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WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/14/2008 12:28:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: collie1

Chapter one was a great reminder for me that God has a purpose for my life, He has not given up on me because of my failures.


[sm=wave.gif]Hi Colleen!!!! I am so happy to see you!!!!

~Blessings~



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/15/2008 11:15:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz

Fritz I think the differences in our experiences will make these discussions really interesting. You having always been "alone" and me having never been "alone" (until now)

I agree that it'll be interesting and thought provoking.[:)]

quote:

I have my kids of course, but I had never in my life been alone. I grew up in a family with 5 kids, 4 of us girls. We had one bathroom until I was 14. Believe me, I was never alone. I went straight from my parent’s house to my husband’s home after we got married. I never had my own apartment, never went off to college and lived in a dorm. Never have I lived independent of another individual, until now.

I have been thinking about this and should clarify that my circumstances never required me to live physically on my own until 4 yrs ago. I have, however, for as long as I can remember, lived emotionally alone. I learned very early that my mother was my enemy and wished to do me harm. We moved often so, while I made friends at each school, I never expected to have them for long and never became emotionally attached to them. My mother's husbands and boyfriends came and went. I was rarely being raised in the same home with my half-brother and -sister. I was happy and emotionally attached at my grandparents home when I could live with them but never knew when I'd be yanked from there by one of my mother's whims so I learned to never get too settled in or depend on their love too much because it hurt desperately and excruciatingly when I had to leave. And, of course, it didn't take me long after getting married to learn that my husband wasn't 'in my corner' in any way and he strongly discouraged, or made impossible, all connections with my family and friends.

I lived with people but most of the time had to defend myself, by myself, from them in one way or another. I say all this only to tell you where I am coming from, not to generate any pity for "poor Fritz"[;)]. God has abundantly made up for every little thing that was less than ideal in my life. I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing if it meant missing what God has blessed me with.[:)]



Focusing -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/16/2008 3:45:08 PM)

quote:

God has abundantly made up for every little thing that was less than ideal in my life. I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing if it meant missing what God has blessed me with.

Amen!

I have no regrets in life either. I have always looked upon life as a great big learning experience ... after all, going back and changing circumstances is never an option.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/17/2008 10:26:56 AM)

Vanessa,

Has your book come yet? I think most of us are ready to go on to chapter 2, but if you just got your book and are working on chapter one, we'll wait until Friday.[;)]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/20/2008 9:57:41 AM)

Chapter 2
Alone at Heart

Looking to your Heavenly Husband



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/22/2008 11:49:50 AM)

I hi-lighted (!!!) a couple things in this chapter.

1) Sandy has heard all the classic lines:


  • Trust in God's timing, not your own.

  • Focus on your relationship with God and then He'll give you a relationship with a man.

  • When you stop looking for love, you'll find it.


Time and time again I read these comments and many others in the same vein in the Singles' folder and they always seem like such pat answers to me. And, except for the first one, they aren't necessarily true.

Yes, we should have our primary focus on God, yes, we should seek him and want to deepen our relationship with Him. But that does NOT guarantee that we will find the love of our life. These things reek of "If you are just faithful enough/good enough/worthy enough you'll be healed/married/rich and I hate to see them bandied about so frequently.

Seeking God is worth doing for its own sake and we need to stop chanting the "if/then" cliches.

Additionally, there are some things that we each individually need to come to terms with on our own. Some things that don't become real to us by hearing someone else say them. We have to come to grips with these things ourselves and, often, that requires being in the desert. That's how we come to truly know, deep down inside, the truths that God wants us to see.

If I didn't know the things I've learned in the desert, I wouldn't know much, that's for sure.[&:]

Okay, that was a little bit of a vent (sorry[&o]), I'll do better with the next thing.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/22/2008 12:03:35 PM)

2) "Why does he have someone, while I'm still alone?"

To my shame, I have to admit, I have thought this numerous times in the past. Not so much anymore, thankfully, but I could really get myself into a very low place with this thinking.



3) She mentions Isaiah 54....only a few weeks after I was separated, I was listening to the radio (a rarity to start with), I think it was an interview with James Dobson, and I heard a woman mention Isaiah 54*. I went home and looked it up and was completely floored by what God was saying in that chapter. In the weeks and months that followed, I read that chapter over and over again and clung to it. It pulled me through a very difficult time and I still read it whenever I need to be reminded of how God feels about me and my children.

*it just occurred to me that the interview may have been with this author.[&:]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/23/2008 4:08:24 PM)

Am I doing this wrong?


Have I killed the book club?



[&o]



slushie -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/23/2008 4:15:43 PM)

umm what's this about?



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/23/2008 4:17:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

Am I doing this wrong?


Have I killed the book club?



[&o]

*huggles*

Nope. I just got swamped and have VBS this week. I'll get to it before Friday. [:)]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/23/2008 4:20:30 PM)

((((Tink)))) Thanks! You know, I read about VBS and about Nadine having a gazillion kids at her house ([;)]) but I never thought to myself.."gee, I bet they're busy"...I am such a ditz sometimes.[8D]

Thanks for calming my paranoia.[:D]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/23/2008 4:22:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slushie

umm what's this about?

Book club, slushie. The first 2 posts explain it better than I could here but we're discussing the book "When Women Walk Alone" (link in post#2). We hope to do more books and you are welcome to play along if you'd like.[:)]



WalkingwithHim2 -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/24/2008 3:51:47 PM)

Heya Nadine....my book is still on back order [:@] but thanks for offering to wait for me.

Vanessa



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/24/2008 4:00:31 PM)

How frustrating!!!!! Is it possible to get it locally and then cancel the order? Maybe it would just be too much trouble, just a thought.


I am going to try to get back on tonight after I get all 8 kiddles in bed. We'll see how that goes.[:)]

~Blessings~



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/24/2008 4:21:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

((((Tink)))) Thanks! You know, I read about VBS and about Nadine having a gazillion kids at her house ([;)]) but I never thought to myself.."gee, I bet they're busy"...I am such a ditz sometimes.[8D]

Thanks for calming my paranoia.[:D]

Anytime. [:)] We're all allowed our ditzy moments. *huggles*



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/26/2008 11:32:15 PM)

Whew!!!!! What a busy week.....and it just flew by. By the looks of this thread everyone has been busy this week.[;)] I am working on my response to the chapter right now, but if you all need to extend the week, let me know. Sometimes things just get crazy. Let me know if you would like to do that.[:D]

~Blessings~



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/27/2008 12:20:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz

So much had happened since that day I bought, and subsequently rejected this book. I was now alone, and had been for almost a year, and I felt it in every cell in my body. As soon as I started reading this book again, I realized that what the author was telling me was the truth and truth that I need to hear, right then, at that preordained moment.
Fritz may remember me asking her the question, did you ever hear the truth and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is the truth, but you did not want to hear it. That had never happened to me before. I love truth. I rejoice in the truth, usually. This time I did not, but I knew that I needed to hear it and I knew that it was timely and I knew that it was God. I was so angry at myself for not wanting to immediately embrace the truth, that I decided right then that I would need some accountability for reading this book. So I thought of you all, my friends who also walk “alone”. Thank you for joining me in reading this book. It means more to me than you will ever know. [:D]


This, my friends, is the chapter that made me angry. Here is the truth I did not want to hear. That God for the indefinate future is my "Husband".
I have heard people say this before, that God is their Husband and I remember thinking, I 'm glad you have figured out a way to "deal" with your singleness. Like it was a formula that helped them not feel as alone as I and everyone else knew that they were. I understood and excepted the fact that scripture talks about God being our husband in the Old Testament, the Husband of Israel anyway. I also understand the scriptures about us being the Bride of Christ. However I had, and still have, a very difficult time looking to God as my "husband" here on earth.
I cannot hold his hand and interlink our fingers- I cannot see his smiling eyes- I cannot laugh at his jokes- I cannot watch him play with my children or hear him pray with them at night. None of that is going to happen ever again. I want the physical presence of a husband.
I treasure the intimacy I have with the Lord. There is an ongoing conversation with the Lord....this is the way I pray......but I cannot imagine the Lord walking on the beach with me as someone mentioned in another thread. Sure He will be there with me, but I just don't have the imagination that it takes to believe such a thing. KWIM.
My husband would have kicked the sand up, the wind would have caught it and it would have ended up in my eyes, followed by me saying "John, I just asked you not to do that." That is a relationship with a human, that is what I desire, sand and all.[&:]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/27/2008 12:31:19 AM)

This is a post from Esther/Besiderselfs PFY thread. When I read it I just knew that it really needed to be in here. Esther graciously agreed to it.

quote: Esther/Besiderself

"I experience similar feelings when I think of being single the rest of my life. In fact, the loneliness at those times can be almost physically painful!!

But the problem when that happens, I've discovered, lies with me; not with the possibility of singleness for the rest of my life.

God promises to give us the grace to deal with whatever He allows to happen to us. But He doesn't give us all of our grace at once for everything we're going to face in life, and then let us deal it out as we need it. He gives us the grace we need at the moment we need it--and not before.

So when I start thinking about being single my whole life, it DOES hurt, and it's almost overwhelmingly painful because I am trying to deal with something for a whole lifetime in one moment. I don't have the grace reserves to do it, so I can't!

But if I face singleness one day or one moment at a time, which is the scriptural way we are instructed to deal with life, then I have plenty of grace at each moment to deal with my singleness.

I hope this is making sense.

I am not single-for-my-whole-life today. I am only single for today. I have no way of knowing whether I'll be single tomorrow, or next year or the day I die...that's all in God's hands. If I try to cope with a lifetime of singleness with the amount of grace available to me just at this moment, it's like trying to put out a huge forest fire with a five gallon bucket. Can't be done. But if I use the grace He has given me for today to deal with the loneliness of today, then I have plenty of water to put out the little campfire. He has given me sufficient grace to face my singleness at this moment...but not enough to face a lifetime of it.

So my answer, when the possibility of loneliness for the rest of my life starts to overwhelm me, is to tell myself the truth...

I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.

I must discipline my thoughts and bring them into subjection to God's truth--I can not know what will happen in the rest of my life...in fact, I barely have any inkling what might be happening 15 minutes from now. But God knows. I can trust Him to handle it. For now, I must only deal with the loneliness I feel this moment. I turn my thoughts away from what might happen in the rest of my life, and focus them on this moment in time.

And I find that the fear and loneliness dissipate. There is plenty of grace to spare for THIS moment of loneliness. I can cope with life for this moment. God gives me guidance and courage for this moment.

I encourage you to see if this works for you. When you start to have thoughts about "the rest of my life", discipline yourself to tell yourself the truth. Today, this moment, IS NOT the rest of your life. Nor can you know what the rest of your life will be like. Seek God for help for the loneliness of today, this moment, only...and I believe you will find yourself quite able to cope, and will not suffer from bitterness or anger."

Thank you Esther.............Wisdom itself!!!!![sm=icon_smile.gif]



Focusing -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/27/2008 8:24:06 AM)

I can't believe it's Friday and I haven't even commented in this thread! With everything going on, this week has flown by ... to say I feel even more alone now might be crazy, but I do feel that way. Now that the munchkin doesn't even have his dad to talk to, albeit they were not very close, makes me feel a bit of anxiety. Thoughts like "now what?" (okay that was the title of the group discussion last night, and Nadine, I know you can relate [&o]). I can't tell you how perfect the timing of this book has been ... God must love me a whole bunch.

Really, I'm hoping to finish reviewing the chapter and post some thoughts. Then I will be all caught up.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (6/28/2008 11:46:34 AM)

Hi Clubies!!!!

Every one has been so busy that I will be holding off on chapter three until everyone has had a chance to respond to chapter 2.

If you do not wish to respond just type "skip".

~Blessings~



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (7/4/2008 9:12:16 PM)

Chapter 3

Alone as a Parent

Partnering with God



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (7/9/2008 1:55:12 AM)

Hi Book Clubbies!
I am afraid that this thread may have already died.[:(] But I am going to keep on until the last chapter.

Chapter 3

I never really thought about the fact that there are single mothers in the Bible. Of course I never really thought about the widows either. Though I knew they were there, of course. I just never really gave it a second thought, because it really did not apply to me, until now.
I am sitting here trying to remember how many times I have read this story, heard this story and thought about this story; many, many times in the last 25 years. Every time my focus was on Sarah, compassion and pity for the woman who could not conceive, and my thoughts were of Abraham; haven’t we all sung the song a thousand times with our children “Father Abraham had many sons…….” I never once thought of the thoughts, feelings or plight of Hagar. She did not ask to be a slave. She did not ask to become Abrahams “second wife,” and be abused by her mistress, these circumstances were thrust upon her, just as many of our circumstances have been thrust upon us. But God, He sees.

This is my favorite quote from chapter 3:

“Yet God takes the initiative to come to her in the desert and offer his help.”

Some of you know that my car was stolen Friday night. In less than 24 hours, I was driving another car (one much nicer than the one I had lost). I did not even have time to think about what I was going to do, I was still in shock. God came to me and took care of the situation.
The owner of the car just told me that he will sell it to me for half of what he was going to sell it for. He had just put it in the auto trader. All he is asking me for is what he still owes on the car and he says He will make the payments until I decide.([8|]amazing!) God opened my eyes and there was the well. He provided before I could even think to ask.[:D] Wow! What an awesome God we serve!!!!!![:D]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (7/9/2008 9:07:07 AM)

Nadine, I just haven't had time to post all I want to say about this chapter yet.

But, I did want to tell you that I am rejoicing and praising God with you! Do you know what I prayed for when you first said your car was stolen? That God would use this to benefit you and that you'd come out of it with a better vehicle! Because I have seen and, more importantly, experienced God do just that so many times. He takes away a little in order to give us a lot. God is GOOD and He is SO much better to us than we even know.[:)]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: The PFY Book Club (7/9/2008 12:00:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

Nadine, I just haven't had time to post all I want to say about this chapter yet.

But, I did want to tell you that I am rejoicing and praising God with you! Do you know what I prayed for when you first said your car was stolen? That God would use this to benefit you and that you'd come out of it with a better vehicle! Because I have seen and, more importantly, experienced God do just that so many times. He takes away a little in order to give us a lot. God is GOOD and He is SO much better to us than we even know.[:)]


When I reread the chapter last week (before my car was stolen) I was feeling very overwelmed. I still feel a little bit of anger every time I have to do something that would have been my husbands responsibility or decide something that we would have discussed thoroughly together. Then I read this quote in chapter 3:

“Yet God takes the initiative to come to her in the desert and offer his help.”

I cried out to God and said,"It would be so nice, not to have to think about some of this stuff.....if all of the burden of responsability was not on me, if You would just come and take the initiative and just take care of some of this stuff Yourself (I really had my kids in mind when I was praying this) my life would be so much easier." Then my car got stolen. The old me.......before I learned to trust God would have freaked. But after it had sunk in that the car was really gone, I said, "okay, so what are you doing" within 24 hours I knew. He really is good to me and he does defend the widow, and he really loves us so much more than we will ever know or understand this side of heaven.
I forgot to share the answer to my prayer in the prayer thread....I really should do that.

Thank you for the Prayer BTW....Your awesome!

About the Book Club, I thought you would probably post. [:D]
I am hoping the others are just busy, and will post when they can.[:)]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The PFY Book Club (7/9/2008 8:23:45 PM)

Okay, here I am. I was looking forward to this chapter because, for me, this is where the rubber meets the road.[;)]

Seeing God as my partner in raising my kids is not difficult for me. It may have something to do with the fact that, since my kids are adopted, given to me straight out of God's hand, my perspective of who these kids really belong to is....I dunno....a little more focused, maybe? I am NOT saying that y'all don't realize what blessings your kids are or that you don't know who the Author of Life is or that I have any special whatever. I'm just saying that the fact that these kids are HIS first is always near the forefront of my mind and that may be because of the circumstances under which they were entrusted to me. K?[:)]

So, knowing that, I also know very solidly that He loves my kids far more than I ever could even though, like all of you, I would gladly and unhesitatingly lay down my life for them.

So, if they really belong to Him and He's Father to the fatherless and He loves them as much as He does then their "raising up" is very important to Him, right?

I've shared this before and figured people would think I'm goofy but I have always, even when I was married, prayed that He would raise them up in the way they should go. Partly because, even married, I was raising them alone, partly because there are no other men in our lives to stand in the gap and partly because I knew that no matter how hard I tried I was still going to mess things up. I pray for the wisdom, strength and stamina to do my part but I also ask Him to fill in all the gaps and He does more than I could ask or hope.

I am blessed beyond measure that both kids are believers and I completely trust the Holy Spirit to do His work within them. He loves them more than I do and cares that they have a relationship with Him 24/7. Even when I'm too tired, distracted, worn-out, busy, unavailable, selfish, in a bad mood, whatever. He's on the job! This frees me up to be just Mom. I can't be both parents. I simply cannot. And trying to be what I cannot be only keeps me on a downward spiral and makes me less and less and less effective at even being one parent.

God is the most real to me in the lives of my kids. From before they were born, He's graciously allowed me to see His fingerprints all over them. Knowing that they are His first gives me indescribable comfort.

I mentioned how much Isaiah 54 has meant to me through this being alone and verse 13 has brought me particular comfort. "All your sons will be taught of the Lord; and the well-being of your sons will be great."



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