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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 5/31/2008 12:14:27 PM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
If your children are never spending time with their dad/dads I would highly recommend you try to find a way for them to do so. Moving them to another country to be with another man who is not their Dad may not be the best move for them.
Have you given this longggggggggggggggggg consideration?
That's not even possible to try to find a way for them to spend time with their fathers. My youngest was conceived through a horrible rape (that I never reported--I know bad me), and my elder two their fathers do not want anything to do with them. They don't want children and highly dislike children. A father isn't about who's genes they share, but who actually fathers them. My fiance IS their father. He is even adopting them so that they are legally his children. My eldest has taken to calling him "Papa" (Father) too. :)
Every day I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, so yes I have definitely given this a long consideration.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 5/31/2008 8:23:56 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6025
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: purplepixie87
2) Bottles. My eldest still wants a bottle, and she refuses to give it up. I've tried everything to coax her away from it, nothing really works. :(
Just wondering how she could actually "refuse" to give it up, if you stand firm and don't give in?
She doesn't need a bottle so don't give her one. What drink is she asking for in the bottle, and are there any particular times of the day when she is more likely to want one?
Does the two year old still have a bottle? Time to dump that as well IMO.
Does your one year old use a sippy cup yet? If not, then it might be a good idea to introduce one to, say, his/her lunchtime meal and work towards getting him/her off bottles asap.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 5/31/2008 8:31:51 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6985
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: purplepixie87
3) I see this mentioned a lot on the boards, to only let your children watch God-honoring TV. But, what exactly is required of something for it to be God-honoring? I pretty much let my kids watch anything they want, but I'm sort of interested in hearing more about this.
For Christians and non-Christians alike, I say don't let your children watch anything that promotes ideals which are against your moral code of ethics until they are old enough to understand it and discuss it with you. If they don't start a discussion with you on the topic, then you start the discussion.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 5/31/2008 9:20:35 PM
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delete123
Posts: 973
Joined: 6/1/2005
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Purplepixe~
I only have 1 child (2 y/o) to deal with, so do not know if I will be much help.
Anyhow I allow my son to jump (he is high energy, boy is he ever!) but it is restricted to the couch. I take the cushions out and place them in front so if he does fall he is cushioned.
I started disciplining him from 7 months (when he started walking) He is very advanced for his age.
My discipline for him for not obeying me, is a swat on the bottom (I know you said no spanking) explaining to him why and with a time out. I put him in his crib with no playmates until he contains himself. Then I retrieve him, hug him and tell him I love him, but I will not tolerate his behavior.
When he gets riled up, I call his name. He know the look already, but if he is feeling daring, I question him: Do you want a spanking? If he answers No then I repeat what I asked him to stop doing. Generally he listens.
Sometimes he misses his nap time (Especially if we are out) children get over tired like adults and have problems winding down. I play a game with him. I say Ok lets get the wiggles out!
I can't say anything about the bottle as my son still uses his for naps and bedtime only. He has a delayed digestive system and it is easier for me to put his medication in his bottle. However during the rest of day he uses a cup.
As far as shows go: the programs I allow him to watch are mainly educational ones, like Super Why (encourages reading, problem solving, and letters) He loves Thomas the train ( which encourages working together, friendship, trying your best in what you do, resolving issues. It was written by an English pastor I believe in 1959 for his son Christopher.) If he's been really good I allow him to watch 2 -15 min segments of Spongebob. He loves that guy ( however not many realize spongebob was created like bullwinkle for college age kids. It is a spoof to get them thinking.)
We watch all television together.
He helps me with laundry and taking the trash out. (I give him the laundry detergent to carry and turn the machines on. I give him the recycleables to carry out.) He picks up his toys and books.
He has his own drawer in the kitchen and bathroom when he decides he wants to wander into another I simply ask him: Is that your drawer? He closes the drawer and then opens his. I do however have safety locks on under the bathroom and kitchen sink.
As far as the fighting, hairpulling, and name calling go, as the only one he has to fight or argue with is me. AND we all know who wins that one!! 
CRH
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/1/2008 3:59:30 AM
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Christian30
Posts: 204
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Stafford, TX (Houston suburb)
Status: offline
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You have already gotten good input from others on discipline techniques other than spanking... lots of wisdom here in my opinion. Spanking is addressed in the Bible though (don't want a debate here), and there is a one-stop thread on it in the parenting forum. You mention a concern about anger and spanking, and you are prudent to recognize the danger. However, as you grow as a Christian you might find that God takes that quick anger tendency away from you...if not perfectly, still much differently than in your unregenerate days.
You are a new Christian which is wonderful, and I hope you don't mind if I address a few things... just due to my conscience. Because you are marrying, I will say that I hope your fiancee is a Christian, as you should marry inside the faith, so I hope your husband is a Christian. Also, I hope you will marry before you resume living together. (Sorry... had to say these tings.)
My wife is Japanese as well. Others have expressed concern over you moving overseas, but... much of the nation of Japan is an easier place to raise kids than the U.S. Our country is not the easiest, for many reasons. Major cities in Japan can be tough because of materialisn and the infiltration of the negative aspects of western culture, but much of the country still has a more simple lifestyle.
Make sure you can find a good church. Christians make up a very small percentage of the population, but some churches there are dynamic and on fire for the Lord. The country is not as easily receptive to the Gospel as much of the Far East. It's a society of superiority complexes, so humility is not the strong suit there.
I adore the Japanese though (one in particular.... lol), and there is much good to be said about the society. May God bless you.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 1:44:04 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
WOW that's pretty neat. How did you meet him? (One of the other military wives on here lived in Japan for a few years...sandy...Blessedmamaofmany I think is her username on here)
We met through a mutual friend of ours online. :) Our mutual friend is really awesome and is almost always insisting that I meet his friends, etc. lol
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 1:45:43 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Just wondering how she could actually "refuse" to give it up, if you stand firm and don't give in?
She doesn't need a bottle so don't give her one. What drink is she asking for in the bottle, and are there any particular times of the day when she is more likely to want one?
Does the two year old still have a bottle? Time to dump that as well IMO.
Does your one year old use a sippy cup yet? If not, then it might be a good idea to introduce one to, say, his/her lunchtime meal and work towards getting him/her off bottles asap.
My one year old can't drink out of a sippy cup, I try to give one to him daily, he can't get the fluid out of it. And if it was one he didn't have to really suck on, he'd wind up choking on it. He also still definitely needs his bottle to sleep at night, he was almost 2 months premature...and I think that has a lot to attribute to it. My two year old only gets a bottle at bed-time and naptime, and my three year old only gets bottles at bedtime and naptime.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 1:47:16 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DenimDiva
For Christians and non-Christians alike, I say don't let your children watch anything that promotes ideals which are against your moral code of ethics until they are old enough to understand it and discuss it with you. If they don't start a discussion with you on the topic, then you start the discussion.
There really isn't anything against my moral code of ethics, aside from like movies with abortion or sexual scenes. That is, for the kids to watch. But I don't watch movies with abortion in them.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 1:49:12 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crh737
Anyhow I allow my son to jump (he is high energy, boy is he ever!) but it is restricted to the couch. I take the cushions out and place them in front so if he does fall he is cushioned.
I allow my kids to jump, just not climb. :)
And thanks for the rest!
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 1:56:13 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Christian30
You have already gotten good input from others on discipline techniques other than spanking... lots of wisdom here in my opinion. Spanking is addressed in the Bible though (don't want a debate here), and there is a one-stop thread on it in the parenting forum. You mention a concern about anger and spanking, and you are prudent to recognize the danger. However, as you grow as a Christian you might find that God takes that quick anger tendency away from you...if not perfectly, still much differently than in your unregenerate days.
Yes but even without the abuse and anger issues, I still wouldn't spank my children. It's against my beliefs, and against my fiance's beliefs. I think the phrase "spare the rod spoil the child" refers more to discipline in general, not just spanking.
quote:
You are a new Christian which is wonderful, and I hope you don't mind if I address a few things... just due to my conscience. Because you are marrying, I will say that I hope your fiancee is a Christian, as you should marry inside the faith, so I hope your husband is a Christian. Also, I hope you will marry before you resume living together. (Sorry... had to say these tings.)
He's not a Christian, but I have a thread about that in the relationships forum. :) I've been praying on that, and doing a lot of thought about it.
We will be living together from the moment I arrive in Japan. I know it's not very Christian, but in my mind and his we are already married. So, I don't have an issue with any of the pre-marital living together, or fornicating stuff.
quote:
My wife is Japanese as well. Others have expressed concern over you moving overseas, but... much of the nation of Japan is an easier place to raise kids than the U.S. Our country is not the easiest, for many reasons. Major cities in Japan can be tough because of materialisn and the infiltration of the negative aspects of western culture, but much of the country still has a more simple lifestyle.
True. Japan is very very open-minded on parenting, and has a general unspoken rule that "Parents know what's best for their child, and do what they believe is in the child's best interest" so the police and child services there keep their nose out of other people's business, unless of course it is obvious the child is abused or neglected, then they'll step in, but otherwise they leave parents alone to be parents and raise their children however they wish. :) I don't mind the materialism, I don't think it's that bad in Tokyo because there they have a large international residence.
quote:
Make sure you can find a good church. Christians make up a very small percentage of the population, but some churches there are dynamic and on fire for the Lord. The country is not as easily receptive to the Gospel as much of the Far East. It's a society of superiority complexes, so humility is not the strong suit there.
Not only is it a country of superiority complexes, but there was also a ban on Christianity from the early 1600s until the mid-late 1800s, and it wasn't until the mid 1900s that Christians really began to be well known.
Yes, I have found a good church. Maybe you've heard of it? Tokyo Baptist Church in Shibuya.
quote:
I adore the Japanese though (one in particular.... lol), and there is much good to be said about the society. May God bless you.
haha! Same here! And you can't help but love Japanese society and culture.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 10:04:14 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
But dear one, God does have an issue with it.  And the reason he has a problem with is is because he cares about you, loves you, and does not want you to be hurt. He does not want to see you broken hearted again. He does not want yet another baby fatherless.
If you do not want to marry immediately (and I do agree that waiting to marry is wise) then you have no business living with the man and sleeping with him. It is dangerous for you, aside from being just plain wrong.
And it occurs to me that this may be one reason his mother does not like you. I would be very unhappy with one of my sons bringing home a complete stranger and shacking up with her. Very unhappy. I would be angry with my son for treating a woman so disrespectfully, and upset with the woman for allowing it.
We're not waiting that long after I arrive, like at most a month, and I won't be arriving over there until late July/early August. I can't get pregnant right now, anyways, I have an IUD. I understand that God has a problem with it, but I don't.
He doesn't treat women disrespectfully at ALL lol. It's always up to the woman whether or not they do anything, I mean up to the woman completely, he doesn't ask...he wants the woman to ask.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 10:08:17 AM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
A thought popped into my head---Why not contact the church you intend to go to, explain your situation, and ask if there is a family or a guest-house they know of who would be willing to take you in for a few months while you and your children acclimate to the culture and you prepare for the wedding? If your fiance is going to financially support you anyway, why not support you in a situation that is God-honoring, family-honoring and helpful to you?
This would also give you an opportunity to take advantage of whatever premarital counseling services the church has to offer.
Not going to be there long enough to annoy the church before my wedding, it will be at most a month before my wedding that I arrive there. I'm not doing the wedding planning, so I don't really have any preparing to do. My friend is doing all the planning except for my dress, and she'll ask me some things too. He would support me that way, but I don't want to do that.
I'm not planning on doing any premarital counseling (it's pointless to me) and with my fiance not being a Christian I highly doubt church-provided premarital counseling will sit well with him.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 10:58:36 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10417
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
I understand that God has a problem with it, but I don't.
I've had that attitude several times over the years. It's gotten me into a LOT of trouble and been the cause of much heartache. Looking back, I wish I had done things God's way and not been so stubborn. 
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 11:27:19 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6025
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: purplepixie87
My one year old can't drink out of a sippy cup, I try to give one to him daily, he can't get the fluid out of it. And if it was one he didn't have to really suck on, he'd wind up choking on it.
To transition my two onto sippy cups, I bought the kind of bottles where you can put sippy teats (I think you call them nipples) onto them, which are halfway between a normal bottle teat and a sippy cup teat.
quote:
My two year old only gets a bottle at bed-time and naptime, and my three year old only gets bottles at bedtime and naptime.
IMO that's a habit rather than a need. I'd suggest replacing the bottle with a cup of water and a story, to wean them off bottles. It might be easier to start with the daytime nap first. How much milk are they having in the bottles at nap/bedtime?
The thing is, apart from anything else, letting an infant fall asleep with a bottle, after about 1 year old, can cause Baby Bottle Tooth Decay (link)
< Message edited by manda59 -- 6/3/2008 11:34:46 AM >
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 11:32:40 AM
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SouthernBelleGrits
Posts: 31
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
quote:
I understand that God has a problem with it, but I don't.
I've had that attitude several times over the years. It's gotten me into a LOT of trouble and been the cause of much heartache. Looking back, I wish I had done things God's way and not been so stubborn.
Yeah, me too!
Purplepixie, God knows your heart and where you are in your walk with him. As I have grown in my walk with God there have been many times where my thoughts and feelings didn't "match up " with what I was being told by other Christians. During those time I have learned to express it to God. I remember when I first had this conversation it went something like this:
"Okay God. I'm having some conflict here between what I think and believe and what _________ just told me. I just can't wrap my brain around that because __________________________________. So for now, I'm just doing the best I can do and if I'm suppose to change then please help me change that in my life because I can't do it by myself."
I've had these talks quite a lot through the years. I remember telling God how I didn't think he means for everyone to be a prayer warrior. I was having a conflict with this in my small group from church because the women in my small group were telling me that I just needed to pray more and become a prayer warrior. I pray but in a much different way than they thought I should be praying. Through the process God has changed my thinking some and also enlightened me as to why I struggled with prayer so much. God has helped me change my thinking about prayer through this process. I'm not one to "do it anyway" without believing it myself. This has gotten me into some trouble some but at least I've kept my heart along the way and haven't become robotic in my walk with God which I hate to see people do. Robotic walking with God is praised by many churches but it leads to pharisees and judgemental people much of the time.
I've taken many alternate routes in my walk with God. Sometimes, it has been quite lovely and scenic offering a different view and perspective on life from God. Other times I've traveled along hills, valleys and bumps in the road which were a struggle and I could hear God say, " You wanted to travel this way and it isn't as easy as the other way but I'm still here with you so hang on and don't let go because this road is hard to travel."
I love your heart Purplepixie! Your honesty is beautiful. I'm worried about you and the choices you are making, but I know that God is with you and many here are walking beside you too.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 11:50:48 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1788
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
I can't get pregnant right now, anyways, I have an IUD.
There is no guaranteed form of birth control except abstaining from sex. Can't you see so much of what you think you know is really half truths?
God does not save us half way either. Once we accept Him we are also accepting His Word and His standards. His standard for marriage needs to be ours. Otherwise we are living below our priviledge. God does not bring you into His family as an unwanted child. Do not allow Satan to blind you to the freedom Christ died for you to have. It is for you and your children. He can and will teach you how to raise your children if you honor Him first.
If a man loves you he will honor your stand on God's Word too. If he doesn't then why does he deserve you? Why does he deserve to be a part of your childrens lives?
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 12:01:55 PM
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purplepixie87
Posts: 87
Joined: 5/29/2008
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manda59--Thanks. I'll try to get one of those. They get about 4 ounces of milk, mixed with 4 ounces of hot water when they get bottles.
SouthernBelleGrits--Thank you. :) I'll pray on it and let God lead me more, isntead of just letting my mind and heart take the lead.
buckifn--Thank you too, I understand that. And as I said to SBG, I'll pray about it. You asked a question, so I'm going to try to respond to it:
" If a man loves you he will honor your stand on God's Word too. If he doesn't then why does he deserve you? Why does he deserve to be a part of your childrens lives?"
My fiance would respect my stand, I was to tell him "Sorry, but I can't be with you sexually until after we are married, you see..doing that is a sin, and I'm trying to be as good a child of God as possible and refrain from sin as much as I can" He'd understand that, because even though he may be a different religion he does still understand religion, and understand that many people have different religious beliefs. So I know that wouldn't bother him at all and he'd completely respect that.
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 1:30:51 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2521
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
My fiance would respect my stand, I was to tell him "Sorry, but I can't be with you sexually until after we are married, you see..doing that is a sin, and I'm trying to be as good a child of God as possible and refrain from sin as much as I can" He'd understand that, because even though he may be a different religion he does still understand religion, and understand that many people have different religious beliefs. So I know that wouldn't bother him at all and he'd completely respect that.
Then do that. Although it will be hard living together without sex. Start your marriage off on the right foot. Both of you restraining yourselves and living without sex for a few weeks will give you all the more reason to trust and respect each other after the marriage. And as buckifn said, IUD is no guarantee against pregnancy. It has a failure rate. If you have sex, you may get pregnant, no matter what precautions you take.
I thought premarital counseling was pointless too. Mostly, I was afraid the counselor would tell me not to get married, or to wait. And I was arrogant enough to think I knew it all, and that my man and I were *perfectly* matched.
If I could do anything over again, it would be to go through a basic 6 week premarital counseling course. I would still marry my husband, and I'd still marry him at 19, but sitting down with a third party to dig into issues probably would have saved us from the hell we went through in our first year.
It is not an annoyance to a church to ask for premarital counseling, or even to ask them to help you remain pure until marriage. That is what the body of Christ is there for, to help one another.
_____________________________
 Moo
Shameless Self Promotion~Christmas giveaway this week!
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RE: A lot of parenting questions. - 6/3/2008 2:31:47 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6025
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: purplepixie87
manda59--Thanks. I'll try to get one of those. They get about 4 ounces of milk, mixed with 4 ounces of hot water when they get bottles.
Another thing you can do with the older ones is gradually give them less. Even cutting down by just, say, half an ounce per week, will help. And then once it's down to 2oz, you can try giving it in a sippy cup instead.
I would also suggest slightly separating the bottles from their bedtime - in other words, don't give it to them in bed, but just before, and THEN clean their teeth. Even if they take the bottle to bed to drink, get them up again to clean their teeth. Tell them that drinking the milk at bedtime could hurt their teeth, and they need to have them cleaned before they sleep.
< Message edited by manda59 -- 6/3/2008 2:50:55 PM >
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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He has no desire to live in the States, and I don't have a desire to remain in the States. We are getting married over there as well. I know my family will miss the wedding because they cannot afford to go to it, but we are videotaping it and taking loads of pictures so they'll still get to see it. I'm going to have like 2 or 3 friends sent out, and that's about it. My mother wouldn't even go if she was able to financially, she's a very paranoid person and she won't even go some places in her home town! She's constantly getting more paranoid as well. 
It's horrible, but there really isn't anything she can do about it. Even with meds she wouldn't be able to go over there, she'd wind up having a panic attack on the plane or something. 
