Building Up Your Wife (Full Version)

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beauregarde -> Building Up Your Wife (5/8/2008 8:38:19 PM)

I struggle with the "building her up" in the verbal department. I am in touch with anger, frustration, disapointment - negative things.

What do you guys do to build her up? Singles men, feel free to comment on how you build up a girlfriend.



mrtigger -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/8/2008 9:12:59 PM)

Read the book called 5 love languages (the title is pretty close to that...). Figure out what love language your wife speaks. Then make your efforts in the love language that she hears.

For my wife, gifts & words are her love languages. So that is what I concentrate on. Things like cards with a note in it expressing my love & appreciation, frequent little gifts of stuff that I know she likes, flowers, etc. Those things work well.

Frequency is more important that size. Small frequent things work much better than a large thing done only a few times per year.

But that might not work well for other wives. That's why you have to figure out what makes your wife in particular feel appreciated. And that book will help with that. Work smarter, not harder[;)].



beauregarde -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/9/2008 8:41:47 AM)

Been there - affirmation, gifts. It has been some time since I brought a gift (of any type or size). I struggle with words - they never seem to be there. I see love as a verb, an action, a steadfast unwavering commitment. I do not see it as a "state of being," - in love. This is the current area of challenge.

Appreciation is something that I can express much easier than love.



Konstantinos -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/9/2008 9:33:49 AM)

im kinda like you too. i never know what to get for a gift to almost anyone. either ill know for sure and get it or i wont know and whatever comes to mind will seem really cheesy(for a girl). and i dont see something 'cheesy' as a show of love.. more like a show of lame. haha.

its the same with words. i personally dont like to have to try and come up with something to tell girls. if it comes fine. if it doesnt fine too. im just honest with them just like im with anyone. thats IMO a far better compliment when its honest and its not even intended to make the girl get over her insecurities but just simply what you believe.(i know i do this cause sometimes im not even trying to compliment someone but they start saying how sweet something was that i just said and i dont even notice haha)

and yes. a steadfast unwavering commitment. thats how i see it too.

to be honest i think your wife is insecure put simply. if she needs affirmation all the time then if it was my wife i'd be upset cause to me thats like not trusting that i love her.

idk, maybe im just lame and think that there are girls that can be secure?



rayofson -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/9/2008 1:33:20 PM)

Words don't always come easy for me either...especially not impromptu. What helps is to sit down in front of a keyboard and choose my words wisely, taking time to express myself well. Also it gives the opportunity to edit, something that not possible live and in person.

Sometimes I'll even write poetry.

Once it's finished, then I can either print it out and give it to her or in a card. Another thing I do is to email it. That may sound impersonal, but it gets delivered to her inbox and she can be reminded of me during the day. It's refreshing for her.

If you can't come up with anything, another idea is to quote song lyrics. I'll have a love song on my mind or will search for one on the internet...copy/paste. She swoons.

And don't forget the flowers. [sm=flower.gif]

They don't even have to be expensive.
quote:

Frequency is more important that size. Small frequent things work much better than a large thing done only a few times per year.


Go down to the local grocery and get an inexpensive small bouquet often instead of spending huge bucks for one really nice bouquet once a year. Surprise her. Give her flowers for no reason at random times.



D3DO -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/9/2008 2:40:35 PM)

Most guys don't feel they are gifted with words/communication- the problem is women LOVE them!

I try to say simple things and simple ovservations-
examples-
You look nice tonight
thanks for cleaning/doing dishes, the house looks great
thanks for workings so hard (work or home)
you are a great mom
-the the options are endless-

the key is not to assume they know you appreciate their work or assume they know you love them-
hanging out with your pals- you don't need Joe to say "your garage looks great" or "those wranglers really fit your shape"- you and joe both know that you love/care about each other w/o much being said- Women don't communicate that way- they need you saying positive things. It doesn't have to be rehearsed, just sincere (and frequent)



jn1010lf -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/10/2008 10:21:41 AM)

Hello beauregarde

Since you said that you are in touch with negative feelings, you need to get before the Lord and ask Him to purge the junk from your heart. Consider what David asked the Lord to do in the last verses of Psalm 139.

I've got nothing against single guys but they don't have a clue about building women up if they've never been married. One has to be in the firing line of a woman's moods and the intticasies of the feminine mind that no man has every understood.



rayofson -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/10/2008 11:05:59 AM)

quote:

in the firing line of a woman's moods


[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]



wrenchman -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/11/2008 8:58:12 AM)

The best way I've learn to deal with my wife is to put her in God hands. The lord know what is better for her than we do we can read all the books in the world and never come close. but when you invole the lord watch out things do change.



Amped88 -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/11/2008 6:25:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rayofson

And don't forget the flowers. [sm=flower.gif]

They don't even have to be expensive.
quote:

Frequency is more important that size. Small frequent things work much better than a large thing done only a few times per year.


Go down to the local grocery and get an inexpensive small bouquet often instead of spending huge bucks for one really nice bouquet once a year. Surprise her. Give her flowers for no reason at random times.



I often do the same thing. It really works!



YZGUY -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/13/2008 1:24:24 PM)

I've found that the best words given are often words of understanding. Listening to her, w/o interruption (In other words, not saying "Can't you wait to talk til commercial!), and repeating back what she said using your own words to show her that you were listening. This lets her know that she is important to you (even more important than TV!). This builds her up b/c it lets her know that she is important to you enough to pay close attention to her words, thoughts, & feelings.



notmycity -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/13/2008 1:41:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beauregarde

I struggle with the "building her up" in the verbal department. I am in touch with anger, frustration, disapointment - negative things.

What do you guys do to build her up? Singles men, feel free to comment on how you build up a girlfriend.



1 Cor 13:4-7
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In addition to the above, showing genuine thanks and gratitude is always edifying.



spiritchsr1 -> RE: Building Up Your Wife (5/25/2008 9:56:42 PM)

If you find it tough to build up your wife let go of your pride and focus on her positive qualities. Then tell everyone you run into about how good she is at this and that, and do it right in front of her. Always give her compliments when she does something really good no matter what it is.

For example: My wife has learned to be a very good cook over the years. We have been married 26 yrs. I would complement her on her cooking as being equal to a 5 star restaurant. She keeps making these great meals so for last Christmas I made her a wooden sign that reads, "MAMMA MONICA'S ***** RESTAURANT." I gave it to her for Christmas and hung it up above the kitchen table.

When we have some of my friends over for dinner I always tell them "Welcome to Mamma Monica's 5 star restaurent," and I show them the sign above our kitchen table. My friends all love her cooking.

My wife really loves that sign. She took it over to her parents house and showed it to all her brothers and sisters last Christmas.

This actually started with some hand puppets I made for my ten year old daughter. I called them Righty and Lefty. Every Friday night they would always show up and try to MOOCH a free fish or Pizza dinner off of Mamma Monica. We have a barrel of laughs with this as Righty and Lefty get into all kinds of situations..

Guys this is how you build up the posative qualities your wife has.


Spiritchsr1



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