Re; husbands who have female friends (Full Version)

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jrscbenn -> Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 1:14:01 PM)

hi i'm new to this but would like some insight from someone who may can help me see..... my husband has a friend who is female. they text each other a lot and see each other occasionally at ball games. I know there is nothing going on between them physicallly but it still makes me feel insecure. when he is home sometimes he is texting at night and when we try to talk to him he has short answers. have spoke to him about it and he confirms no attraction just friends but i still have this feeling. i just wish i didnt feel this way but i cant help it



deedeeowens -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 1:29:00 PM)

I don't blame you. I would feel the same way and there would be red flags coming up everywhere for me too. I think the best thing is to tell him that it is inappropriate for him to be paying another woman so much attention. What could he possibly be saying to her, that he can't share with you? You are his wife, not her. You might even ask to see what he is writing, and if he refuses to show you, that would be another warning that something inappropriate is going on. An emotional affair with someone else is every bit as damaging as a physical one.



jrscbenn -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 1:49:11 PM)

well he does show me sometimes and maybe i'm just being to insecure.
he does not like me to look at his cell phone. i looked one time and now he deletes all his messages.



mayfly -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 1:50:16 PM)

Ordinarily I think it's fine for married people to have friends of the opposite sex, but in this case it doesn't seem to be working very well. As your wife, you should be his primary concern. If it's making you uncomfortable, he should, if not totally cut ties, talk to her less and NEVER neglect you to talk to her.

My fiance has a lot of female friends, but it doesn't bother me because I know I'm his top priority and he will never ignore me to spend time with or talk to them. And if I wanted to know exactly what was said or done whether it be through texts or when I was not around, he would tell me verbatim. IMO that's the only way it can work.



preserved -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 5:20:47 PM)

If you are not his number 1 priority when he is at home at night...something is wrong..He is showing dis-respect to you as well as his female friend..Does not matter what he tells you...it is dis-respect. Your instincts is coming into focus here...there is more than what he is telling you



Mona6122 -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 6:26:53 PM)

Call me suspicious but if he deletes his messages what's he saying he doesn't want you to know?



karlie -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/11/2008 6:42:15 PM)

quote:

if he deletes his messages what's he saying he doesn't want you to know?


I don't think that automatically means anything. I delete mine all the time. I don't have a thing in the world do hide, I'm just OCD about having all read messages cleared from my phone unless it's something I need to save and refer back to. I do the same with emails from my daughters and mom. If they are read, I delete them. Doesn't mean I am hiding anything at all.

I believe it's totally possible to have friends of the opposite sex without anything else in the world going on...I have a few. But when you are married, you have to make sure you are giving your mate the proper respect they deserve and the security they need. If they become uncomfortable with the situation, then it has to be dealt with.



sharon333 -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/12/2008 12:19:39 AM)

Those are some great points. I think it all comes down to the strength of the relationship.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/12/2008 1:08:05 PM)

Is his female friend treating you nicely? or is the friendship just
between her and your husband?

If it is, then I find that friendship inappropriate - he needs to establish good boundaries in relationships with women other than you.



buckifn -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/14/2008 6:44:01 PM)

Why don't you go to the ballgames with your husband?

I agree, deleting messages means nothing...I often delete all messages on cell phone and email at random moments when I am in between appts etc..

If you have a sixth sense about something I'd pay attention to your feelings, but I would also not jump to conclusions.

What else is going on that bothers you?



lexie -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/14/2008 6:53:47 PM)

My husband had a female friend, who he met at school after we had become engaged. There was nothing wrong with the friendship, as they had classes together, but over time and once we were married, he ended the friendship.

It wasn't because we don't think you can have friends of the opposite sex, but his friend was being disrespectful of our marriage and family. She would call past reasonable times at night. If she would call and my husband would say he would call her back, she would call again rather than wait for his call and interrupt us. I didn't feel that, considering she was a Christian woman who was engaged, that this was appropriate behaviour. While Dh may have disagreed because he saw it as innocent, he still put away the friendship.

Speak to your husband honestly about how you feel about the friendship, and what you both think are proper boundaries in any friendship now that you are married. If he truly respects you and the bond of your marriage, then he will work with you to find a solution that is best for your marriage.



Hislittleone -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/15/2008 12:32:27 AM)

quote:

he does not like me to look at his cell phone. i looked one time and now he deletes all his messages
.

To me this is a huge red flag. He didn't used to delete all messages but started doing so after he found out you looked through his phone? And why would he have a problem with you looking through his phone? [&:]

Not saying that anything is going on with him and this girl but I'd be a little concerned if I were you. Trust your instintcs, we have them for a reason. Even if he's not having an emotional/physical affair he still shouldn't have a friendship with a woman if it bothers you.



JTsmom -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/18/2008 10:42:01 PM)

hi, my advice is to be careful. I have been through this and now my husband and I are separated. The just friend thing went on for 2 years. I never questioned him because I trusted him. Just be careful. Make sure you spend time together. I wish I could go back and do things different. God Bless.



WesP -> RE: Re; husbands who have female friends (6/19/2008 2:14:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

quote:

he does not like me to look at his cell phone. i looked one time and now he deletes all his messages
.

To me this is a huge red flag. He didn't used to delete all messages but started doing so after he found out you looked through his phone? And why would he have a problem with you looking through his phone? [&:]

Not saying that anything is going on with him and this girl but I'd be a little concerned if I were you. Trust your instintcs, we have them for a reason. Even if he's not having an emotional/physical affair he still shouldn't have a friendship with a woman if it bothers you.


Yeah. I have this same opinion. I would never have hidden messages from my ex-wife. Something is not quite right.



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