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ChoirDJ -> RE: when your spouse lies to you (5/9/2008 7:45:57 PM)
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I could certainly understand how it would be devastating to hear about this situation from a 3rd party rather than your husband or sons. Afterall, it is both of your responsibilities to raise them to be law-abiding citizens someday and for your husband to collude with them in keeping this away from you sets a very poor example and precedent for them in honesty.
However, may I make some observations from a man's perspective based on your post? I may or may not be off base here but here it goes. The two options you listed were to 1). Yell at him about how "stupid" he is or 2). sit down and find out why he would lie to you. To even consider calling your husband "stupid" shows a profound amount of disrespect towards him regardless of how wrong he is and it is certainly not a godly thing to do. I will most certainly guarantee if that word (or any other offensive name) is used, you will not get the response you hope for. Could it be that he kept this information from you out of fear that you would overreact? How would he say you've reacted in the past to problems? Some (not all) women don't do very well when it comes to keeping things in perspective and they can often act in ways that exacerbate the situation. If you're the type that tends to blow up and become disrespectful, then you must share some of the responsibility for him not approaching you because that would make you an unnapproachable person. On the other hand, the more diplomatically you approach the situation, the more likely you are to get an apology to open the lines of communication in the future.
My advice would be to talk to him calmly about the situation. You guys clearly have a communication problem and the goal should be to improve that.
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