Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (Full Version)

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A-Tech -> Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 1:09:49 PM)

A few weeks ago, my church did a sermon on James 4:2-3. The passage from the CEV is below:

James 4:2-3 (CEV) You want something you don't have, and you will do anything to get it. You will even kill! But you still cannot get what you want, and you won't get it by fighting and arguing. You should pray for it. Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons.

(Other translations say: When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.)

I got to thinking that perhaps that's why my constant prayers to find someone were never answered, because I was praying for selfish reasons. (Incidentally, a while back, someone else at my previous church told me that this was the reason that God isn't answering that specific prayer for me, but I just thought he was giving himself an appearance of pomposity.)

So I'm wondering if a single person prays that he/she will find someone, is it selfish? Is it possible for the desire to find someone not be selfish?



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 3:23:45 PM)

No, it is not selfish that you pray for a mate. In Genesis, God said "It is not good for man to be alone." and elsewhere he said "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." God created us to be in relationship... first with Him, then with a spouse and with others. God is not alone... he is three in one. He said "Let US make man in our own image." God worked together, not alone. So why would it be selfish for us to ask for Him to bring us someone?

The reason may be that in modern culture, we value independence, and devalue dependence. We're not "supposed" to be "dependent" upon others. But that's not the truth. We should instead value interdependence... each working together while maintaining our own identities.

Just my two cents.



clownfish -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 4:50:15 PM)

I don't believe it is selfish for the reasons stated by Grace-N-Mercy. It's up to God whether to grace that request within His timing, not ours. Though it would be a lot better if we could get some sort of clear "yes but later" answer instead of longingly wondering what answer God has for us.

Of course the best answer would be a answer such as "Here you go, and I present to you 'The One'. " as (s)he walks into your life at that moment.



BugLady -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 5:28:16 PM)

quote:

So I'm wondering if a single person prays that he/she will find someone, is it selfish?


I think it's rather normal for Christians to pray for what we want... to be blessed, etc. I probably don't know a single Christian, myself included, whose prayers, in general, have not been selfish to an extent. And I don't think anyone can necessarily tell you why the Lord hasn't answered your prayers. The reason is likely just between you and the Lord...

quote:

Is it possible for the desire to find someone not be selfish?


Yes, it is.



vikingfan -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 8:01:46 PM)

Agreed. I would also submit the example of Hannah who prayed desperately for a son and God gave her one.

The key is to give our desires to God, especially those we cannot control. (easier said than done!)



eternallyfree_2007 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 9:14:03 PM)

no I don't think it is selfish. I have said the same prayers. But you have to trus t that God will bring the right person to you and just wait on the Lord. Is 40:31 " They that wait upon the Lord will mount up with wings as eagles and soar..." When God brings you that person it will be unbelievable. James 1:6 "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."



BlessedAngel1983 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 9:17:17 PM)

Psalm 37 has some good insight on things too.

I will admit that I pray. I pray an open-ended prayer though. I pray for God's will to be done in my life. That things come when He is ready, not me.



woodwind228 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/8/2008 10:37:07 PM)

I don't think it's selfish either. If it's God's will, he'll give you a spouse in His perfect timing.

PS I don't think someone else can tell you why God is or is not answering your prayer right now. They're not God. God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. So for someone else to say that to you, IMO, is not godly advice at all. What do they know?



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 7:14:00 AM)

There's also another scripture that says "You have not, because you ask not." God gives us desires and He wants to hear us talk to him about them. I don't think he expects all of our prayers to be altruistic. He knows our hearts already...it would be selfish of us NOT to pray...



rcudawg -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 7:46:18 AM)

The first time I got married, I was repeatedly praying for a wife. At that time, I was seeking a close relationship with God. However, with a lot of people that I knew already married or getting married, my focus was on wanting to be in love, wanting to be married, etc. For me, looking back now, I realized I had made an idol out of getting married. All of it boiled down to me wanting to be married and at least have a kid on the way by the time I was 30 (I was about 27 at the time). So, when I found someone that seemed to be a very good match, I jumped on the opportunity. I also ignored a lot of feedback from some friends and family, as well as using the training that I had received concerning proper steps in getting married (premarital counseling, not having premarital sex, etc.). Needless to say, I really got burned. (My situation was parallel to Israel asking God for a king in 1 Samuel.)

While I was deployed to Iraq in 2006-07, I had been divorced for several years and was finally moving on in my life. Although I still really wanted to be married and have a family (a desire I've had since I was a kid or teenager), my focus was on deepening my relationship with God and doing my duties in Iraq. A few months into my deployment, God guided Sharon and I together. Although both of us were hoping to eventually get married, neither of us were focusing on that right then and there. Now? We'll be getting married in August.

Long story short... You can ask for something good for totally selfish reasons (I want to be married now, like everyone else I know, for example). Been there, done that... Or, you can ask for good things for the right reasons. I believe one of the key issues is "why" we are asking for something. Is just so that we can be like others we know? Or, is it so that we can better serve God with all that He calls us to be and do?

Just my thinking/experience...

RC



teaspoon61 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 10:42:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: woodwind228

I don't think it's selfish either. If it's God's will, he'll give you a spouse in His perfect timing.

PS I don't think someone else can tell you why God is or is not answering your prayer right now. They're not God. God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. So for someone else to say that to you, IMO, is not godly advice at all. What do they know?


Excellent!



teaspoon61 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 11:25:27 AM)

When I was originally looking at this thread the following song was on the radio. It's by Martina McBride. I think the chorus is fitting, not only for this discussion but for all of our prayers.

Anyway lyrics

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Somethin' from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

[chorus]
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't alway turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy and it's hard to beleive
That tomarrow will be better than today
Beleive it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
An in a moment they can choose to walk away
love 'em anyway

You can pour your soal out singin a song u believe in
but tomorow they will forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway!
Yeah I sing, I dream, I love anyway!


We cannot control the outcome of our prayers, but in faith we can expect great things.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 11:27:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcudawg

The first time I got married, I was repeatedly praying for a wife. At that time, I was seeking a close relationship with God. However, with a lot of people that I knew already married or getting married, my focus was on wanting to be in love, wanting to be married, etc. For me, looking back now, I realized I had made an idol out of getting married. All of it boiled down to me wanting to be married and at least have a kid on the way by the time I was 30 (I was about 27 at the time). So, when I found someone that seemed to be a very good match, I jumped on the opportunity. I also ignored a lot of feedback from some friends and family, as well as using the training that I had received concerning proper steps in getting married (premarital counseling, not having premarital sex, etc.). Needless to say, I really got burned. (My situation was parallel to Israel asking God for a king in 1 Samuel.)

While I was deployed to Iraq in 2006-07, I had been divorced for several years and was finally moving on in my life. Although I still really wanted to be married and have a family (a desire I've had since I was a kid or teenager), my focus was on deepening my relationship with God and doing my duties in Iraq. A few months into my deployment, God guided Sharon and I together. Although both of us were hoping to eventually get married, neither of us were focusing on that right then and there. Now? We'll be getting married in August.

Long story short... You can ask for something good for totally selfish reasons (I want to be married now, like everyone else I know, for example). Been there, done that... Or, you can ask for good things for the right reasons. I believe one of the key issues is "why" we are asking for something. Is just so that we can be like others we know? Or, is it so that we can better serve God with all that He calls us to be and do?

Just my thinking/experience...

RC

This is very similar to my story, expect I'm not marrying Sharon in August. [;)]

I would like to hope I am wiser now and more focused on God but sometimes I wonder if He's waiting for the lightbulb to go off. I wonder if He's waiting for me to acquire some type of wisdom that I lack where He can say, "Now you get it...so my daughter, it is time."

Even if He's not as long as I am still strengthening my relationship with Him, and focus on Him and not my desires, I'm still ahead of the game.



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 11:37:51 AM)

I love that song. Had it as a ringtone for a while.



KuKu -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 3:17:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: A-Tech
So I'm wondering if a single person prays that he/she will find someone, is it selfish? Is it possible for the desire to find someone not be selfish?


I don't see it as selfish, but humble. We pray for forgiveness for our sins, not because God doesn't know, but because he knows we need to express it to help ourselves. God knows the desires of our hearts in this area as well, but he likes to hear us admit and acknowledge them... He does hear us, and he responds according to His plans for 'our lives'.

A non-selfish reason to desire a spouse- I am a missionary (on deputation as I plan a field change) and there are many, many, many occasions where a spouse would be a helpful. I love my life as a single missionary, but must limit opportunities to minister to men as I have no male partner to minister to them directly...

I am sure there are other reasons as well, but I'm a little GT fried, so I'll let others think of them ;)



Prairiehiker -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/9/2008 10:56:22 PM)

I think as I mature in my faith, I get to be as downright real with God as possible. My faith journey has brought me to a place where I talk to God about everything. I mean, everything. Every concern, every issue, every worries, desires, wants, praises, thanksgiving. Anything at all the comes to mind, I pray or talk to God and ask Him what He thinks about those wishes and thanksgivings. And you know what, I think He can handle those wishes. He will not always provide them, but He will always provide a way to deal with our disappointments that actually deepens our faith when He doesn't grant our desires.



rcudawg -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/10/2008 12:40:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_


This is very similar to my story, expect I'm not marrying Sharon in August. [;)]


Ahhh... Is there something I need to know about?? [8D][8D]

quote:


I would like to hope I am wiser now and more focused on God but sometimes I wonder if He's waiting for the lightbulb to go off. I wonder if He's waiting for me to acquire some type of wisdom that I lack where He can say, "Now you get it...so my daughter, it is time."

Even if He's not as long as I am still strengthening my relationship with Him, and focus on Him and not my desires, I'm still ahead of the game.


Seriously, though... Sometimes, it's not so much as a 'light bulb going off' as being where you are in your life where He wants to bring a help-mate into your life. There may be a lot of things that He wants you to do as a single person rather than married (or could only do effectively as a single person). And, once you have accomplished those, then He will bring the two together. Or, maybe there are a number of things that God wants to accomplish through your help-mate that can only really be effectively done while he's single.

A lot of things are possible.

RC



Mrs.Dawgfan -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/10/2008 2:28:55 AM)

I really don't see how desiring to be with someone would be considered selfish.

I do though think that we can get into the idea of having a mate so much that it becomes like an idol and a prize. Whether it's wanting love or giving it, there is an extreme side to the spectrum. I also feel that prayer for a mate should not always be the most central source of our prayers. That can cause to wait and wait and wait and make just a few days feel like months. It's possible to be trying so hard that you actually miss an opportunity for a great relationship.



John_O -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/10/2008 10:51:35 AM)

God created marriage. Is it selfish to ask that God's will be done? I don't think so.



Mrs.Dawgfan -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/10/2008 2:44:28 PM)

Yup, G-d did create marriage.

If it wasn't for man's fall though, the true essence of marriage would still be intact.

I thought about this more and while wanting a mate is not selfish, there are selfish reasons that exist in terms of why we want to get married.



Cloak -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/10/2008 10:17:26 PM)

No it is not selfish. As a matter of fact, God created us for community, friendship and connection with one another. When He created Adam, He created another woman for him for company. God could have created another man; but since He is our Creator and knows about our nature and needs, He created Eve.



makarizo -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/13/2008 7:10:00 PM)

quote:

Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone?


it is selfish (and foolish) to NOT pray that you will find someone if that is what is in your heart.
God already knows anyway!!.... read Psalm 139!!!

Mat 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Mat 7:8 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
Mat 7:9 "Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?
Mat 7:10 "Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?
Mat 7:11 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!



cammo2006 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/13/2008 8:10:40 PM)

I think it depends on your motivation in prayer. If your motivation is "I NEED somebody, NOW!" then I'd say that probably is selfish. But if your prayer is "Lord, you know I would love to be married one day." with the ultimate idea of the partner building into you, and you building into them, and both of you working towards building His Kingdom, then I don't think it's selfish.

I have longed for a relationship myself, but I know that if I try to force anything, it simply won't work (I tried this once and it almost ended in a real disaster -- lesson learned!).

I recognise personally, that I do not have the emotional maturity yet for a relationship (at least I don't think so). I don't know how long that will take to get to completion, though I do feel closer than I've ever been. I also need more spiritual maturity before I consider a relationship, and that could take a while...



FLYINGFISH -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/26/2008 1:45:03 AM)

It depends on your intention. Acutally I am still waiting. Once I prayed for a mate to hang out and I didn't feel lonely. Recently, Father just teaches me that Love means sacrifising and I should be the channel carrying God's blessings to him; I should coompany him grow up in faith, and I myself witness God's work in his and my life... vice versa.



ebony101 -> RE: Is it selfish to pray that you will find someone? (6/28/2008 8:59:52 AM)

No it is not selfish at all. Despite the reasons that you pray. You have to admit that when you pray for God's help in locating your future mate you are really desiring human companionship, etc. I think the furthest thing from your mind would be to further the kingdom. Singles do tend to feel lonely (yeah, yeah married people feel lonely too, but let's stay real here). Sometimes depending on you alone is hard. Of course there are benefits to being single [:D]. However, God did say "it is not good for man to be alone". In that context, I can't see how praying for you and your future spouse can ever be selfish.

I think the really tough thing is waiting on God's timing. His timing is perfect, we need to be patient.

Now, I know that some people are called to be single... but that's another thread. [;)]



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