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Neicole -> LUST (5/26/2008 6:12:36 AM)

Ok, I'm new to this so please don't fry me. I am trying to handling my husband's wandering eye. I prayed about how to react or not to because this has affected me. At church of all places, I sat and watched my husband and another woman look at each other constantly until she got to her destination. I have noticed this woman watching him before and vise versa. How should I handle this? Should I confront him? I don't want to appear jealous or insecure, but I know what I saw (neither of them noticed me because I was sitting in a separate location). I am praying for answers because I don't like this feeling. Thanks for any biblical advice.



W.O.F. -> RE: LUST (5/26/2008 7:27:24 AM)

First of all....PRAY...for wisdom and discernment, and for the right words to talk to husband so that you don't come across accusatory, but concerned and with the best interest of your marriage at heart.

Second....talk to him about your concerns....but only after you are fully cloaked in prayer!

Third....suggest that the two of you talk to your pastor or to a Christian counselor/mentor. Not because your marriage is going down the drain...but to prevent it from going there!

I'll be praying for you.



Szaftoo -> RE: LUST (5/26/2008 10:18:09 AM)

Welcome.

A couple of questions, how old are both of you and how long have you been married? Also, why were you not sitting together? Also, what makes you use lust as your subject?



buckifn -> RE: LUST (5/26/2008 12:28:46 PM)

Looking and lusting are two very different things.

Looks are free. Lusting is a condition that involves the heart- and only God sees the heart.

You have a right to talk to your husband about things that may concern you- but it is wrong to assume you know what is happening in his heart and accuse him without even talking to him about it.

Confront is the wrong route- discuss yes.



karlie -> RE: LUST (5/26/2008 3:19:03 PM)

If my husband was constantly looking at another woman, especially in front of me, we'd have a talk, lustful looks or not, especially if this has been going on for awhile. Even if his thoughts are not lustful, I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to constantly be watching another woman and following her moves like that. If he isn't looking away and continues to seek her out visually, I would find that a big problem.

The really alarming part to me is that she is looking back. If they are making continual visual contact, then each have to know that the other has taken notice of them. That would be worrisome to me.



lastblast -> RE: LUST (5/26/2008 3:52:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

The really alarming part to me is that she is looking back. If they are making continual visual contact, then each have to know that the other has taken notice of them. That would be worrisome to me. [/font]


Absolutely!



tiffywal -> RE: LUST (5/26/2008 5:24:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

If my husband was constantly looking at another woman, especially in front of me, we'd have a talk, lustful looks or not, especially if this has been going on for awhile. Even if his thoughts are not lustful, I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to constantly be watching another woman and following her moves like that. If he isn't looking away and continues to seek her out visually, I would find that a big problem.

The really alarming part to me is that she is looking back. If they are making continual visual contact, then each have to know that the other has taken notice of them. That would be worrisome to me.




I agree



jaimestarcross -> RE: LUST (5/27/2008 12:55:11 AM)

Welcome to the forum!

*I think you and your husband need to sit down and discuss
this looking problem that's going on between him and the other lady
it's not appropriate.
Don't accuse him of anything but ask him about this constant looking.

Could this woman be someone he "knew" before you?



mimi254 -> RE: LUST (5/27/2008 7:35:22 AM)

i agree.

If i notice my husband is looking another woman as you described, i will have a talk with him to know what is going on.



April75 -> RE: LUST (5/27/2008 1:14:16 PM)

Is this the only time this has happened? Are there other signs of Lust? Does he do this all the time?



blessed27 -> RE: LUST (5/27/2008 2:44:15 PM)

Yes- You must stand up to him with the right words and some times no words at all. Ask God to direct you and guide you when it is time for you to speak. But you do need to speak up. Then put it God's hands other times. I just went through a year of an awful time but never stopped praying for my husband and I ask God to change his heart. Read my post for today. Mine was totally addicted to porn and about to cheat on me when I made the discovery. It is satin and he wants to tear you apart. Don't stop praying and don't give up. It hurtstp go through such things but God never fails us..

Prayers for you and everyone..



buckifn -> RE: LUST (5/27/2008 7:02:01 PM)

quote:

If my husband was constantly looking at another woman, especially in front of me, we'd have a talk, lustful looks or not, especially if this has been going on for awhile.


I thought she was talking about a one time incident at church with a person neither of them knows? If this is an ongoing continual situation than yes, I would agree it needs to be discussed...not as a confrontation though.

Was it a one time thing or is he doing this with the lady every week at church?



deermousie -> RE: LUST (5/27/2008 7:14:05 PM)

Welcome to the forum, Neicole!

Your husband watching this woman reminded me of 2 Pet. 2, and I wonder if it fits your situation:

12 But these, like natural brute beasts made to be caught and destroyed, speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption, 13 and will receive the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, 14 having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children. 15 They have forsaken the right way and gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness

Is your husband saved or does he just go to church? I echo W.O.F. in talking to him, talking to your pastor, and praying like a big dog. Your husband at the very least is disrespecting you, and is acting in a lewd manner in God's court.

Kneel before God then stand up and do what needs doing. I am praying for you, dear one. (((hugs)))



NotMyHome -> RE: LUST (6/6/2008 8:07:27 AM)

I think praying for wisdom is your best first step, then talking to him about his watching this woman is important to talk to him about. I have been married for 26 years, there were a lot of things we never talked about and I let slide. He wound up having an emotional affair a year ago, and our lives have been a mess ever since. I never let his looking at other women or anything else slide any more! He is no play boy or anything, but I can not handle him looking at other women and if I even think it's going on I let him know it!

I will say that you should sit with your husband at church. make a point in it. Make sure you spend time with him every day and pray to be close. I now get up every single morning with my husband, have coffee with him, and we read our bibles together. I go to bed with him every night. I know to well how to people can grow apart and the damage that can do to a marriage.

Praying and reading your bibles together are two very important steps you can take to help cement your marriage. I highly recommend both.



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