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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/19/2005 4:59:44 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Life Events
January 14, 2005
Everyone has a history, a past, a series of life events. For some, life events can be positive and uplifting, likened to threads of happiness woven into self-confidence. For others, life events may be a journey through consistent darkness; a darkness that threatens to snuff out the Spirit of life.
Life events mold us. They shape us from the inside out. Unfortunately, what you see on the outside rarely resembles the deep mystery within. My history, my past – I gladly yield to my Lord. He is the only one who is able to paint a vibrant rainbow from a palette filled with grays.
Growing up, the grays in my palette included neglect, verbal and emotional abuse, unrealistic expectations, being set up for failure, and excessive physical punishment. The pleasantries in my life were only flecks of paint on the canvas; bright colored flecks which quickly melted into the grays.
My life’s synopsis:
• Church and the people there placed at the top of the priority list, at the expense of family.
• Neglect led to my search for love at an early age and finding only pain, bitterness, and loss of self-respect instead.
• Emotional and verbal abuse in our home led to the absence of skills I needed to seek out self-respect… and what the heck are boundaries?
• Physical punishment taught me to accept attack to my mind, body and soul – without question.
• Two failed marriages. Apparently, pornography and, once again, abuse are not conducive to long term relationships.
• Three beautiful children. My girls are truly a gift from the Lord. They are each a miraculous blessing to have in my life.
• Healing of my heart. In the last few months, I’ve experienced God’s gracious gift of finding contentment in singleness.
• Currently, living for the Lord. I’m actively involved in my church. I help with Sunday School, teach Wednesday nights a few months out of the year, and started an adult singles group almost a year ago.
I’ve read other blogs and have seen the popularity of descriptively reliving the past. I love my parents and accept the fact that they raised me as best as they new how, at that exact moment in life. I’ve chosen only to share precise details of my past in threads where people are truly searching out an answer to life.
I have learned not to dwell on or in that past, but to live in the here and now, reassured by promises for my future.
Blessings, my friends…
“I find rest in God; only he can save me.
He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will not be defeated.”
Psalms 62:1-2
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/19/2005 5:04:52 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Set up by God...
January 17, 2005
Last year, the Lord put a desire in my heart. I had the desire to start an adult singles group in my church. I pride myself in being a good helper, but am shy when opportunities to step out and start something new are presented.
It was clear to me that it was time to draw on my past work experiences to get this group up and running. I drew on my resources of management skills, people skills, and organizational skills to get everyone together. It was a lot of work and took a few months to get all the kinks worked out before the ball actually started rolling. The one thing I was sure about was the study series. The Lord dropped it right into my lap.
The struggle- a small voice in my head kept casting doubt...
“You are doing all this work, no one will come.”
“You are not popular, no one will come.”
“You are being set up for failure.”
I consistently brought my fears and concerns to the Lord in prayer. The prayer team, church staff, and pastor interceded for me. As with any new endeavor for the Lord, spiritual warfare began.
I was attacked, not from the front, but from the behind. I was attacked through my weaknesses. The evil one knew that I wanted so much to be in a relationship and he knew how lonely I was and had observed how I had not yet found contentment in Christ. The spiritual warfare came in the form of a young man.
This young man attended my church. He played to my interests and was accepted by my children. We had fun together for a short period of time. The relationship moved too quickly and was soon out of control. I realized that he was methodically dragging me back into my past- to a place of bondage and pain. Danger lurks in this place in the form of hurtful feelings, unstated obligations, and guilt. This is the place where my heart is open for destruction. It’s a dark, dank place where I am lost and can’t hear my Lord calling my name.
One night, I cried out to the Lord. He once again, in his abounding love and faithfulness, gave me the courage to break free from this relationship. This was another milestone in my life. I chose to move forward, hand in hand with Christ on my Journey.
The young man made some poor life choices, and soon he was no longer, by his own hand, able to attend my church. My singles group began, people participated and now we have a wonderful core group of about six to eight singles. We all have hearts actively seeking the Lord and I can truly say that these people are my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Through this experience – I know that I was set up by God… set up to win.
By the way, what was that first study series? Boundaries in Dating, written and developed by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
“I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have so that no one will take your crown.”
Revelation 3:11
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/19/2005 5:13:46 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Secrets in the Dark
January 17, 2005
I've had this encouragement in my heart to share- with the lonely at heart. Be blessed...
My body cries out for familiarity
Missing the warmth of a companion.
And the gentle touch of a strong hand
Brushing aside dark curls from my eyes.
Desires to whisper
Secrets in the dark.
Kindred spirits - sharing life,
In the quiet, heart to heart.
Then spoken with the clarity and strength of a polished diamond-
Words of truth...
I love you.
I cherish you.
I delight in you.
I...
Listen to your secrets in the dark.
"... for he knows the secrets of every heart."
Psalms 44:21b
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/19/2005 5:24:33 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Relationships
January 24, 2005
I am a very slow learner when it comes to relationships. Sometimes it seems as if it's my mission to make contact with the unknown. I quickly reach out to people, forgetting to guard my heart. I often find myself lost in others' lives. I indirectly take on their hurts and struggles, hoping that I will be the one to provide the magic cure.
This is not the paragraph where I analyze the years of my youth and attempt to identify and simply state reasoning for who I am or why I act the way I do. This is the paragraph that transitions you to what God is teaching, in the here and now.
• I am learning that healthy relationships take time to develop.
• I am learning the finesse of self control and keeping the mindset of friendship versus “He’s the one! He’s the one! I know it!”
• I am learning how to judge character.
Some of you have to laugh with me. After I hit my 150th post, a few gentlemen in CW forums started noting me. They were welcomed notes consisting of thanks or encouragement. My response? Well, it was the next best thing to a well written singles ad, including my history, present and future hopes. Oh yes, let’s not forget the handy little link to my website, just in case I forgot anything!
Now that I consider CW my second home, my interaction with people is completely different.
I am comfortable enough to note people freely with a word of encouragement, not expecting a response. I am often surprised by occasional notes from my brothers and sisters in Christ. We are friends. My singles ad has been replaced by simple honesty, and my desire to be contacted by “The One” has been replaced by the desire to learn more about my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I encourage my friends to practice caution when working through on-line relationships. Jesus gave us words of wisdom that still apply to us today.
"You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. Mathew 7:16-20 (NAS)
Jesus gave us these standards in order to help us identify false prophets, but we can also use these standards to judge character of the people around us.
The key to recognizing the good from the bad fruit is time. Trees take months, even years to grow fruit. We are the same, people take months, years, to reveal their true character.
I encourage you to recognize the good from the bad, and at the same time, don’t be afraid to let go of the bad fruit.
Enjoy your relationships here and allow yourself the gift of time and self control needed to encourage healthy relationships.
Your sister in Christ,
Rachel
"Love is patient, love is kind..."
1 Corinthians 13:4
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/19/2005 5:36:21 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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This is a journal entry in my handwritten journal from Wednesday, September 15, 2004. I’ve posted it in a thread previously, but I think it’s definitely blog worthy!
I am a child of God…
January 25, 2005
Yesterday the Lord spoke to me during a heartfelt prayer. He told me, “You are my child”… so few words, speaking a magnitude of information.
Thoughts, comforting thoughts, flooded my mind:
• I am the child. I am not responsible to fix the hurts in my life.
• I am the child. All I have to do is follow Jesus, and He will take care of the rest.
• I am the child… nothing more, nothing less. My Heavenly Father will not lead me astray.
• I am the child… not just the child, but His child. I am enveloped completely by His love. I am cherished by Him, the Lord God Almighty. He looks forward to seeing me and He laughs with delight when I learn something new.
• I am God’s child…
Tonight at church, part of the lesson was about giving God what we have, even if we think it’s not enough. (Example: the boy with 5 loaves and 2 fishes gave what little he had and it was enough to feed thousands of people.)
All I have to give to God is my surrender. Surrender of self desires, control over my life, and surrender of not trusting God. I may not think that surrender is good enough or a big enough gift for God, but that’s all I have to give at this point. I know in my heart that my gift is enough for God.
All I have to do is follow Him- Not take the lead, not try to fix my life… just follow. God will take care of the rest. I am not to concern myself with what others think. God is bigger and has better plans for me, plans that will lead me on a journey more fantastic than I could ever try to create on my own.
So tonight is the night.
I am His
I surrender
I will follow, listen, and learn
and I will grow.
So few words as I stand on the edge of Christ...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Be blessed my dear friends.
Love Always, Rachel
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/20/2005 11:05:03 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Creation
For Abba
January 31, 2005
Creation, an awesome act.
Omniscious-
Paired with the power of your hand.
How did you do it?
All in seven days...
Each speck of brilliance
In a butterfly's wing.
The sound of a creaky branches
As a gentle breeze dances among treetops.
The fragrance of dew
Drifting across morning meadows...
And later-
Each drop of rain, glistening in the sunlight
Collectively yielding to awesome wonder,
A palette of color created by you.
As if all this weren't enough...
You chose me,
Knowing my journey would be difficult and I would prevail.
You created me,
With more power than lightning- streaking across the midnight sky.
You love me as your own,
Daring to acknowledge me as a sibling of Christ.
I dare to acknowledge my place in your heart.
I love you...
“So through God you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son then an heir.”
Galatians 4:7 (RSV)
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/20/2005 11:10:08 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Angels
February 2, 2005
A thread popped up recently in the woman’s folder. The OP was basically- Have you seen an angel?
My thoughts cascade back to the 90’s. I was making the best of marriage number two. This was a period in my life where I did not know true love- or Godly love in a relationship. To me, love was favor shown to me if I did the right thing at the right time. When I missed the point, made mistakes, or showed any doubt- that love was lost. It was replaced by anger, sometimes rage, at my expense.
I often cried out to God, asking for strength to make it through another day. Many times I would pray, hoping God would send a message- just for me. Mostly I prayed for deliverance from my circumstances. I wasn’t picky about how deliverance would happen. Some days I just wanted to lie down and die.
One night I lay on my bed, exhausted. It was finally 11pm; I had done enough work to satisfy my husband for the day. The children, ages 1, 2 and 7, were tucked into bed, the kitchen was clean (not one dirty dish to be found), each room was neatly picked up, everything resting in its proper place. My husband was in the basement, as usual, playing video games and watching movies. I knew he would come to bed much later, if he didn’t fall asleep in his chair first.
I was too tired to put on my pajamas. I thought I would rest for a few minutes and then attempt to ready myself for bed. I quickly drifted out of the consciousness of this world, and felt like I was gently waking in another. There was bright light around me and I could hear two voices talking quietly. Soothing, yet perplexing… it was a different language, nothing I’ve ever heard before, or since for that matter.
I could not see clearly. Brightness was everywhere and strangely enough, not hurting my eyes. I was slowly becoming more aware of this new place. Just then, the voices stopped. Gently, a beautiful and comforting voice said, “Rachel, you will have a chance to pick up the pieces.” As the words were clearly spoken, I could see them in front of my eyes as if I were reading a heavenly teleprompter. Peace, love and hope flowed through my body.
The voice was so real that I bolted upright in my bed and said, “What?!” But the angels were gone, and I had left that world, unable to return. They were gone… and I spoiled it with my surprise. In my heart, I wished that I could have stayed, if only for a moment longer.
God knew I needed that special message to live through the next few years of my life. I endured verbal and emotional abuse, always praying and hoping that my husband would find peace in Jesus. I held our family together, somehow, when my husband’s mother committed suicide. I worked so very hard when our house burned only six weeks later. I stayed in the marriage through thin and thinner. I was acting, for the sake of my children, as though everything would be alright. All was well, even as their father spent months in and out of jail because of failure to pay child support to his ex-wife.
I clung to my message, to truth, when all hope had gone from my heart. “Rachel, you will have a chance to pick up the pieces.”
My world did completely fall apart. Yes, my world was shattered, the pieces scattered at my feet. I looked up at my Father with tears in my eyes and a heart crushed beyond recognition. He nodded at me with a smile on his face. Now… now was the time to pick up the pieces.
From that day forward, I’ve been slowly picking up the pieces, one by one. I bravely pick up each piece and hand it to my Father. He takes away the pain and fills me with hope, love, forgiveness… the list goes on. Through him, I am continually renewed. You see, I may pick up the pieces, but God puts them back together.
Have I seen an angel? Technically, no. Do I believe in angels? Yes… and what have I learned about God’s love?
“Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear…”
I John 4:18
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/21/2005 9:46:04 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Grace
February 7, 2005
Grace: An undeserved favor or gift; the undeserved forgiveness, kindness, and mercy that God gives us.
When I make a mistake in life, it usually is a doozy. What do I mean by doozy? Something unimaginable, bigger than life, and almost always very public. My mistakes are not really mistakes, they are acts of disobedience.
Disobedience starts really small for me. God may ask me or tell me something for my own good. I pretend not to hear and look the other direction. Before I know it, I’m not only looking in that other direction, but I’m running in that direction- away from God.
There’s always a moment when my feet are too tired to take one more step and I can’t quite catch my breath. I look up only to realize that I can’t run from God. I look at myself and figure out that I ran, practically jumped, into a pit of quicksand. How did I sink so fast?
Even before I cry out for help- God is reaching for me. He’s got a sure grip on me by the time I can sputter out the words, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.” I am washed clean even before I can tearfully say, “I promise to listen next time.”
This scenario seems to happen again and again in my life. I am learning obedience, but for some reason, the running idea seems to be my initial response when God is trying to teach me or when he suggests a better direction.
The amazing thing about this whole learning process is that God never tires of being my teacher, he never loses hope that one day I’ll obey first instead of running, and he never gets angry when he’s pulling me out of that dirty sand trap.
When I sincerely ask for forgiveness, God’s grace isn’t an “I told you so” or “Sorry for your luck, Chuck.” God’s grace is, “Yes, you are forgiven, let’s go try again.” The best part about his grace is the fact that he never reminds me of my disobedience episodes. (I do that on my own.) He is always looking towards my best side, the side that desires most to be like him.
“We are made right in God’s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we can all be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.
For all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
Yet now God in his gracious kindness, declares us not guilty. He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins.”
Romans 3:22-24
(Life Application Bible)
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/21/2005 9:59:13 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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True Friends
February 16, 2005
This last Saturday night, a friend took me to dinner. The topic of friendship came up and a question about friendship was asked…
My response was that when a person grows up neglected, that it’s hard to make true friends and I really don’t have any true friends….
Since then, I’ve really been thinking about friendship – true friendship. I looked up meanings in a dictionary, and they go something like this:
Friends:
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
True:
Consistent with fact or reality; not false or erroneous.
Truthful.
Real; genuine.
Reliable; accurate: a true prophecy.
Faithful, as to a friend, vow, or cause; loyal.
I want to change my answer to the “friends” question…. Do I have friends? YES!! I am surrounded by people in my life that I know, like (love), and trust. Many of my friends triumphantly join me in this struggle through life. My friends and I support each other when at all possible…. Yes, I have friends, and because of the amazing Internet thing, I have more friends now in my life than ever before.
Is it true friendship? Yes, I believe my friendships are true. I do have some acquaintances, but for the most part, I’ve put time and effort into my relationships with others, enough that I know my friendships are loyal and true.
I’m not saying that every relationship I have is a true friendship. I am saying that, hopefully, my true friends know without a doubt that they are my true friends.
… and I’m adding a disclaimer:
If I ever tell you that I love you, know that it’s the agape love and not the romantic kind. (unless otherwise stated!  )
Love Always, Rachel
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/21/2005 10:04:29 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Bramble Bushes
February 22, 2005
My Journey, these last few months, seemed for the most part – smooth. I felt I was privileged to walk a gentle path, and my path seemed blessed with harmony enveloping my world.
So how is it that when I reach an obviously clear crossroad – I run towards the wrong choice? Seriously – some situations seem to happen so quickly, and I find myself standing in a bramble bush. It hurts to stay in that thorny bush, and it hurts to get out.
I’ve had a bramble bush experience this last week, and I’m nursing nicks and cuts from those darned thorns.
When the pain was fresh – I noticed that I had lost hope. I felt like my dreams for a better future had flown out the window with the fervor of a bee seeking pollen elsewhere.
Yesterday I was chatting with a friend. I realized other people have the same tendencies that I do… I have other brothers and sisters in Christ that run towards those thorny bramble bushes. While this is not a good thing, somehow, I find crazy comfort in knowing that I’m not alone.
The most important thing I know in my heart – not to let the past rob me of my future hope… no matter how recent that past is. I must keep my eyes focused on Christ and do my best to continue on my Journey.
The funny thing is – if I sincerely ask for forgiveness and help, the Lord offers me his hand, and climbing out of those bramble bushes doesn’t hurt so badly.
Love you, guys…
Always, Rachel
Psalms 103:6-18
(KJV)
6 The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
7 He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
9 He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
17 But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;
18 To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/21/2005 10:18:09 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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Potentials
March 2, 2005
I’ve really been struggling with relationships lately. I’m not struggling with my established friendship relationships, just new relationships where the other person could be considered as a “potential”.
I think that as singles here on CrossWalk, we jump from thread to thread posting our heart’s desires, idiosyncrasies and jostling humor hoping someone of capable intelligence will string them together and realize that “Man, she’s my woman!” or “Wow! He’s my guy!” We flirt with each other, have fun together… but secretly, we have hopes that we will meet our next (or first for some of you) significant other.
I am a person of impatience. I’m ready for the next phase of my life. I’m ready for that special someone to string all my posts together and figure out that I’m not a creepy stalker wearing a Friday the 13th mask, waiting for a moment of vulnerability so that I can make my strike. There’s one problem with these thoughts. How do I know that an online relationship is in my future? How do I know which gentleman is traveling in my direction?
The only way I know how to rise from the depths is to write out my thoughts and feelings. (Hang with me here for a sec, I encourage any rocks to be thrown in another direction!) I listed all the men in my life, online and offline, of whom I harbor even the remotest of feelings. After each name I wrote small details about each person. I went back over my list and examined every name and paid attention to my personal feelings and my spirit.
The answer to my struggles came to me in the form of a question:
"With whom do you feel at peace?"
I scanned back through my list, and was surprised to find that of all the men, I felt peace in my heart about one. I felt so much peace that if he asked me to marry him today, I'd say yes with no doubt in my heart, mind, or soul.
Side Note: This gentleman doesn’t see me in this way, doesn’t have a clue that I feel this way, and most likely nothing will ever happen.
A weight has been lifted from my shoulders…
The whole point to this struggle is God’s amazing grace and how I am reminded about his perfect peace in my life.
As a dear friend would say… Peace out!
Love Always, Rachel
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/21/2005 10:31:38 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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The Beast
Thoughts of Depression
03/15/05
Today I can feel the beast
Biting at my soul
He threatens my existence
Preying on my heart
The beast is wicked and dark
Illusive, yet ever present
Draining my strength
In the dark and lonely hours of the night
The beast whispers doubt
In quiet hushed tones
“No one will choose you”
He says with blood stained breath
I shudder with fear
But only for a moment
Light illuminates my room
And I reach for my Book of promises
I search for reminders
Written to me
Recorded ages ago
Delivered carefully to me
I turn worn pages with care
And the beast releases his grip
Disappearing with disdain
As I embrace words of love, hope, and grace
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“But you are not like that, you are a chosen people. You are a kingdom of priests, God’s holy nation, his very own possession. This is so you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness and into the light.”
I Peter 2:9
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RE: ~ The Journey ~ - 4/21/2005 10:39:49 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4207
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Don’t Let Your Hearts Be Troubled…
March 24, 2005
Yesterday I received news that will make my life financially difficult for the next year. I’m not looking forward to the sacrifice, but I am being the responsible person that God wants me to be and taking care of the obligation.
The good news is, by the time my special guy finally finds me, I will most likely be debt free! (Ok… at least for the big bills! )
Last night at church we took communion. We were reminded of Jesus’ words of comfort spoken to his disciples when he tried to explain what was going to happen in the future. Jesus’ words are still comforting to me today and I wanted to share them with you.
Take time, if you get a chance, to really think about his words:
Jesus said, " | | |
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Rach