Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Is it OK to be attracted to amputees?


Yes!
  66% (12)
No!
  22% (4)
Other (please explain)
  11% (2)


Total Votes : 18
(last vote on : 5/29/2008 1:23:15 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )


Message

Amputee-Devotee -> Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/4/2008 8:16:17 AM)

I know this might sound weird to some of you, but I assure you this is a serious question and one that is very personal to me. I would GREATLY appreciate serious insight into this question.

To explain the poll's question a little bit better, I want to know whether or not it is ethical to find amputees more physically attractive than women who are not amputees. It's a question that has been weighing on my heart for a while but I've had a hard time finding a venue to discuss it because it makes me feel really awkward. So far I've only been able to discuss it with some of my closest friends, and none of them have really had an answer for me. The only real insight they've been able to give me is that maybe my attraction some how stems from my desire to help other people, especially the disadvantaged. So, because of the anonymity granted to me by the internet, I figured this would be a good venue to ask it.

Why am I asking? For as long as I can remember being attracted to girls I've been attracted to amputees. I just find them to be generally more attractive than non-amputees. I've got a list of qualities that my future wife will need to possess such as being a strong Christian who is intelligent and loves to help others, etc. etc. etc. But I also have a list of traits and features that, while not required, I still pray for and would very much prefer. At the top of that list is that I want my future wife to have only one leg, preferably missing above the knee. I know, it's kind of (ok, REALLY) weird. And before anyone asks, no, I am not an amputee myself. I'm in good shape and have no disabilites at all.

I've spent several years researching this question. For years I thought I was the only one with this attraction, then I turned to the internet, and that's where I found out about "amputee devotees" (thus the screen name). I'm far from th only one, and I tried to discuss this question with other devotees, but I have been unsuccessful in finding any other Christian devotees to talk to and the vast majority of devotee sites are full of either very questionable content or borderline pornographic images, so I quit searching in that venue.

Sometimes I feel like it is wrong of me to have this attraction. Other times I feel like it is no different than people who find certain hair color or body shape more attractive than another. Other times, I feel like this is a little bit deeper than just a shallow, physical attraction. Like it is almost a calling or something. Sometimes I feel like it was something God placed on my heart so that I could someday love a woman who thought no one would ever love her because of her "disability." At times like this, I think "the selfless thing to do would be to not bother about what other people think and get embarassed at your attraction so that you can just love a woman who might not normally get that."

I love to help people out. I feel it is my calling to physically help and protect people. Is it possible that God laid this on my heart so that I could be attracted to and love someone who many people might find flawed or unattractive? It seems like it would be consistent with God's calling for my life and I think it would be a tremendous blessing to both of us.

Because of the whole devotee thing and the fact that most seem to be more interested in sex than anything, I'm worried that if I ever find a nice one-legged girl she'll think I'm a creep if I tell her I'm a devotee before she ever even gets a chance to get to know me better and see that I'm not at all like that!

Now suppose I met a one-legged woman who fit the bill of a strong Christian and my other important requirements and I began dating her. How do you think she would react if I told her that I found her physically attractive no IN SPITE of her disability but BECAUSE of it? I'm always worried she would find it weird or creepy. If I disclosed this early on in our relationship, I'm worried she might take it wrong and think that I had singled her out because of her amputation. This wouldn't be entirely untrue, but I don't see how it would be any less OK than a guy who approached a girl because she was pretty. I'm just worried she'd think I was expliting something that had caused her great pain, because unlike great looks, an amputation isn't something people enjoy having. But if I waited until we were getting serious and she knew me a lot better to tell her I would feel like I had been deceitful. So then what should i do?

Well, I apologize for such a long and probably rambling post. It's late here, so forvige the ramblings. Thank you VERY much to anyone who takes the time and has the patience to read through all of that! I hope that someone can give me some advice, but if you can't, I would really appreciate prayer.



rcjames -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/4/2008 8:55:51 AM)

Well, I guess whatever floats your boat.

Thanks
RC



GrahamCracker -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/4/2008 6:02:23 PM)

The only issue I would be concerned about is what would happen if you married an amputee and then discovered some psychological dysfunction that predisposed you toward the attraction? Could you maintain the marital commitment even after you addressed the dysfunction?



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/4/2008 7:17:56 PM)

I think it's a little unusual, but there is nothing wrong with it, in an ethical sense of the word. Perhaps God is simply preparing you for someone that is affected this way. And if you tell her that that is one of the reasons you find her attractive, she'll probably be surprised and thrilled. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Google the word freaks, and you will find many famous "freaks"(excuse the term, but that's the word that was used back then) of the past who were married, so apparently there were people like you back in the day. I always assumed that their spouse's loved them in spite of their disability, but after reading your post, I suppose some of them were actually attracted TO the disability.

I'll try to do some links for you.

Here are some people with medical oddities who were married.
Chang and Eng
Gabrielle Fuller
Prince Randian
You can also watch this video and google the names.

I'll let you research more on your own, I'm tired.[:D]



elastic -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 10:47:57 AM)

What you have is a fetish for amputees. Most men have fetishes and they don't even realize it. They might call it a preference instead....

example, a man who is attracted only to skinny blondes with blue eyes. That is a fetish. If he won't look at a red head, or won't look at a blonde with brown eyes, it's a fetish.

i guess it's ok to have that fetish, or preference, but if it overrides your desire to even meet or look at anyone else, it could be bordering on the dangerous.

i promise, once you get married to your amputee wife, you will have to find more about her to love than just the fact that she is missing a body part...so you had better be attracted to not only her physical appearance, but something internal as well.

my dh prefers plus size women, but before meeting me, he didn't limit himself to only dating fat women. he dated all sizes all races and when he met me, and got to know me on the INSIDE, that is what he fell in love with. the outside was just a bonus.

in short, you should look for someone that you are attracted to yes, but you should look for someone because of who they are, and not just because of what they are.



lightshineon -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 11:16:11 AM)

whatever floats your boat, everyone needs someone to be attracted to them, though unusal, maybe it an attraction given to you by God. I don't know, this is the strangest question I have ever seen. Though God works in mysterious ways.



Jhud -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 1:38:31 PM)

quote:

in short, you should look for someone that you are attracted to yes, but you should look for someone because of who they are, and not just because of what they are.


Yes, I think this is an excellent point.

I would say there is a vast gulf between the maturity that is accepting of appearance, or race, or handicap as part of the person one loves, and the immaturity that focuses on such things as a reason that one loves.



gengwall -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 2:03:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jhud

quote:

in short, you should look for someone that you are attracted to yes, but you should look for someone because of who they are, and not just because of what they are.


Yes, I think this is an excellent point.

I would say there is a vast gulf between the maturity that is accepting of appearance, or race, or handicap as part of the person one loves, and the immaturity that focuses on such things as a reason that one loves.

Very well said. Our obssession with physical attractiveness is a great hinderance to our forming loving relationships as God intended them to be. Jesus never let physical issues cloud His view of the person, and it is that view that counts the most, especially in finding the one person who best compliments and completes you.

So, my answer would be a qualified "yes" - if physical attractiveness is important to you, then your own subjective criteria for what is "attractive" will naturally dictate who you gravitate toward and is naturally ok, for you.



1love1God1way -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 2:49:13 PM)

Seems like a small demographic. . .



cow451 -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 6:13:45 PM)

Paul McCartney doesn't recommend it.



Jhud -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 6:20:39 PM)

quote:

Paul McCartney doesn't recommend it.


Apparently, love is not all you need - a good pre-nup helps as well.



techne -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 7:36:26 PM)

well, a fetish is variously defined (as far as is relevant to this context) as:

- an object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence
- something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification
- an abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation
- a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body; "common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair, shoes, and underwear"
- an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

are any of these things true or applicable?



Ps103 -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/5/2008 8:48:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cow451

Paul McCartney doesn't recommend it.



Arf!



bride48 -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/6/2008 7:04:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: elastic

What you have is a fetish for amputees. Most men have fetishes and they don't even realize it. They might call it a preference instead....

example, a man who is attracted only to skinny blondes with blue eyes. That is a fetish. If he won't look at a red head, or won't look at a blonde with brown eyes, it's a fetish.

i guess it's ok to have that fetish, or preference, but if it overrides your desire to even meet or look at anyone else, it could be bordering on the dangerous.

i promise, once you get married to your amputee wife, you will have to find more about her to love than just the fact that she is missing a body part...so you had better be attracted to not only her physical appearance, but something internal as well.

my dh prefers plus size women, but before meeting me, he didn't limit himself to only dating fat women. he dated all sizes all races and when he met me, and got to know me on the INSIDE, that is what he fell in love with. the outside was just a bonus.

in short, you should look for someone that you are attracted to yes, but you should look for someone because of who they are, and not just because of what they are.


Well said!



THEREDCAPE -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/7/2008 11:07:57 AM)

Are you attracted to women who are amputees, or are you attracted to the missing limb?

If you are sexually aroused by women, normal. If you are sexually arounsed by a prostetic device or the area of the limb that is now missing, you may want some counseling of a profesional . (Psychologist, not prostetic maker)



bride48 -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/7/2008 5:35:11 PM)

As a disabled woman, I think wanting someone because of a disability is just as bad as rejecting them for that reason. My husband knew he couldn't marry an able-bodied woman without jeopardizing his benefits (he's also disabled), so in that respect he needed to make disability a criteria in selecting a bride, but that's vastly different from being a devotee. It's best to look for a person with godly qualities regardless of disability.



zamdad -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/7/2008 6:28:52 PM)

What the OP describes is a paraphilia. I'm not sure what type it's called, but it's a fixation with an object that arouses ones sexual thoughts.

I'm a little more surprized at some of the responses thus far. The majority seems to have replied, "Whatever floats your boat." Isn't this dismissive attitude what has led to the hypersexualization and degeneration of our culture? IN essence, it seems that most are saying if your thought life is aroused by a specific portion of the body or some object that its okay and you should be careful in finding a partner that shares the same fascination.

I see this discussion as being very similar to the discussion on nudism and the Christian community. OUr sexuality is a gift from God. Satan realizes this and has drawn us into his trap by getting us to focus more on the sex act, the pursuit of eroticism, and other erotic things that are completely devoid of a relationship that builds each other up. He has us so self focused that we obsess over ourselves instead of loving other just as Christ loves us.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/7/2008 10:56:24 PM)

quote:

My husband knew he couldn't marry an able-bodied woman without jeopardizing his benefits (he's also disabled), so in that respect he needed to make disability a criteria in selecting a bride, but that's vastly different from being a devotee



So, he still wanted a disabled person for some benefit of his own. I honestly don't see the difference.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/7/2008 11:03:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zamdad

What the OP describes is a paraphilia. I'm not sure what type it's called, but it's a fixation with an object that arouses ones sexual thoughts.

I'm a little more surprized at some of the responses thus far. The majority seems to have replied, "Whatever floats your boat." Isn't this dismissive attitude what has led to the hypersexualization and degeneration of our culture? IN essence, it seems that most are saying if your thought life is aroused by a specific portion of the body or some object that its okay and you should be careful in finding a partner that shares the same fascination.

I see this discussion as being very similar to the discussion on nudism and the Christian community. OUr sexuality is a gift from God. Satan realizes this and has drawn us into his trap by getting us to focus more on the sex act, the pursuit of eroticism, and other erotic things that are completely devoid of a relationship that builds each other up. He has us so self focused that we obsess over ourselves instead of loving other just as Christ loves us.


But, it's only natural that we want to be physically attracted to our marriage partner. I think that is quite clear in Song of Solomon. I personally have a visual preference for hispanic or at least dark complected men. Of course, if I have a chance to marry some wonderful, Godly guy who will treat me like a princess, I'm not going to turn him down just for not being dark complected if he's not, but that is just naturally what I find most attractive. As long as the OP doesn't deprive himself of some wonderful Proverbs 31 woman that crosses his path just because she isn't an amputee, I don't think it's wrong that that's what he's attracted to, for now. I've never seen any man anywhere on these boards being judged for liking blond haired women, short haired women, etc., but all of a sudden this guy is "bad" just because his preference is a little unusual?



Amputee-Devotee -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/8/2008 3:19:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: techne

well, a fetish is variously defined (as far as is relevant to this context) as:

- something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification

Obviously since I'm not married I try not to let anything about a woman arouse me sexually, but I guess you could say that an amputee's stump does have that effect on me. But not really any more than a nice set of legs (or even their good leg), or breasts, or buttocks, or stomach, or any other part of a well formed woman's body.

quote:

- an abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation
- a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body; "common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair, shoes, and underwear"
- an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

are any of these things true or applicable?

I don't think any of those are true. The first one is the closest to being true, but "abnormal degree" is pretty subjective. Is it abnormal if whenever i invision my future wife I always imagine her having one leg. It's not like I think I absolutely NEED that it's just that that is the form that my idealized future wife takes. I don't really think that would be any diferent then always invisioning your future wife as having blonde hair or something.

The second and third ones on the list aren't true either. I'm still attracted to two-legged women just fine, and to date all the women I've ever taken interest in have been two-legged. Nothing serious ever really worked out, but that had nothing to do with the fact that they had two legs. I find one-leggedness to be a very attractive feature, but by no means do I consider it the be all end all of looks. Put an average looking amputee and an exceptionally beautiful two-legged woman side by side and I'd tell you the two-legged woman is better looking. I would say that having one leg would make any woman more attractive, but two women would have to be fairly close in overall looks for me to say the less attractive womans' one-leggedness made her more attractive than the two legged woman.
quote:

ORIGINAL: THEREDCAPE

Are you attracted to women who are amputees, or are you attracted to the missing limb?

If you are sexually aroused by women, normal. If you are sexually arounsed by a prostetic device or the area of the limb that is now missing, you may want some counseling of a profesional . (Psychologist, not prostetic maker)

I'd say both. I find women who are amputees attractive, and I find their stump attractive (you could even say "sexually arousing" but like I said earlier I try not to think like that since that would be lust). It's not prosthetic, as I find amputees more attractive without a prosthetic. But, I also find the rest of their bodies attractive and it's not like I find a full set of legs UNattractive, just slightly less so. Why would I need a psychologist for that? It's not liek it's screwing up my life or something. By that logic shouldn't every man need a psychologist if they find a certain part of a woman's body to be generally more attractive than others? Don't virutally all (honest) men prefer 1 part of the body above all the others? What would be wrong with me preferring an amputees stump? Granted, it isn't exactly a natural part of the body but on a two legged woman I generaly find her legs to be her most attractive feature, so I guess I just prefer legs (or lack thereof) in general.
quote:

As a disabled woman, I think wanting someone because of a disability is just as bad as rejecting them for that reason. My husband knew he couldn't marry an able-bodied woman without jeopardizing his benefits (he's also disabled), so in that respect he needed to make disability a criteria in selecting a bride, but that's vastly different from being a devotee. It's best to look for a person with godly qualities regardless of disability.

I wouldn't want a woman because of her disability any more than someone who wasn't attracted to amputees would want someone simply because of their beauty. It might play a role, yes, but first and foremost I would want a woman because she was godly, and then because she was intelligent, fun, caring, etc. etc. etc. It's just that I would prefer she also only have one leg. If she does, awesome! A nice bonus. If not, no biggie, she's still an awesome person and I'm sure I'd find her very beautiful.
quote:

What the OP describes is a paraphilia. I'm not sure what type it's called, but it's a fixation with an object that arouses ones sexual thoughts.

It's called acrotomophilia (i told you i've researched this alot).



Amputee-Devotee -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/8/2008 3:59:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bride48

As a disabled woman, I think wanting someone because of a disability is just as bad as rejecting them for that reason. My husband knew he couldn't marry an able-bodied woman without jeopardizing his benefits (he's also disabled), so in that respect he needed to make disability a criteria in selecting a bride, but that's vastly different from being a devotee. It's best to look for a person with godly qualities regardless of disability.

Mam, if you don't mind my asking, how would you feel if you entered a relationship with a man who you respected as a Christian and who you knew was a good guy and then later you found out that, in addition to loving you for who you are, he found your disability physically attractive? What if you found out that it was the first that piqued his interest in you and caused him to approach you and get to know you?



lightshineon -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/8/2008 9:52:23 AM)

I do not see this as a sinful fetish, unique, for lack of a better term, but not in no way sinful. May I ask when these feelings started and why? Men and women are attracted to differnent parts of the body, hopefuly of the opposite sex. Though, I was watching the view yesterday, and noticed Cindy Crawford, she had lovely long, long, legs. I trust me I hetosexual, normal, but could not help noticing that. My point is you do not have to be sexualy attracted, to notice somethng attractive about someone. How many would not be attracted to an amputee, because you could not get past the missing leg or arm? IMHO, that would be the greater sin, not seeing the heart, which is still there, though the limb is missing.
On the Discovery Health Channel, there is a woman who has half a body, born that way. She married a normal, quite handsome man, and they have a child. She has strength in her spirit, and deals with a mentally ill brother, an aging dad, and losing her mother to cancer. She is great with cars, and works on and races them. Her husband, does not see half a body, he sees a remarkable woman. Most of us if honest, would not be sexualy attracted to a person that disabled. In the chance we were attracted to a person for being that handicapped, we would worry what our friends and family would say.



bride48 -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/8/2008 6:20:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amputee-Devotee

quote:

ORIGINAL: bride48

As a disabled woman, I think wanting someone because of a disability is just as bad as rejecting them for that reason. My husband knew he couldn't marry an able-bodied woman without jeopardizing his benefits (he's also disabled), so in that respect he needed to make disability a criteria in selecting a bride, but that's vastly different from being a devotee. It's best to look for a person with godly qualities regardless of disability.

Mam, if you don't mind my asking, how would you feel if you entered a relationship with a man who you respected as a Christian and who you knew was a good guy and then later you found out that, in addition to loving you for who you are, he found your disability physically attractive? What if you found out that it was the first that piqued his interest in you and caused him to approach you and get to know you?


I'd probably wonder why my disability piqued his interest.

Look, I have no problem with able-bodied people marrying disabled people. But I've read a little about acrotomophilia, and there's much more to it than simply seeing past someone's disability. Would you be as eager to date a woman with Cerebral Palsy, Fredrick's Ataxia, our an arm amputation? (Actually, I know a marvelous Christian woman who was born without her left arm...). Why does one particular disability interest you?



bride48 -> RE: Is it OK to be attracted to amputees? (5/9/2008 4:43:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

quote:

My husband knew he couldn't marry an able-bodied woman without jeopardizing his benefits (he's also disabled), so in that respect he needed to make disability a criteria in selecting a bride, but that's vastly different from being a devotee



So, he still wanted a disabled person for some benefit of his own. I honestly don't see the difference.


To clarify, my husband first noticed me in an online forum for disabled singles. From my post, he had no way of knowing whether I was disabled or not, much less whether or not I was collecting Social Security as a dependent child of a deceased father (only disabled people receiving that specific benefit can marry each other without losing Social Security and Medicare). What he noticed, however, was my stand for Christian morality in a secuar forum.

I discussed your post with my husband last night. He said that my disability and consequent financial situation made marriage financially possible, but he became seriously attracted to me long before he was even certain that I was even disabled! The first woman he pursued romantically, actually, happened to be able-bodied. Both of us exhibited a love for Jesus that he admired. But marriage to an able-bodied woman would have left him with no income and no medical coverage to pay for the ventilators that sustain his life. Therefore, his criteria for marriage was borne of financial responsibility.

In contrast to my husband's responsibility, acrotomophilia is a sexual fetish, whether Amputee-Devotee cares to admit it or not. I'd encourage you to do a Google search on the term in order to understand why I see a distinction between his attraction to one-legged women with my husband's sense of responsibility. Then, if you still see no difference, I'll cheerfully agree to disagree with you on the matter.



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