Only Child - Homeschooler? (Full Version)

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ShekinahJoy -> Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 7:31:23 AM)

Just wanted to see if there are any of you out there homeschooling an only child - or single child - as some call them. Our son is 4 and it always seems that we are seeking out children to play with....however most 4 yr. olds are in some sort of preschool!!! We do the sort of things like mommy groups, YMCA, church groups and such. Do children with siblings get lonely? Took him to the pool yesterday and there were no children there (just us - his parents) and he said he had fun but that "he didn't have a friend there to play with."

I find that I plan my day around where we can find kids his age to play with. Challenging, because it seems that most of the people I know have their children - this age - in some sort of preschool.......

Any advice or maybe just some support...? [:)]



Sunnymom -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 8:13:58 AM)

My firstborn was an only child until he was 8, but by then he still felt like an only child because his siblings were so much younger.

What I believe you need to consider are your expectations. Do you believe that your son will only be satisfied playing with his age mates? How much time with his peers do you believe he needs in order to not feel lonely? Do you believe that one can be alone but yet not be lonely?

How I handled it is that I included my son in everything I did. He cooked with me, read with me... we played the games he loved, went to art classes, walked to the library, went roaming in the fields... and the playtime he had with other kids at church and church activities, having an afternoon here and there at someone's house and vice/versa was very satisfactory to him and to me. He learned (he is now 19) to be happy and productive on his own. This, IMO, is a valuable thing to learn, and he has not suffered from it at all, as he is a very socially active person (he's in the Army).

Hope that helps a bit.[:)]



dozermom67 -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 9:18:39 AM)

Now that the weather is warming up maybe you could take him to the park? Or, there are sports through your local parks and rec that he can sign up for where he'll be around other kids his age. Is there a local homeschool group you could join? Some of them may have younger children your child can play with at activities the hs group does. Take a walk or bike ride around your neighborhood...see if you can find kids playing outside and just stop and let your son visit with them for a few minutes and get aquainted. If they seem compatible, maybe you could later set up a play date with their mom. Just a few ideas...

You asked if children with siblings get lonely...I think mine do every once in awhile. They enjoy being with their friends sometimes, not just their brother. Our homeschool group does a weekly park day on Friday, so that helps. I just hope it doesn't rain tomorrow! We missed last week because it poured down rain. [8|]



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 9:31:56 AM)

As a mom of five kids, I love it when someone with fewer kids wants to come and play. It is way easier than taking five kids to someone else's house. I also love it when they want to join me for on a field trip. It is a double bonus if they are planning the trip themselves!

It is too bad that you live all the way over in the sunshine state... I live in the cold and gray state.

You can might be able to find an homeschooling egroup in your area on yahoo. We have one and there is always something going on that we could plug into.

Children with siblings can get lonely, but mine don't tend to because they have each other. They also have church, a few friends besides church, and online friends to hang out with from time to time.



roligirl -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 11:25:57 AM)

I really like Sunnymom's post, what are your expectations? Being on your own is ok, there is a time for friends and a time to play and discover by yourself. I have 4 kiddos- 3 that are 13, 11, 11 and one that is 2 1/2. My older "batch" have always had each other to play with, but they enjoy being on their own-reading, painting, and being quiet. My little guy gets the best of both worlds-big sisters dote on him and he is learning to play on his own.

Sounds like you are providing great opportunities for playing with others, but allow time with just mom and dad and even time on his own. He won't always need to be "entertained", but enjoy things around him.



starmom1 -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 1:12:55 PM)

I have been homeschooling my daughter, who is an only child, since preschool. She is now in 6th grade. We have been blessed that there are a few homeschool families at my church. My daughter had play dates with those children mostly. There is also a co-op group in our city. Although my child has not participated in that, I mention that as an idea for you. You may want to check into that in your area. We did things together that were fun for her and almost everywhere we went there were children that would welcome her into their activity. I think that, even though it seems hard for a child to be an only child, it builds character traits in them and they learn to be creative. It sounds like you are doing great with finding opportunities for your son to be with others which is really important if he is to learn things like sharing. God has given you and your husband what you need to parent your child. Ask Him too for ideas!



narnia -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 1:19:34 PM)

I hear you, ShekinahJoy. I have an only child and same thing-most kids are gone during the day and she does seem to be lonely/bored at times-although aren't we all at times?

She does know how to entertain herself, but there are times I wish she had a sibling.

And it is hard to find people she can play with. Anyway, I do understand how you feel and how hard it can be at times.



csl7037 -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 3:58:53 PM)

I am an only child and I have to say that I've always wondered what I was missing. But, more than that, raising an only child, you have to find ways to teach them to be around other people and not let them develop into too much of a loner (like myself). Homeschooling can certainly work but, IMO, only if you have a good homeschool network to link up with. I'd never homeschool without that anyway though.



creationtalk -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/29/2008 9:24:54 PM)

I am homeschooling an "only" and the chance of him being other is low--single parent. However, I've found that I have more of a struggle to teach him to play independently than I do with interacting with others.

We are loosely associated with a homeschooling group. My son stays with other families (some homeschooling some not) when I am at work.

If you are concerned about your son having friends and playmates, get him involved in some sort of team sports. Recognize that you may need to plan/schedule play-dates for weekends. See if you can find a daycare that will take him one day a week. There are lots of options.

The homeschool families in the local group are all very independent. Some attend once a week get-togethers, others make only a few events per year. The interest in "activities" range from someone who tries to schedule something for the whole group once a week, to people who come only to the one-a-year picnic.



ShekinahJoy -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/30/2008 7:11:22 AM)

Thanks to everyone who posted a response here.
I would have to say that I had to think about what it is that I am expecting. Even though I grew up with 2 brothers I think I am somewhat shy and introverted....not antisocial but not the life of the party either! So maybe my concern is really focused more on me than him?! I guess I want him to be well-grounded....learning social cues as well as being creative and able to solve problems on his own. I know that God gives us our personalities for His purposes and I want to be sensitive to how He has made this child.

I love your ideas and I would say the only thing we haven't done is find a homeschool group here. Another link in the chain is that we are probably moving to central america at the end of this year and that will have a whole new set of challenges. I know there are advantages to be a single child and he certainly exhibits many of the qualities that I think will benefit him as an adult. I guess I would be concerned too if he didn't want to be around children, but he is comfortable going into groups of children that he does not know, which is good. For instance, yesterday we went to a park and there was a group of children from a local preschool. He had no problem joining in with their play.

Thanks again for all the great ideas and support. I'll check back just in case anyone comes up with any other thoughts....



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (5/30/2008 8:10:48 AM)

quote:

So maybe my concern is really focused more on me than him?!


When I get nervous about how my kids are being received socially, I have found that is often me with the issues and not them. My eldest has a forums that he hangs out with a bunch of other kids (he was among the younger ones there). Sometimes, when I read his posts, I have felt embarrassed for him. I fear that the other kids will not like him or be mean, but they have excepted him with love and usually joking at his level as well as encouraging him in growing up. If he needs correction, they have been very kind about it and he accepts it well and tries harder. Now the next kid is on that forum, and I feel a little more at ease.

David (my eldest) had a problem with a group of kids at circus camp last year. They were mean to him. He didn't say anything about it or let it ruin his time there. I haven't taught him about cliques before either. He told me about it at the end. As he related his experience, I couldn't help but be very impressed. He handled it so much better than I would have at his age (I was around kids like that all the time growing up). I couldn't believe how mature he was! I had given him the tools he needed and he figured out how to use them in this new situations. By the end of camp, they were all friends... but not because he became one of the clique (he found the concept of cliques to be bizarre. LOL)

If you are giving him the tools he needs to interact with others, you are probably doing a much better job than you think. I hope you will be able to see the rewards of all that hard work soon.



singingmom -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/1/2008 8:41:50 PM)

Hello!

We are an "only" family and it is so wonderful. You get to devote all your time to "one"...

I started an "Homeschooling the only child" loop.. It's at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hstheonlychild/

I'm very rarely on anymore due to time, but this will help you.

My only is going in th 6th grade, and we always have things going on. We started in preschool.. We have friends over, co - op , ice skating, [I run a homeschool skate at a local ice rink] golf, church, etc.. We are quite busy!

Sometimes I wish I could have a couple more children, but the Lord must know I can only handle 1.. [;)]

It's a very special path... and each step of the way just gets better and better. Your bond with them is closer, and they learn easier.

That's just my $.02. Feel free to PM me with any questions [:)]



lifeisgoodwgod -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/1/2008 11:19:12 PM)

My dd is now 14 and is an "only". We are just completing our 5th year homeschooling. I also was concerned about how she would feel being with just me most of the time, but it has been just wonderful for us. She is very involved with AWANA, youth, voice and piano. We also are active in a science co op and have completed Apologia General and Physical Science and are looking forward to Biology next year. She loves getting together with other homeschoolers but also enjoys her quiet times. I used to worry about her spending time alone, but this is OK. She is very out going and will talk to anyone. We are very close and we both appreciate our time together. Your son is young and there may not be many activities now but just watch out because the older they get the more they can get involved in. They do grow up very fast. Good luck and may God bless your homeschool experience as He has ours. [sm=wave.gif



ShekinahJoy -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/3/2008 3:04:38 PM)

You are so right. I'm sure the older he gets there will be plenty do and join. Thank you for your support...I really appreciate it!

On another note.... I was walking the hallway of our local health club today and an employee was showing around a couple who had their, approximately 7 year old child with them. The employee was showing them the childcare rooms and said, "do you have any other children or is this your only one?" The mom responded "this is the only one." Now I guess I'm hyper sensitive to this but it just struck me as sad because the little boy was standing there and he obviously heard this "only one" comment. He may be used to the term, but I would love to be able to find another word to use when saying we have one child. Not "oh just one" or "this is our ONLY child". OK I know I'm just sensitive to this so please don't be too harsh.

Do you find something else to say when describing your child's status as a single child?

Thanks!!!



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/5/2008 12:53:32 PM)

I thought about that phrase too. It just hits me as being negative.

I try to ask something like just "Do you have other children?" But I still mess up getting the feeling that I want (mostly because I am trying to hard NOT to sound negative[8|])

I have been thinking and have tried about things like:

Do have other children, or is this your one and only? (I think it has a better connotation to it)

Do you have other children, or is he the sole star of all your affection?

What do you think?



locomom -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/9/2008 12:41:40 AM)

We homeschooled my daughter, our only child, from the middle of 1st grade through graduation which was in 2006. She has been a rather solitary person by choice all the way. She had others available, but usually chose to be by herself. Once in college, she decided to be social, and quickly developed a circle of friends.

Being a solitary person is not necessarily the result of being an only child, nor is it necessarily an undesirable trait. I grew up with 3 older brothers and tend to be rather solitary. My husband is 1 of 3 children and a solitary person. My mil says that she is good company for herself and she is 1 of 5 children. I think my oldest brother has hermit tendencies!

My point is that the issue is finding other children available on your homeschool schedule. That only children are loners is not a generalization I find to be true. I also don't aggree that being a solitary person is a maladaptation. It is part of the normal range of personalities.



creationtalk -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/9/2008 6:44:28 AM)

I would also like to add one thing to locomom's observation that being "solitary" is not the same as being "lonely"

I went to public school, but was "different" in a very small school where "different" meant not included. I rarely ever had anyone to play with, no study partners, etc. I did have my siblings but we didn't have a lot in common. I learned to handle being a lone very well.

5 people from my class started college. I am the only one that completed the first year. All the rest returned home to their "support group" (aka classmates/friends). I was used to being alone in a crowd and handled classes with more students than my entire high school quite well. I made friends, some of whom (27 years later) are still friends. Knowing how to handle solitude has made it possible for me to move across country alone for jobs or simply take a map and go exploring.



R3n332 -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/9/2008 6:19:01 PM)

We are Proud parents of an Only Child :)

I agree with singingmom :) we get to devote all our time to "one"... :)
Our only is going into the 6th grade this next school year :)
We are proud with only one because he is a TRUE Gift from God :)



singingmom -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/11/2008 4:00:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: R3n332

We are Proud parents of an Only Child :)

I agree with singingmom :) we get to devote all our time to "one"... :)
Our only is going into the 6th grade this next school year :)
We are proud with only one because he is a TRUE Gift from God :)



Amen R3n332!
They really are a blessing.. Our "only" is going into 6th grade too! [:)]



OHLori -> RE: Only Child - Homeschooler? (6/13/2008 4:41:27 PM)

My 9yo only dd will be starting 5th grade in the fall. Because she is an only and we live in a rather isolated rural area, I have tried to be a little more conscious of the socialization thing. I have just had to pay attention to be sure she is getting a certain amount of play time with other kids.

She participates in church activities, used to be in girl scouts, and is very active in 4-H. I have had other parents comment about how good her social skills are when we go out. Yes, she would prefer to be with other children even more of the time, but that doesn't necessarily mean she *needs* that. (She would also prefer eating chocolate cake for dinner every night!)

On the down side, I have had to be her playmate a little more than I would have preferred (nearly constantly sometimes it seems). I also had to homeschool her and three of her favorite stuffed animals through all of first grade. That was very good for her repetition, and her ability to do different "voices"[:)]

I have talked to several adults I know that are only children. The one thing they all mentioned for me to watch out for was to avoid spoiling her too much. One woman lamented that she was still struggling with giving up her status as a "Princess" even though she is now 40 with a family of her own. She always got every thing she wanted, never had to do chores, and feels that her family really did revolve around her every whim when she was young. That is a hard role to give up and an impossible one not to miss on occasion.

There have been times when I wished that we could have had more children. But then I see how things are with some of our friends with 5 or more and I thank God that He, in His wisdom, knew what was best for us. Therefore, I will unashamedly pour all I can into raising my only to be an absolutely outstanding young Christian woman.



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