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Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Why do you believe? (5/9/2008 10:42:36 PM)
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To ask why I believe is to ask a very personal question but one I don't at all mind talking/writing about.
I first believed in G-d as a what most would call a toddler, but I hated Him with passion. Oddly, my hatred didn't deter Him. When I was 14, however, I really wanted to be a believer, as it is defined in the Bible -- to go far beyond the idea that even the evil ones believe and tremble, to recognizing His lordship and allowing Him to live it out in my life. Why? Because by that age, I had realized that I, by myself, was not enough. I needed Him. I wanted Him. I asked for Him. But I struggled with trying to live as a believer and did worse than a poor job of it, because I did not understand that I didn't have to do it alone.
At 23, pregnant with my first child, I needed Him to teach me how to be a good parent, so I ran to Him with more sincerity, crying out for help. I did better in living for Him, but I still didn't know I did not have to do it all myself.
After getting into deepre Bible study, I was eventually put out of my old church, after my children were adults with families. This was when things became more clear to me. This was when I learned He is not a church. I did not know that before. I learned that He is not dependent upon that congregation's leaders as the only ones to carry truth. In fact, I learned that He may have lost their address. [:D]
Now, I don't serve Him because I must, I don't serve Him because someone said I must, I don't serve Him because I have to retain an image; I serve Him because I love Him. Now, we have close and personal relationship.
I have been from belief, through unbeliefe, to belief, back into unbelief, and now in belief, because I finally understood that He is sufficient and completely undependant upon the earthly entity that once taught me that they were His favorites and the only ones with the "whole gospel," while everyone else had a "lesser gospel."
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