So I know this young woman (Full Version)

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violinist_for_jesus -> So I know this young woman (5/28/2008 10:23:38 PM)

I have known a particular young woman for 6 years or so. I have never been a best friend, although we were pretty good friends while we played in the same youth orchestra for a while. But then we both graduated, and fell out of contact, she having her reasons why not to talk to a guy(LOL, I JUST found out why, but it was kind of a duh answer, which I should've realized...)
Anyway, I have seen her a couple of times and we've talked...
Tongith though, I had thechance to talk to her for more then half-an hour...and well...I got her dad's number.
She says that she's not intrested in a relationship right now, but that she needs her dad's approval, and that she needs God's approval before considering entering into a relationship. So my question is this, knowing that she is, in my opinion, the best, most godly young woman that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and always has been my dream wife, should I pursure her? And keep waiting until I have both of her fathers' approval? And until she feels ready? I mean, this girl would make a most wonderful wife...I hadn't given her a thought before now, because I have always thought that she was taken...but...she's not...and I'm not really in any hurry....



deermousie -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/29/2008 12:13:48 AM)

Wow, it's really exciting to meet a quality young woman. But please consider you don't have to grab the first one, as there are many. And only one is for you.

She says she's not ready for a relationship now, so go on being friends, don't pressure her (or she'll possibly end the friendship), and just pray like crazy when you're alone.

And... get yourself ready for marriage. Even if you don't marry her, you'll probably marry someone, and you'll want to be prepared. Is your education finished? Do you have a career that will pay your bills for the next 30 years? Are you spiritually mature and have a reputation for your maturity and kindness in the eyes of your pastor/elders and mature Christians in your church who've known you for years? Do you share your faith when the opportunities arise? Are you learning good leadership skills and conflict resolution? If your answer is no, then this isn't the time for you to secure a wife but to prepare yourself for marriage. So be friends and don't get weird on her.

If God is in this and is going to give her to you, you can wait because no one escapes God's will! [:D] Even if she leaves, she'll be back. So keep your eyes on Jesus and go do what you have to do. And God bless you!



jaimestarcross -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/29/2008 12:10:47 PM)

I would wait until she is ready to date... Is she opposed to going out on a date? Or is she just happy being single and serving the Lord?

Some people have very high standards and they won't even date someone if their parents don't approve of the person.
Warning - If she needs her dad's/parent's approval - what kind of marriage would you have with someone who's dependent of her parents opinion/decision? will she run to her parents every time you and her need to make a decision or have a disagreement/argument? Make sure she has established good boundaries with her parents PRIOR to entering a relationship with her. At some point(hopefully soon) she should be able to stand on her own two feet and make decisions as to whom she should date (the Bible is a great guide for helping in selecting the right type of person for dating or marriage.)



violinist_for_jesus -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/29/2008 5:39:25 PM)

She is content with being single and serving the Lord. LAst night I was pretty excited and what not, but...why get in the way of someone who is seving the Lord and doesn';t want a relationship due to lack of time? She would be better off doing what she is doing now...but hey, ina few years if we're both still single...I dunno. lol



MrFribbles -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/29/2008 6:39:33 PM)

Ya' know, I'd say go for it. God gives us attractions for a reason. If you feel this attracted, why not act on it? Tell her how you feel. Lay it all on the line. What's the worst that could happen? Seriously, think about it - worst case scenario, it destroys your friendship. But really, if something like admitting you find her attractive destroys your friendship, then it probably wasn't genuinely a friendship worth keeping. Besides, from the sound of it, this young lady wouldn't let something like this have such a drastic, negative influence on how she thinks of you. And chances are, that is not what's going to happen anyway.
I have learned that, even if things don't go exactly how you want them to, you will feel much better having tried, than to look back and always wonder "what if?" for the rest of your life.



FunBetty -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/29/2008 6:47:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: violinist_for_jesus

I have known a particular young woman for 6 years or so. I have never been a best friend, although we were pretty good friends while we played in the same youth orchestra for a while. But then we both graduated, and fell out of contact, she having her reasons why not to talk to a guy(LOL, I JUST found out why, but it was kind of a duh answer, which I should've realized...)
Anyway, I have seen her a couple of times and we've talked...
Tongith though, I had thechance to talk to her for more then half-an hour...and well...I got her dad's number.She says that she's not intrested in a relationship right now, but that she needs her dad's approval, and that she needs God's approval before considering entering into a relationship. So my question is this, knowing that she is, in my opinion, the best, most godly young woman that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and always has been my dream wife, should I pursure her? And keep waiting until I have both of her fathers' approval? And until she feels ready? I mean, this girl would make a most wonderful wife...I hadn't given her a thought before now, because I have always thought that she was taken...but...she's not...and I'm not really in any hurry....


Did she give you her dad's number or did you ask for it?

I think you should pursue this conversation further and ask for permission to ask for her fathers' permission to pursue a relationship with her.

Both mostly, like others said, bathe in lots and lots of prayer.



HellHathNoFuryAtAll -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/29/2008 6:51:11 PM)

Carpe diem my boy, Carpe diem!! If you like her THAT much then you should go for it. If nothing else, at least she'll know how you feel about her. Worst case scenario is that she'll turn you down but you'll remain friends. Seize the moment. It's so rare a moment that we feel that certain level of attraction and infatuation. I say go
for it, get your feelings out there so she knows how you feel. You never know, God could open a door;)

God Bless and Good Luck!



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: So I know this young woman (5/30/2008 2:51:19 PM)

i agree with last few posters ... pray and then talk to her more or her dad ...



Auben -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/2/2008 11:29:53 AM)

Women usually put you off for a reason. She's just not ready now or she's not particularly interested in you.

If you like her, consider being a casual friend. Get to know her better. Chat. Hang out. If she likes you it will emerge. If her life changes and she becomes open to a relationship you'll know.

Meanwhile, learn/get a job/live/make friends/serve others/date. Deermousie is right.



fluffmonkey -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/2/2008 11:58:59 AM)

quote:

Women usually put you off for a reason. She's just not ready now or she's not particularly interested in you.

If you like her, consider being a casual friend. Get to know her better. Chat. Hang out. If she likes you it will emerge. If her life changes and she becomes open to a relationship you'll know.

Meanwhile, learn/get a job/live/make friends/serve others/date. ht.


Agree since your both not yet ready at the moment take this time to hang out and get to know each other better, see where it leads ya. Pray about it and God will guide ya.



preserved -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/2/2008 7:27:06 PM)

I would say...just be content on being friends for now...She is not seeking a relationship at this time...You also may want to caution yourself...with the fact that she gave you her father's number? Something I have not heard of... Which means if her father does not approve the guy no need to go any further...She may be the dream wife as you say...but there is something else going on that is not revealed at this time...Just let things be and see what develops...



Single4Life -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/4/2008 2:09:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: violinist_for_jesus

She says that she's not intrested in a relationship right now, but that she needs her dad's approval, and that she needs God's approval before considering entering into a relationship.

In my experience...
"I'm not interested in a relationship right now" = I'm not interested in YOU

I think that's confirmed by the number of "excuses" she gave you here. If she were into you, she'd be a little more excited and be in more regular contact.

On the other hand, I do believe a guy should pursue, so why not take those steps if you are up for it. I just would not get your hopes up too high. It doesn't look promising.

(Wow. That sounds so negative, but I think it is reality.)



WholeHeart -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/4/2008 11:11:29 AM)

Or, "I'm not interested in a relationship right now," could mean exactly what it says. What do you both mean by "relationship" anyway? I'm a girl that won't date; my own reason is a promise to my parents, lasting one more year. I showed so little interest in guys for so long that my Catholic uncle said I might make a good nun and actually connected me with some.... But there's a guy I like now who is waiting until graduation (when the promise expires) to be more than a friend. I wasn't a hopeless case, so I doubt she is.

This girl might well have some reason you don't know about. I would say don't bother her too much about it right now--it's quite unpleasant to hear someone talk about romance when there is some reason you can't respond (and it's worse if you would like to respond--I know this from experience). Patience is a good thing.

There is nothing wrong with her giving you her dad's number. Actually, I think that's more encouraging than her own, because it shows that she won't play games. Go through her dad or leave her alone, right? It's the older code, that's all. I would say it wouldn't hurt to talk to him. There's little chance that you'll break his heart! He would be aware of any serious difficulties and will know when she is ready to be pursued.

Be cautious, though. I would say the safest thing would be to talk to her dad. It's a good thing not to be in a hurry, and you might let him know that, too. There's no certainty of anything, of course, but he can help you figure out if you and this girl would be good for each other without hurting her if you obviously aren't.



nuclear_sidewalk -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/8/2008 1:58:23 PM)

If it's worth it, it's worth waiting for.

Do it God's way, which means not crossing the set boundaries. Be willing to risk, as a man, but not in the sense that you're putting your own desires before that which you know pleases God. (i.e., if her parent say no, then no... you may eventually get a green light, but no for now)



violinist_for_jesus -> RE: So I know this young woman (6/9/2008 1:18:57 AM)

LOL, thanks ya'll for your advice...I really wasn't paying attention to her many hints...I'm slow sometimes....



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