Can we be real here? (Full Version)

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John_O -> Can we be real here? (4/25/2008 11:48:28 PM)

There was some discussion on the social sites thread concerning people not feeling the freedom to be who they really are around Christians, but having that freedom around the lost.

This is a concept that is totally foreign to me. I am who I am no matter where I am.

Are you?

If not, what are some of the things that you think other Christians would get down on you for?

For the sake of this discussion no example will be taken to apply to the person raising it unless they apply it to themself

For example. I like Harry Potter movies. And most science fiction fantasy movies for that matter. Yet I know that some have a problem with those. But that still doesn't stop me from being real.

Tomorrow I'll drop in on the social sites thread and respond to some of the posts from there on this thread (unless the mods and the authors tell me I cannot). I was surprised by the number of people who felt they couldn't be real here and would love to explore that more. So I wanted to get the thread started before I turned in for the night

So, Are you real?



ta_mosquito -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/25/2008 11:55:57 PM)

(Hope you don't mind a married jumping in on this...)

I'm real.

But I'm also not totally transparent. I don't reveal everything about myself.

There are things I do not post here because it's a public forum. If I go on about how I dislike my neighbor, my neighbor might read it!

There are other things that are none o' your bizniss. [8D] Some things are just plain personal. (Ya wanna know how many times I pee in a day? Well tough - I ain't tellin' ya.)

Sometimes there are things in one's life that one just doesn't want to defend themselves about. OK, you like Harry Potter. Someone might also like Harry Potter but doesn't want to disclose that because they simply don't want to take the effort and energy to defend themselves when someone confronts them on it. It's not that they are afraid of the confrontation or that they think they're hiding sin; they just don't want to bother with the debate.

My two.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 12:24:38 AM)

quote:

There was some discussion on the social sites thread concerning people not feeling the freedom to be who they really are around Christians, but having that freedom around the lost.

This is a concept that is totally foreign to me. I am who I am no matter where I am.

Are you?

If not, what are some of the things that you think other Christians would get down on you for?


For example. I like Harry Potter movies. And most science fiction fantasy movies for that matter. Yet I know that some have a problem with those. But that still doesn't stop me from being real.

So, Are you real?

_____________________________



I don't feel like I can be completely myself around non-christians, so I have the opposite problem....I am me, at all times but I am very careful about what I say or do in front of a non-christian because I am concerned about my witness.
That said, around here, I am me, but I hold back alot of what I would normally say.(Like right now, I am biting my tongue about the Harry Potter Topic.) I avoid saying some things to avoid offending(not always successful I'm afraid), to stay on topic (at least I'm trying) and to avoid an arguement/debate in a no win situation.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 12:35:13 AM)

Ok, John O, I'll chime in on this one.

I was going to post this question a while ago, but I was afraid of getting some negative reaction, so I guess that partially answers my question.

I admire Besiderself's post because she has the courage to ask and post some of the issues she's wrestling with (and some of us might have been wrestling with as well). She can be downright real about her struggles, and often, she finds some listening ears. If I were to post about my struggles with loneliness, or my desire to settle down, I'm not certain what kind of reaction I'll get. Will I get some support, or will I get the "you're not focusing on the Lord, don't be desperate" bit (I never get how people can gauge where a person is spiritually base on their desire to settle down.

So, in a way, I think there's people who has been accepted, and given the privileged of being real in this forum, (you being one of them..heck, you even have your own angels, LOL), and there's some who struggle with trying to be accepted still.



Cherie -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 12:52:26 AM)

There was some discussion on the social sites thread concerning people not feeling the freedom to be who they really are around Christians, but having that freedom around the lost.

quote:

I don't feel like I can be completely myself around non-christians, so I have the opposite problem....I am me, at all times but I am very careful about what I say or do in front of a non-christian because I am concerned about my witness.


Maybe it's my analytical side coming out, but in the first quote (from John O), when people talk about 'freedom,' what did that mean? I also try to be the same way around all circles because being a Christian is my identity. On the one hand, I don't want to be 'worldly' with the lost and 'Christ-like' with the Christians. On the other hand, many Christians are so steeped in religion and rules - adding things to the Bible; they get caught up in legalism (I've been there) to the point where people feel that they walk on eggshells around them. Although we are not all this way, I can see how someone may feel 'stifled' around Christians who are this way. Perhaps I'm way off the point, but it was a thought.

I can really relate to all of what's been posted so far ~ I want to be more open on these forums, but I never know when I might post a story from my life that someone on here just may have been a part of. So I use my local friends more as sounding boards.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 5:45:58 AM)

Yes, I do believe we can and should be real here, however, each one of us has our own level of privacy to protect. Some have jobs that don't allow them the freedom to post a lot of personal stuff. Yes, this IS a public forum.

That said, though, I don't think that's what is at issue here.

We all are single. We all have our struggles. We all have our desires. We all share differently. We all have a different level of spiritual maturity. We all have different tastes. We are all different.

Yet, we are all believers!

Personally, I am extremely open with the struggles of my family (I will provide an update soon for all the new people), however, my relationship with the Lord is extremely private - only shared with a select few. I may share lessons that God has shown me - only after the fact and after the work He does in me becomes a part of me. I don't share the ongoing work - because that is between me and Him. Should the opportunity arise for me to share something from what I have learned, it will get posted. In those situations, I rely on the prompting of the Spirit to say what someone needs to hear.

For some, I do think it's a matter of feeling like you're accepted. Believe me, you are! Each person here is vital to this community that we have. Just because John has his "angels" (it's a running joke from last year), it doesn't mean we don't embrace everyone who comes in here. Unfortunately, we all also participate through our own filters and may leave on our own accord. Trust me when I say that I know what it feels like to try to become "accepted" in here. I was ignored for months when I first began posting again in 2005. But, through a series of events and sharing about some struggles, a crack in the door opened, and the rest is history.

Being real, to me, means that no matter who I am with - I remember that I am a sinner redeemed by grace. Scripture says it's the wise man who holds his tongue at the appropriate time. I allow God to lead what I say when He is prompting me. Because Jesus is so integrally woven into my life, I cannot help but talk about Him, but, I'm not going to go out preaching when it is not right.

Regarding those sites. I am a believer in Jesus Christ - period. If that is not the first thing that is said to the world about me, then how can I expect Jesus to say "well done, good and faithful servant" - because I denied Him before man. May He never be able to say that about me!

Our witness should be one of the most precious things we protect. I know it is for me. That's why, no matter where I am or who I am with, my focus must remain on God and how He can use me in this situation. I am being real - no matter where I find myself (and trust me, I've been in some very unique situations!).

What you see is what you get where I am concerned - though I am not nearly as outgoing as I appear online. But, I am real - as real as they come.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 6:58:07 AM)

I learned a long time ago that it's important to just be yourself... to be "real". If we hide behind our facades, how can people get to know the "real" us? Does it turn people off when I'm most myself? Sometimes. But that just shows me that sometimes, people aren't comfortable with pain. Jesus shed tears, so why do I have to pretend I have none to shed?

I haven't had my caffeine yet, so I don't think I'm making much sense. I'll post more when I'm more awake! [:)]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 8:20:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito

Sometimes there are things in one's life that one just doesn't want to defend themselves about. OK, you like Harry Potter. Someone might also like Harry Potter but doesn't want to disclose that because they simply don't want to take the effort and energy to defend themselves when someone confronts them on it. It's not that they are afraid of the confrontation or that they think they're hiding sin; they just don't want to bother with the debate.


This is it exactly. When you know that almost every thought, opinion or action is going to be jumped on by somebody, it's just wisdom to not bother voicing it. I'm talking about online. Well, no, I guess I'm talking IRL too. I don't share my every thought and opinion with Christians IRL until I have a relationship with them and feel that it is "safe" to do so.

I know that what I'm thinking, opining and doing isn't sin but I'm not going to debate it with every holy Tom, Dick and Harry, ya know?

John, I think you go into maybe CE and M&E sometimes besides Singles, is that right? You know what you're getting into in there. But try Faithwalk or Parenting or some other folders. An unsuspecting person goes in and voices an opinion and BOOM! the stuff hits the fan sometimes. Would I go into any of them and say that I let the GirlChild read Harry Potter? Not on your life![;)]



rgod -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 8:33:39 AM)

quote:

On the other hand, many Christians are so steeped in religion and rules - adding things to the Bible; they get caught up in legalism (I've been there) to the point where people feel that they walk on eggshells around them. Although we are not all this way, I can see how someone may feel 'stifled' around Christians who are this way.


quote:

I learned a long time ago that it's important to just be yourself... to be "real". If we hide behind our facades, how can people get to know the "real" us? Does it turn people off when I'm most myself? Sometimes. But that just shows me that sometimes, people aren't comfortable with pain. Jesus shed tears, so why do I have to pretend I have none to shed?


I agree with both of these posts wholeheartedly. I think just in general, whether it is on this board or IRL, that it is difficult to do anything that is not "ideal" in whatever Christian circle you happen to be in. That is the case in the world as well, but the difference is that often Christians will call any deviation from the ideal "carnal" or as a sign that you are not really saved. I know this because I used to be like this when I was a younger Christian - so maybe it is just payback. But, whether it is a difference in politics (try being a liberal on crosswalk for a while, or a strong conservative on charisma's forum and you'll see what I mean), the type of music you listen to (I've been lectured to more than once because I listen to secular music, even though it is clean. It is interesting that people don't seem to have a problem with secular music as long as it was made before they were young or before they were born ... what do they think "Good golly Miss Molly" was about anyway ...), the fact that I sometimes feel depressed about being single ("Jesus is my mate and I never get lonely. What is wrong with YOU?"), or the fact that I struggle with my faith sometimes.

That being said, I do share a lot in IRL and here, but I know I'm going to get judged. Like I know that because of what I wrote, I'm assuming that a certain percentage of readers are judging me right now. I don't like being judged - nobody does. But I think in a wierd way, it kind of helps me to remember not to do it to others - because I can easily be tempted in this area. But I share because I'm always thinking about those few people who want to feel like someone understands them, that might be reading or hearing what I say and might want to drop the mask and be real. I'll talk about depression and struggles because most of us have them. I was bound up in legalism for so long and finally I'm free. I cannot tell you how great that feels. And I think, it helps me to accept other people, imperfections and all because God accepts me. I simply refuse to go back. It is all about what is "inside of the cup," inside of our hearts more than what is on the outside anyway. But I do try to use wisdom and discretion about what and how much I share, IRL or on the net.

quote:

There was some discussion on the social sites thread concerning people not feeling the freedom to be who they really are around Christians, but having that freedom around the lost.


I can't say that I'm more comfortable around non-Christians. People are people and I'm more comfortable around some people than others, Christian or not. But, spiritually we don't connect. I know that I'm judged differently by many non-believers - yet, conversely, in many ways I am more accepted. But, there is nothing like being connected to Christian who is on the same page with me spiritually and with whom I can be myself without judgement. Often there is an instantaneous bond that transcends language and culture. I don't find this often in many Christian groups, but I can sometimes find it one on one.

quote:

Trust me when I say that I know what it feels like to try to become "accepted" in here. I was ignored for months when I first began posting again in 2005. But, through a series of events and sharing about some struggles, a crack in the door opened, and the rest is history.


I'm glad you wrote this because I've felt like that here. Some have really reached out to me - and I appreciate it! Sometimes though, conversations go on right around me, the way water flows around a rock in the stream. I was tempted one day to write a post that said "Do I exist? Can anyone else see the words that I've typed on this screen, or is this just an illusion?" But then, I had to remember that some of the people here have deeper relationships and bonds. They've met offline, been posting for months or years, and it might take some time to join in, just as it would for any tight-knit group. A couple of people have really reached out and made me feel very welcome - and I really appreciate that a lot. I also need to work on reaching out a bit more myself too, I think.



John_O -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:03:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
There are other things that are none o' your bizniss. [8D] Some things are just plain personal. (Ya wanna know how many times I pee in a day? Well tough - I ain't tellin' ya.)


And that was so crucially important for me to know about you too[:(]

quote:

(transparency) It's not that they are afraid of the confrontation or that they think they're hiding sin; they just don't want to bother with the debate.


Wisdom and discretion do need to be practiced. Some stuff just isn't any one's business.

I can understand the avoiding argument side of things but one of the things that caught me in the other thread was the willingness to share these things with the lost but not with the Christians. That's the part I don't undertsand



John_O -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:10:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

That said, around here, I am me, but I hold back alot of what I would normally say.(Like right now, I am biting my tongue about the Harry Potter Topic.) I avoid saying some things to avoid offending(not always successful I'm afraid), to stay on topic (at least I'm trying) and to avoid an arguement/debate in a no win situation.

Good point. There are times when you already know someone's take on a topic, and that topic is not clearly defined in scripture, when discussing it is profitless. But when a brother or sister is living dangerously then it is our duty to them to remind them (lovingly of course) of what God's word says about it.



rgod -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:11:55 AM)

quote:

I can understand the avoiding argument side of things but one of the things that caught me in the other thread was the willingness to share these things with the lost but not with the Christians. That's the part I don't undertsand


The OP that you are responding to should be able to answer your question better than I, but I thought I'd chime in here. Often, if there is a disagreement on an issue with a Christian on a point that is negotiable - they turn it into a question of whether you are saved or if there is a "problem with your walk" - and they treat you differently. I'm not talking about fornication or adultery. But I'm talking about a disagreement on a trivial matter - and this becomes a core issue and a condemnation about your life and your love of Christ. If you listen to secular music for example, lots of Christians will think that you are carnal and sinful - not that you might happen to like punk rock music. Non-christians don't have that hangup. They can understand that you like punk rock music, understand why you might opt to not listen to certain songs of questionable content (because you are "religious") but won't judge you because of it. (They might judge you on other things however).



John_O -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:15:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Will I get some support, or will I get the "you're not focusing on the Lord, don't be desperate" bit (I never get how people can gauge where a person is spiritually base on their desire to settle down.


I'd guess you'd get at least the same support that besiderslef gets. After all, that's part of the reason we are all here.

quote:

So, in a way, I think there's people who has been accepted, and given the privileged of being real in this forum, (you being one of them..heck, you even have your own angels, LOL), and there's some who struggle with trying to be accepted still.


Which still amazes me. I was always the outcast geek in school so I'm very unused to this. However, people are still people. We are all the same (I'm just a guy)

I think everyone here is accepted. At least by me. I can't think of anyone that Doesn't accept everyone.

But then I may have just not noticed. I can be pretty blind sometimes about such things



sunluvingirl -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:17:33 AM)

John, I heartily applaud you for your ability to be completely open with all christians. That is the way it SOULD be, but unfortunately there are some christians who are so stuck in their legalistic judgements that its, well, I liken it to casting my pearls before the swine. I know that sounds terrible being said about christians but for example, why would I let some other christian listen to the music that to me speaks encouragement to my heart and is definitely of the Lord, if they are going to lecture me that its too hard or whatever (and believe me I do not listen to hard music) because maybe it has drums in or someone has decided its an 'ungodly' style of music. Truely John, I envy you for your attitude!!



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:23:49 AM)

Oh, dear. I can tell this is going to take me HOURS to respond to...
Well, maybe I’ll give a partial response and fill out the rest as the thread progresses.
quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

There was some discussion on the social sites thread concerning people not feeling the freedom to be who they really are around Christians, but having that freedom around the lost.

This is a concept that is totally foreign to me. I am who I am no matter where I am.

Are you?

If not, what are some of the things that you think other Christians would get down on you for?

For the sake of this discussion no example will be taken to apply to the person raising it unless they apply it to themself

For example. I like Harry Potter movies. And most science fiction fantasy movies for that matter. Yet I know that some have a problem with those. But that still doesn't stop me from being real.

Tomorrow I'll drop in on the social sites thread and respond to some of the posts from there on this thread (unless the mods and the authors tell me I cannot). I was surprised by the number of people who felt they couldn't be real here and would love to explore that more. So I wanted to get the thread started before I turned in for the night

So, Are you real?


John: a long time ago I realized that if I was NOT real in my outward person toward others, then I was “lying” to the world and to myself, and Christians are commanded not to lie. I consider it a matter of integrity. God knows who I am inside and out. It’s silly to pretend to be something I’m not if HE already knows I’m not.

However, I have also learned that I should not say everything that comes to my head. A scripture that helps me to think this through is:

Eph 4:29—“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (ESV)

I think what we may be dealing with here, John, is the purpose of this forum. It’s not that some people are real and some people are not. It’s that there is a place and a time to say certain things and keep from saying others.

Some people have found that when they say certain things (which may or may not be truly sinful according to scripture) on here, it not only gets them bashed by other Christians who should know and act better, but it stirs up strife between Christians. Because it is not “building up” or “ministering grace”, they choose to refrain from saying it here.

Should they say it on a secular site? Well, the real answer is they should run it through the lens of that scripture above and see if it passes the test.
Is that MY job? IOW, is it my job to pass their words through the scripture above and give a judgment about its ability to build up, fit the occasion and minister grace?

Nope.

It may be my job to look into my own life and find a corollary of the issue to bring up so that they have a chance to think about it. God gives us our own stories for a REASON…to use it to minister grace and build up the church and witness to the world. That is being real…I will share that story even if it is embarrassing to me, shows me as “weak”, or brings condemnation on me from those who don’t know any better—because it might help someone.

To me, that’s being “real”. And it’s also realizing that everything I am and have comes from the Lord and He created it/allowed it in order to use it to bring His people to Himself. Further, I have become His child and as completely as I know how have surrendered everything I am to Him…including my reputation and the possibility that someone might hurt me by attacking something I say.

So when God says I should say something, I say it and devil take the hindmost…I realize I may be attacked or whatever, but that’s His business, not mine. But I also am very careful HOW I say it, so that it ministers grace. If I say it in an accusatory fashion, that only makes the defense shields go up and no one is helped by it, least of all me. If I say it in a way that points to me and my issues, the defense shields stay down and everyone is helped. That's one advantage of forums like this: I have time to think about what and how I'm going to say something before I actually post it!

quote:

Prairiehiker:
I admire Besiderself's post because she has the courage to ask and post some of the issues she's wrestling with (and some of us might have been wrestling with as well). She can be downright real about her struggles, and often, she finds some listening ears. If I were to post about my struggles with loneliness, or my desire to settle down, I'm not certain what kind of reaction I'll get. Will I get some support, or will I get the "you're not focusing on the Lord, don't be desperate" bit (I never get how people can gauge where a person is spiritually base on their desire to settle down.


Prairie;

Were you really talking about me and my posts? I haven’t posted in this thread or the related one, so I want to make sure that you are referring to me.

However, I have been and will be pretty open here. If you read above you’ll find out why. I’ve found that when I’m open about my struggles, it comforts others…they find out they are not alone. Hopefully they find out that they can walk through it no matter how painful with God. And as a bonus, I get help, too…others who have been through or are going through the same thing I am are able to reach out and comfort me in Christ as well.

quote:

Mutinywxgirl
Our witness should be one of the most precious things we protect. I know it is for me. That's why, no matter where I am or who I am with, my focus must remain on God and how He can use me in this situation. I am being real - no matter where I find myself (and trust me, I've been in some very unique situations!).


I agree on this totally, Lisa!!

I will say this: John, I have been on many sites such as CW for many years…pretty much as soon as I had access to the internet I found sites like this. I was a homeschooling mom of 4…didn’t get out much…and it was one way of having some kind of social life without jeopardizing my kids education, my convictions, etc.

I’ve learned a lot about communities like this in the interim. One thing it’s important to realize is that none of us are real here. This is a virtual community. Even if we said everything about us, people would still be surprised when they met us in person…no matter how much we choose to “be real”, this medium of communication is limited and prevents us from being who we are.

Another thing I’ve learned is that communities like this are pretty one-faceted…because of the topical nature, they only show one part of a person’s life even if that person is very open, like you and me. People are fantastically and wonderfully made by the Lord and sites like this cannot hope to reveal everything about a person.

Lastly, I’ve learned this about virtual communities AND the church…they are made up of people just like me. I’m sinful. I say the wrong things and do the wrong things. I hurt people. Sometimes I even hurt them on purpose.

The Church of God is no safer than the world as a place to be who you really are.

My personal goal is to change myself into a person who is safe for others like Jesus is safe. But I won’t reach that goal until heaven. Nor will the church. Therefore, I am as real as I can be for others here and within The Church subject to the scriptural standard I gave above. Sin, both mine and others, keeps me from being moreso.

But there is ONE PERSON with whom I can really be my real self. And HE loves me unconditionally. As much as possible, I try to model my acceptance of others by His acceptance of me. I try to model my encouragement and exhortation of others by His encouragement and exhortation of me.

Ok…there’s a ton of other stuff I’d like to say on the subject, but I’ve got a life to live HERE…and what I need to do today is incompatible with typing a bunch of stuff that may or may not minister grace here, LOL!!!

I’ll look in from time to time.



John_O -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:25:10 AM)

(I'd like to respond to everyone but I've got to leave in a moment. but there's a point in this one that I wanted to hit last night)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
John, I think you go into maybe CE and M&E sometimes besides Singles, is that right? You know what you're getting into in there. But try Faithwalk or Parenting or some other folders. An unsuspecting person goes in and voices an opinion and BOOM! the stuff hits the fan sometimes. Would I go into any of them and say that I let the GirlChild read Harry Potter? Not on your life![;)]


This may be one of my oddities (and there are many). I'm very black and white. Someone tells me what I am doing is wrong (biblically) if I agree it's no big deal, I change my behavior (or at least work on it). If I disagree and have straight biblical reasons, I correct them. If It's nebulous either way, we agree to disagree. In any event, there's no personal issue in it.



WalkingwithHim2 -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:29:50 AM)

IMO: yes. There is a support here within the christian community that I cannot find from my non-christian friends. For example many of y'all know that I am a never married single parent of two boys...when I have struggles with them y'all have been supportive in giving great advice while many of my non-christian friends just say "girl, you need to find yourself a man to help you out with them boys". On the other hand I don't share EVERYTHING because like it has been said before....it is none of y'alls beeswax!

JohnO: I like Harry Potter too[:)]



stellaluna -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:31:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O
Someone tells me what I am doing is wrong

I've been following your thread with interest and this stood out to me. It's no one's business to tell me what I'm "doing wrong" unless I specifically ask them.

I'm real all the way around because I don't give a lick one way or the other if someone doesn't like what I do. Some people simply aren't like that. And I have also found many times over that non-Christians are less judgmental than Christians and I can totally understand why someone would feel more comfortable around non-Christians. (Well, for that matter, most of my friends are not Christians. It is a little jarring to be in a group of Christians and suddenly feel as though you're on display or not good enough or whatever. I've experienced it many times, but again, I don't care.)



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 9:54:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

For example. I like Harry Potter movies. And most science fiction fantasy movies for that matter. Yet I know that some have a problem with those. But that still doesn't stop me from being real.

This is what I talk about when I say I 'can't be real'. I have to wait to see how others feel about things before I divulge my sci fi/fantasy/Harry Potter reading. It's not that I can't be honest, but...let's face it, there are Christians out there that would rather judge you than love you. I'm related to some. My brother does not believe I can be a true Christian because I don't 'look' like one. I had two children before I was married, now I'm divorced, I cut my hair, I wear makeup, I allow my boys to play first person video games, etc., etc. He spends more time judging me, and what I do wrong in his eyes than looking for the light that I have inside me. It's very frustrating but I'm sorry; I don't want to spend what limited time I have with him to be defending my walk with Christ the whole time. So I merely suck it up and don't discuss the things that I know he would disapprove of.

It's the same thing with other Christians. Both of my closest friends abhor Harry Potter so I make sure to discuss that particular topic with other Christian friends who do enjoy the series. However, I don't know people online here well enough to know who I can discuss that with, and who I can't. So I merely wait. I'm not hiding anything, but I'm waiting until I know it's 'safe' to discuss something with someone.

Yes...that's probably the cowards way out, but I have been so hurt and so burned in the past that I have high walls up and wait to see what happens.

As it pertains to being single when it comes to dating or talking to someone to get to know him, I tread very lightly on controversial subjects until they are brought up. I won't lie, but I generally don't bring something up on my own. If he differs in opinion that's okay with me, but it may not be okay with him. *shrug* So we see how things go from there.

I just woke up so sorry if this doesn't make much sense. [8D]



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 10:09:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

(I'd like to respond to everyone but I've got to leave in a moment. but there's a point in this one that I wanted to hit last night)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
John, I think you go into maybe CE and M&E sometimes besides Singles, is that right? You know what you're getting into in there. But try Faithwalk or Parenting or some other folders. An unsuspecting person goes in and voices an opinion and BOOM! the stuff hits the fan sometimes. Would I go into any of them and say that I let the GirlChild read Harry Potter? Not on your life![;)]


This may be one of my oddities (and there are many). I'm very black and white. Someone tells me what I am doing is wrong (biblically) if I agree it's no big deal, I change my behavior (or at least work on it). If I disagree and have straight biblical reasons, I correct them. If It's nebulous either way, we agree to disagree. In any event, there's no personal issue in it.


Ah, but John,

There's the rub. For many people it IS personal. Which is what I was trying to say in my very long-winded post above. Many people do NOT realize the purpose and flavor of virtual communities. They feel very real, very exposed here...and others do NOT feel exposed, therefore they say things--usually very ugly things--they would never say to a person's face IRL.

Entering into a forum like this should be done with those facts in mind.

Many people come here and do not realize this. They end up getting their feelings hurt either because they wear their heart on their sleeve (not understanding that they won't get a response to their every post or that the way someone typed something is not really the way the person meant it to come across) or because they felt too comfortable revealing sensitive issues too soon and get bashed for it, without the ability to handle the pressure.

Maybe you and I are black and white, or open, or whatever. Maybe that's because we're a certain kind of person or maybe it's because we come here to CW with these thoughts in the back of our heads...and we try not to take things personally. Part of the "being real" or, as I like to term it "having integrity" as a Christian for me is responding to others' suggestions that there might be something I need to take before the Lord and fix.

But others do not. May I act upon what you've said about yourself and make a suggestion? Perhaps you, yourself, might need to think about cutting others some scriptural slack (how about "love covers a multitude of sins", for instance?) for protecting themselves from attack by not revealing everything that they are here. If they reveal that on secular sites because there is less judgmentalism there, perhaps you can try not to take that personally, either, and just pray for them. Yes, it strikes a nerve with me, too...but mostly because I'm saddened that it's true and I am as much a contributor to that as the next person.

In your post on the Social Sites thread, if I had revealed that I say things in front of non-Christians I wouldn't say in front of Christians (and lets assume it's not because they are sinful things) I would have felt attacked by your rant. And that would teach me only what I already believed...you can't be real here, because someone will attack you for it.

You know I love ya. Let me hear what you're thinking.

besiderself



Prairiehiker -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 10:36:18 AM)

quote:



Prairie;

Were you really talking about me and my posts? I haven’t posted in this thread or the related one, so I want to make sure that you are referring to me.

However, I have been and will be pretty open here. If you read above you’ll find out why. I’ve found that when I’m open about my struggles, it comforts others…they find out they are not alone. Hopefully they find out that they can walk through it no matter how painful with God. And as a bonus, I get help, too…others who have been through or are going through the same thing I am are able to reach out and comfort me in Christ as well.



Yes, Besiderself, I've always wanted to respond to your thread just to tell you that I admire our courage to be real and reveal things that some of us wouldn't dare to.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 10:58:03 AM)

To be honest, I limit myself here for various reasons.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 1:20:02 PM)

WOW!!! [:)]

I'm getting ready to log off; but have subbed to this thread and will go back and reread it when I have time to respond.

HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all
[sm=redhairsmile.gif]



PreserveWildlife -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 2:24:05 PM)

I'm always real online or offline. It's won me friends and it's won me detractors. In the end, I don't answer to anyone else but Jesus and, to a lesser extent, myself.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Can we be real here? (4/26/2008 2:45:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

(I'd like to respond to everyone but I've got to leave in a moment. but there's a point in this one that I wanted to hit last night)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
John, I think you go into maybe CE and M&E sometimes besides Singles, is that right? You know what you're getting into in there. But try Faithwalk or Parenting or some other folders. An unsuspecting person goes in and voices an opinion and BOOM! the stuff hits the fan sometimes. Would I go into any of them and say that I let the GirlChild read Harry Potter? Not on your life![;)]


This may be one of my oddities (and there are many). I'm very black and white. Someone tells me what I am doing is wrong (biblically) if I agree it's no big deal, I change my behavior (or at least work on it). If I disagree and have straight biblical reasons, I correct them. If It's nebulous either way, we agree to disagree. In any event, there's no personal issue in it.

That's all well and good for you. I have no problem with that whatsoever. But some folks just don't care to expend the tremendous amount of energy that often takes for them. For many people, defending themselves and their position is VERY, VERY draining and discouraging. There are SOOOO many things (having nothing whatever to do with salvation or even right living) that are nit-picked apart by Christians "correcting" each other that, for many of us, it's just not worth putting ourselves out there for it.



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