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magdaleine -> RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium (5/8/2008 3:51:27 PM)
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Recipe for Wallpapering Take one very sick mother and one grown son. Find the bag with the wallpapering supplies purchased three years ago and discover one forgotten hot water bottle, no wallpaper and no instructions. Send son to look for missing items. Read instructions five times. Discover that since the wall paint is glossy, glue needs to be applied to back of wallpaper. Read instructions on glue jar seven times. Carry everything to very tiny bathroom. Send son for a flat screwdriver, level and pencil. Discuss best location for border. Discover the wallpaper is two inches too short. Change location of where border will be so it intersects wall cupboard where no border is needed. With level, draw line on wall. Remember wall needs to be washed. Check under bathroom sink and debate whether window cleaner is sufficient. No, it won't be. Son finds wall clear. Oops! Cleaning the wall will erase pencilled line. Try to clean carefully without too many erasures. Notice the remarkable difference between cleaned and uncleaned wall. Try to open glue jar. Break fingernails in the process. Contemplate how to put glue on the back of wallpaper. Decide to use the back of the toilet on which to lay border for glue. Son questions if this is advisable. Mom assuredly confirms that it is. Mom huffs and puffs because she's sick and out of shape. Son offers to switch roles. Mother refuses. Notice that wallpaper must be turned glue side down to continue pasting. Do so. Realize that toilet tank is too short. Son holds end of border while mother paints wallpaper hanging in the air between his two hands. Mom huffs, puffs and wheezes. Fold over already painted part and continue. Change tactics and stop painting in the air because paper can be accordian folded in shorter lengths. Prepare to attach to wall. Mother and son switch places. Son holds paper behind mother who is pasting it to the wall. Bathroom far too small. Mom huffs, puffs, wheezes and is glad she used her puffer in the morning. Oops! Two pasted sides have stuck together so that part of the wallpaper from one side rips away and stays stuck to the second side. Attempt to pull wayward strip of wallpaper backing from wrong side and put on right side. It rips more. Realize that more glue will be needed. Apply. Give up trying to fix torn strips and decide that if it shows through, that will be acceptable. Continue, warning son to ensure no more pieces stick together. More pieces stick. Add more glue to torn section. Finish attaching to wall. Trim excess with scissors and hope to get it right. Dampen sponge. Use sponge to press out bubbles. Do not wipe sideways or paper will buckle and wrinkle. Press out wrinkles. Son sees edges that aren't sticking. Mom takes sponge to press them down. Son disagrees. Son takes toothpick with glue and applies to appropriate places. Press with sponge again. Decide it's as good as it's going to get. Wash glue out of sponge, brush, toilet tank, wall, toilet seat, floor, hair, and hands. Leave remainder for son to take care of. Return to computer, huffing, puffing, wheezing and collapsing.
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