Daughter's best friend is living with her boyfriend (Full Version)

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stateofgrace -> Daughter's best friend is living with her boyfriend (6/10/2008 10:38:40 PM)

My older daughter's best friend became a Christian in high school. Beginning college she pretty much dropped out of church. She met a boy who has a Christian background (he was raised Baptist, so unlike her he has a longer history in the church). In many ways he is a wonderful guy...he's very kind and considerate of her. The thing is, they're now living together. Yeah, not so unusual, but it's really troubling to me, I guess because this is the first time we've had to deal with it regarding one of DD#1's close friends. They've started coming back to church and getting involved heavily in our new college age group, and they now are talking about getting married (not soon enough IMO but in the next year or two). On one hand, I"m glad she's found a guy who she loves and who is very nice and wants to marry her - she doesn't have a good family background. On the other hand, I'm sorry to see them living together and wonder how the leadership of the young adult group is going to deal with things like this when they find out.

I'm wondering if anyone has had to deal wtih this regarding long-term friends of their children. So far I've been trying to reach out to them (feed them and encourage them to do things with us, LOL), but haven't had any blunt conversations with them...I think I"d have to earn that right based on relationship with them that I don't have yet.



Sideways -> RE: Daughter's best friend is living with her boyfriend (6/11/2008 7:13:28 AM)

So, I'm assuming your daughter is an adult based on your post, has she had any talks with the couple? What does she think of the whole matter.

If the church leaders do something stupid like try to throw them out to make an example of them, then they will need extra love and grace from you. I have no idea what your church is like, but some are very legalistic and conservative, more interested in shunning people then trying to reach the lost.

If you think the youth leaders will respond with some grace you could talk to them ahead of time about it, and see what they think.



stateofgrace -> RE: Daughter's best friend is living with her boyfriend (6/11/2008 8:29:57 AM)

I think that the group leaders will respond with grace. A few years ago a couple who had been coming to our church for a while testified that they had been living together, and God had convicted them about getting married. This was really celebrated.

My daughter (she's going to be 19 in a few weeks) is torn. She knows what is biblically right. She does feel like this guy has been overall very good for/to her friend. Her friend's family situation was very unstable, and to hear this friend talking about wanting to commit to marriage is much more than we expected based on her past.

I'm going to be praying that as they get more involved at church, they will grow closer to the Lord, and be open to the conviction of the Holy Spirit regarding this situation.

But...wow...what a really tough thing that leaders of young adult groups have to deal with. How can one balance grace and conviction with these situations? This group is growing rapidly - almost 100 people attended last night. I've said for quite a while that we've needed this - to have a place for the kids raised in the church to stay in the fold, so to speak, and to reach out to the college age kids in the area (we have 4 or 5 universities in the area). The fact that this group has grown so rapidly testifies to the void that was there that needed to be filled.



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