child training (Full Version)

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Leslie_JnJs_mom -> child training (5/7/2008 12:55:33 PM)

OK first off spanking goes into the spanking thread not here. What I am talking about it child training. I have to say that I tried my best to use time out but it just is not working. I have asked the opionion of several moms in our church who have very well behaved children. They all recommended books about child training. When asking a friend about discipline especially out in public she suggest training at home. She suggested calling Jessica over and if she does not obey the first time then she would be punished right then. She said it is really hard at first but kids learn fast and it would be so much better on Jessica to know that she must obey mommy now instead of wondering how many times mommy will say do this before I take action. She said if I train her to obey me at home the first time I tell her to do or not do something she will behave so much better out in public.
So I am the type that I like to get lots of opinions before I launch into something I have never done before. Have any of you ever tried this? How did it turn out for you?



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:05:47 PM)

isn't Jessica about 3yo? If so we recently had a thread about 3yo's and different disciplinarian ways (other then spanking). HERE is a link to that thread



pbaribeault -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:17:22 PM)

So, how old is Jessica?

I lean towards first-time obedience -- but only for actual parental commands. I don't call my daughter to lunch with a command; I use an invitation. I issue very few commands, but when I do I use key words and clear tone of voice. I very rarely encounter disobedience or delay.

I'd say, start by training yourself to know when you are giving a command. Then sort out what key words are going to work for your situations... battles you are willing to fight. Then stop using commands when you don't really mean them and/or aren't willing to enforce them. It's OK just to say things like, "I don't like it when you are loud." If you haven't got the personal strength to fight-out a "Be Quiet." command. The key is not to dilute the strength of your command words. If you say it, enforce it, even if you regret it.

Then you are ready teach your dd these commands, one at a time, until she masters each one. And I mean teach. Sit and discuss the word, the expected response, the consequence. Practice and role-play. When you need to apply the consequence, do it without anger, but with a calm demeanor that is almost 'sorry' that she's forgotten what she was trying to learn.

If you want to start with, "Come." That will work, just don't dive right in with her being expected to obey every word that comes out of your mouth.

And remember (my biggest problem) a parent's anger belongs to them, and they should deal with it - it's not an appropriate 'consequence' to let it out towards the child on purpose.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:31:32 PM)

I clicked on the link but that is not my thread, although I am sure I have discussed non spanking methods on here. Like I said in my first post for this topic it is not working and if I do not do somthing I am going to have one of those kids that no one can stand to be around.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:35:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LesliemomtoJandJ

I clicked on the link but that is not my thread, although I am sure I have discussed non spanking methods on here. Like I said in my first post for this topic it is not working and if I do not do somthing I am going to have one of those kids that no one can stand to be around.

no it was not your thread....but it was a discussion that went on pretty long about 3yo's and their behavior.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:42:45 PM)

Oh ok. I am having a hard time with my daughter right now, mainly out in public. So that is where the child training question is comming in. This is pretty a new behavior so I am [sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif] I dont know if she was always like this but I just had her in a sling so she never go the chance to run wild like this.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:50:27 PM)

I'm just curious, what do you think would be wrong with training and expecting your child to obey you at home?

We train for first-time obedience at home. Most of the time, it's not a matter of punishment, as much as teaching. There certainly needn't be any angry punishment involved. "This is what I expect of you, and this is the consequence if you do not obey. Do you understand? Great!". When we have a child who is having trouble listening and obeying, we play the "Obey Mama! Game". [:D] We spend five minutes giving them commands ("Sit down! Jump up and down! Go touch the door! Stick out your tongue!") so they get practice.

When we are consistent doing this at home, public behavior improves naturally. When we let home training slide, public behavior slides too.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 1:53:17 PM)

The other thing we have done is have a small list of simple rules, which we have the kids recite before we get out of the car to go into a store. "What are the rules, kids?" "No screamin'! No Fightin'! No runnin' awoun'!". [8D] They don't behave perfectly but shouting out their "own" rules 30 seconds before they step out in public seems to help a little.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 2:02:35 PM)

quote:

So, how old is Jessica?
She is 3


quote:

I'm just curious, what do you think would be wrong with training and expecting your child to obey you at home?

To tell you the truth I had only heard of this once and it involved infants. I do not know much about child training and how it works. I have seen the results though. The daughter of a friend of mine uses this with her children and they do as they are told the first time even out in public.

I do have to put in that most of the time Jessica is fun and well behaved. It seems to be that when we are out in stores or trying to have a quiet time that she really acts up. Jack never did this he was always a very compliant child. Jessica has a bit more stong willed in her.



manda59 -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 2:23:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LesliemomtoJandJ
Oh ok. I am having a hard time with my daughter right now, mainly out in public.


What does she do? Can you give me some examples of the kind of scenarios?

Also, re the time outs - could you explain exactly how you do them?



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: child training (5/7/2008 2:59:24 PM)

Out in public Jessica will run in the store, around the clothing racks in the clothing racks. I will take her by the hand and she will pull on me, cry to be let loose and try to lay down to get free. I get tired so I put her in the cart she then cries even louder then refuses to sit down. On and on and on while we are in the store. Time out was either sitting in a chair with her hands in her lap or with her nose on the wall. One of the things we require out of her is to say she is sorry. She hit her dad with her doll one day. Dad said owe dont do that, Jessica went right back and did it again. I looked into her eyes and said that was not nice you need to go and tell your daddy you are sorry. She refused. I put her on the wall but still she would not say she was sorry. She even refused to look at me. I would hold her face in my hands trying to look into her eyes yet she turned her eyes away so she would not have to look at me. This went on for an hour. We never yelled but firmly told her she needed to tell daddy she was sorry, but all the while she yelled no. When I asked her if she was sorry that she hit her daddy she said no. I ran out of options and gave her a spanking. When I told her to tell daddy she was sorry then all of the sudden she complied. I have to say that since that one time I gave her a spanking I have never had to go through all that to get Jessica to say she is sorry if she does something wrong or hurts someone. She says it right away.
When my daughter goes into the preschool room at church she is wonderful. She does as she is told and is a joy to be around. Most times at home it is the same thing. I was starting to notice a bit more strong willed I am not going to do what you want me to do out of her here in the last few months though. I really want to get a handle on this before she turns into one of those kids that no on likes to be around.



locomom -> RE: child training (5/9/2008 1:20:06 PM)

I would say your problem is what to do when your daughter won't accept correction or authority. That falls under rebellion, mitigated by appropriate age expectations. She is testing you to see if you mean what you say. For many of us that meant a very stern warning, a longer timeout, or a spanking. She needs to know at this age that you mean what you say. Otherwise the testing goes on and on.



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