What do I tell my cousin? (Full Version)

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csl7037 -> What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 7:53:58 AM)

He's in such a mess right now and has an appointment today to talk to an attorney about bankruptcy. I listen to Dave Ramsey enough to know that's just going to make a bigger mess of his finances for a long long time to come. Dh and I certainly don't have our act together but I did just buy him tickets to see Dave Ramsey for Father's Day - hoping to get us on the same page and get ourselves on track. But my cousin's problems are all coming to a head and I'm really worried about him.

He's just completely hopeless. He's struggling with drug problems, in and out of rehab, fighting with his parents (lots of issues there) and in and out of ridiculous (and costly) relationships. He just seems to have no sense whatsoever. He's 28 years old. He's really got to get his life together!!

I just don't know what to tell him. I don't hold out great hope that there's much I can say that'll get through all the garbage (fear, drugs, current girlfriend) clouding his mind right now. He wants to take a buy out package from his current job and get trained to drive trucks - drive a truck, are you kidding me!?!?! For so many reasons, that's just a ridiculous idea. What's he thinking? Is there anything I can say or do? How do you stop someone who seems bent on self-destruction?



Miss Giggles -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 7:56:01 AM)

Driving a truck is a good job but he won't get hired or keep it if he is on drugs.

There isn't a lot you can do, but if he hits bottom you can help to get him to rehab. That's it and pray for him.



csl7037 -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 8:25:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss Giggles

Driving a truck is a good job but he won't get hired or keep it if he is on drugs.


Yea, there's that! He's just not thought this through at all. Plus, his personality, I just can't see him doing something that requires spending that much time alone on the road. And gas prices being what they are right now. And, of course, as soon as he does something stupid, he's fired! The only reason he's kept his UAW job this long is because his union rep went to bat for him only because of his relationship with his dad. Lots of people have bent over backwards to help him and he's just blown it. I don't understand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss Giggles
There isn't a lot you can do, but if he hits bottom you can help to get him to rehab. That's it and pray for him.


He's done rehab a couple of times. Doesn't sound like it was much of a program and he was able to just check himself in and out. I do think the only thing that can turn this around is God intervening in something like a Damascus Road type experience. Something at some point has got to get his attention! It's probably a good thing I'm 1000 miles away or I'd be wanting to help God out by going over and smacking him in the head. God hasn't told me to go do that yet.



fist.sensei -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 9:20:15 AM)

People have to be ready to get their stuff together. It sounds like he isn't.

If he is having such problems, is there not a way to get involuntary commitment papers on him and get him into an in-house rehab facility?

What kind of drugs is he on?



redeemedsaint -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 9:34:53 AM)

You may not be able to help him until he hits rock bottom. He has to learn from his own mistakes and it sounds like he is not ready. Be there for him when that time comes and pray for him.



APZR -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 10:25:06 AM)

People need to quit going up to bat for him. Like others have said, he's got want to change, and he won't do that until he hits rock bottom. Pray... that's all you can do.



Row1 -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/9/2008 5:15:03 PM)

quote:

How do you stop someone who seems bent on self-destruction?


Attend a few Al-Anon meetings and ask the people there. You will get a good answer.



lightshineon -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/11/2008 9:43:24 AM)

It is strange when your spiritual life is messed up, everything is messed up. I am not saying we Christians do not have trials, we do for sure, even in the finacial area. Your cousion needs Jesus, then with Christ help, the other things will start to come togather. Though maybe not right away. Jesus is our only hope.



pbaribeault -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/12/2008 4:59:05 PM)

quote:

Lots of people have bent over backwards to help him and he's just blown it. I don't understand.

My guess is that he's come to believe that people helping him out is pretty much the normal way life goes, and that if he blows it again, no big deal, someone will come along to bail him out. It's 'nice' to have 'nice' family members who 'care' enough to 'help' you keep doing whatever you want with no real consequences.



TonyRush -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/16/2008 3:33:52 PM)

It's my experience (and observation) that you can't "treat" someone for financial difficulty.

Either he is willing to learn how to solve his own problems or he's not. And if he's not, then there's really nothing you can do for him.

Tony



PrincessDonna -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/17/2008 11:34:18 AM)

His finances are not the problem. The drugs are. My brother is in a similar boat.

People need to quit protecting him from the consequences of his actions. He needs to pay a price, in some way, hit bottom, and meet Jesus there.

Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. It is probably all you can really do.



notmycity -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/17/2008 3:53:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: csl7037
How do you stop someone who seems bent on self-destruction?


Watch the last 15 minutes of “Intervention” on A&E. If he doesn’t seek help on his own, a no-nonsense intervention is the only option.



seagullplayer -> RE: What do I tell my cousin? (6/18/2008 10:01:32 AM)

He needs Jesus.

People have to stop bailing him out and let him sink, he may have to hit bottom hard to see what he is doing, and then he may not see it.

He will not change because others want him to, he will only change when he wants to. Pray.

In the mean time, you and your husband can live your life to be an example to him. Did I mention pray?...



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