LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (Full Version)

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CLM622 -> LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/4/2008 5:59:14 PM)

OK I am having a hard time with this. My friend has just been divorced, well almost they are to sign papers next week. They have been separated for over a year, he walked out to have a new life with his new girlfriend.

Now she has a boyfriend and he and his 2 children are moving from Florida to live with her and her 3 children here in Washington. They are planning to get married however not tell November 2009. They will be living as a big happy family tell then. I have issue with this. I see it as adultery. I have been searching my bible to find the definition of adultery, and is it OK for a man and woman to live together as husband and wife before being married. For some reason I can't find it in my bible. I have found a lot on the subject of adultery but not an answer to my question.

Please add bible references. Is living together before marriage adultery???



Bro_Shane -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/4/2008 9:48:54 PM)

Living together before marriage usually falls under fornication. However, circumstances of the divorces may mean they are committing adultery.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

This is a good start.



SovereignIsHe -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/4/2008 11:28:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CLM622

OK I am having a hard time with this. My friend has just been divorced, well almost they are to sign papers next week. They have been separated for over a year, he walked out to have a new life with his new girlfriend.

Now she has a boyfriend and he and his 2 children are moving from Florida to live with her and her 3 children here in Washington. They are planning to get married however not tell November 2009. They will be living as a big happy family tell then. I have issue with this. I see it as adultery. I have been searching my bible to find the definition of adultery, and is it OK for a man and woman to live together as husband and wife before being married. For some reason I can't find it in my bible. I have found a lot on the subject of adultery but not an answer to my question.

Please add bible references. Is living together before marriage adultery???


Your friend has been and will be in a adulterous relationship... He has no biblical basis to remarry...

John



reillan -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/4/2008 11:55:11 PM)

Living together doesn't always mean sleeping together, though. Sleeping together, absolutely. Living together - Among ancient Jews it was common practice for a man and woman to begin living together one year before they got married. They were expected not to sleep together during that time - it was basically just a chance for them to get used to each other before their marriage. Granted, they probably had everyone else in the family living under the same roof! [:D]

I will say, though, that the two are *usually* synonymous.

And, of course, what everyone else said about adultery - although because divorce is a legal institution and the man had already left her before she started seeing this new guy, the original husband had already divorced her in his heart. It's not clear cut enough for my tastes, but who am I to judge?



karlie -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 12:01:43 AM)

Attention: Moderator's Note:

This is a reminder that the only place that the issue of remarriage after divorce and whether or not that is adultery can be debated is the One Stop link below. If you want to debate that issue, you will have to take it there. This thread needs to be kept to the issue of living together as man and wife before marriage.

Remarriage After Divorce - One Stop Thread

Please do not reply to this message within the Community, or send me PMs regarding this.

Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.

Sincerely,

Karlie
Forums Moderator



rcjames -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 9:53:26 AM)

Fornication or adultery; both are sins in the eyes of God and plainly laid out in Scripture as a no no. This verse shows the severity of participating in such;

(1Co 6:9) Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

Now as far as your relationship with your friend that also in covered in First Corinthians;

(1Co 5:9) I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:

Thanks
RC



cow451 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 11:56:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CLM622

OK I am having a hard time with this. My friend has just been divorced, well almost they are to sign papers next week. They have been separated for over a year, he walked out to have a new life with his new girlfriend.

Now she has a boyfriend and he and his 2 children are moving from Florida to live with her and her 3 children here in Washington. They are planning to get married however not tell November 2009. They will be living as a big happy family tell then. I have issue with this. I see it as adultery. I have been searching my bible to find the definition of adultery, and is it OK for a man and woman to live together as husband and wife before being married. For some reason I can't find it in my bible. I have found a lot on the subject of adultery but not an answer to my question.

Please add bible references. Is living together before marriage adultery???

I'm willing to bet these folks understand the definition of adultery. [:D]You might throw a curve by noting the secular reasons they might reconsider. First, couples living together prior to marriage have a higher divorce rate (many cohabitators think the opposite). And, what is plan B should the relationship work out? There are few legal protections for the one that gives up the most in order to shack up. AND, why wait so long to get married? They can get married before the ink is dry on the divorce papers. It would be interesting to hear their rationalizations. Most likely they are "in love", a condition that is temporary.



CLM622 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 2:57:49 PM)

Thank you, I had not thought of it being "fornication" I was just stuck on the adultery that I already know she in committing.

reillan, I do not know how the room arrangements might be. But since they have already crossed that line of sleeping together I would say they will more then likely continue to do so when living together. But I do understand the living together in the same house without the sleeping together part and if that were the case I would only worry about the temptation of sin that they would face.

cow451, My friend wants the Big Wedding she never got the first time around and as far as I can see that is why they are waiting to be married. Both my hubby and I have told them that this situation is very fixable.

My friend and her boyfriend have been saying all along that this is in GOD's plan. The way they meet the way they have developed their relationship I will not disagree. BUT!!!! Being "together" before the divorce was final and living together before they are married IS NOT GOD'S PLAN!! She is not being a good "imitator of the church of GOD" (1 Th. 2:14) with this behavior.

She has been a very dear friend for a long time and my family and I have have been there to help her and her children through this very hard time. It has made me very sad and I have had a hard time calling her on the mat about her behavior, her sin. I have been very careful to not just pass judgement but to point out sin to a fellow believer. I have been very prayerful about what to say, how to say it and when to say it. But I still have knots in my stomach when I think about it.



rcjames -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 3:07:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CLM622
My friend and her boyfriend have been saying all along that this is in GOD's plan. The way they meet the way they have developed their relationship I will not disagree.


Well I will disagree. Having sex with anyone other than your legally wedded spouse is a no no in the eyes of God. It is sin. And God's plan is for us not to sin; his plan is not for us to sen.

It sounds as though your friend is buying the whole line being fed to her, and will accomplish nothing except distance herself from God.

Be the Christian we are all called to be and;

(Gal 6:1) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

(Gal 6:2) Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Your friend needs to know the truth and be led out of the sin filled life she has presently chosen for herself.

Thsnks
RC



cow451 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 4:15:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CLM622

My friend and her boyfriend have been saying all along that this is in GOD's plan.


Hagee says the Holocaust was in "God's plan", but that doesn't make it OK.



LoyalFriend -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 9:17:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

quote:

ORIGINAL: CLM622
My friend and her boyfriend have been saying all along that this is in GOD's plan. The way they meet the way they have developed their relationship I will not disagree.


Well I will disagree. Having sex with anyone other than your legally wedded spouse is a no no in the eyes of God. It is sin. And God's plan is for us not to sin; his plan is not for us to sen.

It sounds as though your friend is buying the whole line being fed to her, and will accomplish nothing except distance herself from God.

Be the Christian we are all called to be and;

(Gal 6:1) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

(Gal 6:2) Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Your friend needs to know the truth and be led out of the sin filled life she has presently chosen for herself.

Thsnks
RC


Pray and then talk with your friend. Share the truth with her in love.



SovereignIsHe -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 9:36:58 PM)

It's not going to change the price of gas so who really cares if they live together before they are married...

John



Roberta_ -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 9:39:28 PM)

It's a sin.



CLM622 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 10:06:57 PM)

The premarital sex is a sin but I was having a hard time finding biblical passages to back up that truth. I thought that it would fall under adultery. But could not find it. Fornication is what I needed to be looking for. (Thank you Bro_Shane for that answer)

Her other sins are just that sins. But she and I were in disagreement on the living together part of this situation. She dose not see the sin in it and I needed biblical passages to clarify for both of us.

I find myself falling into judgement and am continually stopping myself and pray before I speak to be sure that I am NOT judging her or her boyfriend. That is God's job not mine.



CLM622 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/5/2008 10:31:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

quote:

Well I will disagree. Having sex with anyone other than your legally wedded spouse is a no no in the eyes of God. It is sin. And God's plan is for us not to sin; his plan is not for us to sen.



I agree with you completely. I am sorry, apparently I did not communicate that very well with in the rambling of my last post. THEY are calling it God's plan (not me). Them meeting is the ONLY part the I am OK with. They have taken it and turned it in to sin. Then have the gall to say it is in God's plan. That is what is braking my heart.



car2ner -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/6/2008 7:58:06 AM)

All you can do is mention your concerns and let them deal with God. He is big enough to handle them. It is not your job to make this decision for them. Give them your advice and then love on them, regardless of their choice. That is all you can and should do.



SonInMe1 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/6/2008 8:12:56 AM)

Dr. Laura equates living together for the woman to being an unpaid prostitute.

I've done it. Its not a good thing. Sex blinds people to who they are with.

Fact is, what the bible says is bad...is bad and its bad 100% of the time.



Carleejoan -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/11/2008 4:11:08 PM)

I think the question to ask them along with the sin question if they are practicing Christians is do they respect each other and how will this affect their children? Whether people know it or not when they engage in fornication not waiting to be married they have less respect for each other. I know that there's a going "joke" about "will you respect me in the morning?" It's true because they've essentially ruined the "looking forward" part of the wedding night. That's all in God's plan becaue he made us to enjoy every area of how he made us. So the sexual area should sacred and special too. Just reword like that if you can so it doesn't come across judgmental and with love and concern.



cow451 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/12/2008 11:42:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SonInMe1

Dr. Laura equates living together for the woman to being an unpaid prostitute.

I've done it. Its not a good thing. Sex blinds people to who they are with.

Fact is, what the bible says is bad...is bad and its bad 100% of the time.

Dr. Laura's still steamed about not getting any Benjamins for those old internet pictures. But, she definitely has a valid point on cohabitation.



SonInMe1 -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/12/2008 8:09:23 PM)

I kinda see the esteemed Dr. as one of those women in the Corinth church Paul advised to be....quiet.

Still like many of the things she has said though.



nuclear_sidewalk -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/13/2008 5:30:18 PM)

This is true much of the time when it comes to relationship issues:

If you feel guilty about it in the first place and even feel the need to search the scriptures for clarification, it's probably sinful.

You're right on this one though, because it most definitely is wrong. Any healthy young man & woman that can live together *without* being seriously tempted to sin just might have something wrong with them. [&:]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/13/2008 11:15:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: reillan
Living together doesn't always mean sleeping together, though. Sleeping together, absolutely. Living together - Among ancient Jews it was common practice for a man and woman to begin living together one year before they got married. They were expected not to sleep together during that time - it was basically just a chance for them to get used to each other before their marriage. Granted, they probably had everyone else in the family living under the same roof! [:D]

Wow! where in the world did you get that?!?!?!?!?



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/13/2008 11:26:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe

It's not going to change the price of gas so who really cares if they live together before they are married...

John


I really hope that is a joke. If not, we could start excusing anything that way, up to murder.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/14/2008 6:58:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: reillan
quote:

quote:

Living together doesn't always mean sleeping together, though. Sleeping together, absolutely. Living together - Among ancient Jews it was common practice for a man and woman to begin living together one year before they got married. They were expected not to sleep together during that time - it was basically just a chance for them to get used to each other before their marriage. Granted, they probably had everyone else in the family living under the same roof!


Wow! where in the world did you get that?!?!?!?!?


lol. I was wondering that too.

Even if it's true, it doesn't relate to the conversation because as mentioned, *if* they "lived together" they would have had *plenty* of chaperones in the rest of the family. Not at all the same thing as getting an apartment or a house together and shacking up the modern way. [8|]



SovereignIsHe -> RE: LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE??? (6/14/2008 6:59:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

quote:

ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe

It's not going to change the price of gas so who really cares if they live together before they are married...

John


I really hope that is a joke. If not, we could start excusing anything that way, up to murder.



We excuse 3500 murderes daily... So people living together prior to marriage isn't all that big of deal... As well the truth in regards to the OP in this thread cannot be talked about so it's really pointless...

John



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