Social misfit (Full Version)

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OneOfHisJewels -> Social misfit (5/10/2008 10:41:42 PM)

Did any of you not fit in very well socially growing up? I didn't much of the time, and sometimes I wonder if being single is related to that, or if it's two different issues.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: Social misfit (5/10/2008 10:43:49 PM)

It's two different issues, from all the reading I've done on the subject. Many people who don't fit into the "popular" crowd make wonderful spouses, and many of those in the "popular" crowd have gone through one or two divorces by now.

For the record, I was one of those not in the popular crowd, though I did have friends who were popular.



collie1 -> RE: Social misfit (5/10/2008 10:44:04 PM)

That's one of the reasons I snatched both of my husbands up so quickly; being married was a surefire way of fitting in. As a single I always feel like a social flounder.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Social misfit (5/10/2008 10:51:52 PM)

I had friends in high school, but was just outside of the "hip" crowd, however I still got along with them though. With that said, I wasn't very popular in high school or while growing up in general.



dsfuva -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 12:17:15 AM)

I definitely struggled socially during my high school years. I'm not sure what, if anything, that has to do with my singleness today given that I graduated from high school more than 30 years ago.



BugLady -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 12:27:28 AM)

I agree with G-N-M, it is two different issues.

In the past I was never a social misfit, per se- but I usually tried to include those who were considered such. I've always had a heart for people being left out or overlooked.

Nowadays it just feels like I'm a social outcast, for reasons I have yet to understand. It's okay though, I'm getting used to it. I know my Father loves me.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 6:25:20 AM)

At my school in FL, I was never part of the "in" crowd, but was just outside it - because my next-door neighbor was part of it. I never felt comfortable with them - they were all party people, and that just wasn't me. My junior year was a bit better - because I was a majorette and NOT a Rebelle - we were the "cool" people. But, I still was not part of the "in" crowd because I didn't want to party.

At my school in IN, I was the "girl from FL" and I had SUCH amazingly different ideas and views and life experiences - it's not even funny. My sophomore year was hard - I only had a few friends until soccer season started, and that's when I began to meet people, but that wasn't until March - so I had nearly an entire year of just being pretty much alone. In my senior year, I came back with much more confidence and was able to fit in a bit better, but.........I never fit in there. The mentality in that area was SO different from my upbringing, it's not even funny. Everyone wanted to go off and get married; I wanted to go to college. I always found my niche when soccer was involved - that was my "salvation" in HS.

In college - that's where I flourished - both academically and socially.

So, I've been in both situations - the "in" crowd and the outcast. I tend to think that I am pretty good at trying to include those who are viewed as the outcasts.

What I did find, though, is that much of it was my own doing - because I stuck to what made me unique and "me". I didn't party - so I didn't fit in because of that. I wasn't going to do what made me uncomfortable.

Stay true to yourselves - you'll find people who are like you - and then YOU can be your own "in" crowd.

I hope that makes sense.....it's early. LOL

And yes, they are completely two different issues. I'm never married because I have not chosen to pursue marriage. Now, at 47, I finally feel that God is telling me to begin to prepare for it. It has NOTHING to do with what I experienced growing up. Believe me, there were several who I could have married - had I chosen to do so - but the idea terrified me - that it was going to stifle who I was and what I needed to do with my life. THAT'S why I'm single - it's been MY choice.



broyce1981 -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 6:54:12 AM)

I'm not sure if I was a social misfit in high school or not. I can still remember who sat at what lunch table in the cafeteria and everything, but I'm not sure if my table was the "in' crowd or not. Maybe it's harder to define since I went to a small high school, my graduating class was 35.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 8:10:52 AM)

I was a bit of a misfit. Perhaps by choice. I didn't think like regular high school kids do. Remember Calvin from the Calvin and Hobbes comic books. I was somewhat like that, only not as smart as him. I couldn't stand to hang around people for a long time as they bore me. In high school, people focused on boys, and make up so much that I felt I had nothing in common with anyone. And I questioned God and the idea of God a lot that I didn't fit in with the youth group either.

I think as I got out of high school, I would would become friends with some people for awhile, but the bond never deepened. I'm lucky to have found a few really close friends that I actually enjoy being with. But I've never been part of a huge group of people. Nowadays, I find that I have such different interest from everyone that I know that I end up doing my own thing. I can be very sociable in a group settings, but, it tires me out easily and I find myself seeking to be alone after a few hours. However, I do tend to notice the people that are always left out and make a point to include them in a group. It even happens in forums where some people are just ignored for some reason.


I think I may be so conditioned to being alone that it plays a part on me being single.



utilityfielder -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 9:48:25 AM)

I was not part of the in crowd. Part of that may have been because I have a stuttering problem and I was very self conscious.



agapetos -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 11:02:46 AM)

I moved 14 times in the first 13 years of my life (no, my parents weren't military). I've spent my life trying to fit in. I don't bother any more much.



BugLady -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 12:25:25 PM)

quote:

I think I may be so conditioned to being alone that it plays a part on me being single.


I kinda wonder the same thing. I've never been one to let my singleness keep me from doing the things I enjoy. For example, if I want to see a movie, but have no one to go with, I'll still go alone. I know people who wouldn't think of doing things alone. I can't live that way.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 9:53:50 PM)

quote:

they were all party people, and that just wasn't me


That was me too, I was kinda a Goody Two Shoes because I was a young Christian and abhored those things that most teenagers were into back then.



John_O -> RE: Social misfit (5/11/2008 10:06:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

Did any of you not fit in very well socially growing up? I didn't much of the time, and sometimes I wonder if being single is related to that, or if it's two different issues.



I fit in perfectly during grade school. I was the kid everyone else beat up on. If it wasn't for me some other poor shmuck would have suffered through it.

By high school I had settled into my own social group (brains). Not quite socially excepted but at least I didn't get beat up any more.

College I came into my own. Finally found a look that didn't scream "punch me" or "socially inept" and finally had a circle of relatively normal friends who understood my jokes.

Then after college (5 years after) I met M and got saved and that was the real change in me.



cammo2006 -> RE: Social misfit (5/12/2008 10:33:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

I never felt comfortable with them - they were all party people, and that just wasn't me.


Sounds similar to me - I've never really been a party person, either. I also agree with what you've said - one shouldn't compromise who you are for the simply to be in the "in" crowd.



shemaromans -> RE: Social misfit (5/12/2008 9:39:27 PM)

I've had both periods in my life--comfortable and uncomfortable, confident and inept, accepted and ostracized--off and on. Most of the time, the problem has rested with me, though not always.

As far as being single? I don't see a correlation in my life. One of my most difficult "social periods" came during a time that I was in a relationship. The reason that I'm still single is that (1) God's been working on and preparing me and (2) until now I haven't met anyone that I'd want to submit to.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Social misfit (5/12/2008 10:27:33 PM)

quote:

The reason that I'm still single is that (1) God's been working on and preparing me and (2) until now I haven't met anyone that I'd want to submit to.


This just needs repeated. Those words describe me exactly.



BugLady -> RE: Social misfit (5/12/2008 10:47:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

quote:

The reason that I'm still single is that (1) God's been working on and preparing me and (2) until now I haven't met anyone that I'd want to submit to.


This just needs repeated. Those words describe me exactly.


Hmm... sounds good. I'll go with this one too. [;)]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Social misfit (5/12/2008 10:57:02 PM)

I was always considered different growing up. I was the only Mexican in a German family, and then when I moved to Illinois I was the only Mexican in the school. I was never considered pretty, I was never popular, and I was always the 'fat and ugly' friend of the pretty and popular girls.

I however don't think it has too much to do with me being single. I wholeheartedly agree with Shema. God is still working on me, and He is still teaching me submission. I see signs of my growth but it's still a process.



jlp1 -> RE: Social misfit (5/13/2008 2:52:54 PM)

quote:

I fit in perfectly during grade school. I was the kid everyone else beat up on. If it wasn't for me some other poor shmuck would have suffered through it


That was too funny, I never really had a problem with fitting in, I just chose not to, because my father always told me "bad association spoils useful habits" he drilled it into my head, lol. I always stood up for the ones who were picked on ( I always went against the grain).



John_O -> RE: Social misfit (5/13/2008 5:03:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlp1

quote:

I fit in perfectly during grade school. I was the kid everyone else beat up on. If it wasn't for me some other poor shmuck would have suffered through it


That was too funny, I never really had a problem with fitting in, I just chose not to, because my father always told me "bad association spoils useful habits" he drilled it into my head, lol. I always stood up for the ones who were picked on ( I always went against the grain).


It is kind of funny. In this case however it's also true.



jlp1 -> RE: Social misfit (5/13/2008 9:52:21 PM)

sorry, I didn't mean to laugh but the way you said it made me laugh [sm=angelhalo.gif]



John_O -> RE: Social misfit (5/13/2008 11:26:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlp1

sorry, I didn't mean to laugh but the way you said it made me laugh [sm=angelhalo.gif]



No problem. It was many years ago and I'm healed of it now. I tried to make it humorous so the laugh was good.



9drtr -> RE: Social misfit (5/17/2008 9:09:31 PM)

I agree that being a misfit and being unmarried aren't necessarily related, but the same problem can cause both. I'm cursed with a profound lack of self confidence caused by ... issues I'm not in a mood to post on right now ... and that was a contributing factor to my failure to fit in and my failure to wed.



Karyyk -> RE: Social misfit (6/8/2008 3:15:14 AM)

I think the two issues can be related. If you have problems meeting people in general (I always did), then it's also going to be hard to meet women. That makes sense to me. I've always felt like an outcast, and I will until the day I die. I've never fit in anywhere really, and honestly, at this point I don't have any desire to do so (those that do fit in are generally at odds with me anyways). My family moved a lot as I grew up (13 times in 18 years, something like that) and so I never really "clicked" with too many people growing up. Throw in a healthy dose of self-consciousness, and I still have a few issues.



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