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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 11:11:03 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3348
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
I think that if anyone (your parents) are providing childcare or transportation services, then they too should be free to set standards for the appearance of their charges (grandchildren) while they are in their care.
Therefore, I support your parent's freedom to decline to provide rides and/or babysitting if your son does his hair in a manner that they find humiliating or offensive.
I must disagree. Does this also apply to their choice of friends, music, books, etc. Grandparents are important in the lives of their grandchildren, but they shouldn't have that much power.
I must disagree also.
It seems to me that your parents know well and good that you really need them to help you right now and so have decided to give you the gift of their help...with huge strings attached. They know you can't do with out them and are taking advantage of that.
I would sit down with your parents and lay it out. I would explain that while you are highly appreciative of what they are doing for you, you are not willing to subject your children to ridicule and put downs and to change their appearance, etc. to keep their help. If they are not willing to change what they are doing, I would seriously begin praying and seeking out other options for childcare. Neither you or your children will benefit in the long run if the kids are exposed to the things your parent's are doing, and you may have bigger problems on your hands later in their lives because of it.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
I weep for those who won't experience this because they have been deceived.
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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 11:28:51 AM
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bluestone
Posts: 1494
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: Saturn
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I agree with Kat. They have you by the shoelaces, and can tighten them as the want. I would have a serious talk with them, letting them know that they are appreciated, but they are NOT the parents.
At age 8, your son's hairstyle is whatever you and the school system choose to allow. Name calling can lead to lasting pain, as we see so often in threads here. Having a hairstyle that is not popular with the older generation is normal..and was in your parent's childhood, too. Perhaps they should stroll down memory lane.
_____________________________
Iron sharpens iron, while mush just sinks into the pot.
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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 12:20:37 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 4731
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
If they are believers I would think that it is perfectly Biblical to hold them accountable for their actions and words.
Do you have any friends at church that would gladly keep you kids for you? I've thought about doing this for those in need, but haven't persued it.
I'm not the type of person to ask people for help. Plus I've always had the feeling that as long as my parents were around I wasn't supposed to ask. There are a lot of people out there who don't have family and don't have anyone to help them so who was I to complain about what I have?
My parents are good people and they are Christians but lately I have had a harder time seeing that in them. They are "honest" to the point of pain and telling them differently results in "It's all in your head". I may look into something different for the summer for them. Just for something different to do and see how Christians families do behave and lift each other up...not put each other down.
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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 12:31:39 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 5222
Joined: 5/19/2007
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quote:
They are "honest" to the point of pain
Honesty can still be wrapped in love.
_____________________________
Sam
"You're my nightcap"
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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 12:49:50 PM
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worthaboverubies
Posts: 81
Joined: 8/11/2006
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I second Kat's opinion. They know they got you and are taking advantage of it by calling your child names.
Whatever your parents do for you or your kids does not allow them to undermine your authority. How your child looks is your decision.
If his haircut bothers them they'll get over it.
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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 1:34:09 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1102
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: online
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Kat, I'm confused. If you think that Tinkerbell "can't do without" her parents help, why did you advise her to "begin praying and seeking out other options for childcare" ?
I think that Tink CAN do without her parents, and that she may have to. It is not her parent's actual ability to choose not to provide childcare that is the basis of this power struggle... It is Tink's perception that such a choice (them deciding to no longer provide care) would be some kind of insurmountable problem in her life.
If her parents are trying to control her parenting choices and/or her children with threats like this, the best thing for Tink is just to say to herself that they are free to stop providing the service if they want to. A calm evaluation of what might make them stop babysitting, and whether or not she is willing to take that risk is just logical. You can't live with blackmail if you are not willing to think this way.
Lots of parents get by without free, handy, family childcare. They figure it out. Given the quality of the care being provided in this situation, figuring something else out is probably an excellent plan.
worthaboverubies, I hear what you are saying.
NO ONE should get away with calling a child nasty names. Tink, you are not trapped in this. Their threats not to drive and/or not to babysit (based on a haircut) are an excellent wake-up call that perhaps they should not be.
How your child looks IS your decision. Whether or not your parents "get over it" and continue to provide care is THEIR decision. Everybody has to learn to weigh the likely consequences of their own choices.
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RE: An interesting thought... - 5/16/2008 4:40:33 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3348
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pbaribeault
Kat, I'm confused. If you think that Tinkerbell "can't do without" her parents help, why did you advise her to "begin praying and seeking out other options for childcare" ?
It's not what I think, it's what Tink said:
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell
not having my parents keep the Things isn't an option right now. I don't have the money to do it and I get minimal child support.
My point was that they are using her dependence on them to do and say unacceptable things. They think she has no other options which is why I encouraged her to pray and see if God might open the door for other childcare if they don't stop after she talks with them. Last time I looked, God was able to do and change anything!
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
I weep for those who won't experience this because they have been deceived.
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