Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (Full Version)

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rgod -> Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/26/2008 10:20:38 AM)

I saw an excerpt from this book on the singles page and found it to be interesting. The chapters seemed to reflect what I've heard and seen here and I was wondering if anyone has actually read it.

Here is a sampling of the chapter titles. Some of them are exactly what I've heard here and other places, word for word:

From the What Women Say Section:
8. "We want to be pursued and men won't step up to the plate"
9. "Guys are looking for a supermodel with a mother teresa personaltiy"
10. "All the good ones are taken"
11. "Men today are emotionally and spiritually immature and take too long to grow up"
12. "Men want to play the field or have their cake and eat it too"
13. "To many christian men try to push sexual boundaries:

From the What Men Say Section
14. "Women expect too much from us spiritually. Real men are rough around the edges."
15. "Too many women bypass nice buys in favor of bad boys."
16. "Christian women don't keep themselves attractive enough and many are overweight."
17. "We have a very real fear of divorce."
18. "Christian women are too shallow and self-absorbed or just want to be friends."
19. "It's hard t0 tell christian women from non-christians these days."
20. "Christian women aren't available."

I'd love to hear from anyone who has actually read the book. I think I'm going to get a copy based on the chapter titles because it might give me some good insight into what many people are thinking.

rgod



humbleinspirit -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/26/2008 10:22:23 AM)

I haven't read the book, however it does seem like it makes sense though.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/26/2008 8:02:22 PM)

rgod,

No, I have not read that book. Perhaps it would be interesting. I have never read books about dating and mating (what do they usually say? What kind of advice?). Although, it might be helpful.

Although, I've always suspected that if Jesus Christ said the road to Heaven is narrow, that means there will be few believers on it . . . including believers of the male gender.

P.S. for those truly asking the question, "Where have all the Christian men gone?" Perhaps, what may make copies fly off of the shelves, would be Chapters indicating locations (eg.) Chapter One, Nebraska metro area; Chapter Two, Spokane Washington. Our studies indicate Christian men have begun to migrate northwest to Washington state. LOL [;)]

If you buy it, and read it, give us updates here![:)]



Osano -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/26/2008 8:14:18 PM)

I read a teaser article, for the most part it sounds interesting and raw. However, it seems to paint a depressing attitude about Christian women. I personally do not believe that most Christian single women are all that miserable in their singleness. If Christian single women do not want to settle for whoever is out there, why not have a life where single women are pursuing their passion for what ever God has given them. Life is too short married or single. Let's face it as long as we are in this world we will have longings that are not fulfilled, do we demand that God gives us a mate? Do we think that sex will cure those longings forever. I recall when Sarah demanded that Abraham give her a child, what a mess.

On another note, I love the fact that this book was written to remind us that we all struggle married or single about something. I will probably buy the book.



rgod -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/26/2008 10:19:15 PM)

quote:

"Where have all the Christian men gone?" Perhaps, what may make copies fly off of the shelves, would be Chapters indicating locations (eg.) Chapter One, Nebraska metro area; Chapter Two, Spokane Washington.


Dakota - this is an interesting take! If word gets out, all of a sudden Washington and Nebraska will have a whole lot more people!!! Yes, I'll definitely give you an update - I have it on reserve and am picking it up tomorrow after church.

Osano - This is interesting - I didn't get the feeling that women were miserable from the excerpt, but rather that she was talking about the state of things as they are. I'll have to take a look at it again more closely to see if I can detect it. Also, I like the way that you phrased it - that we struggle married or single. That is a good way to look at it. I wanted to address a comment that you made:

quote:

If Christian single women do not want to settle for whoever is out there, why not have a life where single women are pursuing their passion for what ever God has given them. Life is too short married or single. Let's face it as long as we are in this world we will have longings that are not fulfilled, do we demand that God gives us a mate?


I agree with you that some women are not fulfilling their purpose and so they want to fill themselves up with a man, which is clearly, not going to work. But, some are - yet still have the call to be married. Some women (I count myself among these women) are pursuing the passion for what God has given them. For myself, I've done missionary work, taught sunday school/bible studies, helped kids, maintained a career in information technology, written, traveled, gone to grad school, and more. I've had wonderful times in the Lord and I bless Him for it. Yet, as wonderful as it has been to pursue what God has put inside of me, there is still the longing for a mate. I watched my parent's marriage (they've been together for well over 30 years) and have a good picture of what married life is like - the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, I'm under no illusion. I think that no matter what, even if God didn't bring me a mate, I would probably always still want one - even on my death bed probably although I would accept that this is the way in which He called me to walk. I think the two (pursuing your passion and desiring a mate) can coexist without overwhelming you - and I've seen this to be the case in at least some of the godly women I know. It is interesting - I was watching a documentary about single christian women and a preacher from a very large church was being interviewed. She was in her late 50s/early 60s and spoke about her struggles with celibacy and not having a mate. Though she was clearly walking in her purpose and clearly loved the Lord, and although the struggles were not as intense as when she was younger - they were still there. I so appreciated her sharing that - as she could have easily said that she didn't have any struggles (not saying that those who don't struggle in this area are pretending - God grants the gift of singleness to some and it is a blessing.) So, while I agree with what you are saying, I think that there is a bit more variety in how singles are spending their lives - and this makes things a bit more complicated.

If you get the book, I'd love to hear what you thought about it. I think you have a different perspective than mine going in, so I'd absolutely love to hear what you have to say.



BugLady -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/26/2008 11:30:09 PM)

I've not read it. Sounds a little like- what we have here is a failure to communicate. Imagine that, men and women having differing expectations. It's a wonder anyone gets married anymore. *sigh*



humbleinspirit -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/29/2008 9:28:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam

rgod,

No, I have not read that book. Perhaps it would be interesting. I have never read books about dating and mating (what do they usually say? What kind of advice?). Although, it might be helpful.

Although, I've always suspected that if Jesus Christ said the road to Heaven is narrow, that means there will be few believers on it . . . including believers of the male gender.

P.S. for those truly asking the question, "Where have all the Christian men gone?" Perhaps, what may make copies fly off of the shelves, would be Chapters indicating locations (eg.) Chapter One, Nebraska metro area; Chapter Two, Spokane Washington. Our studies indicate Christian men have begun to migrate northwest to Washington state. LOL [;)]

If you buy it, and read it, give us updates here![:)]



There is a good Christian man right here! [:D]



Mrs.Above_All -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/30/2008 5:23:15 AM)

Reacting to the title alone...I personally think that our questions of where they have gone has something to do with how our society has viewed gender in general. The shift that society has made in terms of gender roles and equality has placed us in a situation of confusion. If we can't understand our G-d given design for our own gender, then how will we ever understand the G-d given design of the opposite gender? If we don't understand G-d's design of both man and woman, how we can communicate to each other? We must first learn what the bible teaches us about ourselves. We must first find the good in us and be the best man or woman to someone else. If everyone did this, finding the good ones should not be a problem.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/30/2008 8:10:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam

rgod,

No, I have not read that book. Perhaps it would be interesting. I have never read books about dating and mating (what do they usually say? What kind of advice?). Although, it might be helpful.

Although, I've always suspected that if Jesus Christ said the road to Heaven is narrow, that means there will be few believers on it . . . including believers of the male gender.

P.S. for those truly asking the question, "Where have all the Christian men gone?" Perhaps, what may make copies fly off of the shelves, would be Chapters indicating locations (eg.) Chapter One, Nebraska metro area; Chapter Two, Spokane Washington. Our studies indicate Christian men have begun to migrate northwest to Washington state. LOL [;)]

If you buy it, and read it, give us updates here![:)]



There is a good Christian man right here! [:D]


With all due respect, Humble, you said that you're not looking! You're a good guy, but um, that makes you automatically in the category of "not dateable".



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (4/30/2008 8:44:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
There is a good Christian man right here! [:D]


Isaiah's "Here I Am, Send Me" sometimes pops into my head in a joking manner when i read articles or threads dealing with this topic in general ... "



rgod -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/1/2008 2:47:02 PM)

quote:


HumbleinSpirit

There is a good Christian man right here!


Yea!!! I'll point the author of the book in your direction :) Actually, I've know a number of "good" Christian men. I think that the title is a bit unfortunate because it seems to me that a lot of what she is highlighting are the misunderstandings that we have about one another - as well as blind spots that both sides (men and women) have when relating to one another.

quote:


Above All

If we can't understand our G-d given design for our own gender, then how will we ever understand the G-d given design of the opposite gender?


This is interesting. I posted this question from a slightly different angle in the He Says folder and what you've said here is echoed there. There are a number of good points that people have made.

quote:


iwillfearnoevil

Isaiah's "Here I Am, Send Me" sometimes pops into my head in a joking manner when i read articles or threads dealing with this topic in general ... "



Yes, I can relate. When I hear guys say - "Where are all the good Christian women" I'm usually thinking something similar ...

rgod



AdrianaS -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/1/2008 5:20:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rgod

I saw an excerpt from this book on the singles page and found it to be interesting. The chapters seemed to reflect what I've heard and seen here and I was wondering if anyone has actually read it.

Here is a sampling of the chapter titles. Some of them are exactly what I've heard here and other places, word for word:

From the What Women Say Section:
8. "We want to be pursued and men won't step up to the plate"
9. "Guys are looking for a supermodel with a mother teresa personaltiy"
10. "All the good ones are taken"
11. "Men today are emotionally and spiritually immature and take too long to grow up"
12. "Men want to play the field or have their cake and eat it too"
13. "To many christian men try to push sexual boundaries:

From the What Men Say Section
14. "Women expect too much from us spiritually. Real men are rough around the edges."
15. "Too many women bypass nice buys in favor of bad boys."
16. "Christian women don't keep themselves attractive enough and many are overweight."
17. "We have a very real fear of divorce."
18. "Christian women are too shallow and self-absorbed or just want to be friends."
19. "It's hard t0 tell christian women from non-christians these days."
20. "Christian women aren't available."

I'd love to hear from anyone who has actually read the book. I think I'm going to get a copy based on the chapter titles because it might give me some good insight into what many people are thinking.

rgod



I had not read this book or plan to...because the title of it in my observations, is false. Some people may have this impression because of their own atitudes, frustrations, sure, there are lots of nasty and bad behaviour going on in the world and mindsets of all sorts of trends, etcs. Still there are decents human beings, as many interesting personas all over the place. Most of them of course as nice I may find them as friends, does not inspire me to go beyond friendship and that is nones "faults or lacks",really - just not meant to be deep connections that lead to marriages etc and I sure do not play make believe, that at somepoint things will change, its just not there and that is it. Still, people I get to know and care are being cherished in my life, of course, as not having romantic connections with them is just that and they are friends, what is very precious to me.

I do still strongly think and stand by making friendships with males, approach. There are guys that are great friends, and what I do think some christian men could invest more into it too: making friendships with women, plain healthy, goal of fun friendship and choose take things lightly. Some guys men do have a tendency to soon think they are in love etc and in my oppinion is because they lack women friends, when they get warm female attention they are not used to, they get bit confuse etc. Better to be out going, social friendly person on purpose - than to be hermite, recluse persons, keep to themselves etc get out confort zone of extremes, is a good way to begin meeting many people, from different walks of life. Its fun its good,its healthy, alive approach - and its very much "Christian" way, in my oppinion.



dsfuva -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/2/2008 4:37:35 PM)

I received a couple of gift cards from one of the major bookstore chains for Christmas and recently tried to find this book. However, their selection of Christian books is very limited and they don't carry this title. Interestingly, they carry plenty of books catering to "alternative lifestyles." [8|]

I guess I'll have to get the book online.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/3/2008 12:07:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam

rgod,

No, I have not read that book. Perhaps it would be interesting. I have never read books about dating and mating (what do they usually say? What kind of advice?). Although, it might be helpful.

Although, I've always suspected that if Jesus Christ said the road to Heaven is narrow, that means there will be few believers on it . . . including believers of the male gender.

P.S. for those truly asking the question, "Where have all the Christian men gone?" Perhaps, what may make copies fly off of the shelves, would be Chapters indicating locations (eg.) Chapter One, Nebraska metro area; Chapter Two, Spokane Washington. Our studies indicate Christian men have begun to migrate northwest to Washington state. LOL [;)]

If you buy it, and read it, give us updates here![:)]



There is a good Christian man right here! [:D]


With all due respect, Humble, you said that you're not looking! You're a good guy, but um, that makes you automatically in the category of "not dateable".


OK then, we can still be brother and sister then, yes?



Prairiehiker -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/3/2008 1:32:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam

rgod,

No, I have not read that book. Perhaps it would be interesting. I have never read books about dating and mating (what do they usually say? What kind of advice?). Although, it might be helpful.

Although, I've always suspected that if Jesus Christ said the road to Heaven is narrow, that means there will be few believers on it . . . including believers of the male gender.

P.S. for those truly asking the question, "Where have all the Christian men gone?" Perhaps, what may make copies fly off of the shelves, would be Chapters indicating locations (eg.) Chapter One, Nebraska metro area; Chapter Two, Spokane Washington. Our studies indicate Christian men have begun to migrate northwest to Washington state. LOL [;)]

If you buy it, and read it, give us updates here![:)]



There is a good Christian man right here! [:D]


With all due respect, Humble, you said that you're not looking! You're a good guy, but um, that makes you automatically in the category of "not dateable".


OK then, we can still be brother and sister then, yes?


Why, of course, dear. I'm always open to being friends with anyone.

However, I think the topic of the book is about dating/romantic relationships and not brotherly love. The moment a man or woman presents an attitude that they are not interested in dating, they should be automatically taken out of the pool of eligible candidates and put them in the "friends" category. If that's what you're looking for, that's great!



humbleinspirit -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/3/2008 1:46:19 PM)

Well thats what I am looking for right now anyway. You are right though, I do not mean to send a mix message at all.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/6/2008 6:53:24 PM)

Quite a busy little thread while I've been gone.

rgod, what about the updates??? [:D][:D][:D]

humbleinspirit, you're a tease!

Prairiehiker, that's right girl! Keep'em in line! LOL [;)]



. . . so is it a good book?



humbleinspirit -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/10/2008 12:10:11 PM)

quote:

humbleinspirit, you're a tease!


Now me, a tease?



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/11/2008 12:48:46 AM)

Whatever would have made me think such a thing! [sm=yummy.gif][;)]
quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

quote:

humbleinspirit, you're a tease!


Now me, a tease?



Osano -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/14/2008 10:49:47 AM)

Reply to Rgod:

Just to clarify about my statement of single painted as miserable. I am not saying that the author is incorrect in terms of some women feel this way. I do think it is dangerous to generalize that picture to the entire single community. I get this impression by the way secular media constantly in movies, commercials portray singles as desparate. The bible greatest examples of singles Jesus (God), the apostle Paul do not look all that desparate to me. In fact they live a full life with common struggles regardless of marital status (loneliness, fear, needing close friendships). The sexual aspects was never mentioned or emphasize but being human you know they struggled with it.

Secondly, I do not mean that single women even though fulfilled and seeking God do not wish to be married or have no sexual desires (that would not be human); but even with these desires look to God for help in not giving in to the temptation to sin or make it an idol where it consumes most of our time. That is all that I meant.



dsfuva -> RE: Has Anyone Read: "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by A. J. Kiesling? (5/23/2008 10:06:19 PM)

I finally got a copy of the book and read it. The book is geared towards single women, so men should keep that in mind should they choose to read it.

On the positive side, A.J. Kiesling avoids bashing single men as Debbie Maken did in her book, Getting Serious About Getting Married. Ms. Kiesling also surveyed single men as well as single women to get their input and shared her findings in the text.

On the not-so-positive side, Ms. Kiesling used Mrs. Maken's book, as well as contentious and controversial articles and books by Joshua Harris, Albert Mohler, and Candice Watters, as background material for her book. I really wish Ms. Kiesling had sought out a wider range of views on the topic of extended singleness.

In the concluding chapters of the book Ms. Kiesling made a number of practical suggestions which may be helpful, especially for the intended female audience. I would have appreciated some practical advice for single guys who, like me, faced constant and endless rejection when we were actively pursuing members of the opposite sex. Then again, single men weren't her target audience.

Overall, I'm somewhat disappointed. But I'd be interested to see how single women view this book.



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