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29redballoons -> Overprotective... (6/10/2008 6:47:54 AM)

Okay, I KNOW I am over protective by many in this world's standards...so we do not need to debate that. My question is, would you be upset?
My dd is at youth camp this week. First time away from home this long, yes, she is 17. I asked before I said she could go, will she have her cell phone? The director said yes, because she is a counselor, she will have her phone. We said she could go. She called us the first night and said they were making her lock up her phone and she would not be allowed to keep it...so for the first time in 17 years, I went to bed last night without speaking with my child all day. I am devastated, would you be, or do you think I am ridiculous?



Brandy -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 6:57:04 AM)

I think the director needs to be asked about the issue simply to clarify what happened.

I also think you need to drink some chamomile tea before bed and not worry so much. She's 17. At camp. If there is an emergency they will contact you.



lexie -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 7:08:42 AM)

I don't think you're being ridiculous for being devastated about not talking to your daughter. I'd probably feel the same way if this was the first time I'd gone a day without speaking to my daughter.

Remember, since she is 17 now, there may come more and more times where she will be unable to call you (travelling, she has moved, etc) every day. Try to get through this as best you can, and remember that you have most likely instilled enough good sense in her that everything will be ok.[;)]



Sideways -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 7:10:01 AM)

Have faith in yourself that you've raised a competent young adult who can handle most situations, and yes, they will call you in an emergency.

After all, 17 is only 1 year away from going off to college. Or will you not be allowing her to attend university away from home? When I was at university, my parents lived in England and I was in the USA. We couldn't speak every day, and I was to busy to email every day, but we are still very, very close.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 11:33:44 AM)

(((((Tonya)))))....are you being ridiculous, well of course you are, but that's your right since you are her mother!!!! Esp since you asked before she went and they said she would have it!!! It is a bit off putting that they changed their minds without letting you have the opportunity to wrap your brain around that change until she was gone...so I can fully understand your being so emotional. It's ok though...she will live, and you will live, through this whole week.



EmilyAnn -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 12:27:42 PM)

I called my mom every day when I was "away" at college. I was only 45 minutes away so I came home every weekend, but I was still away. I called my mom every night any time I was on a youth group trip or anything without my family. When I was 18 I spent the summer in FL working as a nanny and I called my mom every day. I am pretty sure I talked to my mom every day until I got married at 19 (almost 20.) Now that I am married I live 7 minutes away from her and still see her often and I call her (or she calls me) 3-4 times a week. I am very close to my mom. I would be upset if I was told I could have my cell phone and then they took it and locked it up.



Kat_D -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 12:32:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons

Okay, I KNOW I am over protective by many in this world's standards...so we do not need to debate that. My question is, would you be upset?
My dd is at youth camp this week. First time away from home this long, yes, she is 17. I asked before I said she could go, will she have her cell phone? The director said yes, because she is a counselor, she will have her phone. We said she could go. She called us the first night and said they were making her lock up her phone and she would not be allowed to keep it...so for the first time in 17 years, I went to bed last night without speaking with my child all day. I am devastated, would you be, or do you think I am ridiculous?


From one over-protective mother to another: I'm wit chu...No, I really mean it...I'm WIT CHU!!![sm=s201.gif]

Edited to add the "chu" I left off.



csl7037 -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 12:39:07 PM)

If she was 12, I'd say no. But since she's 17, I think maybe you both need this. Sorry. I consider myself overprotective. Most of my friends are sending their nine year olds away to camp for four days this summer. That blows my mind. But at 17, she's fine. I'd be a little annoyed since you asked specifically if she'd have her phone. But as long as she has access to a phone and you can be reached in an emergency, let her enjoy it.



pbaribeault -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 12:45:55 PM)

quote:

I'd be a little annoyed since you asked specifically if she'd have her phone. But as long as she has access to a phone and you can be reached in an emergency, let her enjoy it.

I'm in this school of thought. It's too bad about the miscommunication and/or change in policy, but there is no reason to be 'devastated' by going 24 hours without a chat.

(I don't mean that your emotions are not real, or that you should supress them and/or be ashamed of them... just that they are emotions, and do not accurately reflect reality.)

You probably both need this experience of space and separation (even though it is hard).



2shaye -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 12:51:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pbaribeault

quote:

I'd be a little annoyed since you asked specifically if she'd have her phone. But as long as she has access to a phone and you can be reached in an emergency, let her enjoy it.

I'm in this school of thought. It's too bad about the miscommunication and/or change in policy, but there is no reason to be 'devastated' by going 24 hours without a chat.

(I don't mean that your emotions are not real, or that you should supress them and/or be ashamed of them... just that they are emotions, and do not accurately reflect reality.)

You probably both need this experience of space and separation (even though it is hard).

I agree. If she were 10, then maybe I'd be a little upset. But 17? She needs to know she can grow up and be her own woman - even if it's just for a few days at a time.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 1:10:23 PM)

Yeah, I think she'll be okay. I'm sure if she needed to talk to you for any reason, they'd let her make a call. My 11 year old got back Sunday from a camp and I hadn't seen him or talked to him since Thursday evening, and we experienced flooding and tornado warnings while he was gone, too. I knew that his Royal Ranger Commander would take care of him, though, so I wasn't worried, even though I did miss him.



29redballoons -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 2:00:50 PM)

Thank you all for your replies. I have no comments other than I am still upset, jusitfied or not...I don't like it and I really feel like I was lied to. But I am glad that no one has suggested that I be locked up in a looney bin as of yet. I am still pretty much devastated though, but I haven't sent the sheriff and I haven't gone and gotten her, so I am surviving. [;)]



Sideways -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 2:31:50 PM)

Yes, I agree that going to get her would be a very bad thing. [;)] It might give you some peace to call the camp director to ask about the cell phone issue.

Is she going away to college this year or next (assuming she'll be attending)? Maybe this is good practice for you both. But you have a right to your feelings, of course. I'm sure it's never easy to let go.



thisistheday -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 3:10:15 PM)

I agree that it might be good to call and find out why you were told one thing and then something else happened. Would you have not let her go if you'd have know she wouldn't have her cell phone?

My 17yo is counseling/staffing at camp this summer and she is allowed to have a cell phone. There isn't a lot of time to use it. I can see why a camp might have that policy. Last year I sent her (for a month) without a cell phone, so I wouldn't be upset. She did have access to a phone and email and I saw her when my other kids came and left for camp.

Dee



NotDoneYet -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 6:11:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons

Okay, I KNOW I am over protective by many in this world's standards...so we do not need to debate that. My question is, would you be upset?
My dd is at youth camp this week. First time away from home this long, yes, she is 17. I asked before I said she could go, will she have her cell phone? The director said yes, because she is a counselor, she will have her phone. We said she could go. She called us the first night and said they were making her lock up her phone and she would not be allowed to keep it...so for the first time in 17 years, I went to bed last night without speaking with my child all day. I am devastated, would you be, or do you think I am ridiculous?


What did our moms do in the days before cell phones? At 13, I was backpacking on the Appalachian Trail...no phones there...my mom survived it.
My kids have regularly gone to "sleep away" camp each year, starting at about age 12 (church youth camp, scout camp or band camp) and to be honest, I look forward to the peace and quiet! The worst was the 4 months my older son spent in basic training and AIT, he only got one phone call a week...it was a little tough on dear old mom...but the worst will be after the end of next month when he is deployed to the big sandbox...

Mom, I know you're looking at that child like she's still your baby, and you will probably always see her that way...but, it's time to cut the apron strings...let her go...it's time for her to start being on her own, independent. And yes, it's harder on us moms than it is on the kids...but after the first bunch of kids...it gets easier!

NDY



PrincessDonna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 6:21:28 PM)

Overprotective...yeah, a bit.[;)] But only because you love her. I'm sure it would have been "easier" if you had not had the expectation of her having her phone on her in the first place.

It probably is time to let go a bit though. I mean...if she's mature enough to be a camp counselor for a week, she's probably mature enough to more than get by without checking in with mom every day she's there.

Maybe I'm too independent, and I haven't been through this yet with my kids (oldest is 8)... but at 17, I was on my own at college 3 hours from home. I called my mom at least once a week, but definitely not every night. I think she survived.[8D]

I also went to camp for a week every year from when I was 8, with only a few letters from Mom to tide me over. I think it's good for kids to test their own legs in a safe place.



manda59 -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 6:27:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons
..I don't like it and I really feel like I was lied to.


I just wonder if they had a really good reason for changing the policy all of a sudden - like, for example, one of the young people was spending too much time on the phone, or texting or whatever. It doesn't have to mean you were lied to, perhaps at the time it was the intention to let them keep their phones, but they had to make some changes.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 6:41:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons
..I don't like it and I really feel like I was lied to.


I just wonder if they had a really good reason for changing the policy all of a sudden - like, for example, one of the young people was spending too much time on the phone, or texting or whatever. It doesn't have to mean you were lied to, perhaps at the time it was the intention to let them keep their phones, but they had to make some changes.

I have a feeling the youth pastor mis-spoke when he said she would be able to keep it, then they got there and the camp rules were posted saying that she couldn't.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 7:03:21 PM)

quote:

My 17yo is counseling/staffing at camp this summer and she is allowed to have a cell phone. There isn't a lot of time to use it. I can see why a camp might have that policy. Last year I sent her (for a month) without a cell phone, so I wouldn't be upset. She did have access to a phone and email and I saw her when my other kids came and left for camp.


Dee--is that the girl that was thirteen when you came to visit? I cannot believe she's 17 now! That is just unreal. [:o]



thisistheday -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 7:33:47 PM)

Yep Lisa, that's the one! I sent you a PM.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 7:34:33 PM)

Sure she will be OK at camp but I can see the problem. They were told she would have her cell phone to call her mom and they did not keep their word. I would be calling the director wanting to know why they did not do as they said they would. I have a son who is extremely independent so week away from home with no contact would be a piece of cake. He was always like that after he got through the clingy toddler phase. My daughter is a whole different story. After Sunday School I never leave her in the nursery for church. That is all I can stand to be away from her. So I totally understand.



Sideways -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 7:56:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leslie_JnJs_mom
My daughter is a whole different story. After Sunday School I never leave her in the nursery for church. That is all I can stand to be away from her. So I totally understand.


I'm a tad confused. Is it that your daughter is much tighter to you and her dad then your son, or are you simply more protective of your daughter?

I can completely understand wanting to protect our children, and we all have different limits for where we are willing to let them go. That is the right of every parent.

I don't understand those who are more protective of daughters, simply because they are female. Give them a few self defense lessons, build their self esteem, carefully cultivate their good sense for staying out of trouble and I guarantee they can out think and out maneuver any male who would wish to hurt them.



29redballoons -> RE: Overprotective... (6/10/2008 10:32:55 PM)

I too think that there may have been extinuating circumstances that caused the change with the phones. I don't like it, but I am trying to be open-minded...not something at which I am good. I did talk with dd today, I won't say how. [;)] She is so excited as several of the campers accepted Christ last night....maybe tomorrow there will be more. Ladies, thanks for keeping me company this week. I feel better since I at least talked with her today.

Last night was the pits for me. Need to let go? Need to prepare for college? Sounds good, but I am not ready. Can you all imagine how much lovin ya'll are gonna have to do when that happens????????????????? [sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif][sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif][sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Overprotective... (6/11/2008 12:40:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leslie_JnJs_mom
My daughter is a whole different story. After Sunday School I never leave her in the nursery for church. That is all I can stand to be away from her. So I totally understand.


I'm a tad confused. Is it that your daughter is much tighter to you and her dad then your son, or are you simply more protective of your daughter?

I can completely understand wanting to protect our children, and we all have different limits for where we are willing to let them go. That is the right of every parent.

I don't understand those who are more protective of daughters, simply because they are female. Give them a few self defense lessons, build their self esteem, carefully cultivate their good sense for staying out of trouble and I guarantee they can out think and out maneuver any male who would wish to hurt them.


Her son is a teenager, and her daughter is a toddler. They are not the same age. That is probably one reason there is a lot of difference. She sort of has 2 only children.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Overprotective... (6/11/2008 12:43:42 AM)

First off, I would probably feel exactly the same as you do!

So, if that happens to me, lol, this is what I want to hear:
It hoovers, BUT, in five years or so when he/she is living on their own, perhaps married, etc, it will not be a healthy thing to be calling her mom every single day. It's best that there are short times these days when you can't talk, to prepare you for that natural change in your relationship. Write a nice letter about how she is growing and maturing so quickly and how proud you are of her, and rest assured that even though her parents can't see or hear her, her Heavenly Father CAN.



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