Respect for husband who is not a believer (Full Version)

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Brooke313 -> Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 10:48:00 AM)

I have heard several times here that a husband must earn his respect. I would like to address this topic and help ladies to see that a husband earned your respect when you married him. He earnes respect due to the position that he has in your life. In 1 Peter 3:1-6 Peter tells us how we are to respond to our husbands whether or not they are believers.



Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Being submissive has become a taboo subject in our society. We do not want to be submissive to anyone, especially a man. However, if we are a Christian woman and wife, this is what we are called to do. As long as your husband does not ask you t sin, you must be submissive to his leading and treat him with respect. This goes a long way in making your relationship with him strong. In return, your husband will show the love he has for you. If you nag him constantly, he will not be very loveing toward you. Even Sarah was submissive to Abraham. He led her into Egypt and told her to tell Pharaoh that she was his sister. Pharoah then took her to be his wife. However, Pharoah was afflicted with a disease by God and did not touch her. God protected her through this time. Abraham did not get off scot-free because of his sin. They inherited an Egyptian slave named Hagar and we all know what happened with her later on. Abraham's sin is still affecting us today, but he protected Sarah because she was submissive to her husband and respected his position.

I know this is hard to do, however, I also know that this is sound advice. I am writing from my opwn experience. It was not until I begin to follow these teachings that my marriage begin to get better. I cannot change my husband, but I can change my attitude to him and when I do that it opens up the door to all kinds of good things for a couple and their family.



csl7037 -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 12:30:17 PM)

Good post. I expecte something else by the title - complaining about a husband not an admonishion to wives. My mother was married to an unbeliever most of her life and they had a great marriage! So many times I hear women complaining about their unbelieving husband it just sounds like an excuse to me. If you married him, you either weren't a believer, were out of God's will, or just willfully made an ill-advised decision. My friend likes to say "now put on you big girl panties and deal with it!"

This bears repeating, emphasis added:

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.



CatholicCritter -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 12:37:14 PM)

quote:

Authentic conjugal love presupposes and requires that a man have a profound respect for the equal dignity of his wife: 'You are not her master...but her husband; she was not given you to be your slave, but your wife. . . . Reciprocate her attentiveness to you and be grateful to her for her love."


quote:

This subjection [to her husband] does not deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her husband's every request if not in harmony with right reason or the dignity due to wife, nor, in fine, does it imply that the wife should be put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors. . . .


Our popes have been teaching this for 2000 years. Coming from the other side (a husband of 14 years and believer in name only when we married), it was a revelation to come to grips with this teaching because it places some pretty serious responsibilities on both husband and wife that MUST be taken to heart or the marriage will grow cold. The roles have been defined and reiterated throughout Christian history and, as usual, if humanity would only follow these teachings, divorce and the by-product of it would be infinitely lower. Thanks for bringing this up!



ChoirDJ -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 1:12:12 PM)

Amen Brooke313!!!...Great post.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 1:31:34 PM)

lol. I was expecting complaining too. [8D]

Good stuff.



Brooke313 -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 4:07:56 PM)

Honestly and truely after nearly 20years of marriage (in two weeks) I have no complaints. It took us a long time to get to this point and we have had a lot of speed bumps along the way, but God is good to us and has provided for us always and has protected us as well. Not only is this good for the wives and husbands, but for the kids as well. We have two teenage daughters ages 15 and 16 and the one thing that I hope they take with them when they marry, is this teaching.

My husband just recently had an accident at work and fractured his pelvis and hip and wrist. This teaching I believe has helped us to keep our sanity during this time. I have had to respect him in order to help him and do the things that he needed (especially the unpleasant ones).

I pray that the previous post was helpful to everyone. I pray for healing for marriages and families everywhere.



Konstantinos -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 4:43:52 PM)

i totally agree. most girls .. at least my age (im not sure about christian women who already are married) seem to not even have a clue what respecting means.

i think the reason why girls stopped respecting men as much as they used to is 1st because of the advancing of societies... back years ago physical strength was a must, nowadays it barely is. that alone says a lot more than you think at first . its not just about being able to move the fridge.

second i think its the insecurities that girls have. you cant respect a man and at the same time worry whether he loves you or whether to trust him(even if he has never given you reason not to)



CatholicCritter -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 5:08:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Konstantinos

i totally agree. most girls .. at least my age (im not sure about christian women who already are married) seem to not even have a clue what respecting means.

i think the reason why girls stopped respecting men as much as they used to is 1st because of the advancing of societies... back years ago physical strength was a must, nowadays it barely is. that alone says a lot more than you think at first . its not just about being able to move the fridge.

second i think its the insecurities that girls have. you cant respect a man and at the same time worry whether he loves you or whether to trust him(even if he has never given you reason not to)


in many respects, men have let their women down emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically. we've reaped what we've sown in many ways.



Konstantinos -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 5:36:15 PM)

i dont deny that either.

but i think the reason for this is that first women stopped respecting men since the feminist stuff. thus making men upset, making them cheat more etc etc. slowly this made men more material-oriented and sensually-oriented, and this in turn along with capitalism made the whole market oriented like that when it comes to men.

now all boys grow up in such a society, where most have ZERO good male examples and never learn even what it means to be a man much less actually try to be one.

granted thats the one more thing that makes it hard for the women to truly respect men for who they are than just for being men.

but men need respect simply by our biology. women take it for granted that they deserve and need love. it should be the other way around too.



CatholicCritter -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 6:25:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Konstantinos

i dont deny that either.

but i think the reason for this is that first women stopped respecting men since the feminist stuff. thus making men upset, making them cheat more etc etc. slowly this made men more material-oriented and sensually-oriented, and this in turn along with capitalism made the whole market oriented like that when it comes to men.

now all boys grow up in such a society, where most have ZERO good male examples and never learn even what it means to be a man much less actually try to be one.

granted thats the one more thing that makes it hard for the women to truly respect men for who they are than just for being men.

but men need respect simply by our biology. women take it for granted that they deserve and need love. it should be the other way around too.


i see your point. but this isn't about women respecting men, it's about wives respecting/submitting to their husbands. it's quite different for a co-worker to look at me and not respect me than it is for my covenantal partner to do that. husbands have become weaker over the decades and only part of the reason is the feminist movement. the other part of the reason is that we men have wilted in the face of things like artificial contraception. pope paul vi predicted that infidielity would skyrocket--it did. he predicted that general morality would decline--massive abortion, divorce, spousal abuse, child abuse, and rise in STD's suggest it has. he predicted that women would be seen as objects for sexual pleasure--they have. he predicted that nations would abuse their people with it--china mandates family size and all western nations actively promote and fund abortion in their borders and willingly hand out birth control even to kids.

see, men played a part in all of that. they invented the devices that they said would 'free women' but really ended up freeing men from accountability for their actions. the majority of spouses who cheat are men. the majority of domestic violence is done by men. the leaders of nations are predominantly men.

i know the problem is far more complex than this, but i don't buy the argument that women drove us to do these things. pride and sin drove us to do these things and to give up our fight for our marriages so easily. are women blameless? of course not, but they, nor feminism are the only ones to blame, IMO.



JesKlu -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/7/2008 6:50:59 PM)

Hello Brooke!

Great post! I totally agree. It feels like wives have stopped submitting to their husbands, and it is sad. It's just a sign of the times. But like Catholic Critter said, women are not the only ones to balme. Think about spousal abuse, adultery etc. Most spousal abuse is done by men, same as adultery. So women are not only to blame here. And also, submission is not being a doormat, meaning, "something must be wrong with me, for my husband to treat me this way, I must not be submitting enough." A lot of wives, even Christian wives, fall directly into this trap. It is not their fault that they are being abused, it is purely the husband's fault. Remember, submission is not a license for abuse.

But I agree that many wives feel submission is "old school." I disagree. We should be submitting to our husbands as the Church submits to Christ, and husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. Marriage is a two-way street.

Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica



Konstantinos -> RE: Respect for husband who is not a believer (5/8/2008 6:02:08 AM)

quote:

i know the problem is far more complex than this, but i don't buy the argument that women drove us to do these things. pride and sin drove us to do these things and to give up our fight for our marriages so easily. are women blameless? of course not, but they, nor feminism are the only ones to blame, IMO.


yeah i know, in the end noone is to blame but ourselves for anything bad we do, but most people go according to whatever they feel like doing, except when it comes to money. so thats why i said all of that...



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