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wearyone -> money (6/6/2008 5:17:58 PM)

We are getting our check from Bush and my husband looked at me and said, "what makes you think you are entitled to this"? He paid the taxes for last year,I did not ask him to pay mine, he just went ahead and did it so now he thinks because he paid the taxes and because I'm on disability and unable to work and pay my "share" of the bills, that I am not entitled to my half of the money. I should also mention that since Dec of last year, he has been out of a job but living on money from his fathers estate.It must be substantial because he has been paying the bills and rent since then.. I give him $500. a month toward the rent and I have $500. left to pay my drs and hospital bills and buy food... I have nothing left until the next month and I will not ask him for money. We were separated for 4 months not too long ago and I feel like I made a big mistake coming back. There is a lot of other things going on but it would take a couple of pages to fit it all in... he is in counseling but he tells the counselor only what he wants him to know. He left me a note and said he did not sin against me. Then he got angry because I was in the living room watching TV... He asked if I was going to stay in there all day and watch 'His" Tv. I left the room and went into my room where I pretty much stay all day, every day, just to avoid him. I cannot discern Gods will for me.. Every thing in me wants to just leave and go my own way, get a divorce and be done with it. How does one discern Gods voice from your own will?



CatholicCritter -> RE: money (6/6/2008 6:25:46 PM)

My first problem is the arrogance and condescension that lies in the question, 'What makes you think you are entitled to this?'. Not cool. The issue isn't money, the issue is the relationship, but I think you already know that based on your post.

It sounds like some serious work on communication is in order.



amybreit -> RE: money (6/6/2008 6:48:17 PM)

Sounds like you all have some larger issues going on. Could you talk to a pastor or counselor about it - either together or just you by yourself if he won't go?

As far as the stimulus check goes. If you filed jointly, I would say you're entitled to 1/2 of it. But I'm not sure it would be the wisest thing for you to tell your husband that.



karlie -> RE: money (6/6/2008 7:25:32 PM)

Splitting a stimulus check or other division of money is the very least of what's going on here. The bigger issue is there is no pulling together as a team or working towards a common goal. It sounds more like roommates dividing up bills than husband and wife working together for the good of the home and family. The "my money/your money" mentality will lead to issues in nearly every area of marriage, not just finances.

I would say some Godly marriage counseling re-learning the concept of the "two becoming one" and the idea of a partnership would be the first thing that needs to happen. Anything else is just a bandaid fix.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: money (6/7/2008 3:45:12 AM)

quote:

The bigger issue is there is no pulling together as a team or working towards a common goal. It sounds more like roommates dividing up bills than husband and wife working together for the good of the home and family. The "my money/your money" mentality will lead to issues in nearly every area of marriage, not just finances.


I agree. There is no "mine" and "yours" in marriage. It is "ours".



car2ner -> RE: money (6/7/2008 7:26:32 AM)

Sounds like fear has crept in. The money gives him an element of control over a life that seems to be out of his control. This is hard for anyone but especially for men who want to fix things so that everything runs smoothly.

Noone on the forums can fix this and it won't be easy. This is a spiritual and maturity issue and I agree with everyone else. You husband needs another Godly guy to come along aside him and help him through this.



scottmcc1 -> RE: money (6/7/2008 8:47:35 AM)

I agree with the above advice.

I would pray to God for Him to guide you and bring peace to your heart. Philippians 4:6,7 Only after you have reached a peace and assurance that God will help you go to the next step of talking to your husband.

What I would do is approach your husband with an attitude of humility saying that you have made some mistakes and wish to make them right. Ask him how you can do this.

After you have worked on this, showing your willingness to make things right appeal to him to work together and share life and your house as husband and wife.

It is obvious that your husband is making mistakes but don't point them out. Love him and work with him as he will let you.

When worry, anger and resentment return go back to Philippians 4:6,7 and pray until God's peace and assurance that God will help you returns. Don't short circuit prayer.
This is where the power of God will change your heart comes from.

If you are not getting anywhere in prayer read the Bible more than you have been reading and look for promises from God to help you in your marriage. When you have found a promise pray over it for God to make it real in your life. If it does not become real ask God to forgive you (we always need to stay humble before God) and continue in prayer.

God will change your marriage after He changes you.

God's love will show the way.



wearyone -> RE: money (6/7/2008 2:25:59 PM)

I have been praying for 10 years and our marriage is not any better... he is a controling and manipulative person and I left him four months ago and just came back recently because I thought we could try again since he was in counseling for his issues.. Everything was ok until this recent event...I have my own account and have had it before we married because I don't trust him with money... he has proven over and over again that he doesn't handle money well. And if I were to have a joint account with him, then I would not have any money to pay my personal bills with. As it is, I have no money for gas or food so therefore, I cannot go anywhere or do anything except sit home.. He, however, is off fishing for the second day in a row.. he has gas money and food money and doesn't care if I am stuck at home day in and day out. I get my check once a month and the day I get it, I pay my bills and it's gone so I have to wait until the next month and start over again... I will never ask him for money because this is what he does... he doesn't think I'm entitled and his attitude stinks...now he's laying this divorce isn't an option thing on me and I maintain that God would not want two people to be together if it doesn't glorify Him. And this marriage does not glorify Him at all..



jaimestarcross -> RE: money (6/7/2008 4:05:36 PM)

If he will attend counseling with you and work on the problems in the marriage then there's hope that changes will occur that will benefit both of you.

You have to learn to think/act as a couple - it's not my money and his money - it's our money... even the court sees the money as belonging to both of you since you and him are married. You guys have bills to pay - and what is left over should be handled wisely - making sure there's money being saved(for the future) and money to carry you both through until the next check(s).
Sit down with a financial/debt planner/ and or someone at your bank and get something worked out that'll protect both of you from draining the bank account(have a joint account and learn to work together to manage the bills and pay debt.)

*If your husband is not willing to work things through then none of the above applies since he wouldn't be willing to resolve marital issues. What happens next is up to you



amybreit -> RE: money (6/9/2008 3:01:25 PM)

quote:

I have been praying for 10 years and our marriage is not any better... he is a controling and manipulative person and I left him four months ago and just came back recently because I thought we could try again since he was in counseling for his issues..
Is he still in counseling?



momma07 -> RE: money (6/9/2008 3:18:20 PM)

I was just wondering how come you aren't in counseling together. I am thhinking if you owed taxes then the stimulus comes in a paper check. If paper, then I would imagine you both would need to sign to cash the stimulus check. But that is just a technical issue, the bigger issue is the lack of togetherness and respect for each other.



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