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Single4Life -> Hot Pursuit (5/24/2008 8:02:01 AM)

Let's say a good Christian man meets a good Christian woman and he has an interest in pursuing her. Seeing that men are normally the initiators, what are some things you ladies would respond to and respect as the man steps up to express his interest?

- Should he try the "let's be friends first" method? (...beyond the initial interactions that spark the interest)

- Should he be direct in stating his intentions..."I would like to take you on a date" and/or "I would like to get to know you better"

- How would a woman perceive him if she is interested in him? if she is NOT interested?

(These are just questions off the top of my head to guide the discussion, but feel free to respond to the initial question.)



LivingParadox -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/24/2008 5:14:58 PM)

If you are interested, talk to her to start. If you get a positive respond, be direct -- extending the conversation over coffee is a good way to feel comfortable with someone you don't know well enough to date yet. Remember it might not be good timing if can't go right then -- ask about coffee on a weeknight or weekend afternoon ---either way you have a better grasp on where she stands.

For guys don't take it personal if it doesn't click -- people are different. Women unless otherwise engaged elsewhere or have a really bad feeling about the situation -- give someone a chance over coffee.

Does that answer your question?



BugLady -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/24/2008 5:42:16 PM)

quote:

"I would like to get to know you better"


If this is the case, then this is simple and straightforward enough. I don't like the idea of "pursuit" unless it involves lights and sirens. Just taking the time to get to know me as a person and allowing more to naturally develop (or not) seems fine to me.

How a woman perceives him depends entirely upon the woman's perceptions, and that obviously varies.



Elena1030 -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/25/2008 2:49:45 PM)

Heeheehee! "Hot Pursuit" --- very interest-piquing thread title there.

I'm with BugLady: the term hot pursuit makes me think of a police chase.

So... let's go with different word choices, shall we? [sm=gradsmile.gif]


quote:

ORIGINAL: Single4Life

Let's say a good Christian man meets a good Christian woman and he has an interest in pursuing her. Seeing that men are normally the initiators, what are some things you ladies would respond to and respect as the man steps up to express his interest?

- Should he try the "let's be friends first" method? (...beyond the initial interactions that spark the interest)


Depends on what you mean by that.

If you know you want to date her, why not be intentional?

Spending one or two years doing this and then "flipping the script" on her is not my preference.

But getting to know her for a few weeks or even a couple of months and then asking her out officially, would be fine. This works better in settings in which you see each other regularly, like work, school, church --- you "automatically" have points in common that give you topics to discuss. That way you not only get to know each other as male and female but also as fellow people.

This is a bit more challenging if you meet "by chance" in the grocery store, coffee shop, gas station, whatever and don't really usually circulate in the same settings. Then even to get to know each other you have to set up prearranged social outings, commonly known as dates. [:D] So... again, being intentional is a good thing.

quote:

- Should he be direct in stating his intentions..."I would like to take you on a date" and/or "I would like to get to know you better"


Yes. [:D]

I like these expressions of interest. Not complicated. Straightforward. A woman doesn't have to wonder if the guy wants to date her, if he's attracted to her not only as a person but also as a woman.

"I would like to get to know you better, and I would like to take you out on a date." I like this order because ...
* Putting the first sentence there is the statement of the general reality he is experiencing. And then he gets more specific and states his intentions and his plan. (Like a good topic sentence and supporting sentences in a strong paragraph!)
* The first sentence does acknowledge the fact that you still don't know each other that well while also acknowledging that the guy is enjoying the gal and enjoying the process of getting to know her. Truth and honesty about the truth. Good combo!!
* The second sentence clearly states the man's intention. Date = romantic interest, rather than interest in exploring "buddyland" together. And take you out = I'm paying; I'm providing; I'm stepping up, manning up, and initiating; I'm willing to put myself on the line and prove my worth to you as a marriage candidate. {I believe that dating is all about courting and marriage, not merely having fun for however long it lasts.}

The next thing would be for him to describe the kind of activity he has in mind and a day and time he's thinking of.

Dude should have a backup plan ready just in case the lady in question has a conflict with the day and time suggested or if she would rather do a different activity than the one he mentioned.

quote:

- How would a woman perceive him if she is interested in him? if she is NOT interested?


Perceive him based on what? Just on what he says? Well, perception of a person's communication depends on so much more than content, tone of voice, and timing. But since you have acknowledged that she may be already interested or already not interested, you show that you are aware that more than just what he says and how he says it go into her consideration of his offer --- she takes into account everything she knows about him and likes and dislikes about him so far. (At least, she should take all that into account!)

I hope that whether I was interested in the guy or not, I would respect him for initiating. And I hope that I would respond respectfully, whether accepting or declining the date.


Does this post adequately answer your questions? [:)]



woodwind228 -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/25/2008 10:06:24 PM)

I agree with the direct route. If she's interested, great. If she's not, then at least she can tell you (in a gentle way) so that she's not inadvertently leading you on or giving you the wrong impression.



Single4Life -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/26/2008 3:47:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elena1030

Heeheehee! "Hot Pursuit" --- very interest-piquing thread title there.

I'm with BugLady: the term hot pursuit makes me think of a police chase.

So... let's go with different word choices, shall we? [sm=gradsmile.gif]

Actually, when I thought about the concept of "pursuit", the phrase that Sherrif Roscoe P. Coltrane used in "The Dukes of Hazzard" popped into my head. Like you said, I thought it was a creative title that would pique interest...nothing more. [8D] It seems to have generated a number of reads, but far fewer responses than I expected. Still, I appreciate the input that's been given.


quote:

quote:

- How would a woman perceive him if she is interested in him? if she is NOT interested?


Perceive him based on what? Just on what he says? Well, perception of a person's communication depends on so much more than content, tone of voice, and timing. But since you have acknowledged that she may be already interested or already not interested, you show that you are aware that more than just what he says and how he says it go into her consideration of his offer --- she takes into account everything she knows about him and likes and dislikes about him so far. (At least, she should take all that into account!)

Not sure I understood all this, but it sounds as if women generally would respect the guy for being up front...maybe appreciating the fact that he did "cowboy up". I just thought that if a woman wasn't interested in a guy AT ALL, would she view him as a weirdo.

Do women generally have a set of rules to follow or general guidelines on how to respond to a man or reciprocate some kind of interest? (I'm sure this kind of talk has been scattered throughout the forums.)



jlp1 -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/26/2008 7:43:26 AM)

quote:

I agree with the direct route. If she's interested, great. If she's not, then at least she can tell you (in a gentle way) so that she's not inadvertently leading you on or giving you the wrong impression.


It really depends on your age, I totally agree with the direct approach, don't play any games tell her you are interested (let do something together cause everyone doesn't like coffee depending on your age) and you will know from her body language if she is interested as well. After a few conversations and time spent together you both will know if it can go further. I don't agree with the friend first approach because that is not your intention, your intentions should reflect your actions. If you are interested in being a friend then try that approach but if not then don't play that game you might get hurt. Be true to every intentions and emotions you have.



funny_girl -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/27/2008 1:18:52 AM)

I would definitely strike up a conversation with her and ask her if she'd like to go out for whatever seems appropriate at the moment. If she's interested in you, she will gladly accept. If she's really interested in you, I think she'd be engaging while you talk. Each woman is different. If she's shy, it may take her longer to respond. If she's bubbly, than you won't have to wait very long for a response. A shy woman may be interested and dying inside of embarrassment. An assertive woman won't hide her feelings. Hope that helps. How old are ya? Maybe give us some more clues to how you perceive her but don't waste too much time here. Call her up! [:D] Get out there!

If she's not interested, she'll be cordial and you'll definitely get the feeling your being brushed off. That's mho.



woodwind228 -> RE: Hot Pursuit (5/27/2008 11:40:45 PM)

quote:

Actually, when I thought about the concept of "pursuit", the phrase that Sherrif Roscoe P. Coltrane used in "The Dukes of Hazzard" popped into my head.


LOL...I remember that. I used to watch it every Friday night!



ebony101 -> RE: Hot Pursuit (6/1/2008 3:52:37 AM)

I agree iwth funny_girl. Start off as friends first. Talk to her a couple of times before asking her out for something noncomittal like a cup of coffee or so. Talking with her initially before asking her out is a good way of finding out if you have any common interests or so to talk about over a cup of coffee.

I think conversation is important - if you can't converse together then how will you find out more about each other.

That's my two cents.



4IMPersuaded -> RE: Hot Pursuit (6/12/2008 12:43:07 AM)

My dh drove me home from youth group one night without asking me for directions (nowadays we call that "stalking", but whatever!)[:D] I don't recommend that in today's dating climate.

I agree with being direct, but gradually. Show her that you are interested in her by really listening to her and sharing common interests. Let it develop into more than that. I may be wrong, but aren't most single male/female relationships potential dating relationships? Be honest, but being too forthright could scare her at first. Remember God's plan usually works at a slower pace than our plans, so let Him do the leading and you won't go wrong!



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Hot Pursuit (6/12/2008 8:26:34 AM)

Definitely take the direct approach. I am the type of woman that I will go out with a guy once or twice if he expresses interest. I may not have an initial interest in him but when he 'man ups' it automatically makes him more interesting right then and there.

Please don't beat around the bush or be her 'friend' hoping she'll notice you. This happened to me once and I was floored. He had been interested in me for a while. He would listen to me babble about my dating issues, we would talk on the phone, but he never expressed interest so I chalked him up to being a friend. It wasn't until recently that he said, "I'm glad you're happy but I really like you." *blink* and my favourite comment was, "Why do you think I'm always here for you, listen to you about those idiots, talk to you all the time?" Well, I thought he waas being my friend. "Not just that but I was interested."

Sorry guys...sometimes girls are just as clueless as men and need the direct approach to fully understand.



KuKu -> RE: Hot Pursuit (6/12/2008 1:38:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ebony101

I agree iwth funny_girl. Start off as friends first. Talk to her a couple of times before asking her out for something noncomittal like a cup of coffee or so. Talking with her initially before asking her out is a good way of finding out if you have any common interests or so to talk about over a cup of coffee.

I think conversation is important - if you can't converse together then how will you find out more about each other.

That's my two cents.


It is also a way to find out if you even want to invite her for that cup of coffee... she may seem nice from a distance, but as you talk to her after sunday school you find out she is a lot different than she appeared even in class, and she may not even be 'your type' enough for that first cup... or she may give off such vibes, which, if you catch them, avoid the ackwardness of having it politely refused...



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