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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 9:33:29 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26359
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From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
This is another one of the things where some people are okay with married people post here and some people aren't too comfortable. Since there is no rule stating they can't, then I suppose we should buck up and be happy that they are willing to share their pearls of wisdom with us. Excellent, Tink! 
Nor, do I believe there should be any such rule.
Honestly, we (generically) can segregate ourselves into our own oblivion sometimes.
In my offline life, I do not talk to only women or only singles or only etc., etc., etc. Why should it be any different here with my online friends?
Also, if I were out and about with any particular "specific group" of people and someone that didn't fit the parameters of that group came and joined the conversation, I wouldn't automatically discount what they had to say just because they didn't meet some specifics that everyone else had and they didn't. Nor would I be upset that they joined the conversation. If a married friend happen to see me in a restaurant while I was chatting with some single friends, and the married friend wanted to join the conversation, I wouldn't be aghast at that (either silently nor vocally).
When I was still living in Jackson and going to my most very favorite coffee shop, I would see lots of people there during the course of my daily coffee meet and greet. Married men, single men, married women, single women, Christians, other religions, and even no religion affiliation.
I would talk with people as they came in to get their coffees. Some I knew would come in, get there coffee and leave on their way to work. We'd smile, say hello and that was about it. Others (like myself) would come and hang around for a while. I had some of the most fascinating conversations with these people (and sometimes not, but that's life anywhere). To think of all the friendships I could have lost had I refused to talk to them based on a statistic about them. Sometimes, someone would want to talk privately, so we'd go out to one of the picnic benches on the lawn and have a private conversation . . . and yes, some of these private conversations were with married men. The topics were not anything that could not have been repeated to anyone else, but sometimes privacy during a conversation is really nice. Nothing about these conversations were even the beginning of being inappropriate. One time during one of these conversations, a married man revealed to me that his wife was dying. If we had not had that conversation, I would not have been able to pray for him in that regard because I wouldn't have known to do so nor would I have received the wonderful blessing I did in listening to him talk about his love for his wife.
It's the same way here in the threads. Before anything else, the posters in these threads are human beings. Our Lord didn't put us here on earth to categorize and sub-categorize ourselves like we do. Additionally, he gave us intellect and reasoning AND to His Children, he also bestows His Holy Spirit to guide us. We are to use all three of these when conversing in these threads; with especially His Holy Spirit being the dominant factor of guidance.
Besides, it's not like the Singles' folder is being overrun and deluged with married people coming in here; it's an occasional thing; and many of them started out (or at least on some level, participated) here in the Singles folder before their nuptials took place. At least, that's what I have observed; it could be a different slant with someone else.
_____________________________
Please Help Me Identify these Toys! 
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 9:49:01 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 4729
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
This is another one of the things where some people are okay with married people post here and some people aren't too comfortable. Since there is no rule stating they can't, then I suppose we should buck up and be happy that they are willing to share their pearls of wisdom with us. Excellent, Tink!
Thank you.
quote:
In my offline life, I do not talk to only women or only singles or only etc., etc., etc. Why should it be any different here with my online friends?
The difference is, we are not 'hanging around' each other socially. The difference is, we are here for discussion. I have all kinds of friends; married men, married women, college age men, single mums, etc., etc. But am I really going to discuss my single mum issues with my married male friends? Or am I going to discuss my female issues with my college age guy friends? No. Because that's not what we share in common. Most of my girlfriends don't want to talk about the movie 300, or the latest awesome move I made on COD 4, or how the boys and I shot a bird with a nail gun (long story; don't ask). Quite frankly I don't want to talk about with them. Why? Because it's not a common interest.
I talk to single people because we have that in common. I want to 'discuss' my single life. That's why I came to the Single's Forum. When I want to discuss my video games, I go to the game thread. When I want to discuss movies, I go to the movie thread. But here...this is where I come to when I'm struggling with my children, or when I feel lonely and I know that my fellow brother's and sister's know exactly how I feel. This is where I go to when I just want to vent about having to drag my boys with me everywhere I go because I don't have a husband to leave them home with for a few minutes to get my eyebrows waxed. I come here to discuss it with them because they understand. I don't want some married person patting me on the back telling me they remember when they were there. I'm happy for you. But guess what? I'm still here and hearing your reminiscing about when you used to be here isn't exactly helping.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 9:59:57 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 4729
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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I'm not talking about you specifically. Merely married people who post on the site; people who used to be single. That's what I mean by 'here'. Here at this point in one's life. Sorry for the confusion.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 10:02:34 AM
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benelchi
Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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Sorry, but this is one of my pet peeves, rant to follow....
I for one, would encourage married people to post here because I have a very difficult time understanding why the body of Christ should be so segregated. This trend towards greater and greater segregation is something that is a relatively new phenomena. Unfortunately this isn't only applicable to the internet forums, but is prevalent in most of our real life churches as well. We have groups for singles, young marrieds, marrieds without children, marrieds with toddlers, marrieds with teens, empty nester's, etc..., etc..., etc... Even only a few decades ago this was no where near as prevalent as it is today, and I personally believe that this trend has caused far more damage to the church than it has befitted it. In the worst case I watched a church split along married/singles lines because the singles had come to the "realization" that the rest of the church did not get worship like they did. While it is good to have fellowship with those who share a similar circumstance some of the time, it is really unhealthy to seek out this kind of fellowship all of the time. If we limit ourself only to hear from only those who share our circumstances then all we hear is the opinions of those "speaking to the choir" as they say; I personally value greatly those who can bring a different perspective to the table (as long as it is a Godly one) that challenges me to look outside my little box.
I would have a very difficult time with a married poster who appeared or acted single i.e. one flirting in the "flirt" thread, etc...; however, my issue wouldn't be that they were married, but that they were acting inappropriately. So far I have never seen anything like this happen, but if it did, I would have no problem banning this person from the singles forum (and maybe the rest of the forums as well)
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 10:19:25 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 4729
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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No one is saying anything about segregating the church. Merely discussion groups. I think there is a huge difference there. I belong to a Bible fellowship where I am the only single person there and I'm quite content with it. These people are my true brother's and sister's and have had to call on them many times and they in return have called me for things as well. That's why discussion groups have various places to go. So you can get your fill everywhere. There is a forum for married people and I think it's great to go there and see the good things God is doing for married people. Granted the majority of threads are sad because it does show us how our brothers and sisters are hurting, but that's just like here. People are lonely and hurting here as well.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 10:25:34 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26359
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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Great post, Benelchi.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I'm not talking about you specifically. Merely married people who post on the site; people who used to be single. That's what I mean by 'here'. Here at this point in one's life. Sorry for the confusion.
Oh, ok. Thank you for clarifying.
quote:
I talk to single people because we have that in common. I want to 'discuss' my single life. Just because someone is single, doesn't mean that they are going to relate to every aspect of your life. For instance, I've never raised any children, so I cannot relate to how it feels for you to drag your boys everywhere. I can imagine how it must feel, but it's not been an experience I've had. Nor is waxing my eyebrows part of my life. 
However, none of that deters me from wanting to read your posts and learn about you and even form a friendship with you. I don't expect everyone to be a cookie-cutter mold of each other.
Other than me, how many people here are widowed because their spouse committed suicide? Yet, it is still part of who I am . . . and very much a part of why I am single. How many people here have absolutely no family anywhere? But yet, that is a part of who I am. How many people here can relate to riding riding a trike or walking for their transportation? Again, that is part of who I am . . . and at the moment, I am single.
My point is that even here in the Singles' forum, no one is going to be able to find someone to relate to all of their life's experiences that are being lived via an unmarried person.
There are many things that I find tiring when people talk about them; regardless of what folder it's in; sometimes it goes beyond tiring into quite painful . . . November and December are excruciating for me regarding the threads -of any folder- the reason being is all the emphasis on family during those 2 months. But I don't stomp my foot and expect people to not talk about their upcoming plans with their families; that would be selfish and insensitive of me (and for the record, I'm not implying that you have stomped your foot about anything, but yes, there are Singles who post here who do have a "stomping-their-foot; I want everything to be my way" attitude about them).
I guess I just don't see the big deal in married people occasionally posting here. It's not like they're flaunting their marital status (and I really do think that many posters feel that way).
And yes, there are lonely and hurting people in Singles; but there are lonely and hurting people everywhere; singles cannot claim an exclusive right to pain. And again, I'm not saying you specifically; but yes, there does sometimes seem to be a bit of that going around.
_____________________________
Please Help Me Identify these Toys!
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 10:51:04 AM
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Focusing
Posts: 5223
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
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In my Bible study last night, continuing through Acts, we discussed how even in the earliest days of the church there were arguments that broke out about how in order to "fit" into this group you must "this and this and that" ... funny how that thought process and "debate" continues today in so many ways.
Just something running through my mind relating to some of the discussions going on here in singles lately.
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Sam
"You're my nightcap"
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 1:52:53 PM
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jazzlvr
Posts: 66
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
Sorry, but this is one of my pet peeves, rant to follow....
I for one, would encourage married people to post here because I have a very difficult time understanding why the body of Christ should be so segregated. This trend towards greater and greater segregation is something that is a relatively new phenomena. Unfortunately this isn't only applicable to the internet forums, but is prevalent in most of our real life churches as well. We have groups for singles, young marrieds, marrieds without children, marrieds with toddlers, marrieds with teens, empty nester's, etc..., etc..., etc... Even only a few decades ago this was no where near as prevalent as it is today, and I personally believe that this trend has caused far more damage to the church than it has befitted it. In the worst case I watched a church split along married/singles lines because the singles had come to the "realization" that the rest of the church did not get worship like they did. While it is good to have fellowship with those who share a similar circumstance some of the time, it is really unhealthy to seek out this kind of fellowship all of the time. If we limit ourself only to hear from only those who share our circumstances then all we hear is the opinions of those "speaking to the choir" as they say; I personally value greatly those who can bring a different perspective to the table (as long as it is a Godly one) that challenges me to look outside my little box.
I would have a very difficult time with a married poster who appeared or acted single i.e. one flirting in the "flirt" thread, etc...; however, my issue wouldn't be that they were married, but that they were acting inappropriately. So far I have never seen anything like this happen, but if it did, I would have no problem banning this person from the singles forum (and maybe the rest of the forums as well)
If that's the case why have different forums at all? Why not have one giant forum where everybody can post and respond to whomever they like. No singles, no marriage, no teens, no parenting, no he says, she says, men only, women only, protestants only,.....
Isn't the reason for having a variety of forums is so that we can view the opinions and experiences of, and interact with, others who are different from us while at the same time providing a measure of continuity and structure for the benefit of those with similar backgrounds and interests? Did that make sense? 
_____________________________
Larry
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. declares the Lord
9 As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 4:30:11 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6882
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mmartiandt
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
If people come together as a couple after getting to know one another that's all fine and good; but if someone thinks they're being led on, then perhaps the issue lies with their own motives as to why they're posting in here or to a specific person and not necessarily an issue of someone else's motives (for clarity, I am not implying such motives are necessarily improper).
Let me use an example that everyone knows I am not guilty of. Lets say someone is in the flirt thread, or even in another thread bantering in a flirtatious manner with someone else. "hmmm" he thinks, "She may like me"
While she's thinking this is a fun place, I should tell my husband about it. The guy's going to get hurt.
This really confused me. As a married person (who still finds it really odd to say, since its only been a month  ) I have absolutely no intention of going into the flirt thread. I mean, seriously, why would I? If I want to flirt, I shoot a text message to my husband. I guess I just can't even imagine a married person flirting in the flirt thread. Has that actually happened????? 
Nah, just an off the wall example. That's why I also added or bantering flirtatiously blah blah blah. One persons friendly conversation can apparently be another persons flirt.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 4:31:37 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6882
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
When married folks do post here, unless it's a mistake, they invariably make mention of their spouse and/or marriage. I've never seen anything else.
And that's the way it should be (Which has been my only point in this thread)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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