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Itlyn1kc -> RE: I feel like I'm in a fog..prayer please (5/6/2008 11:21:10 PM)
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Thank you all for the prayers, it really means alot to me. More than you know! I have dealt with so much over these months and finally getting to a good spot and I really have nothing to complain about. I am so happy to have my new job, I have great great parents. I am getting to know more about the Lord and get closer to him. I attend an awesome church, so why am I sitting here right now in a fog crying, because I just don't know, maybe I have been fooling myself into thinking that I have changed, my patterns of my past, came up recently to bite me hard,which I have been reminded of today again, maybe my friend was right that I am the same person and I am needy and nieve. I am a good person and I don't do things on purpose to hurt others, and I am not deceitful. I do things without thinking and I know I need to change that. I am doing that now, but I can not get away from my what I did in my past because it is being brought up in my face and i was told that I am the same person even after recieving help, advice, coaching from a friend and they feel like they spent all these years helping me and I just wasted their time because I have done nothing to change my life. I am a procrastinator, and the choices I make are made by me and I have to deal with the consequences if I do make a mistake in that choice. I don't do things on purpose and then try to keep it a secret out of hiding things, but I do not want to hurt another person and the way the world is today, that is exactly what these things look like. They look like they are two-faced liars. People are so deceitful, mean, cruel and they don't think about what they are doing to others like playing mind games with another human being. That is not me and I don't have an agenda, I do things without thinking and I need to not do that. About 2 weeks ago I made a promise that this will not happen anymore and I will use my head in anything I do before I just jump the gun and do things. Maybe I am just rambling, but I just feel like sometimes I can not handle life and I am not using my full potential and I am just wasting that and not doing anything about it. I know life is not easy and I need to lean on God and I do trust him, but it almost seems like I am being made out to be a liar or just like all the other women out there, and I not. My friend feels like that is what God is showing him, that I am who I really am, a needy person...I don't think God would do that though, that would seem cruel. God knows me, and he knows my heart... I am just rambline, but I need to get this off my chest because I am just really upset right now and my heart is just so sad...I just ask that you keep praying for me, I had been doing so well these last few weeks and really connecting with God and getting deeper into my bible and really connecting with the Holy Spirit and feeling Gods presence and now this.... What exactly am I dealing with here and what is going on??? Thank you for the prayers everybody, just keep praying for me to just get passed this big hurdle! kc
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