute you--unjust judgement.
Or that the rest of the Christians are out of line?
Some Christians ARE out of line. They are not walking in Christ . . . that's where it is OUR duty to let them know. But, oh, uh, wouldn't that be JUDGEMENTAL??? *gasp* No, it would be following scripture to exhort, rebuke, admonish, teach, love. Many are walking so far out of line with Christ, they are living lifestyles so far from the Bible. And then there are unbelievers, they go to church, call themselves christian, live whatever lifestyle they want, and act and speak to be cruel and disparge. But, whether their speach drips honey, and they cover you in kisses, if they are an unbeliever, they are still on the wrong path and are incapable of being a true brother to you. Conversely, if the only thing you hear from a believer is admonition to become more christlike, I think that's a sweeter love than any kisses and honey-coated speech. In fact, I'll take a believer that only knows how to correct ANY DAY, than an unbeliever who never speaks a disagreeing word.
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 10:08:18 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 7107
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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I get the impression that some folks think that other folks are able to be more real with unbelievers because they want to live worldly or sin. That's simply not the case.
Take the Harry Potter example. My unbelieving friends might think I'm weird because I read at all but they aren't going to make a value judgment about me on account of what I read. On the other hand, there are a whole slew of Christians, both on this forum and IRL, who will make a judgment about my walk based on what I read or don't read.
Who needs it? Not me.
How about remarriage? I'd be a total and complete idiot to bring up my desire to remarry with some of my brothers and sisters, wouldn't I?
How about the fact that, due to peculiar circumstances in my life, I don't make it to church every week? There are many believers who would look down their nose at me and be quick tell me that, if I really cared about Jesus, I'd make sure I was there every week, no matter what. Is it worth my time and effort to explain and explain and explain? Not so much. I'll just keep that "realness" to myself, thanks.
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When I have a little money I buy Books.
If any left over I buy food and clothes.
Erasmus
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 10:16:01 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 1999
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
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CDL, thank you for that post. That seems to sum up a LOT of what I feel these days.
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Jeannie
"You're weird! But, I love You!" --my daughter to me when I was singing and dancing around the house...
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 10:25:23 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 1999
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
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You're very much welcome. I am still so new here, that I get "skeered" as to what I should or shouldn't post. I tend to take some criticisms (sp?) too personally. I am also afraid of offending others. I am SOOOOO non-confrontational...
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Jeannie
"You're weird! But, I love You!" --my daughter to me when I was singing and dancing around the house...
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/28/2008 10:49:31 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 840
Joined: 12/11/2007
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I feel the same way as CDL about filtering my thoughts here.
I realize though that IRL, I relate to people differently and show different sides of me to different people. That's just learning to relate in a healthy way and that doesn't mean I'm not being real. After all, if the relationship I have with someone is just in an embryonic stage, then I won't be so open about my deepest feelings and needs to that person. Or if I know that the person doesn't have the capacity to care, then, I won't open up (I learned this the hard way recently). With my best friend, I'm so completely open about my most personal thoughts without any fear of being judge. It doesn't mean that she doesn't rebuke me, but she does when she sees it fit to do so. This type of openness and realness can only happen when the relationship is fully established and rooted in love. Can we expect this from people we relate to online? It would be ideal, but we know reality to be different.
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/29/2008 7:08:25 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4018
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I feel the same way as CDL about filtering my thoughts here.
I realize though that IRL, I relate to people differently and show different sides of me to different people. That's just learning to relate in a healthy way and that doesn't mean I'm not being real. After all, if the relationship I have with someone is just in an embryonic stage, then I won't be so open about my deepest feelings and needs to that person. Or if I know that the person doesn't have the capacity to care, then, I won't open up (I learned this the hard way recently). With my best friend, I'm so completely open about my most personal thoughts without any fear of being judge. It doesn't mean that she doesn't rebuke me, but she does when she sees it fit to do so. This type of openness and realness can only happen when the relationship is fully established and rooted in love. Can we expect this from people we relate to online? It would be ideal, but we know reality to be different.
Ding ding ding! I love this! Stars, MANY STARS!
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Pam
<< my mother
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/29/2008 8:19:05 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 5035
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
I get the impression that some folks think that other folks are able to be more real with unbelievers because they want to live worldly or sin. That's simply not the case.
Take the Harry Potter example. My unbelieving friends might think I'm weird because I read at all but they aren't going to make a value judgment about me on account of what I read. On the other hand, there are a whole slew of Christians, both on this forum and IRL, who will make a judgment about my walk based on what I read or don't read.
Who needs it? Not me.
How about remarriage? I'd be a total and complete idiot to bring up my desire to remarry with some of my brothers and sisters, wouldn't I?
How about the fact that, due to peculiar circumstances in my life, I don't make it to church every week? There are many believers who would look down their nose at me and be quick tell me that, if I really cared about Jesus, I'd make sure I was there every week, no matter what. Is it worth my time and effort to explain and explain and explain? Not so much. I'll just keep that "realness" to myself, thanks.
This is definitely what most of us have been trying to say. Well said. 
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/29/2008 8:41:15 AM
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Cute-N-Sassy
Posts: 6229
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
I get the impression that some folks think that other folks are able to be more real with unbelievers because they want to live worldly or sin. That's simply not the case.
Take the Harry Potter example. My unbelieving friends might think I'm weird because I read at all but they aren't going to make a value judgment about me on account of what I read. On the other hand, there are a whole slew of Christians, both on this forum and IRL, who will make a judgment about my walk based on what I read or don't read.
Who needs it? Not me.
How about remarriage? I'd be a total and complete idiot to bring up my desire to remarry with some of my brothers and sisters, wouldn't I?
How about the fact that, due to peculiar circumstances in my life, I don't make it to church every week? There are many believers who would look down their nose at me and be quick tell me that, if I really cared about Jesus, I'd make sure I was there every week, no matter what. Is it worth my time and effort to explain and explain and explain? Not so much. I'll just keep that "realness" to myself, thanks.
Very well-said. And since I can't star the post, I'll bookmark it instead.
It's amazing to me how judgmental some of our Christian friends can be. I don't think they intend to hurt us, but if we have to filter what we say/do around them, then they have.
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RE: Can we be real here? - 4/29/2008 10:18:36 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2356
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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i had a pastor tell me a few months ago that Christians are known for eating their own. sure the world has less moral standards than "Christians" and is more accepting. this also means that at times the world can be more accepting/forgiving then Christians. it's not perfect or how it should be, but it is reality. most of us have probably come across Christians (or been there ourselves) who expresses shock in a condescending way either privately or gossipy over a believer's sin or perceived sin. it's a fact that how we talk to people or what we say (whether in the world or in the church) depends on lots of things from their level of spirtual growth & maturity, to gender & age, relationship role (mentor, friend, teacher), etc. situations and conversations are handled differently.
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So I found out I cannot be "real" around them. 
Oh well, such is life. Why can't some of these people see how much they are being like the pharisees of Jesus' day?? I don't want to sound disrespectful, guess I just needed to vent!!
Uniquely Super UF 
