just plain confused... (Full Version)

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mamagriz -> just plain confused... (6/13/2008 6:36:08 PM)

My husband and I have faced a difficult week. It started when I discovered that he has been struggling with Lust issues for years. It usually manifests in thoughts, but sometimes it leads to actions (ie. looking at lewd pictures, movies etc.) We had a talk immediately about it and we both agreed to take steps to keep him accountable and to pray for him. I sensed though, that this problem goes much deeper. I have been feeling an ever widening distance between us, emotionally...and I have been sensing almost a boredom from him so I wanted to press further. It then lead into conversations about our relationship as a whole, and his answers really bothered me. I asked him, for instance, if he loved me...his answer was "Why wouldn't I?". I asked him, "Do you desire me?" he shrugged and said "Sure". I asked him what loving me means to him. He said, "Love is or it isn't...you can't quantify it...it just is something that I do." So, Im baffled and hurt by his very lukewarm answers. I know that in a way this is about the stark differences between how men and women love. I for instance, burn with love for him. I feel even more passionately for him than I ever have. I praise God daily for giving him to me as a husband. And I can easily put into words what I feel and tell him daily that I love him. But now I am really fearful, that its just me...that he's lost that (sorry for the Topgun reference) loving feeling. It wasn't always this way. When we were dating he wrote me love letters almost daily. And since being married (we've been married 7 years) up until about a month or so ago he would tell me semi-regularly that I am wonderful and that he's lucky to have me. And now I get "Sure I desire you" I get, when I asked, what do you think and feel about me, "You're alright." What in the world has happened??? Is this normal?



jaimestarcross -> RE: just plain confused... (6/13/2008 8:53:38 PM)

I've always said feelings are fickle and shouldn't be the last word on the
state of a relationship. Commitment is the glue that keeps you going when
"you've lost that loving feeling" - being committed to your spouse when there's no money, your children are running amok, job loss, losing your home/car etc.... I've seen couples who are committed to being bulldog stubborn in face of all the storms that life can throw at them! They stay together - bonded together in marriage.

*I've been through the cold Decembers of marriage when my responses to "do you love" - sounded pretty much like the response you got. ... I was probably a little sarcastic with my responses too. *Just so you know, we've been married nearly six years... there's been family problems, job losses, not much money, health problems, infertility, death of loved ones(back to back and I wasn't able to attend the funerals.)

Marriage goes through the different seasons just like the weather.
* If you're having trouble finding the Spring or Summer times in your marriage - I
recommend marriage counseling or a marriage workshop or the weekend to remember workshop.
Here's a link for you to check out:
http://www.familylife.com



futuremartyr -> RE: just plain confused... (6/13/2008 9:50:41 PM)

Yes the family life conferences changed our marriage.
www.familylife.com/weekend
We have been 2 years in a row. I highly recommend it. We've been married 15 1/2 years. The "in love" feeling does come and go.



Liveloved -> RE: just plain confused... (6/13/2008 10:00:36 PM)

Mamagriz,
I can identify with your husband. Love is a decision. We can't live by our feelings which come and go. So my answers might sound much like your spouse's. Perhaps you are being overly sensitive right now and making more of this than you should. (I only know what you've told us so these are just my thoughts based on what you've shared.) Anyway, perhaps you need to just love him as you always have and not be so focused on what 'might be wrong'. Just my thoughts. [:)] LL



SmyLynn1 -> RE: just plain confused... (6/14/2008 3:27:48 AM)

I feel like I am reading stuff that my husband says to me. Just so happens that today I've been down memory lane. August 2005 we were at my husband's family reunion. The week before I had encouraged him to purchase a handy-cam before the trip. He had already lost a sister so I wanted him to have memories of his family. He got it. I messed with it getting date and time set up and he had a blast taking videos. We were having a intense conversation on the drive home about "love." It started about his brother and his girlfriend. His somewhat callous attitude drove me to turn the light back toward OUR relationship. We had been separated and he had asked me to go to the reunion. Anyway, I asked how come he never tells me he loves me. Whenever I said "I love you" he always said "I know." He brought up the "feelings are fickle" (is there a handbook with that in it?). When pressed further to tell me his feelings he told me to pull off the highway and park. He got a bible out of the back of the van, opened it up, handed it to me and told me to read. I told him to read it to me. He read Ruth Chapter 1
"15 And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law.
16 And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
17 Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."

My husband said "If I can live this then you should KNOW I love you and I shouldn't have to say it."

Why the long story about something so long ago. TODAY I looked at the video taken that very weekend, the very DAY he read the above to me. He had taken video of women exposing their breasts. He told them how sexy they were, how beautiful they were. Then he finished up that day, and video, taping one woman performing favors for him and then the two completing the activity. Since then, married life has been less than wonderful. My husband isn't interested in me at all emotionally or physically. He is interested in computer porn and getting inappropriate photos on his cell phone from women he flirts with.

SO I guess feelings (and commitments) become fickle at the snap of a finger. I'm sick to my stomach just writing this.



evryknee -> RE: just plain confused... (6/14/2008 8:13:38 AM)

I think I'm confused, too. Are you saying that you have been married 7 years, 3 years ago you were separated, but got together for a family reunion. He had a video and taped a woman or several women performing sexual favors to him, he and she had sex, and since then, has had many inappropriate photos from women, etc.???

If so, then there isn't much to be confused about. Your hubby has not kept the marriage bed pure, committed adultery, and has serious sexual issues. The verse in Ruth is empty. At first it says that he is committed to you and will be with you and have faith in God. But his actions show very differently. Faith w/o actions is dead. His faith is dead.



Hislittleone -> RE: just plain confused... (6/14/2008 1:39:56 PM)

Not to be discouraging but my husband and I went to a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember and it didn't help us at all. If fact, we had a terrible argument at the end of it.

I'd recommend Joel and Kathy Davisson's Weekend Intensives or better yet a Ken Nair Seminar. They also have all written some excellent books which are what really helped change our marriage (as well as Fred Stoeker's Every Man Series). The Fred Stoeker books are really good for the lust problems that are affecting your marriage. They really helped to open my husband's eyes about that stuff (porn, lust etc).



shadowspring -> RE: just plain confused... (6/14/2008 1:57:40 PM)

I have also heard really good things about Joel and Kathy Davisson. A couple I know that got nothing out of a Marriage Encounter weekend (which was awesome to us!) has had life-changing experience with Joel and Kathy's books and phone counseling.



carl54 -> RE: just plain confused... (6/14/2008 4:18:30 PM)

Ladies, I've been married for almost thirty years and let me tell you...most men would do whatever it takes to avoid the 'do you love me' conversations. I've thought about it often, and I don't know why I react that way. When the conversation comes up I start looking for a window to get out of the room. Of course I love my wife, but I just don't want to have conversations about it. I made a decision to be the husband of my wife and I am here for her everyday. I provide for her, protect her, treat her nice, I serve God with her, and make passionate love to her. I think men demonstrate love by the things they do whereas women have a need for 'that' conversation. I understand that in my mind, but delivering on it can be difficult at times. Don't give up on your desire to HEAR "I love you" from your husbands, but at the same time, give him recognition for the things he DOES that say "I love you". Sometimes asking "do you love me" begs the answer, "how could you have missed all the things I've done to show you that I do".



SmyLynn1 -> RE: just plain confused... (6/15/2008 2:14:51 AM)

You pretty much got it right. I wasn't the original person who titled this thread. So I am not so much confused, more like praying for marital healing. We went to a one day event by Focus on the family I think shortly after the family reunion. We had moved back in together at that point. He went to see what was for sale at the seminar and found the "every man's battle" book. I cried because I had picked up that book so many times because I kept finding porn on our computer. I felt like God had put that book in his hands. We restated out vows and he made a commitment to pray with me every night. He read the book and wanted me to read it too, which I did. He never once initiated prayer as he had promised to do. Within a few months we parted again. We have remained separated by his decision to not butt heads with my teenage daughter. He wanted to wait until she finished HS and went to college. So he moved into my apartment in Sept 07. He has been my primary care giver but pretty much treats me like a patient not a wife. Yes he is now into "photo sharing" with women he meets at work or bars. So all you say is true. Our marriage has been in trouble for several years now. I just kept going back to the vows I pledged before my Heavenly Father. It hurt that he wasn't holding up hid end of those vows but I kept forgiving and praying. It litterly was just the last 24 yrs or so that My eyes were finally cleared from the fog of confusion.



stamper_ben -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 1:35:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carl54

Ladies, I've been married for almost thirty years and let me tell you...most men would do whatever it takes to avoid the 'do you love me' conversations. I've thought about it often, and I don't know why I react that way. When the conversation comes up I start looking for a window to get out of the room. Of course I love my wife, but I just don't want to have conversations about it. I made a decision to be the husband of my wife and I am here for her everyday. I provide for her, protect her, treat her nice, I serve God with her, and make passionate love to her. I think men demonstrate love by the things they do whereas women have a need for 'that' conversation. I understand that in my mind, but delivering on it can be difficult at times. Don't give up on your desire to HEAR "I love you" from your husbands, but at the same time, give him recognition for the things he DOES that say "I love you". Sometimes asking "do you love me" begs the answer, "how could you have missed all the things I've done to show you that I do".

A man should die to self and be able to give what it is a wife wants. If the wife wants to hear that she is loved, and wants to hear the reasons why she is loved, than if in fact the man loves her he shouldn't have the problem with the words.

The acts are important also, and are a huge demonstration of love, but women need the words and the affirmation. Go and read Song of Songs for examples of what he said to his bride and how she responded to him. Then buck up and tell her what she wants to hear. And mean it!



Hislittleone -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 2:20:23 PM)

Great post Ben!!! [sm=thumbsup.gif]

After reading this thread I asked my husband if it bothers him when I ask if he loves me. He said no, not at all. He realizes that I'm expressing a need for reassurance and he is more than glad to give that to me. It used to bother him before he changed though.

quote:

Is this normal?


No, his actions are not normal and I would be worried too if I were you. The way he responded was not loving. I'd be especially concerned after learning about his porn/lust problem.



allisonbrett -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 2:53:27 PM)

quote:

And since being married (we've been married 7 years) up until about a month or so ago he would tell me semi-regularly that I am wonderful and that he's lucky to have me. And now I get "Sure I desire you" I get, when I asked, what do you think and feel about me, "You're alright." What in the world has happened??? Is this normal?


I suggest not asking him if he loves you, desires you, etc. Men are not always the verbal ones. He may perceive all the questions as insecurity and after some years of marriage he may not feel as though he needs to prove anything. Do you know his love languages? What really gets his attention? Most men, from my understanding love a confident woman, one that knows who she is and what she wants AND isn't afraid to go and get it. [;)] She can take charge and allow herself to be both sensual and passionate. Remind him of the woman you were when you married. Re-create your honeymoon, surprise him with things that rekindle some of that old passion for you. For us women, romanace means something far different than it does to most men. Men tend to want heat, passion and excitement or at least that's what I've figured. Make an evening or weekend it about something that will light his fire. You cannot change him but you can change how you act and react to him. If he's going to lust for anyone, make sure its you!!

Blessings!



Butterflytearz -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 3:00:35 PM)

As a woman I love to be told Im loved but I don't NEED to be told unless I don't FEEL loved. Then I would ask often,, do you love me ?



allisonbrett -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 3:43:20 PM)

quote:

You pretty much got it right. I wasn't the original person who titled this thread. So I am not so much confused, more like praying for marital healing. We went to a one day event by Focus on the family I think shortly after the family reunion. We had moved back in together at that point. He went to see what was for sale at the seminar and found the "every man's battle" book. I cried because I had picked up that book so many times because I kept finding porn on our computer. I felt like God had put that book in his hands. We restated out vows and he made a commitment to pray with me every night. He read the book and wanted me to read it too, which I did. He never once initiated prayer as he had promised to do. Within a few months we parted again. We have remained separated by his decision to not butt heads with my teenage daughter. He wanted to wait until she finished HS and went to college. So he moved into my apartment in Sept 07. He has been my primary care giver but pretty much treats me like a patient not a wife. Yes he is now into "photo sharing" with women he meets at work or bars. So all you say is true. Our marriage has been in trouble for several years now. I just kept going back to the vows I pledged before my Heavenly Father. It hurt that he wasn't holding up hid end of those vows but I kept forgiving and praying. It litterly was just the last 24 yrs or so that My eyes were finally cleared from the fog of confusion.


My heart just breaks for you,SmyLyn. I'll certainly be praying for you. Is your husband still your primary care giver or do you have someone else?

The saddest realization is that it takes two to to restore a marriage and it seems clear that your husband is not interested in restoration. From your posts, it sounds like he has a reprobate mind, one bent on satisfying his own desires and living according to his own rules; selfishness - pure and simple. After a time, God will allow him his own way and unfortunately that way tends to lead to major destruction.

I wish I had words of comfort, encouragement and hope but nothing seems to be enough. Let me urge you to keep your focus on the Lord. Bury yourself in His Word, allow Him to speak to you and bring your peace. Continue praying for your husband and trust the Lord to truly meet your needs. Blessings!



TorchHeart -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 4:34:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mamagriz

My husband and I have faced a difficult week. It started when I discovered that he has been struggling with Lust issues for years. It usually manifests in thoughts, but sometimes it leads to actions (ie. looking at lewd pictures, movies etc.) We had a talk immediately about it and we both agreed to take steps to keep him accountable and to pray for him. I sensed though, that this problem goes much deeper. I have been feeling an ever widening distance between us, emotionally...and I have been sensing almost a boredom from him so I wanted to press further. It then lead into conversations about our relationship as a whole, and his answers really bothered me. I asked him, for instance, if he loved me...his answer was "Why wouldn't I?". I asked him, "Do you desire me?" he shrugged and said "Sure". I asked him what loving me means to him. He said, "Love is or it isn't...you can't quantify it...it just is something that I do." So, Im baffled and hurt by his very lukewarm answers. I know that in a way this is about the stark differences between how men and women love. I for instance, burn with love for him. I feel even more passionately for him than I ever have. I praise God daily for giving him to me as a husband. And I can easily put into words what I feel and tell him daily that I love him. But now I am really fearful, that its just me...that he's lost that (sorry for the Topgun reference) loving feeling. It wasn't always this way. When we were dating he wrote me love letters almost daily. And since being married (we've been married 7 years) up until about a month or so ago he would tell me semi-regularly that I am wonderful and that he's lucky to have me. And now I get "Sure I desire you" I get, when I asked, what do you think and feel about me, "You're alright." What in the world has happened??? Is this normal?


I WOULDN'T be worried about his answers. But I would pay attention to them, and take them seriously. You definitely did the right thing by talking to him about this, especially if you've learned that he's been having issues with lust for years.

In a marriage (as with anything else), its easy to fall into complacency and that same old stale routine. And I'll agree that men are (in general) not good at verbalizing the things that they should when it comes to their feelings. And while that isn't much of an excuse for them not saying things like "I love you" or "I really am missing *whatever*," it is a fact.

Regardless of what some people think, his actions (such as looking at porn) MAY very well be normal because they indicate that something's missing from the relationship, and he's trying to compensate the wrong way. If you're asking him things like "Do you love me" and "Do you desire me," then you're probably feeling it, too.

My suggestion is TALK TO HIM and try to get him to open up to you (just like you were doing!). See if you can find out what (if anything) he feels is missing. Or maybe what you both feel is missing. A little conversation can go a LONG way into solving something like this, and really help in you two finding ways to correct this issue before it gets worse (which, as I'm sure others could tell you, it can). You might discover that you need marriage counciling, or that he has a serious problem with pornography. OR you might discover that thing could be as simple to fix as a change in routine and both of you paying a little more attention to one another's needs.

Also, if you DO feel that you two are missing something in your relationship, then maybe you should try "spicing" things up a bit. Try surprising him with little notes that tell him how much you love him. Or by dressing up a little bit so that he'll notice you more (not every day and night, but say you go out for dinner one night... put on a dress that you know he finds you attrative in and wear it without telling him you're going to).

Plan events, too, that both of you would enjoy. Even simple stuff, like a drive out in the country, a walk on the beach, a picnic, or just a DVD at home where the two of you can cuddle up. Don't be afraid to get a little romantic (and even daring), yourself. And, yes, I mean in THAT WAY, too.

When you're doing this, tell him how much you love him. This can subtly coax him to release his emotions, too, as well as get him to start trying to reciprocate with such things as the love notes that he used to send you.

When he DOES do things like even say "I love you," tell him how good it feels to hear him tell you that. Make it a point to let him know that his actions (even the simplest ones) REALLY DO affect you. I think that'll help coax him into doing it more.



carl54 -> RE: just plain confused... (6/16/2008 7:24:24 PM)

quote:

Go and read Song of Songs for examples of what he said to his bride and how she responded to him. Then buck up and tell her what she wants to hear. And mean it!


Stamper_Ben, I probably cannot leap tall buildings like you can or speak with the tenderness and understanding you expressed above, but my wife is extremely content with the love and affection she has received from me for over 33 years.



stamper_ben -> RE: just plain confused... (6/17/2008 9:27:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carl54

quote:

Go and read Song of Songs for examples of what he said to his bride and how she responded to him. Then buck up and tell her what she wants to hear. And mean it!


Stamper_Ben, I probably cannot leap tall buildings like you can or speak with the tenderness and understanding you expressed above, but my wife is extremely content with the love and affection she has received from me for over 33 years.

Let me tell you about those tall buildings, I smash my face against them every time I try to leap over them. [:)]

That your wife is content with what it is you give is a blessing. In my personal experience of 30 years of marriage, when I was deceived in thinking my actions alone were enough, another building smacked me. I've had to learn, and relearn over again that the spoken word is important to my bride. She is not alone in that need and I took from the OP that she also felt that way.

May your marriage continue to be blessed Carl.



Hislittleone -> RE: just plain confused... (6/17/2008 1:24:33 PM)

quote:

Regardless of what some people think, his actions (such as looking at porn) MAY very well be normal because they indicate that something's missing from the relationship, and he's trying to compensate the wrong way.


Looking at porn is never normal for a Christain. It's sin and sin should never be considered normal. We aren't supposed to measure ourselves by the world's standards but by God's standards. Perhaps you meant that it's common? If so, I agree. Sadly it is a common problem. But men don't look at porn because something is missing in the man/wife relationship. Rather, it's because something is missing in their relationship with God.



KPOP -> RE: just plain confused... (7/4/2008 7:14:16 AM)

HI THERE.

THAT IS GOOD

BUT I THINK THAT LUST IS NORMAL FOR MEN

LUST LEADS TO DESIRE AND IT LEADS TO LOVE

I FORGOT BUT DID YOUR HUSBAND LUSTED FOR YOU?

I THINK THAT MOST MEN LIKE TO LOOK AT PICTURES

THAT IS ONLY NORMAL

BUT HOW YOU GONNA DEAL WITH IT

YOU JUST CANNOT SAY -- BE RESPONSIBLE IF HE IS REALLY HAVING WITH THE LEWD PICTURES

IN REALITY -- HE PROBABLY IS NOT IN CONTROL OVER HIS LUST

SO I USUALLY DO

IS KINDA FRIENDS WITH HIM AND LIKE NOTHING COMMITTING

ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO TELL HIM AND I AM THE ONLY ONE FOR HIM

I THINK I DID THAT ALSO

BUT A MAN WHO HAS LUST JUST CANNOT TURN IT OFF JUST FOR THE SAKE OR RESPONSIBILITY

THE MAIN THING IN THIS ISSUE

IS THAT WHILE HE IS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THIS -- THAT YOU AND HIM CAN STILL BE FRIENDS -- AND THAT YOU ARE STANDING WITH HIM

I MEAN -- YOU RATHER HAVE HIM LOOKING LEWD PICTURES WITH YOUR WIDOWED NEIGHBOR

OR WITH YOU

BUT IF YOU LIKE JUST TELL HIM -- THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT

BUT JUST KINDA GIVE HIM HINT THAT IT SHOULD BE YOU ONLY

AND THEN ASK HIM IF HE LIKES TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU

ALSO YOU NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND YOURSELF

I THINK MEN DOES THIS FOR ATTENTION

I THINK THAT MEN WHO MIGHT LOST REALITY WITH END TIMES AND SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH

TURN THEIR ATTENTION INTO SOMETHING

AND MOST OF THEM USUALLY DEALS WITH EITHER SMOKING -- OR DRINKING -- OR WOMEN -- OR DRUGS

ESPECIALLY IF THEY DO NOT GET RESULTS WITH THEIR PROBLEMS

YOU NEED TO TURN AROUND AND HAVE YOUR HUSBAND LOVES YOU -- EVEN IF IT ONLY STARTS WITH LUST ONCE AGAIN

BEING LUSTED BY YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A CRIME

BETTER YOU THAN THE WIDOWED NEIGHBOR

OR THE HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLE NEXT DOOR

SO IF YOU LIKE YOUR HUSBAND LOOKS AT LEWD PICTURE

HEY JOIN EM -- LOOK AT HER OR HIM TOGETHER

AT LEAST HE ASK YOU AND NOT OTHER WOMEN

THEN JUST TELL HIM -- THAT IT SHOULD ONLY BE YOU AND NOBODY ELSE

BUT THEN IF YOU WERE OPPRESSED -- YOU MIGHT NOT EXPRESSED IT AS ELOQUINTLY AS YOU KNOW WHO?

BUT AT LEAST I THINK HE SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU CARE FOR HIM AND THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE HIM TO DO THAT

OR AT LEAST TRY

GOOD LUCK

I SHALL PRAY FOR YOU

KATHY



LivePrayDream -> RE: just plain confused... (7/5/2008 12:14:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmyLynn1

You pretty much got it right. I wasn't the original person who titled this thread. So I am not so much confused, more like praying for marital healing. We went to a one day event by Focus on the family I think shortly after the family reunion. We had moved back in together at that point. He went to see what was for sale at the seminar and found the "every man's battle" book. I cried because I had picked up that book so many times because I kept finding porn on our computer. I felt like God had put that book in his hands. We restated out vows and he made a commitment to pray with me every night. He read the book and wanted me to read it too, which I did. He never once initiated prayer as he had promised to do. Within a few months we parted again. We have remained separated by his decision to not butt heads with my teenage daughter. He wanted to wait until she finished HS and went to college. So he moved into my apartment in Sept 07. He has been my primary care giver but pretty much treats me like a patient not a wife. Yes he is now into "photo sharing" with women he meets at work or bars. So all you say is true. Our marriage has been in trouble for several years now. I just kept going back to the vows I pledged before my Heavenly Father. It hurt that he wasn't holding up hid end of those vows but I kept forgiving and praying. It literally was just the last 24 yrs or so that My eyes were finally cleared from the fog of confusion.


Oh goodness.... between your original post and this... I cannot even imagine being in your situation... my heart and my prayers are going out to you. I had my husband read your original post and he emotionally exclaimed, "That is absolutely disgusting. I will pray hard for that lady."

We have had the discussion of what he would do if I ended up bedbound and ill, and he reminded me, looking into my eyes, that I am his and he is mine, and that is all... he took his vows and he would never, ever do something so foul like that to me. I can't imagine a day in my marriage without hearing "I love you" from my husband.

Occasionally I get on a "sweet words" kick where I tell him things like "I am so happy I found you" and such, and instead of saying "OK" and such, he will reciprocate his feelings to me because he enjoys reassuring me and he means it, so why not tell me?

Actually, I have been bedbound and ill before, but not permanently... I was in the hospital for 9 days for a bowel obstruction, then I had to have surgery on my large and small intestine, with a 3 week recovery, then a month-long detox from pain medication... during all of this, my husband supported me and never left my side, except to go to bed because I insisted he get a good nights' sleep instead of being up all night while I puke off the side of the couch.

Please honey, know you are being prayed for. A lot. By both myself and my husband. I will pray you find serenity and your husband finds his faith in himself and his vows to you. I am so sorry. *hugs*



Beth67 -> RE: just plain confused... (7/5/2008 1:33:33 AM)

quote:

men don't look at porn because something is missing in the man/wife relationship. Rather, it's because something is missing in their relationship with God.


Well said Hislittleone!



SmyLynn1 -> RE: just plain confused... (7/5/2008 2:04:48 PM)

LivePrayDream, I have tears streaming down my face. The relationship you have with your husband sounds so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and prayers. I don't know what else to say and even I did I can hardly see through the blur of my tears. I pray that God blesses you and your husband.



TorchHeart -> RE: just plain confused... (7/7/2008 10:42:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

But men don't look at porn because something is missing in the man/wife relationship. Rather, it's because something is missing in their relationship with God.


*sigh*

Maybe this is happens on occation (and I will agree that, on occation, it does), but generally it IS because something is missing in the relationship. Something almost always leads to a desire to look at porn, because its an act that fills a need. It doesn't make it any more right, but it does make it easier to correct knowing what the problem is.

I will agree that it might indicate that something is missing in their relationship with God, but its commonly also because something is missing in the relationship with the spouce. I really don't want to get into this in ANOTHER thread, so please.... [:(]



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