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Prairiehiker -> questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 4:36:11 PM)

You know when you meet someone you're attracted to but you hardly know them, you want to ask them questions that would give you an insight to their character without interrogating them. What type of questions are good to ask? I mean, you want to casually just ask conversational questions, and not get into heavy discussion about his theological, or political leanings. It's more like picking their brains to see if he has any of your deal breakers before you start getting into some fantazy land about finding the "one". I guess it's also dealing with the issue of how to guard your heart.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 4:55:56 PM)

I actually start by asking stuff that relates to my interests and see what happens from there. For me, at least, if/when I begin talking about the academic team, most men go running for the hills. It's great!

Not sure if that helps, but it may help to weed them out pretty quickly.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 5:18:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

You know when you meet someone you're attracted to but you hardly know them, you want to ask them questions that would give you an insight to their character without interrogating them. What type of questions are good to ask? I mean, you want to casually just ask conversational questions, and not get into heavy discussion about his theological, or political leanings. It's more like picking their brains to see if he has any of your deal breakers before you start getting into some fantazy land about finding the "one". I guess it's also dealing with the issue of how to guard your heart.


I prefer to keep it light at first to see if there's any chemistry, then during the first or second date ask questions to see if there are any deal breakers. You may start by talking about the weather, sports, the economy, gas prices, etc.

If you become interested in people, in general, instead of looking for "the one", you'll find that these questions come a lot easier. One thing I had been doing (and have dropped way back because of time) is to try to meet as many guys as I can within a week, and they don't have to be guys I'm interested in -- it could be a 70 year old greeter at church, or the high school bagger at the grocery store. You're not trying to play games with the guy, you're just learning to become open, to experience life in a different way. You'll make friends without heart-strings attached. This way, when you do meet "the one" you're more comfortable with asking questions and you're not as eager to fantasize.

Just my 2 cents.



Konstantinos -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 5:22:30 PM)

i dont ever even feel like "interrogating" anyone so i dont really. if i wanna ask some question that would seem like it i usually do it in a fun way and its usually ok that way.

but really, im not really good at meeting people, specially girls unless they are good at meeting me first then i probably wont ask lots of questions. though that can vary depending on my mood.

plus most girls that i meet in real life tend to be... snobby? maybe they never had a brother... so i cant really be myself around them which frustrates me and then i feel uncomfortable around them, and then i dont even feel like getting to know them.

wow i just realized im paranoid.

but really.. just get to know them a bit.. ask a few... maybe none such questions the first time, then a couple the next time, then more as the person gets more comfortable around you.



azroadrunner -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 6:23:08 PM)

I think the best way to get to know someone is not to ask them specific questions but just get them talking. The things they say in passing will reveal their character.



Prairiehiker -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 6:33:34 PM)

quote:



I prefer to keep it light at first to see if there's any chemistry, then during the first or second date ask questions to see if there are any deal breakers. You may start by talking about the weather, sports, the economy, gas prices, etc.

If you become interested in people, in general, instead of looking for "the one", you'll find that these questions come a lot easier. One thing I had been doing (and have dropped way back because of time) is to try to meet as many guys as I can within a week, and they don't have to be guys I'm interested in -- it could be a 70 year old greeter at church, or the high school bagger at the grocery store. You're not trying to play games with the guy, you're just learning to become open, to experience life in a different way. You'll make friends without heart-strings attached. This way, when you do meet "the one" you're more comfortable with asking questions and you're not as eager to fantasize.

Just my 2 cents.


Actually, I don't believe in "the one" but I thought I'd use a word that gets tossed around so much. My question is more about the guy you have instant attraction and chemistry with. Too often, we find ourselves attracted to people and if the chemistry feels right, our minds seems to take a backseat to our emotions. So, I guess, in order to guard my heart, I'd have to see beyond the chemistry.

I know I always ask lighthearted question like "what did you do on the weekend" to see what he's involved in, if he goes to church or if he's a people person, a family man, or an active, outdoorsy person. Those are things that are very important to me, so if none of them are part of his weekend routine, then, I'd most likely guard my heart against developing my feelings of attraction any further.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 6:34:51 PM)

I agree. Generally I don't ask questions, I just talk and see how it goes. I also don't approach men I'm attracted to. I'm one of those dorky girls who runs when someone I'm attracted to comes around. Why? I have no idea.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 6:40:12 PM)

What I believe about "the one" is this: he's the one you choose to marry. [:)]

quote:

I know I always ask lighthearted question like "what did you do on the weekend" to see what he's involved in, if he goes to church or if he's a people person, a family man, or an active, outdoorsy person. Those are things that are very important to me, so if none of them are part of his weekend routine, then, I'd most likely guard my heart against developing my feelings of attraction any further.


Exactly. It's a way to determine who we will get to know better. Also, you can gauge their reaction to you, too. If I get "what kind of question is that??" response, I move on.



Prairiehiker -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 6:56:23 PM)

quote:

Exactly. It's a way to determine who we will get to know better. Also, you can gauge their reaction to you, too. If I get "what kind of question is that??" response, I move on.


Yeah, Grace, I know what you mean. How they answer matters just as much as what the answer is. How one answers shows personality and temperament, where as the answer might actually give you a glimpsed of his character. Of course, it's not as easy as that and it does take a lot of get to know someone. You know, people have bad moods, and PMS, problems, and whatever it is that men gets that affects their moods, lol. So, wisdom and discernment is really important.



BugLady -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 8:09:26 PM)

Well, if it's someone I know nothing about at all... I make sure to bring up a question that will immediately identify marital status. "So, are you here with your wife?"



AdrianaS -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 8:09:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

You know when you meet someone you're attracted to but you hardly know them, you want to ask them questions that would give you an insight to their character without interrogating them. What type of questions are good to ask? I mean, you want to casually just ask conversational questions, and not get into heavy discussion about his theological, or political leanings. It's more like picking their brains to see if he has any of your deal breakers before you start getting into some fantazy land about finding the "one". I guess it's also dealing with the issue of how to guard your heart.



Hmmm that is a very interesting question..and Iam lead to think and remind my approaches and my ways on it...well, interesting that what attract me to people is many times their traits, expertises, ideias put into actions and many etcs that somehow when I "discover" a trait on them that is very interesting and exciting in my head and observations, whatever is just like a lamp ([sm=icon_smile_idea.gif]) of "wow" in them completly, at that moment, turn my attention to get to know more of it. Yep, its a huge attraction to kind of know more and absorve more I possible can about, whatever I fascinated at the moment to know. This can happen of course with people of both genders and because of my personality I prompt try to find out. Of course, different people are just natural to explain their passions, professions, researches, experiences, minds, etc..others as much they know their "area" they do not know how to communicate to outsiders, particular people who not even know the "a b c's" in their subjects, and its required of them to put in simple terms as to a child...[:D] Here the impact of the gifting of teaching into place and fruitful communication between different persons..and I do have to confess Iam a sucker for those kind of people. Oh! They are the most attractive people of all walks of life around to my personal taste.

Well reggarding physical attraction is does not have strong impact as the attraction above, to me. Iam not timid but it seems the only physical trait that may stop me a bit somehow is a huge size of person, particularly masculine because may come across intimidated to me bcause Iam petite. Still, I do have natural interrogating approach going on to the attraction I have to people I find fascinating, working fascinating, interesting stuff...is like I have to absorve as much I can. Yep, I do have lots of conversations with people I met just once in my life, in airplanes, bus station, just commom place all over we cross path with many of them. I do think I have many "strange" mixing inside me and my personality may desarm some people, I'm almost sure.



PreserveWildlife -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 8:44:48 PM)

What I do is ask them what they do and how they ended up here.



BugLady -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/3/2008 9:16:12 PM)

Neil, that's a good approach.

quote:

I think the best way to get to know someone is not to ask them specific questions but just get them talking. The things they say in passing will reveal their character.


I tend to also agree with this. Although, it is possible to run across the occasional charmer who is skilled in concealing who they really are.



Focusing -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:09:42 AM)

Ask about his testimony, when he got saved, that way you can get right into a topic that is important ... and you can gauge his enthusiasm about Jesus [:)]

I'm a pretty direct kinda person, and I've asked lots of people this question. It's always turned into a great conversation.

Of course, there's a whole lot of good questions to ask and his answers will give you good insight:

What was your favorite subject in school? / Favorite teacher? ... and why
If money were no object, and you could travel anywhere, where would you want to go?
If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
If you could personally meet anyone ... currently or in history ... who and why?
Do you have a hero?



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:13:09 AM)

Are we talking initial discussions though?

I wouldn't feel comfortable chatting with an acquaintance about my testimony. I mean, I could share a little bit of it, but not something that would show him something unique about me.

Does that make sense?



BugLady -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:20:44 AM)

It makes sense to me, Tink. I also probably wouldn't open up an intial contact with my testimony. Much of my testimony is very personal, and I'd need to know someone was safe before sharing too much of myself, ya know?



Focusing -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:22:03 AM)

Makes perfect sense.

I guess it would depend how much detail one would want to divulge. I always thought "my testimony" was suppose to be one "big" story that changed my life drastically, then I realized that I have many testimonies ... some drastic, some not so drastic. So depending how well I knew the other person would determine what I said and how many details I gave. [;)]



BugLady -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:26:28 AM)

Egg-zactly! [:)]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:28:09 AM)

Yea!!! I made an intelligent post for a change!!!! *does the happy dance*



Prairiehiker -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 12:35:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focusing

Ask about his testimony, when he got saved, that way you can get right into a topic that is important ... and you can gauge his enthusiasm about Jesus [:)]

I'm a pretty direct kinda person, and I've asked lots of people this question. It's always turned into a great conversation.

Of course, there's a whole lot of good questions to ask and his answers will give you good insight:

What was your favorite subject in school? / Favorite teacher? ... and why
If money were no object, and you could travel anywhere, where would you want to go?
If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
If you could personally meet anyone ... currently or in history ... who and why?
Do you have a hero?


Those are really good questions, but may not be appropriate to ask someone you barely know and just having a casual conversation with. You know, like let's say you run into someone in church or your gym every once in a while. And you're curious. You find him/her attractive but you know that it's just physical attraction right now. So, you don't want to show any interest or start flirting just yet because you don't even know if he's a Christian or if his lifestyle is completely incompatible with you. YOu know, the big things that are not negotiable. So, how do you casually find out these things without sounding like you're interested, because really, at this point, you're just not sure if you are attracted beyond his looks.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 1:03:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

Yea!!! I made an intelligent post for a change!!!! *does the happy dance*


It happens way more often than you Tink. [:D]



BugLady -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 1:08:31 AM)

quote:

So, how do you casually find out these things without sounding like you're interested, because really, at this point, you're just not sure if you are attracted beyond his looks.


You could always bring up going to church and see how he responds to that.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 1:12:28 AM)

If a guy tried to obviously try to find out on a 1st, 2nd even 3rd meeting if we were compatable, or if I met his list. Believe me, I would RUN. And fast.

I have more, but I'll come back when I am not so tired.



Focusing -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 1:14:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady

You could always bring up going to church and see how he responds to that.

I was thinking the same thing.



Prairiehiker -> RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... (5/4/2008 10:11:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

If a guy tried to obviously try to find out on a 1st, 2nd even 3rd meeting if we were compatable, or if I met his list. Believe me, I would RUN. And fast.

I have more, but I'll come back when I am not so tired.


Compatible in the big things, I think I try to find that out early before I show interest. I mean, if a guy isn't a Christ follower, or if he's a couch potato who spends all his free time playing video games, then, there's no point for me to start showing interest in wanting to get to know him more in a romantic sense. so, I try to get those things out of the way.



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