I need advice please (Full Version)

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jckm -> I need advice please (6/9/2008 10:57:10 AM)

I have been reading the posts here for a week or so and I feel like if I can get good advice anywhere, this is probly the place!

I am just a baby Christian, (my re-birthday was in march of this year) and I am struggling with a few things. First, I have always been one of those people that, when I decide to do or learn something, I go at it relentlessly until I do or learn it. In other words, I want it as quickly as possible! I know that growing in my relationship with God isn't going to be a quick thing- I have a lot to learn. I just have times when I get so frustrated because I am used to being able to set the pace for my learning and I am not in control of it this time.

There are also times when I start having so many doubts. This may sound crazy, but I have even wondered if my faith is real. I want so much to have a relationship with God and most of the time I feel like I am just an acquaintance.

One other issue is my husband. He has no problem with my new life, He is very supportive and happy for me. We have talked a lot and he says he wants to "get to where I am". He said he wanted to start reading the Bible, so a wonderful friend of mine bought him one and he has been reading almost daily. He says he just doesn't feel like he is ready to "take that step" yet and give his life to the Lord. I know that it is not my decision but I honestly don't understand how he can say that he wants it, but he's not ready? We have talked about it and he just can't figure out how to explain it to me, because he said he doesn't understand it either.

Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. I would especially like to hear a mans point of view as far as my husband goes, because I know men and women look at things a lot differently.

CJ



Liveloved -> RE: I need advice please (6/9/2008 11:09:50 AM)

quote:

Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. I would especially like to hear a mans point of view as far as my husband goes, because I know men and women look at things a lot differently.


My counsel to you would be to take your eyes off of your spouse and fix them on Jesus. Passionately pursue a relationship with Him and God will do the rest.

Many years ago the Lord drew me into a place of closer and closer fellowship with Him. It began with Bible Study Fellowship. And as the Lord began working in my life, my husband saw what was taking place and God used that to draw him to Himself.

This was years in process and the Lord put blinders on me. I was oblivious to what was going on with my spouse.

When we moved and began going to a different church, they had a Bible study and my husband decided that he wanted to take it. Little did he (or I) know what God had in store for him. But from the Bible study, God has led my husband into an intimate relationship with Him. My husband has led a Bible study in our home now for ten years in which people from 5 or 6 different churches participate.

Ask God to do His work in you and your husband but don't focus on that. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Love Him with all of your being and He will accomplish all concerning you. That is His promise and He is faithful. Bless you![:)]

Edited to correct spelling



mvic -> RE: I need advice please (6/9/2008 1:01:08 PM)

Hi jckm,

Welcome to the Forum.

You said you wanted a man's point of view - well here it is: although I doubt this man is very wise. So get other views too.

First about you: A relationship with God is not a magic wand. One wave of the wand and hey presto - you're a super Christian. It isn't like that. Like all relationships it takes time. There will be doubts - oh boy there will be doubts. You will ask yourself if this is all real. Does God really exist or is every Christian just walking blindly in a trance as if hypnotised.

This is the devil working. He is trying to get you off-track and lead you astray from God. When this happens pray to God. In your own words tell Him what is happening and seek His help. He will not let you down.

If you haven't yet done so: join a church and a Bible Study group for help and support as you grow to know and love the Lord.

Now about your husband: I'm sure that you've already been told that men can be a bit stubborn; (except me of course !!! ?).

As advised already, I suggest you take your eyes off your husband and concentrate on the Lord. Let God work on your husband in His own time and at His own pace. Pray for your husband and leave God to do the rest. Don't rush Him - God takes His time.

Some men want to be really sure before they make a decision. Invite your husband to church/Bible Study. Don't insist or overdo it. I know if I were to be continually badgerred/pestered to go in one direction I'd choose the opposite. In time, if it is God's will, (not yours), your husband too will decide to get to know the Lord.

God bless.



jckm -> RE: I need advice please (6/9/2008 6:05:58 PM)

Thank you Liveloved and mvic--you have both made me realize that I need to re-focus.

mvic,
you were talking about doubts--I've had every thought you mentioned go through my head at least once. I know in my heart that its the devil messing with me but its so hard sometimes to make my head believe it.
You also talked about not pestering my husband--He and I have talked about that. I want so much for him to experience what I have experienced these last few months and it is hard for me to not go on and on about it to him because we have always talked about everything. So we made a deal that I will talk and if he feels like I am being pushy, he will tell me. We haven't had a problem yet!

Thank you both again!
CJ



galadriel2 -> RE: I need advice please (6/9/2008 6:36:47 PM)

Well, jckm, I am a woman, so you can take that into account. I have gone through a similar thing that you are going through with the growth and use to being in control. I paint paintings and I could pretty much crank out exactly what I wanted to everytime I did a piece. When I got saved I found that my Christian living was very different and I was and still am aware of so much failure in keeping in step with God's Spirit, sin in my life, etc.. It has been an adjustment to get use to how fluid the Christian life is and how imperfect my Christian living is in comparison with paintings I would make. That the Spirit is just how Jesus says in John chapter 3 - wind that blows and we see the effect of it in the trees and grass moving, but that is it. The Lord has His own agenda. We need to be aware of what He is pressuring us to do; learn what He is like; be aware of His loving presence inside us guiding us, influencing us, etc.. Praise God for your love and zeal for Him. Signs of salvation are a desire to be close to Jesus Christ as He is in the Bible and in reality - both God and man. Enjoying being with God's people who are walking with God is another sign of salvation. A hunger for God's word indicates life. Crying out to God as Father and not cringing before Him as condemning judge is another sign of salvation. Loving Christ because you see and taste in your spirit (so to speak) that He is lovingly and good and kind is yet another sign that Christ dwells in you and you in Him. Hating sin because it offends Christ is another sign. An increased awareness of one's own sin is also a surprising sign of salvation. Sometimes this new awareness can change into doubting our salvation, but awareness of one's own sin shows that you have some life in you - the spiritual life of Christ. Another sign is an awareness of Christ's Spirit dwelling in you pressuring you to do acts of love for God's glory. Christianity isn't something that you decide to take up. It is something that happens to you. It is God acting into the world, into people's hearts, spirits, and minds - convincing people of their sin, leading them to know, follow, fellowship with, and trust His Son.

As far as hubby, sounds like you have a good relationship. I will leave my comments to that.

God bless muchly,
Galadriel2



mvic -> RE: I need advice please (6/9/2008 7:46:32 PM)

Hi again jckm,

I'm afraid doubts will continue - even after many years of being a Christian I still get doubts sometimes. The closer we get to God the harder the devil works to get us away from Him. Prayers are the answer.

Best wishes.



BibleL7 -> RE: I need advice please (6/10/2008 6:26:41 AM)

The frustration you are feeling is normal. Accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior is an act you do once the forever after. We are raised to get things right away our culture is geared to that very much however the Lord has a different way. Continue reading and studying the Bible and you will find in the epistles of James and Peter that we are promised trials and tribulations and temptations, which of course we many times would prefer to do without. But you will see that they produce in us patience or long suffering, yea i know this is contrary to some popular preachers but following the Lord is not a matter of popularity. We learn that He has way different timing than we do. We learn to wait on Him, we learn to trust in Him, we learn to love Him and Praise Him. Yes all things of Him we need to learn for they are contrary to what the world teaches us. Learning is a process which takes time. Many times we think we should get it right away but the Lord says wait or that is not what I have for you so we learn His way. Following Christ is never easy but well worth it. You will also find advice in the Scriptures that wives should submit to husband and witness to him by your chaste life. Pray for him often and make the priority when praying for him to strengthen your relationship with the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you with your attitude and actions that you may be a better witness to your husband. The agreement you made with your hubby is great start. Remember this that conforming to a way of living that you will have for eternity is not something that can happen quickly. You will spend years coming to get to know the Lord, Lord willing. As a Christian of about 10 years now I am still learning and being molded and shaped and I have been a preacher for the past 2 years. See even preachers still learn more and more as time goes on. And if my example seems strange I will tell you that I just spent about 5 hours talking to my pastor who has been Christian many years and a Pastor for the last 12 years and he is still learning about God so dont worry about it taking a while. As for the mans perspective I will say dont look for reasons he has not decided yet. Just a tiny secret its not a man and woman thing necessarily as an individual thing. Each person drawn to the Lord comes to know Him in a different way and timing than anyone else. The Lord made us all different and our relationship with Him is just as different. Though it is true that many times us men will take a longer time to decide on this we do tend to have a different way of seeing relationships and that is part of it. So dont worry about it just keep loving your husband, and loving the Lord and keep praying for your husband. Whenever you start getting the feeling of frustration about your husband not deciding yet give that over to the Lord and leave it with the Lord. We are to cast our cares upon Him and when we do that we are not to try to reclaim them. The Word says to wait on the Lord so wait. I know its not easy but it is well worth it. Hope this helps a little.

BTW welcome to the family and welcome to the forums glad you came in.



jckm -> RE: I need advice please (6/10/2008 9:21:22 AM)

galadriel2,
Thank you so much for your response--I was in tears by the time I was done reading because so many of the things you said made me see that there is no truth in my doubts. It made me laugh too because I also paint and i had to wonder-is there a connection between being artistic and having some control issues?![:D]
What you said about Christianity being something that happens to you is so true -- it happened to me almost before I realized what was going on! It definitely wasn't something that I planned.....It was all His doing.
Thanks again!
CJ



jckm -> RE: I need advice please (6/10/2008 9:39:52 AM)

BibleL7,
Thank you for the advice--a lot of the things you said made me think.
You mentioned the books of James and Peter and I had to smile about what you said because one of the first I read was 1Peter and 1:6-9 were the first verses that really made me feel that God was with me.
CJ



iamjc-s -> RE: I need advice please (6/10/2008 9:43:10 AM)

quote:

One other issue is my husband. He has no problem with my new life, He is very supportive and happy for me. We have talked a lot and he says he wants to "get to where I am". He said he wanted to start reading the Bible, so a wonderful friend of mine bought him one and he has been reading almost daily. He says he just doesn't feel like he is ready to "take that step" yet and give his life to the Lord. I know that it is not my decision but I honestly don't understand how he can say that he wants it, but he's not ready? We have talked about it and he just can't figure out how to explain it to me, because he said he doesn't understand it either.


I don't know if this is the case with your husband, but I've met some people who have certain questions they need answered before they take that first big step toward Christ.
-



jckm -> RE: I need advice please (6/10/2008 9:48:20 AM)

iamjc-s,
My husband has actually said something like that. He said that he feels like there is something he has to figure out first but even he isn't sure what that is. I just keep praying that God will show him what it is.
CJ



_CANCELLED_ -> RE: I need advice please (6/15/2008 12:27:14 AM)

When I became a Christian at the age of 30, I wanted so much for my husband to follow me. No, let me rephrase that. I wanted to drag him with me. But right from the start I felt very close to God and felt I knew when he was speaking to me. He told me to cool it, just do what I'm doing, don't even ask him to come to church with the kids and me. So I didn't. Three months later we were getting ready for church. It was Easter Sunday. My husband was looking at me as if he wanted to say something. I asked him if everything was ok. He just looked a little lost and said, "I want to go too", as if I were trying to keep him from going. LOL Inside I was leaping for joy but I played it cool. He went with us and that day, we were having a potlatch, which I didn't mention to my husband. We sat down at a table after the service and the pastor and his wife came and sat beside us. They made my husband feel so welcome. He went every Sunday after that.

What I'm showing you here is to relax, go about your 'relationship' with God. When your husband sees the changes it's making in you, he will follow. At first I was reluctant to give control of my life to the Lord. I didnt' want to miss out on all that fun I used to have. But the closer I became to Him, the less I wanted that past life. It was getting in the way of my 'relationship' with Him and I soon ditched it, happily. It will happen. [:)]



Nicole21 -> RE: I need advice please (6/16/2008 12:21:43 AM)

Hello I am also what you would call a baby christain I have been devoting my life fully to Christ for over a year now and my husband isn't exactly on the same page as myself. He grew up in the church his mom was always teaching her kids about Jesus and at one point in his life he was on fire for Christ. Then as he got into his late teens when we first met he fell away from Jesus' teaching and was sucked into worldly pleausures as was I we were as I call them "fake christains". We said we were christains but we didn't walk the walk. And now that I have devoted my life to Chirst he has a problem with it mostly because he feels conviction and then comdemnation and says that way instead of starting new. If your husband reads the bible that is a good start Jesus says my word will not return void. Jesus knows his heart and knows what scripture to bring to his mind to get him to feel conviction. Sometimes people feel like devoting your life to Chirst is like too big of a decision to make right away they need time to think about it. Well you may want to explain to him that if he waits to long it might be too late. Now don't badger him with it just have a good talk with him about your feelings.



indigoblue2008 -> RE: I need advice please (6/16/2008 8:21:29 AM)

Greetings!!!

Great question!! You're among friends here!!

Frist, Welcome new sister in the Lord!!! We rejoice in your decision to follow Jesus Christ. You have made the greatest decision you will EVER make.

You are doing the right thing in studying Gods Word, surrounding yourself in a Believers support network and seeking the face of God. All essential in getting to know the Lord.
I'll echo what others have mentioned, that is, the adversary (devil) will do ANYTHING to make you stumble in your relationship with God. The adversary will throw doubt at you constantly in an effort to confuse you.

Please remember sister, anything that causes doubt, confusion, rage, etc, etc is of the adversary. It is customery for the adversary to get new beleivers in Jesus Christ to doubt their salvation, so don't buy into the lie. You're salvation in Jesus Christ is secure. Our responsibility as beleivers is to follow/run after the Lord.

I highly reccomend that as a new believer in Jesus Christ, that you read the books "The Pursuit of Holiness, and the Practice of Godliness...both books are written by Jerry Bridges of the Naviagtors.

I suggest that you read the Pursuit of Holiness first, as it deals with who we used to be outside of Christ (old sin habits and thoughts) and how to deal with them from a Christian perspective........Incrediably helpful.

Then read the Practice of Godliness next. This books details what your relationship with the Lord should look like and how to deal with chanbing your thinking as a sinner to that of a believer in Jesus Christ. ALL contents of the book are taken from Scripture and the abundant expereinces of some of the greatest followers of Jesus Christ.

Reagrding advice with your husband. Just love him. What that means is, Love him into the Kingdom of Christ. Ignoring him will not work and only jepordizes your witness to him.

First and foremost though, is YOUR relationship with Christ.
Ask the Holy Spirit to help you as you get to know Him (the Holy Spirit). Ask Him to show you what your husband needs during this time. Remember, the adversary is going to attempt to throw you off-track anyway he can. So stand your ground with what you know to be true in Christ.

The greatest witness you have to your husband is your Love for Christ and for him. Please don't ignore your husband, as this will only allienate him and put a wedge between you and him. Rather, include him in what you are learning.......share your excitement in what the Holy Spirit is sharing in your life and the changes in your thinking.

The truth is, that my precious believing wife is the one who because of her beautiful walk with the Lord, lead me to Jesus. My wife Wanda is an OAK in the Lord, she showed me, through her life and responses to others, what a Christian really looks like. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ for sending me my precious, precious wife. Without her witness, I would be lost.

Everything will be fine sister, as long as you stay focused on the Lord. The Lord is FAITHFUL, never, ever doubt that.



thedivabrat -> RE: I need advice please (6/16/2008 7:10:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mvic

Hi again jckm,

I'm afraid doubts will continue - even after many years of being a Christian I still get doubts sometimes. The closer we get to God the harder the devil works to get us away from Him. Prayers are the answer.

Best wishes.

Amen to that!



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