Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (Full Version)

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willfs -> Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/11/2008 6:30:53 PM)

In my singles group there were several girls who made me unconfortable by how much they wanted to hug/touch me. I kinda felt like how I imagine a girl feels when some guy takes advantage of hugging her simply because he knows she can't say no and he will get a kick out of hugging a hot girl. ( I never do this but I have heard of guys who do)

Because of this I kinda announced to the whole singles group that I have a bubble. However, I really don't and never have. What I realized is that my feelings were correct. I found out that both girls that were making me uncomfortable were also interested in me from what my friends told me.

I fear that I will develop an interest in a some other girl in our group but she will have the wrong impression of my attitude toward physicaly affection because of my blanket rule on affection. One of the girls still touches me a lot and I feel like I need to reinstate the rule. Should I just go to the individual involved. She still touches me but only to play with me because she thinks its funny. I don't find it funny. Wouldn't that be kinda unkind to say something like, "I dont mind others touching me but you do this too much. Could you stop." I have wanted to confront her about other stuff. I am feeling the affects of "hell hath no furry like a women scorned." She sometimes says kinda rude stuff to me and it gets on my nerves. She will overblow some percieved personal flaw in me and it feels like she is trying to get back at me for rejecting her or she is trying to show that she didn't really like me that much.

Any suggestions??



p31woman -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/11/2008 7:06:56 PM)

I would just say what I've said to men before: "Please stop. That makes me uncomfortable."

If she reacts like a brat to your polite request, that's her problem. If she keeps disregarding your request after that, I'd have the singles pastor go with you when you talk with her (following the pattern in Matt. 18:15-17 -

"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love.")



4IMPersuaded -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/12/2008 12:35:10 AM)

Hmmm. It is interesting to hear this from a male perspective. I agree with p31. I would avoid the games that this girl apparently enjoys playing. Take her aside and explain that this is making you uncomfortable and ask her to stop. You can be as honest and disclose as much as you are led, but be firm and offer her the opportunity to be honest with you. Be gentle and kind, but don't back down. I suspect that she will understand, but there will be awkwardness for a while until she sets her sights on someone else.

Blessings.



fluffmonkey -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/12/2008 9:59:35 AM)

I agree talk to her and tell her that she makes you feel uncomfortable with so much touching and ask her to stop...just explain yourself but dont argue with her. Be kind but let her know she needs to stop it because it makes you feel uneasy.



slushie -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/22/2008 6:28:54 PM)

Yes - if it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to put up with it. Tell her that - I agree with fluffmonkey - don't argue. About the rude stuff - that's not so nice, either. This doesn't mean avoid her but set up some boundaries.



saraimay75 -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/22/2008 9:15:53 PM)

Any girl who truly likes you should not be making you feel uncomfortable.



woodwind228 -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/22/2008 10:45:11 PM)

Just wondering if there's been an update... Have you confronted her yet?



jlp1 -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/23/2008 11:15:28 AM)

Yep, she is doing it intentionally and I would too if you behaved that way until you confronted me.



willfs -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/24/2008 6:02:48 PM)

Update: I am still confused. I guess I feel guilty around her because of all the bad thoughts I have had about her. I also feel guilty acting distant toward her even though I want to. I am really, really uncomfortable about confronting her. I feel like I would be an arrogant jerk who is assuming that she is interested. Atleast three of my friends say she acts interested. I just wish I didn't have to deal with this. I wish she would realize that I dont like her and never will. I talk about other girls that I like all of the time. I would think it would be easy for her to tell I dont' like her because of all the other girls I talk about being interested in around her. I will try to say something next time but usually when I am around her I am uncomfortable because I feel guilty, or I am confused on how to put out the signal that I am not interested. I think that she gets it but then something happens like we are playing a game and when she passes the dice to me she seems to be touching me for too long and it really freaks me out. It seems like she has to touch me a lot. Jus the other day she asked for a high five. I didn't like it. I feel guilty for not liking it. Can she not even give me a high five now??? In any case, any touching by her freaks me out. Can you tell I am torn about what to think?


When I have "the talk" should I say:

"I am not interested in you. We will always only be friends."

"You make me feel uncomfortable in how you touch me."



jlp1 -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/25/2008 11:35:22 AM)

I think you are assuming and need to get over your mirrored feelings [;)] just let it go you just might get your feelings hurt by thinking she likes you but probably want to irritate you because of how you behave. I'm not going to say you like her because you probably don't but it's something about her that you don't like and that's fine just avoid her and move on.



willfs -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/25/2008 7:31:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlp1

I think you are assuming and need to get over your mirrored feelings



Please see my previos posts. Her best friend, twice, tried to get me to ask her out. Three of my friends told me that the way she acts around me, she likes me.

I do not like her nor have I ever. I like her a lot as a friend but zero as anything else. This whole thing started when her (and another girl) began touching me and I felt real icky about it. I first thought it was just me but when I later found both of the girls were interested in me my feelings were validated that it was more than a friendly hug, touch, whatever.



saraimay75 -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/25/2008 10:39:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlp1

I think you are assuming and need to get over your mirrored feelings



Please see my previos posts. Her best friend, twice, tried to get me to ask her out. Three of my friends told me that the way she acts around me, she likes me.

I do not like her nor have I ever. I like her a lot as a friend but zero as anything else. This whole thing started when her (and another girl) began touching me and I felt real icky about it. I first thought it was just me but when I later found both of the girls were interested in me my feelings were validated that it was more than a friendly hug, touch, whatever.


You need to tell this girl how you feel. Even if you already told her be clear. Say something like "I don't like it when you touch me in this or that way. It make me uncomfortable. I only like you as a friend."

If you have to enlist your other friends to sit next to you so she cannot.



reach -> RE: Confronting a girl who is too touchy? (6/26/2008 3:27:50 PM)

You can say you feel uncomfortable being that intimate with someone who is not your girlfriend. That might open the door for her to say I would like to be, but then you can say you don't want to be. LOL! Sorry....

I would never repeat what others have said. She just might be a friendly person, and her friends might think you would make a cute couple, so they are trying to encourage you. But it is all speculation, and unless you heard the words from her mouth, I would not say, I am not interested in you.

If she does have a fanatasy of something coming out of this, you will be doing her a favor of stopping it now. Then she is free to move on to others.

Now my question is, does this person touch you more than others or is it just her because you are afraid that there is more behind the touches. I think you need to disregard what others say, and treat her the same as everyone else. If you have a 12 inch bubble that you don't let others in, then OK, everyone has their thing, but I don't think it is fair for you to put restrictions on her, that you don't do to others, just because you think she might like you, because that is what your friends say.



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